How to get him to commit
I don’t think there is any topic as thought after by single women as finding the one and getting a man to commit.
Because every year it gets harder and harder, it seems, to get a guy to commit to a serious relationship. And I don’t even blame them.
With so many options out there to meet women, a lot of guys have a hard time making a decision. So we often find ourselves in situationships. Dating someone for weeks or even months with no commitment, just to end up at square one again.
That gets frustrating very quickly. Especially, if all your friends are sharing their happily ever after pictures on social media. But here you are unable to get a commitment.
So what in the world does it take for a man to commit to dating exclusively?
Well, the answer is somewhat simple but also complicated. Men will commit when they are given the freedom to. The more you try to get him to commit, the less successful you will be.
Because the truth is you can’t get a man to commit, you can only inspire him to commit. That’s why today I’m sharing 7 effective steps on how to get him to commit.
But before I dive into the steps, let’s explore what it is men look for in the women they commit to.
What makes a man commit and fall in love
As mentioned already, freedom plays a very big role for men.
In order to commit to a woman, you have to make a guy feel like he is gaining something rather than losing anything. Especially his independence.
He wants to feel like he:
- Will keep his independence and freedom
- Won’t be distracted from his purpose/ goals
- Will not be engulfed/ mothered
That is the woman he can see himself with long-term. Because no man wants to be with a girl that seems needy and clingy.
A woman that keeps her own life and his life exciting and fun while slowly merging the two.
While that sounds easy, it is often very hard for us girls to stay cool in relationships. Because the closer we get to him, the more we start to expect, put pressure on, and worry about the relationship.
Well, you got to cut it!
If you want a man to fall in love, the most important thing is to show him that you can offer him the relationship of his dreams. No pressure, no problems, no mind games, but a lot of peace.
How can I get him to commit without pressure?
As you can tell pressure is the keyword in this post. Because pressure will do the exact opposite of what you want. It will repel him.
Why is pressure so scary to men?
Because it makes them feel like they now have to live up to your expectations of them and can’t live their own lives anymore.
Believe it or not, men will actually give up on the relationship if they feel like they do not have what it takes to satisfy you.
Their desire to be the man that can make you happy is so big, that if they feel like they can’t they’d rather stop dating you than live with that feeling.
And it makes sense in a way.
No one wants to be in a relationship with a person who makes them feel insecure about her/himself. That’s why it’s never a good idea to use ultimatums or pressure to convince him to commit.
Instead, you have to ask yourself if that’s the relationship you desire to be in. One where you always have to push him. That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship does it?
Not only will it get tiring after a while, but it also means that you have to lead with your masculine energy in order to keep the relationship going. And for a lot of women, this eventually becomes a big problem and oftentimes the reason why they don’t get the commitment they desire.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to have a conversation about it and then take a step back. Give him space to determine if he is ready to commit or not.
Once you have a discussion, don’t force the issue again. The next time you feel like bringing it up again, don’t. Let his actions speak for him and then make your decision accordingly.
How to get him to commit
1. Self-Confidence
It is one of those little things that many overlook but has a big impact on the quality of your relationship. A healthy relationship requires two people who are confident in who they are and can hold their own.
It is a simple truth that there is nothing worse for a man than a woman who is desperate to be in a relationship.
An exclusive relationship would be nice but don’t be desperate about it.
Because desperation communicates to him that you lack self-respect and will do and accept anyone and anything to be in a relationship. On the other hand, when you are self-confident and know your God-given value, you inspire him to commit to you.
Because now he sees that you have your own identity and happiness outside of him. You enjoy being single and won’t settle for less than the man of your dreams.
Which takes the pressure off of him to be your source of fulfillment and gives him the reassurance that both of you will be able to pour into the relationship and elevate each other’s life.
2. Give him Space
A close second after self-confidence is, whether or not you are independent.
Men need a sense of freedom even when they are in a committed relationship. They don’t want to feel like they are losing their identity, once they started dating.
Therefore, the best thing you can do is to give him space by continuing to live your own best life. No matter if you are already dating or just met, don’t give up on all your plans, passions, and projects for him.
Instead, keep doing things. Hang out with your friends, partake in your favorite hobbies/ activities, and pursue your own dreams.
Doing that will ensure that you stay sane and show him that being in a relationship doesn’t mean that he has to give up who he is.
Besides, doing what you love is a great way to nurture your best self which improves the quality of your relationship.
3. Connect emotionally
My number 1 relationship advice for women who are wondering how to make them commit without pressure, is to build an emotional connection with a man through vulnerability.
Vulnerability is a powerful tool that allows healthy couples to open up to each other by creating a safe space. It is that deep connection that we admire in any long-term relationship.
In comparison to women, most men do not have an emotional support system. They do not have a sister, cousin, or best friend to that they can open up.
As a consequence, a lot of men never explore or deal with their fears, worries, or pain. Some men are even emotionally unavailable because of that.
As a woman, the first thing you need to do is create a safe space for a man to express his feelings, by being vulnerable yourself.
Show him that he doesn’t need to be perfect around you, but can be his authentic self.
Once he feels safe enough with you to be vulnerable and to connect on a deeper level you become special to him. So special that he will fear losing you.
A great guy will want to hold on to you even if that means giving up his beloved bachelor’s life and committing to you.
4. Set and maintain healthy boundaries
If I have learned anything from my past relationships is that clearly communicating what you expect in a relationship is good.
Yes, even when you feel it is true love. So, do not skip this step!
In order to gain a man’s respect and interest, you have to communicate your standards and boundaries in a respectful and feminine way right from the beginning. By doing that you equip him with the necessary knowledge and tools to successfully pursue you.
Let him know politely, what you expect from him. In a dating, committed, or marriage relationship. But also tell him what you will provide in return.
Let him show you that he understands what is required of him before you increase your attention, your interest, and your emotional investment in the relationship.
You will be surprised to learn that if a guy likes you, he will make the effort. And the one who doesn’t,t well won’t.
It’s a win-win situation!
5. Upgrade his life
Okay, this tip on how to make a man commit may seem a little hard at first, but it’s actually the easiest one.
I truly believe that the only reason why a man would want to leave his bachelor life for a committed relationship is that it is an upgrade to his life.
Meaning that being with each other feels better for both of you than being alone. More fun, more purpose, more love. Simple.
That’s why the best way to get a guy that doesn’t want a relationship to commit is to upgrade his life. Show him that your presence adds value.
That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are in order to appeal to a man. Instead, it means you have to be 100% your true self and let him experience the quirky, goofy, and emotional you.
Only then will he be able to discern whether you are someone he wants to add to his life or not.
Upgrading his life means that you bring a unique twist that no other woman from his previous relationships could. And that is what will inspire him to take it to the next level.
6. Make him invest in you
One of the easiest ways to get him to commit is to give him a stake in the relationship.
It is psychologically proven that people care more about the things they put the effort into.
When you challenge a man to be his best and meet your standards while dating exclusively, he will be likelier to want to commit.
Because now he has already invested in you and the relationship.
A man wants a relationship that benefits him as much as you want a relationship that benefits you.
And that does not only include a financial investment. Dating means that you invest time, energy, and emotions into the other person.
In addition, being in a relationship often requires compromises and sacrifices to accommodate each other.
7. Show him that you are his match
One of the things I have come to learn about men is that they will examine a relationship as if it was a business deal. He wants to know that the woman he is with brings desired values to the table.
These values can be financial, intellectual, physical, and more.
Sometimes he will look for someone that is on his level, sometimes he will look for someone that possesses a quality that he doesn’t. Whatever the criteria are that he desires in his perfect match.
A man wants a relationship that benefits him as much as you want a relationship that benefits you.
So, as a woman, you have to be honest and examine what you bring to the table. How can you naturally improve his life, without having to change or overextend yourself?
So before you ask how to make him commit without pressure, ask yourself those questions first.
What to do if he doesn’t want to commit?
I will be honest with you. If a man does not want a relationship with you, but you do, you have to let go! Because if you don’t, you may end up wasting time waiting for him to change his mind.
The simple truth is that he doesn’t want to and there is nothing you can do about it. So don’t try to convince him, don’t try to fix his commitment issues, and definitely don’t wait for him.
Have the courage to walk away from the relationship if he won’t commit. Why? Because love is very easy: Choose the person, that chooses you. That is the secret to great relationships.
You want him to commit to you by choice and with excitement. Because that means that he is dedicated to you and the relationship. Anything less than that will result in resentment.
How to get him to commit to marriage
If you are already in a relationship and feel like it’s time to take it to the next level, then you might be wondering how to get him to commit to marriage.
Maybe you already discussed marriage with your boyfriend and feel like it’s time.
If that’s the case, then you need to voice your concern.
Do not set an ultimatum or manipulate him into feeling guilty. But simply state the importance of marriage to you and why you believe your relationship needs to pivot.
After that, you should refrain from bringing up the conversation again and give yourself a timeline. If it becomes more clear that your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, be willing to let go of the relationship if you do not see his intent to move it forward.
As we know, dating nowadays can be tricky and confusing. But it does not have to be.
There are different ways to master the dating scene, but the most effective way how to get a man to commit is by being the most confident version of yourself.
How long does it take a guy to commit?
The good news is, according to a 2011 study, it takes men on average 97 days to commit to a relationship. That is about 3 months.
And to me, that is a good timeline. Because it gives you plenty of time to get to know someone and determine if you want to commit to him or her.
And I know in today’s dating culture we have been made to believe that you have to date forever to show someone your worth.
However, that’s a lie. Men know early on if they can see you as a potential partner and will then use effective ways to find out more. So no need to jump through hoops.
Signs he will eventually commit
How he treats will tell you everything you need to know. A guy who intends to commit treats you well checks up on you and makes plans to spend time with you.
He will be interested in more than just a casual relationship or a good time. He is also open to introducing you to his friends and family and even initiates the commitment talk. In addition, he will be very clear about his intentions straight from the beginning of the relationship.