Should I wait for him or move on
The most dreaded conversation in the dating process after the “What are we?” convo is probably when a relationship comes to an end.
A lot of times you can tell that something is up just by the way he is acting.
Maybe he has been distant for the past couple of weeks, maybe he has been less intentional during the last few dates and put in less effort than in the beginning.
You will usually feel it coming and that alone is horrible.
But what makes it even harder is that a lot of times there is no specific reason why the relationship is coming to an end.
Instead, you will sense that he is not ready or does not want to get married.
Hands down the WORST reason to break up, because it sends you down a rabbit hole of all the things you think you can do to change his mind.
But as I explain in my book Situationship to Relationship, there is nothing you can ever do to change a man’s mind. So the next best thing a lot of us want to do is wait.
Hence the question becomes: “Should I wait for him or move on?”.
Girl, take it from someone that learned the hard way. Waiting for him to get ready is never a good idea.
Putting your life on hold to wait for a man, is not just a waste of the precious time God gave you on this earth, but also dangerous. Because you might be setting yourself up for heartbreak and waste your time in an on-again-off-again relationship cycle.
The truth is, waiting for someone in a relationship, means you are putting their needs before yours and making your happiness dependent on whether or not you can meet theirs.
But what if you can’t?
What if him needing time and space turns into him finding what he was looking for somewhere else?
One of my favorite sayings is that “If you know you know if you don’t it’s not it.” Get it?
What I mean by that is that men will know when they found the person they want to be with. Because the connection will be so strong that there is no doubt she is the one.
But if he is not sure about you and having a hard time committing, then it’s very likely that you are not the right person for him. So, instead of waiting around for him to reject you once more, move on.
Don’t let mainstream hip hop fool you. When a man finds the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he won’t need a lot of space and time to make the move.
It’s just not true.
And if you are not convinced yet, consider the following 7 points whenever you are wondering “should I wait for him or let go?”.
Should I wait for him or move on?
1. Prioritize your own life
I understand that you may be in love and convinced that he is the one for you and I really pray that he is. However, whenever you wait for a man you are eventually saying my life does not matter that much, so I will just put it on hold.
You are deferring your happiness to an unknown date in the future that you have no control over. The problem with that thinking is that we assume we have unlimited time on earth. We think that we will have forever to love once he comes around.
The truth is you don’t!
You have to take advantage of the now and live in the present. The last thing you want is to get to a point in life where you regret wasting your time on earth.
2. You are delaying your purpose
Personally, this point is the most important to me. You ladies know that my life is about helping single Christian women date with confidence and love without fear. That is what I eat, sleep, and breathe every single day.
And thanks to this purpose I’ve been blessed to work with tons of amazing women privately, but also been able to maintain this blog.
What if I had put this off, because of a man? What if I would have lived a careful life in the hopes that the man I’m waiting for would find me exactly where I was when he left? Then all this would not exist.
Your ability to let go of what is keeping you from living a full life is what will decide if you are walking in alignment with God’s plan for you. Hopelessly holding on to a man will keep you in bondage and distract you from your purpose.
3. He becomes your idol
As a Christian woman, you understand very well what idols are. And you know that anything you desire more than God will ultimately lead you away from him. Because you knowingly or unknowingly choose your desire over God.
And when you wait for someone you love to come back, chances are it’s not in alignment with God’s will for your life. And I know there are extreme situations like when your man is in the military and you have to wait for him to come back from deployment. But that is different.
Like I said above, your life has a purpose and unless you are intentionally working towards it in your wait, you are essentially making this man your idol.
4. You are blocking your blessing
Let’s be real. Ther are more than 3 billion men in this world and waiting for one to decide he wants to be with you is a waste of your energy and time. I don’t know how many men you come across on a daily basis, but I’m sure some of them are cute.
When your heart is locked in on one specific guy, you often become oblivious to other men around you. Suddenly, you don’t pay attention to the handsome guy at the gas station or the gentleman that opened the door for you at a local restaurant.
You are so dismissive of all the available men around you that you start to block your blessing. Yes ma’am. You!
Because guess what. God can send you hundreds of great men, but if you are not ready to receive them, his work is wasted.
5. He is playing you
This one might be a hard one to stomach for some of you. But I have to share it regardless. If he wants you to wait for him to be ready for a relationship, then chances are high that he is playing you.
Like I mentioned before, a man will recognize the person that is right for him. And once he does, he won’t take long to commit. It’s as simple as that.
That’s why when a man is not ready to commit, it’s most of the time a good indicator that he just isn’t that into you. And that is okay. Keep your head high while you keep it moving.
But don’t allow him to string you along while he keeps searching for the woman of his dreams.
That’s how you get heartbroken and turn into a crazy ex-girlfriend.
6. He needs space
Men and women are different when it comes to commitment. All a woman needs is the right man. Once she is with him, she will figure things out and make it work.
A man, on the other hand, needs the right woman at the right time. Once he meets her he will assess whether or not it fits into his great life plan. If it doesn’t he won’t make it work.
It’s stupid and frustrating, but that’s just how men think
So, if that is the case with you, then you have to give him space and time to figure things out. Respect his decision to pursue other things during this season of his life. If one day he is ready, great.
However, that does not mean that you should wait around for him to get ready. While he is tending to his needs you have to do the same. Forget about the probability of him coming back and instead make space in your life for other men to pursue you.
7. If he is the right one, he will catch up
Last but not least you have to trust that if the relationship is meant to be it will be.
So often we are tempted to make things work in our own time. But you have to resist and allow things to unfold naturally.
Remember that if he wants to make things work, he will put in the effort. You don’t have to remind him of your presence by lurking around in his dm’s. And you don’t have to remind him that you like him, by calling or texting him.
If he is the right one for you, your paths will cross again and he will commit to you the way you need him to.
When should you give up on a guy?
Much more concerning than the first question is the second one. When is it time to give up on a guy?
Uff. That is a hard one. I know, because I have been there myself. That’s why I’m going to share with you what I did when I came to this crossroad.
It is time to move on from a guy when he makes you doubt your worth. What I mean by that is that once you feel like his indecisiveness is affecting your mental health it’s time to leave.
In the past, I would often start doubting that I was (good) enough, just because the other person did not want to stay. But that could not be further from the truth.
You are inherently (good) enough. And if he can’t see that, then it just means he isn’t the right one for you. So, rather than trying to prove yourself to him, you need to let go and find the person that can see how awesome you are.