Trusting God when a relationship ends

One thing most of us women have in common is that we all have been heartbroken before. 

To this day I remember how much pain I felt after my last breakup. Every day, I would beg God to restore the “love” my ex-boyfriend and I had for each other. And prayed for everything to go back to normal. 

One week, two weeks, even three weeks later and my ex had still not been touched by the Holy Spirit. He kept rejecting my desperate attempts to salvage the relationship, which in turn just made me more miserable.

god will sometimes end a relationship

So I got angry. Angry at my ex, and more importantly I got angry at God.  

You know that kind of teenage anger where you blame everybody else for your situation without every assuming responsibility yourself. In my mind, I was convinced that God had ordained that relationship and that he wanted us to be together. 

So where did I go wrong? Had I once again misread the signs from God about relationships

But no matter the fussing and fighting, the verdict was out. My ex-boyfriend was not the one God had for me. And I had to accept that. 

Even though a “no” was not what I wanted to hear, it was very powerful. I learned how important trusting God when a relationship ends was to my spiritual growth. 

And while it was hard at times I understand now that God will sometimes end a relationship for our own good. You may not be able to see it while you are in it, but believe me when I tell you that you will thank him later. 

To help you find comfort now, I am sharing some of my personal takeaways to the question “why does god break up relationships?” in this article.

how to trust God when a relationship ends

This post contains affiliate links. If you use any of these links to buy a product, I’ll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps me to work in Ministry full-time and cover the expenses of this blog. The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

3 Reasons why God will sometimes end a relationship

1. It was only infatuation

Do you know the difference between infatuation and love? If not, then that might be one of the reasons why God said no to your relationship.

A lot of relationships can be described as emotional, intense, and draining. They may start off as a situationship and later on evolve to a committed relationship. However, they don’t have the right foundation in place. 

A relationship that does not have a purpose, is oftentimes built on infatuation. That intense state of desire and attraction that you experience at the beginning of a relationship.

When you are in such a relationship, you often mistake infatuation and lust for love. You then start to make excuses and settle because of your desire to be with someone. Even if he is not God’s best for you.

But what is the difference between infatuation and love? 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, infatuation is:

‘an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.’

According to the Bible, love is: 

‘patient, kind. It does not envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, always perseveres and it never fails.’ (Excerpt of 1 Corinthians 13)

To break it down a little further, when you are infatuated with someone you feel like you are on an emotional high. You are blinded by your own desire for affection and their perfect appearance (so you think). 

The only problem, neither the feelings nor your current state of being are sustainable and doomed to die down.

In contrast, when you are in love you agree to a long-lasting commitment to care for your partner. You are well aware of his flaws and don’t lean on him to make you happy. 

Moreover, your love for him remains strong, even when the honeymoon phase is over.

2. The relationship became an idol

The second reason why God takes away a relationship is closely linked to the first one, yet worth pointing out again.

And that is idolatry. Idolatry is something we are repeatedly warned about in the Bible.

An idol can be anything you desire more than God. It could be a physical object like money. It could be a status symbol like success or beauty. Or it could be the approval of other people. 

For women, it is very often the desire to be married

The idols speak deceitfully, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain. Therefore the people wander like sheep oppressed for lack of a shepherd. – Zechariah 10:2

If your past relationship was the highest priority in your life and dictated almost every aspect of it, including your time, your focus, your finances, and your walk with God then the relationship was your idol. 

Mind you I’m not talking about the actual person (which is possible too). But I am more so referring to the relationship itself or let’s say your new “relationship status” 

As someone who has a track record of getting into the wrong relationships (before I was serious about my walk with God), I can now honestly say that a lot of times I was in it for the wrong reasons.

My main driver for pursuing a relationship was oftentimes society’s pressure to be boo’d up. Therefore, I would try to make it work no matter what, which made me compromise my core values and forget about my self-worth.

I repeatedly caught myself dropping my godly standards to accommodate a man’s nonsense behavior. I wanted to remain in a relationship so that I could showcase it to my Facebook friends and continue using hashtags like #hisandhers #bae #lovemesomehim etc.

Stupid I know, but Instagram was life at one point. So how can you avoid making an idol out of a relationship and withstand its influence? 

By questioning your heart’s desire and getting to the root of it! Ask yourself why a relationship is so important to you and then give it to God.

Once you understand the joy that lies in living for God and direct all your worship towards him, you begin to love him so much that you refuse to pursue anything else.

when god says no to a relationship

3. You don’t know true Love

If you have been following me for a while, then you know I love sharing inspirational quotes. One day I came across the following and it made me think:

Most of us spend our lives trying to find love, trying to live in love but dying without ever truly discovering love.

This quote is taken from a chapter in Leo Buscaglia’s book Love: What Life Is All About”. It describes a very basic human desire to love and be loved. 

A quest every human being has been on at some point in his life. Even little babies long for proximity and emotional reassurance from their mother or father, which is provided through love.

At first, I connected with this quote because I felt like it described my past relationships very well. I thought back to the many times I had desperately tried to make a relationship work and failed.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this quote wasn’t talking about real love but it was talking about superficial love. 

The small, limited, and worldly meaning of love used to describe a relationship between a man and a woman. However, real love is so much more than what we see in movies and transcends the human definition.

He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – 1 John 4:8

As a believer, we have the honor to know and be in a relationship with the author, creator, and embodiment of love. 

What God has done for us and how much he values each of our lives, is an act of unconditional love. That’s why when we give our lives to Christ we are blessed to truly discover love. 

A godly relationship will only work if you discover God’s true love for you. You have to learn to love yourself and your partner the way God does. That’s when you discover the power of real love.

The above these three points explain why God will sometimes end a relationship. If you resonated with them, then chances are that they are the reason why God took away a relationship. 

Luckily, you and I are still young enough to learn from the past and use God’s wisdom to guide us in the future. So take heart and learn to trust God when a relationship ends.

will god reunite me with my ex

Trusting God when a relationship ends

The first thing most of us ask when God takes away someone we love is: “Will God reunite me with my ex?”

We are so desperate to get back together, that we do not take the time to truly reflect on the health of the relationship and what the purpose was. 

But as mentioned above when God will only end a relationship that doesn’t honor him or is built on the wrong foundation. 

So before you ask yourself if God wants you to get back with your ex, ask yourself if the relationship was godly, healthy, and empowering. 

Did your ex have a relationship with God? Did he make you feel closer to God? Did he have a purpose in life and for the relationship? If you can answer all these questions with a yes then there is a good chance that the relationship is serving a bigger purpose.

But if the answer is “no” to most of those questions, then you should be happy and ask God to heal your broken heart, instead. Because the only way you will be able to trust God when your relationship ends is if you truly believe that he works things together for your good. 

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162 Comments on Why God Will Sometimes End a Relationship

  1. I’ve never been in a relationship before, but I can contemplate this to the other divisions of my life when God says no to some. I believe God say no for one good reason. He has a better plan, he has a better choice for us to take in the future. Maybe we rushed too fast in things. And God doesn’t like it because it won’t go well.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Absolutely! Relationships are just one part of life, but there are so many more situations in which we might not understand God’s no. Happy that you could connect to it 😉

      • Well, actually God’s NO is not always definitive otherwise there would be many desires from the past which we would never achieve! So God’s answer to your desires can perfectly be YES but sometimes the YES is only meant for short time to help us and this desire might just be a tranistion to something better. It’s like praying and looking for a perfect dream job and a new job occurs on your journey but it’s not aligned with your desire, so it might just be a transition to a better job opportunity.

      • I’m going through a break up and it hurts real Deep this helped and I hope u can write me back thank you ?

    • I don’t believe in coincidences anymore. Earlier this year, My father passed away and girl I loved and cared for very much broke up with me. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever have to face. I wound up finding answers in Ecclesiastes in realizing that everything in life under the sun in hevel. Not meaningless but an enigma. Reading your blog/post, I’ve also opened my eyes in realizing also that me and my ex were unequally yoked. It still hurts knowing that both my father and my old lover are no longer here but the Lord keeps His promises and will bring that special person He has for me. God bless you

        • My boyfriend broke up with me last month because he has a belief that I’m not Christian enough. However, I am a Christian. I believe he was right to say I’m not Christian enough, even though I fought him hard on this judgement. But he’s right. I’m not living a Christian life even though I am Christian, in actuality. I want to try and not so that he and I can be together but for my own relationship with God. I have made a public profession of Faith and I have been going to worship services and reading my bible and daily devotionals. I believe my ex and I were compatible and my ex said the same thing about us, except he couldn’t allow himself to fall in love because of this belief. *Do you think if he sees my relationship with God and Jesus strengthen, he will want to reconcile? I believe God put him in my life for this lesson. God Bless you!
          Erin.

          • Erin, I suggest you ask yourself why you want to strengthen your relationship with Christ. If it is only so you can win back your ex, then I believe you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

          • Also, God COULD have brought him in your life for that reason but not for you to be together forever. He was there for a period so that you could get to this point of getting closer to God but the relationship was not the reason/final destination. Does that make sense? Hope it does…I don’t want to be confusing.

        • My babys’father claimed to be a Christian. He was abusive in so many ways, financially, physically, emotionally… Cheating too. I lived him but for him it was infatuation, although he claimed to love me. We were engaged, we shouldn’t have had a child out of marriage. God stopped the relationship and im left feeling deflated and disappointed and sad but i trust God and know that His wisdom is far more than mine can ever be. Broken-hearted though in the short term. Dont knoe if i will be alone forever now, i’m 35 this year, what Christian man isn’t married by 35,and what Christian man wants someone with a child out of wedlick from a previous relationship? Im not exactly unhappy on my own, its jusy not how I imagined my life!

          • Ramona, I also am single, divorced mom, 37 and asking myself the same question. Please pray, know you’re a Goddess like all women, you are a Mother and God protects mothers and their children. When you will leave your best life and love yourself so much, God will open up the gate and you will find your person. Don’t lose hope, don’t fall into the desperation trap, take a solitary vow until you meet him. That’s what I did, after a shitty relationship after my divorce I stayed single for 6 months working on my self awareness and growth and God brought me my soulmate in the form of a man I would have never dated before because we have different cultural backgrounds and religion and he’s 47 and I thought my type was different. But the way he treats me and the respect he shows me, made all the difference, he made my heart open and expand and I feel so much gratitude for every painful step and all the lessons I learned. God has a plan, believe in HIM, never stop believing. Sending lots of love and light!

          • Hi Ramona, we share a story and as I read it, I thought I was the one who wrote it down.I too have a daughter and I have gone through the same things with her dad. I still struggle with the pain and keep asking myself the same questions like you I am 35years but let’s pray for each other, we should trust God for he has a better plan. Take care of yourself

        • My girl decided to go on a break because she wanted to work on her self . That same week she blocked me from social media and changed her number ,while i was trying to reflect on the relationship she was going out getting two new tattoos and not a single response back after 20 days I sent her a message threw her email and all she said was she reflected and wanted to let go because I took her for granted . Made me feel like it was all my fault and I still struggling while she lives her life sometimes I don’t know what to do ifeel like I lost the love of my life but I also believe everything happens for a reason .

    • Thank you for sharing this article. I wish I saw this six months ago. I’ve been asking God over and over about this question with my ex. It didn’t make since to me why we broke up, because both of us believe that God had a future for us. During my last semester I was busy to the point where I wasn’t giving God my all. I wasn’t thinking it was going to effect my last relationship. He told me that God wanted us to break up because we needed to spend more time with him. He did tell me that he does have faith in us. It hurt me so much, I couldn’t understand, with time during my healing process God revealed to me the reasons. Your article gave me confirmation. I highly thank you for this. It gave me confirmation that God isn’t done with us yet. I’ll continue to seek God. May God bless you and Happy New Year!!!

    • The Holy Spirit spoke to me directly as I was sinning with my boyfriend. (I’m in a current situation where I told my bf that God put in my heart we should not be having sex until marriage or we will go to hell. My heart was beating intensely when he spoke to me and I quickly told my bf because it wasn’t my voice. I told him I refuse to have sex until we establish a true connection for one another but most importantly, with GOD. I will continue to live for God and I warned him about the message he told me directly. I’m sure he thinks I’m crazy but I know I’m not. God warned both of us. I am praying to God that he touched his heart to change his ways as well but if not I know God will take care of me and put the right person in my life to be with.

  2. Hi Justine, my name is Emmy Young and I would like to Thank You so much for Understanding God’s No and helping me understand why he says no when it comes to relationships. I’ve been in two long term relationships, and one was my ex-husband, and the other an ex-boyfriend, in both relationships they happened to be very abusive, Thanks to God he led me the way out of both, I was so greatful!! So when you broke down the (why God says no) all makes sense to me. I love God with all my heart and soul!! With out him I would have probably had given up and had lost my life.
    Now I’m in a safe place and so greatful God has brought me back from the dead and restored my Faith in Love again! I’ve been relationship free for 2-1/2 years now loving myself again and it’s been a journey and a challenge! with God by my side each and every day I know he will bring the right relationship into my life! So I’m still waiting for God’s Yes????

    Love & Light
    Emmy

    • Oh wow Emmy, I’m so happy this post helped you understand God’s no better. A lot of our challenges only make sense in hindsight, but I know God will use your experiences for his glory. I will definitely pray for you to be strong in waiting for God’s yes. Be blessed!

      • Waoooo I swear this post has really healthy my wound…Though I was hurt wen I broke up with my fiance but this writeup really Got me abd made me understand why god says No.I Hope he give me a pious spouse sooner kos m tired of been lonely

  3. This is written to singles…and yet…I know I’ve fallen into some of these traps in my marriage, too! great reminder at the beginning of the year…great even if God has said YES to someone…but it also applies to when God says NO to something!

  4. I easily fell into the trap of idolizing relationships – even friendships. God said no to me regarding a group of friends I had to give up, as they were not good influences. It was hard to accept God’s no, but I’m so thankful for it now that I look back and understand how poisonous those relationships were.

    • I’ve been in the same situation before and even though it might seem hard, God’s best is always better than what we can imagine.

      • Hello, complement of the day.
        Reading through your write up made tears frop from eyes cause i wondered why God didnt speak to me on time or made me leave on time before i got this broken.
        I jad a relationship of 8years with a girl who always love, cherished and always pleaded with me to marry. I proposed to her on 03/06/2019 because i have grown to truely love her despite her faults but ever si;ce i proposed it has been issues after the other.
        Last one played out this august and we had a fight and told ourselves is over like before but this time for the first time in our 8years she locked up her mind like one seeing another man and this has lasted for 2weeks+.
        I spoke to her mum according to the woman she has been trying to talk to her to come to her senses but last monday i told the woman not to cakl her again because is obvious she now has another man. This is a girl i never cheated on.
        Am in so much pain and will so value your advice and prayer.
        Thank you for your time.

    • This is actually something that I’ve been battling with. Letting go of toxic friendships and although I’ve tried to go back…it just no longer feels the same. My trust is gone in them and they’re no longer #1 on my list to call first. It hurt for the first couple of months. But God healed and now I’m just waiting for Godly friends who share the same theology and godly love for friendships the way that I do.

  5. This was me several years ago! But only a month after accepting God’s ‘no’, I met a godly man who eventually became my husband! God’s ways really are better than our own 🙂

  6. What beautiful wisdom that you have learned. I can identify with what you have shared. It was only after I quit looking for a relationship that God brought me my heart’s desire. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

    • Yes but I’m to old now.Why did God wait 20 years to do this?He married even before we broke up.Why what was wrong with me?Im ashamed and hate trying to explain to people.When I don’t have the answer.

      • Kim, God did not do this to us, HE allowed it for our good somehow. Satan is the god of this world and he is the one who turned their hearts. It also happened to me too after 28 years. Yes I felt ashamed to but shame is on them forever, they will never be free and will ultimately end up in hell forever if they do not repent. I pray for my ex several times a day and he also has married his adulteress. It`s been 10 years (seems like yesterday)the pain is still there but GOD has used it to make me more empathetic and I have certainly learned how to pray,and the best thing I have ever experienced is being alone with GOD. We who know HIM will have an eternity of no more sorrow or pain HE will dry our eyes, so there still will be pain until the end. I will pray for you to find joy again and hopefully love, but then HE is LOVE and HE will never leave you or forsake you. GOD BLESS…..Psalm 37:4

    • God really bless you for sharing this with us. I am really blessed and well spoken to. For sometime now I’ve been battling with this feeling about why my relationship of 2year has broken into pieces. I have tried so hard to bring those pieces together but to no avail. The more I try, the more pieces it breaks into. My fiance has broken up with me for more than ten times and I keep on asking myself why. And all the breakups she gives me funny reasons why she has to breakup with me. Sometimes those reasons make me confused and more confuse. The final breakup she called for recently happened on the 17th February and she told me that she has given up and I should go and not look back. I felt so bad and confused and I’ve been asking myself why? Right now after reading your post, I’ve come to realised that God can breakup or say NO to a relationship. I feel my relationship wasn’t honoring God by it really took a chunk of me out. Instead of spending much time with God I spent it with my fiance. I remember before the relationship started I was so close to God and the His kingdoms agenda. After I met this lady, I gradually concentrated on her and the relationship more that God and His work. Suddenly I saw that I’ve become lukewarm and lost focus even in myself and my future. I mind was more on her and the relationship more than on God. Things suddenly began to go rough for me and the series of breakups started. Both of our Christian live changed and we depended on each other for joy and happiness. That’s was where the confusion and misunderstandings happened. She told me I don’t make her happy and don’t give her joy and I felt so sad. Problems from every angle rose against the relationship. I love her so much but she has given up on us and now behave as if there’s a new man in her life. She has really rendered me devastated, confused, and really heart broken. I keep on thinking about us everyday and wish we can come back again but it looks like the more I try the more confuse I become.

      So right now after reading 3 reasons why God break up relationships I come to understand that it is very much possible that God has terminated my relationship because maybe He saw that it has taken my attention from Him (God and the kingdom) unto my relationship with my fiance. It hard to understand but I’ve realised that it’s the truth and it’s Good because it has really made me lost track of myself as well. Ever since the breakup, the scripture from Psalm 37:4 has been constantly be ringing in my spirit. The nature of my relationship and the number of breakup made me aware that it was spiritual but today I’ve come to a full understanding that God may have a hand in the breakup because The relationship gradually became unhealthy and it wasn’t pleasing in the sight of God.

      Thanks so much for blessing me. Even though I am heart broken and sad and wish I can make the relationship work again, I have a conviction in my spirit to let it go. Even though it hard for me to do, I have to try and let it go. I love my girl so much and never thought we will even breakup… I believe God has a plan for my life. I will let go

  7. I think this post is a great reminder: even though we can’t see it, God always has a great reason when he tells us “no”. Sometimes we get to see what that reason is, other times we don’t, but regardless we can trust that God has our best interests in mind. God ended a relationship I thought was going to end in marriage. I didn’t understand it at the time, but now I realize that the day I got broken up with was the best day of my life. It led me to a much better, healthier relationship that did end in marriage. I look back now and realize that God knew what he was doing, even if I didn’t understand it at the time.

  8. From past experience, be it relationships, or not, I have seen God say no, simply because He had better plans in store for me for the greater good. I think when it comes to relationships, we need to first have a firm foundation of love and trust for God, and instead of searching for someone to complete us, or just someone in general, that we live life fully, and see where He takes us.

    • I so agree Tatyana! I believe that God will always remove things that distract us from Him. That’s definitely a good point! Thank you 🙂

  9. I absolutely love this post! Hearing God say ‘no’ has been a hard challenge for me. I can be stubborn sometimes haha! When I release and let go, I normally learn to understand why God said ‘no.’ My college ex was terrible; he even ended up cheating on me. God’s no was so very powerful to me during that time. I jumped right back into the word and loving God and myself. I then met a Godly man after that. Everything was well and so different from my past relationships which were so bad for me. This one was opposite. I also believed He told me this man was my husband. We dated and recently broke up due to him pursuing the purpose that God gave him. We ended mutually, respectfully, and still terribly in love with one another. It has been a few months and I have learned that if we would have stayed together, I don’t think we would of ended so nicely due to work issues for both of us. God’s no has been exceptionally hard for me during this breakup… but, I’ve been hearing a ‘not right now.’ I’d love to hear your take on when God gives you a ‘not right now.’ There is still hope in my heart which hasn’t left. I know God may or may not bring him back to me and I’m in the midst of learning to accept it and trust God no matter what; either way I know God’s plan is greater than mine. Continuously praying for clarity through this rough situation, but your post comforted me. It made me realize I need to learn to continuously seek and love God more and more everyday (just like I did before I met my Godly ex). I know God is up to something good in my life! Just go to get through this valley! Thank you again! And if you do write a post on a “not now” answer from God, I’d love to read it. 🙂

    • Hi Christina, wow it’s such a blessing to hear your story. I totally understand how you must be feeling after your last breakup, but I think that God wanted you to know that there are godly man after his own heart out there. And I agree, sometimes a break-up pushes us even more into the arms of the heavenly father and makes us understand that his Love is the one we really need and can rely on. Even though I’m not going through a break-up or a love situation right now, I’ve been hearing God’s “not right now” a lot lately with regards to my purpose. You just inspired me to write about it and share my situation. I will definitely let you know once that post is up. If you haven’t subscribed yet I will remember to send you an email directly 😉
      Be blessed *Justine

    • Going through the same thing, my boyfriend of 4years recently said he needed space, I couldn’t believe it. He’s got so many issues with his work and also family. I couldn’t believe it. However Ive been feeling in my heart that right now we’re totally out of sync. I trust Gods plans for my life and I know at the right time he’ll bring us back together. I need to put God first in my life, to only worship His name. If we put our relationship with God first the rest of the relationships fall into place.

      • Hey Cnn,
        I absolutely agree. If both og you keep God in the center of your lives, everything else will fall into place. At the end you will appreciate having a partner that has overcome his challenges and can trust God no matter what.

  10. Hey Justine am greatfull to see what u wrote I learned alot
    U know what I have been in relationship for a year and half after that we broke up he was my first and I still love him but I know God’s no is for better I believe only that but my heart is still with him don’t know what to do with my heart

    • Hey Girl,

      I feel for you and know exactly what you are going through. It’s frustrating to know that God has something better planned when you can’t see it yet. One thing you can do is to pray for God to separate the spiritual bond/ soul tie you have created with your ex. Ask him to fill the void that the person left in your life with his love and thoughts. One scripture that will help you is: Romans 15:13

  11. Reading this makes me realize the things I did wrong. I idolized my girlfriend way more than god. Now that her and I are over, I realize that I don’t NEED her. But I still want her, I started going back to church after the break up, when I asked god to heal me he did it very quickly. Now, I still want to be with my ex because she’s a great human being, and honestly we never had many problems in the relationship, the break up was kind of surprising. But anyways, whenever I ask god if my ex was the one for me I get an overwhelming feeling of yes, just not right now, all over my body. And at night when I pray I ask him to continue giving me signs if she’s the one, and the next day or so I get a text or a call from her, or she’ll even come see me in person.. I think god just wanted me to realize he was more important and that he should come first, and now I do realize that. So is it possible he broke us up as a wake up call for me? And that he may put us back together ?

    • Hey Nicholas,

      I’m glad that this blog post could give you some understanding of your break-up. To answer your question, Isaiah 55:9 tells us that God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts. So, neither you nor I can tell why the break-up happened. However, I am convinced that God always wants us to put him first, especially in our relationships.
      Good luck!

      • I feel like we’re going through the exact same thing. After the sudden breakup with my girlfriend of near 5 years, God showed me that I idolised the relationship more than Him.
        It’s been 3 weeks since the breakup, and I strongly feel that God wants us to continue to be together, but waiting is the hardest.
        God has changed me a lot since the breakup and I thank Him daily for it.
        But the waiting is extremely painful; but oh well, in His time.

        • Yh very true….the same was my case. My question now been whenever I pray about this even after we have ended I keep getting the feeling like a little voice telling me to be patient kind of have faith of a thing and keep praying about the situation? This guy I met him on fb after I prayed a short prayer for Mother Mary’s intercession at the time I was heartbroken. Initially I didn’t like the idea it had to do with fb and the fact the guy wanted to know me better and more buh something kept telling me it’s fine…like I was really scared and reluctant buh within me everything kept telling me his tge one buh its gonna be a very difficult task. So I decided to go on a little pilgrimage to pray about it when the whole thing was blooming and sincerely speaking it wasn’t easy at all all through but I kept praying to God about it. Well I got to uunderstand that dist was a huge barrier cause we stay in two diff. Countries. We kept trying to keep talking and knowing each other going on and off buh he couldn’t ask me out or date me properly cause of the huge distance. Well we tried pushing for almost a yr till I finally told him he could stop if he’s stop if he wants to cause I too could understand. We stopped talking since last month and I keep having the feeling that I should persevere and keep praying about it and that little voice or feeling am having pisses me off cause from the physical look of things we done but I don’t know for otherwise. Pls email me cause I don’t know again am confused. Thanks

  12. Justine, do you think God ever says no to say yes later? I am recently out of a relationship due to some mental/emotional issues my partner was working through. I have since pushed him to pursue the Lord to work through these things as I told him he is the only real source to our wholeness. However sometimes I strongly feel like we will be together again someday.

  13. Hi Justine
    Thank you so much for this article. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago and I find it so incredibly hard to let him go. He goes to the same church as me (different campuses at least so I hardly ever run into him) but he keeps wanting to be friends with me. I went a few weeks without talking to him but then I succumb to temptation and message him again and then it starts the emotional rollercoaster all over again. I say I have forgiven him but why is it so hard for me to get over him? I’m so stuck 🙁

    • Hey Stella,

      I’m sorry you are going through that. I believe you need to do what is best for you and not be friends with him. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore him but get some distance. 6 months is a long time to still be hung up on him and I believe that it won’t stop unless you decide to exit the emotional rollercoaster.

  14. God is not perfect, he also makes mistakes I believe. I’m still praying to God if He can give me my relationship back. It was a good one, which made me a better person. That relationship made me believe even more in the goodness of God, but after breaking it I have so much less believe in Him. His plan isn’t perfect; Why would He destroy the most wonderfull things in life? 🙁

    I hope I will once see if He really exists for me, I really do.

    • Hi Theresa,

      I disagree with you. God is perfect and so is his plan for our lives. I understand that it might seem hard to accept when things don’t go our way, especially if they made us happy. But God knows the beginning from the end and why your last relationship wasn’t meant to be. I challenge you to think of all the good things in your life that did happen, rather than the break-up. Also, use Romans 12:2 to gain understanding. Be blessed.Justine

  15. Hi there
    I recently broke up with my partner of 2 1/2 years. It’s not hurt me as much as it did when I went through my first heartbreak. Through out the years I’ve prayed to go for sign which have all come through dreams. They haven’t gone wrong so far accept this time. I prayed to god for sign about starting a relationship with my partner I had a dream of a us holding a baby boy so I went for it and started the relationship. However I had a miscarriage and while I was pregnant it felt off. I did pray to go and received a dream about having the miscarriage and a week later I did. I asked for sign after it and didn’t get anything I also asked sign that if me and my partner would stay together but didn’t get anything. Could go spilt us up for a while for us to come back together ? Or is he leading me somewhere else

    • Hi Lexi,

      thank you for sharing this with us. I believe God’s plan can be any of the above. However, I also believe that you should surrender this to him without planning your life according to an outcome. Move on from your past relationship by seeking God first and finding out what he wants you to do in this season of your life. Your past relationship had a very traumatic event happening and it’s important that you acknowledge and deal with that. Make sure that you heal completely while you are single so that you are ready for God’s best when he presents it to you.

  16. Hello.
    I recently cut off ties with someone I am affectionate about. I wouldn’t say it’s a breakup since we don’t actually have a label in the first place and I in part am too scared of commitments. But to be honest, I did cared for him. It would be a lie if I said that I wasn’t hurt and I did have an emotional downfall about it.
    I stumble upon your article and it did enlightened me. It really moved me and help me realized that maybe it wasn’t really loved in the first place, maybe it was just infatuation and that other societal factors did pressure me to going into this relationship.
    I really appreciate the insights brought up in this article.
    Thank You!

  17. Hello 🙂

    I must say, while reading I found myself taking notes and going down memory lane trying to understand some of the things that went down in a few of the relationships that meant a lot and lasted a while. I truly can see why God would says no and that my ” YES” is coming soon and like most things that contain love, I should be patient and wait on him…after all God’s time is perfect timing all the time!!!!
    I’d like to take this time to Thank you Justine, you truly have opened my eyes to a lot of matters that needed my attention… one thing importantly is to fall in love with God first and priorities my relationship with him first before anything, once I’ve achieved that; invite him into everything and every relationship I encounter… looking back I didn’t invite him or involve him which is selfish of me, cause once things got bad I’d always run back and cry to him 🙁 but from here on I see things differently and promised myself to be patient (with the good and bad) wait on him and to involve (pray/speak) him in EVERYTHING I DO! big or small <3

    • Hi Hillary,
      I’m glad this post helped you identify areas you can work on next time. And I agree, if you invite him in and allow him to guide you, you will never look back and regret again.
      Be blessed,
      Justine

  18. Hi Justine,

    Thank you so much for the article. I was with my high school sweetheart for 5 years. We are both currently 24. We were each other’s first and everything. We were so happy until he started calling, texting, and seeing me less. I was confused and unsure what to do so I would ask “why aren’t you calling me?” “why aren’t you seeing me?” And so forth… He would say he was busy with work, or school, or his mom. It got so bad that we were only seeing each other once a week when we only lived 10 minutes apart. We never had infidelity issues and I’m sure that it was not that. Some people are skeptical, but like I said, I know. I just think that he had grown tired of me, of us, of the same routine. It has been a year and 3 months since the break up. He broke up with me in a long drawn out text basically saying that he wasn’t ready for kids or marriage which we had both disscussed enthusiastically in the past. He also said that he was so busy and his schedule wasn’t going to change, basically picking everything else over me. Wow was I hurt and confused. Living life on auto pilot was all I was doing but something happened in the first 3 months of the breakup. I got closer to God, felt His peace washing over me, refusing to let me be sad. I got a new job, I gained more confidence in myself, I got used to being alone and even began to enjoy it, i got to travel to a new place that I’ve always wanted to go, I was even able to realize my flaws in the relationship. I drank too much, I wasn’t very good with money, I was desperate for his love just to name a few but someone who loved me couldn’t just walk away from me because of those things could they? After he sent the break up text, I never heard from him again despite my pleading. Exactly a year after the break up i was in such a good place that I reached out to him. I texted him to say that over the course of the year I realized that it was best that we break up and I thanked him for letting me go and allowing me to find true happiness and I wished him the same. I wanted to be the bigger person. His response? “I’m happy for you.” And that was that. I felt a certain freedom and have continued to go on living my life for God. But lately, it’s been weighing on me again here and there. You know the rollercoaster of emotions, you think you’re just fine and then it all comes crashing back down on you again. Those days are hard but ive been able to make it through them. Until now, recently I fell very ill. I went to work this morning and my manager sent me home because of how bad I looked. Ive been fine for a while but a few hours ago, I fell into a deep sleep and i had a dream about him. It was just us, in a room, looked like a basement, but we were just hanging out, enjoying each others company like the good old days and we were in love too. It was so vivid and it felt so good to see him again. I woke up crying and I thought to myself, “I’m tired of being strong, I miss him.” I’m in tears as i type this now. And just thinking about how sick I am, I thought to myself “if anything happens to me and i go now, my perfect idea of Heaven would be first and foremost to be with God but secondly, it would be a place where my ex would want me again and we could be together, happily ever after. Ive often heard that when you go to Heaven and arrive at one of the many mansions, you get your room and your room is filled with everything you’ve ever wanted and so I imagine God opening the door for me and seeing my ex standing there, smiling, wanting me. I know it is too much to hope for but I wanted to share my feelings because, after i woke up crying, I went on an internet search as i have often done in the wake of the break up and its been articles like these that have helped me through a great deal. I put into Google “that God says about the man who left you” I was subsequently led here and so i just wanted to share my story and say thank you, Justine. Please pray for me, for him, for us. If there is an us to be. I’m not saying I’d take him back like that but I have developed a spirit of forgiveness and patience and it could happen one day. I may be a fool for hoping but I’m tired of being strong and pretending I’m okay when I’m clearly not. I miss that man but i won’t reach out, not because of pride but because i know that if it is to truly work out again, he has to want me and so i force nothing anymore. This article has been very healing and your words have been encouraging. Thanks again Justine. God bless you. Also, I tried to sign up for the email subscription but i got raked to an error 404 page? Id still like very much to sign up so please let me know ????

    • Hi Catora,

      thank you so much for sharing. I think you are doing the right thing by surrendering the relationship to God and not forcing it. It’s been a year and you did well by using the time to focus on yourself. Continue to do so in order to build your self-esteem up and create a life that you love. There is no benefit in wondering ‘what if’, but instead let go.

      I’m sorry about the failed sign-up. I’m adding you to my newsletter manually now 😉

      Love & Light
      Justine

  19. God told my beat friend(girl) that we can’t be together. After reading those 3 reasons why god says no. It made since. My questions is if me and her work on god and trust him and love him give our 100% could god “change” his mind and see that me and her have working hard to “idolize” the other and he could say yes? Like could his no but a no for the time being or forever?

    • Hi Gabe, God is a God of grace. I believe that the best is to repent and do your best to glorify God with your relationship.

  20. Hi Justine
    I I’m a man that had to reply to your article and it helped me understand as a man that has to except God’s no.
    I’ve always knew to put God first and I got blinded by a person that played my heart with infatuation.a very hard lesson to learn and reading your article will keep my heart in God’s hands. Thank you Justine

  21. U know I met a guy online, long story short u wouldn’t think this happens to u on a Christian dating site ecsp after u CLEARLY state u want marriage and kids and follow Christ. Found out he was using me as a back up plan and was in love and waiting for someone else and just came online to use me till the time the love of his life said yes. I prayed God would take him away from my life but as months went on to almost a year God Dnt and I realized he was using me so I dumped him. I understand I kept stalking him on Instagram as I felt that was my only way to find answers, I disobeyed God and the man turned cold towards me. I heard God after almost a year to let him go , I obeyed. But I’ve been so angry and God and that man. Do u think if I prayed for that man to change that would be the best revenge ? Or do u think I’m disobeying God as He asked me to let him go. Any answers on this guys?

  22. Sorry guys I’m gonna repost as I wanted an honest opinion and realized I need to be detailed . I’m open to negative or positive feedback. I came out of a physically and emotionally traumatic relationship four years back which was for six years. After that I stayed single, I met some men but Dnt go for them as I was waiting on God for the right man to come along. I prayed and many men came along but I let them go as God showed me at a very early stage they weren’t good Christians. Anyways a year back rejecting a whole bunch of guys online I came across a man who contacted me and I quite liked him ( this is a Christian dating website) but as usual I prayed that God would take him away if he wasn’t right for me but God Dnt this time!!!! So I took a risk and went along with the flow. We met and he seemed to really like me and we dated a lot but hey, coming from an abused background and seeing my father ill treat my mom I Dnt have trust in this guy so even though things went well and I felt a lot of peace when we use to chat I stalked him a lot on Instagram and it became a bit too much !!! He Dnt ask me anything about my past or any deep questions which I found weird but after praying God still Dnt take him away so I Dnt look at it as a red flag. He told me he has a shy problem. So I tried to do my best to get him out of his shell. He told me his parents were missionaries and that he was a very strong believer. He is 11 years older than me. I’m 31. And he 42. After stalking him which I shouldn’t have done I discovered he only use to like two women’s photos from his entire friends list. One woman since 2016 and me whom he just met a year back. One thing is that I’m blessed with brilliant intuitions and have never been wrong .i realized he wasn’t in love with me after seeing this but with this women and was waiting for this woman and as soon as she would say yes to him he was gonna dump me. He Dnt make too much effort I felt in meeting me up after some months so I Dnt bother but when he continuously use to write me as it was long distance I took him seriously. I was moving to his country in exactly one year and decided to tell him after he told me he likes me very much and wants to have a serious relationship with me. He sounded happy. Then I stalked him again and realized this woman and him went to their home country at the same time. No pics together. When he came back he told me he likes me a lot but is unsure and couldn’t articulate why! I was furious and I knew I was his back up plan when he told me this. I ended it as I heard God say let him go. I know I was wrong to stalk to get my answers but how else would I know if he is another creep like my ex? I also couldn’t understand why God kept this going for so long if I was his backup plan. I was hurt with God and with him. Do u think if I pray for him to change that would be the best revenge or disobedience to God after God told me to let him go? Also I felt God tell me “His timing is perfect it’s better to wait a while and have things fall into place than rush and have things fall apart” also that he wanted to let go of him to avoid further future pain and hurt. Now after feeling this I was puzzled why God let me go through this mess again after my trauma is this guy is gonna be this bad ? Pls let me know what u think of this , and what these words I felt mean also whether stalking is it that bad if the profile is public anyways to get answers?

    • Hey, Justine. I have been in an on and off relationship with a man. There were times when he constantly wanted to see me amd times when he didn’t even bother to text me for days. The problem was my happines depened on this guy. So there where days I loved life and days I just hated life respectivly.
      Last week I decided I will move away from him and find happines in God, because he is always there for me. And that journey is still breaking me to this day. Its so hard to just walk away from what you believed was your world just to find comfort that is everlasting.
      But the good news is. God is faithful and he is there for me, he restored my sleep and though I still hurt he tells me he loves me and will never leave.

      • Hey Rebecca, I’m so glad you took the first step to breaking the soul tie between that man and yourself. Your happiness and self-worth should not depend on anyone else but yourself. By building a strong relationship with Christ you are taking the necessary steps to grown into the best version you can be. And if you need help with the next step, feel free to check out my 1 on 1 coaching course ‘Becoming The One to attract the one’.

  23. I met a guy, he is my classmates and I never thought that he will like me. I’m a believer and he’s not. I prayed before we getting closer, i said ‘Lord, don’t me fall for any guy if he is not the one.’. But then, this feeling inside me getting stronger and love him more everyday. I know his weakness and problem, even personal problem. He hurts me but i keep giving him chances and still love him. But that moment, the feeling i only keep to myself. We were just start as a friend. And I did pray to God i said “Lord, if he is not the one, please don’t let him confess his feeling towards me in any way. “. 2 or 3 months later, he confessed to me. This is confusing. A month ago he planned to do Nose surgery and do ear piercing. It breaks my heart, and idk why. I prayed to God to touch his heart. He have ear piercing but i keep pray for him, a week after that he told me he change his mind about doing nose surgery and he took off his earings.

    • Hi Haera, I understand your dilemma. However, a lot of times we will justify our actions based on something we prayed for. Use the word of God to analyze a situation first, before you use ‘signs’ you prayed for. Blessings, Justine

  24. Hi Justine,
    I have been in a relationship for 3 years. I have always been a Christian however I was living in sin and slightly taking a step back from church thinking it was okay and not truly putting weight on being obedient to God. I’ve got a chronic illness and have been praying for healing and I got a word from God saying obey me and I will heal you – open your ears and when I tell you to talk, talk and when I tell you to pray, pray. Shortly after I had a feeling that my relationship was not right and we needed to break up. I knew I needed to make some changes. I told my sister and she said she had a dream that I told her I’d broken up with my boyfriend a few days before, she has been known to have godly dreams in the past. I told my boyfriend and he is super supportive about the changes, I basically moved out, he has been praying himself and has come to Christ. It’s still early obviously but he’s been coming to church and getting involved in life groups etc. But through all this I still have this uneasy feeling and know that I cannot continue the relationship without God’s blessing. It’s also hard because I struggle with anxiety so it’s hard to tell what are my thoughts and what are words from God. At this point I’m putting a lot of weight on the dream my sister had. I guess I’m not sure if this was what God was telling me to do or I’ve mixed it up some how because our relationship is not toxic and we’ve both said we would leave each other if we truly believe God was telling us to so we know we aren’t idolising each other. He has a kind heart and has always treated me extremely well. I guess our task now is to see if we can glorify God together because that’s what marriage is for. Right now I’m just waiting in prayer. Your thoughts would be much appreciated!

    • Hi Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing. I believe you are taking the right steps by repenting and asking God to be the center of your relationship from here on now. One thing, however, that sticks out to me is that you are fearful, doubtful and anxious. All these are not emotions or feelings that come from God. You have to seek Jesus and ask him why you are afraid? Even if your sister had a prophetic dream, that dream is only supposed to confirm something God already shared with you. So ask him for a divine revelation. Until then make sure your relationship honors him in every way. Love & Light Justine

  25. Im so heartbroken too I was in a relationship for 5 months .My boyfriend and I wanted to be pure in all ,so he told me God wants us to break up in oder for us to really worship him in truth.I’m still wondering cuz everything was fine and we even prayed together. I believed God led me into this relationship. Now this

    • Hey Pile, I’m sorry to hear that. However, I’m a little confused. If you say you guys were honoring God with your relationship, then I don’t understand why he would break up…

  26. Justine thanks to your insight there is something for anyone to learn here.
    Yet I do think there are many circumstances we humans allow to overcome us whether by our own weaknesses or by fear perhaps even self esteem is resoundligly common among circumstantial reasons that hold no candle and instead snuff loves flame passion met with another. These reasons are often if not always built upon lies far from the truths that we fall in love in the first place. The difference is easily found in myself and that regarding three relationships I experienced and the third still am asking God portion first where He sent her back unto me as though we both felt true love since we love God and ourselves the outer circumstances are the haunting factor created by other people unable to accept what reality is and pursue to tear our love and lives apart.
    As anyone with less vendetta and hatred would not do such and move forward as we are trying to do, yet turmoil seems to trap at each turn and ut is nerve rackingly uncalled for where lawful offices had to get involved and do little to cease the antics of it all.
    It has caused us damage and we had no choice it seems to stay apart
    in painful agony of what we both know and feel.
    God answered my prayers ringing us reconciled under the potent circumstances of something evil seeking to destroy us.
    Both of us shared the bond most will or may not ever find and this is now in Gods hands. The first two relationships I was young and my neigbor an older woman very much took infatuation and advances which taught me the acute difference of the two
    love is as Corinthians 13 speaks of.
    Infatuation is such as well.
    I learned the latter first trajic as it was. I have also been married 27 years that ended horribly with many aspects of the ex looking at surface only and she benefitted with my home taken among other possesions owned I walked out unhappy and flat broke with only clothes and my car.
    In finding that my marriage failed I was also alienated from my children where lawyers proved it in court and the system swallowed me whole yet ever
    still to no avail the loss of kids in this heavily contested divorce are lost.
    I entered the 3rd relationship with a long time friend after about 5 months after separation. I did feel it was as is
    and God in His time was telling me this is no ordinary friend. I feel the same way and its nearly too odd to not be true

    • In my marriage it failed due to neither of us taking care of enough
      and we were married because we got pregnant and out of duty suffered along the way 27 years of toxic blame and never holding to ascension love has from God unto us as marriage is a bonding with God and united in His word.
      We even went to church taight Sunday class and took volunteer work in what we thought we were supposed to do.
      It grew worse and depression settled in.
      Mine was held a little better coped with as I sought God still I found things to enjoy in life wed missed and should engage in. She took hers much harsher and tore herself up to the point of controlling and manipulative tactics where it left me to ask before I decide
      to do anything. This took away my self worth and the longer it lasted or I endured the worse it seemed easy for her to control as if I had no voice left to decide for myself what I wanted and how painful it was to recover from.
      Love is God indeed and it was He I asked of my third and current relationship
      to bond in if He willed it so.
      He has and yet more over now others worldly pursuit has caused much suffering in a diffrent way.
      I take to prayer and ask you lift up both my lady and myself to rely and unite trusting God over circumstances and situations plotted to deliberate means to end us and in such causing greater heartache that I have ever felt.
      I leave it to Gods hands and ask prayers from my soul and my heart. thank you Justine

  27. Well it is very sad today how the women have really changed for the worst of all nowadays compared to the old days when most women back then were definitely very old fashioned and real ladies altogether, which made it very easy for a man looking for love at that time. Today feminism has really taken over unfortunately which makes these kind of women now just very awful to meet. A lot of changes in the women nowadays compared to the past.

    • Hey Paul, thank you for sharing. I agree that a lot has changed since the ‘past’, but I disagree that it is all for the worst or can be blamed on women entirely. I pray you meet a number of women that will change your perspective and give you new hope. Love & Light. Justine

    • Thanks so much for this.I m going through a lot right now. I was in a relationship with someone,we prayed together and loved each other,although temptation sometimes which led to kisses and touches although no sex,we had to be in different parts of d country for some reasons, I started getting detached cos of a new guy who was showing love and I got distracted.later I wanted to focus on the relationship then I asked my boyfriend some sensitive questions about us but wasn’t pleased with his reply, I got angry and wasn’t ready to hear him out.In between,I once broke up with him for no tangible reason and its cos I m easy to make rash decisions without thinking and even when I say i want a breakup, I don’t really mean it.we went apart for months.i ve been trying to get us back but he is tired. Pls what can I do? When I pray about it, I have my peace but I really get scared cos I don’t know what his decision will be.

  28. Justine,
    My boyfriend and I had dated for over two years when he broke up with me. I was broken, but through it I grew in my relationship with God. A month later we got back together and it was amazing. Our relationship was much healthier and we were even discussing marriage. But a year after we got back together he broke up with me out of nowhere. I was totally shocked. All he said was that he wasn’t sure I was the one. But I feel completely different. Ever since our first breakup I felt God many times telling me he was my future husband. I was so and still am in love. I’m unable to move on when I still feel such a strong feeling that he is the one. Why would God allow us to get back together in the first place just to tear us apart again? And why are we both hearing different things from God? I just don’t understand

    • Hey Amanda,

      I’m sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, I can’t answer your question, because I don’t know what God’s plan for you is. But I pray that you are able to trust him even in the midst of uncertainty. Allo your ex-boyfriend time to think about the relationship and you, so that he can make the right decision, after all, you do not want to be with someone that does not love you back.

      Blessings,
      Justine

      • Hi Justine
        Your blog was such an inspiring read and brought me so much peace knowing that there’s a plan far bigger than me and my ex.
        Even though the circumstances around my break up weren’t great. I’m thankful because the time apart has brought so much growth in my life…Before I was uncertain about committing in marriage because of the issues we had, but after time apart now I’m sure!
        My communication with him now would be a lot different than it was before; I’ve learnt to resolve issues in love and reflection rather than emotions & intensity.
        There are some great examples of relationships God sent (Rachel, Ruth) but if something has been torn apart, is it possible for doors to be reopened, after you’ve already had the opportunity and failed?

        • Hey Sarah, I’m glad the post helped you understand the break up a little better. Regarding your question: I do believe that God can change people’s heart and re-live a relationship. However, don’t make that your goal and obsess over it, because that will only lead to you making your own plans.

  29. Me and my girlfriend are christian , togther since 4years , study in same place , but when she finish her exam she left me to her native place to spend her holiday , there she got touch by holy spirit , she never talk to me telling me that she cannot understand herself and wanted to make sure her linkage with God first , Even though we are in relationship , we use to put God first , pray , go to church and became Holy until marriage , but now im hurt , even though i can sacrifice her with all my heart to God , as Im afraid of God , even though I trust God , I ask him answer why he did this to us , Im just waitting for her with Patience hoping she will talk to me and explain an share what she got. But im full of pain an God still gave me the answer. Its been a week , and Im dying inside . Someone please explain this issue for me … Please

    • Hi Isaac,

      I’m sorry you are going through this. I can’t explain why it is happening, but I know you can trust God that it happens for a reason. Use this time to do the same as your girlfriend and deepen your relationship with God. Even though a breakup can be hard, you never want to feel like it is leaving you hopeless. With regards to her, give her space and allow her to think about you and the relationship. After all, you do not want to be with someone that is not 100% sure about you.

      Blessings,
      Justine

  30. Hi Emmy. I am going through a similar scenario. After over 2 years, I am learning again about God’s plan and how it unfolds. I am at a stage where I am learning to love myself and God again. Trust and time are the answers….

  31. My ex break up with me 6 months ago, and i still couldnt move on. Called him and he dont even wanna be friends now. I prayed and prayed very hard. He left because he said he couldnt handle long distance relationship and i felt my response back then was too immature or else we could still be friends. So now i really really just want to be friends with him after praying to God asking him to love me back and all, now i just want to pray for him to just stay relevant in my life. Like a friend. Is it wrong to do so? Will God still say no to this?

  32. I am going thru something atm. So I met someone on a Christian dating site. We started talking and praying together and reading Christian books and we both encourage each other in our Christian walk. But God has said to this person that he is going in a different direction to what God has planned for him.. And I am struggling to understand what that means for us, and the possibility of a future there..

    God always told me patience and to trust him.. but what I don’t understand is why God would say that if he knew that I am not supposed to be with this person.. I mean I’m not even sure if there is the possibility of a future there or not, I don’t know if I hope for the best or if I let the feelings go and stay friends..

    But why wouldnt God say something so I didn’t develop feelings and get more hurt….

    I don’t understand…….

    • Hi Leeisha, there is only one way for you to understand. And that is by asking. Ask the young man WHAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE? If he wants a relationship, then the two f you need to establish what it should look like. And if he just wants friendship you have to set boundaries, so that you can protect yourself from falling for him.

  33. Hi. God bless you for sharing this. I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do and I’m confused. I broke up with my Ex 2 years ago but I feel so tied to him. Yes, it felt like love but I idolized him and I had to take a break. It’s hard to move on. Now, there’s a godly man in my life, but I feel absolutely nothing for him. I have tried and prayed to God to help me love this one since I have a conviction that he’s “the one”. Yet nothing, it feels like I’ll end up regretting this if I go on with it. on the other hand, I feel. it’s right. The question is why do I feel absolutely nothing for him If He’s the right one? Is it possible for God to give us people we feel nothing. That’d be unfair. It’s been 4 months now. It’s not just working. I need help!

    • Hi Eunice,

      if you feel absolutely nothing for him, he is not the one. Don’t stay with someone because it looks good on paper (he is Christian etc.). That will only lead to pain for both of you and it’s not fair to the man you are dating. If you still feel for your ex, you should not be dating, but instead, keep working on untying your souls. Love& Light
      Justine

  34. I have been in a few relationships and needless to say, none of these worked out. Basically I never loved any of them. I also was never interested in getting married to any of them. I was sort of happy and safe on my own and made peace that I will grow old without a soulmate. I believed that I was incapable of loving any man. Then my path crossed with someone I hadnt seen in 30 years. He was at that stage an acquaintance and I never had any feelings for him. He gave his life to Christ a year and a half prior to us meeting. We fell in love instantly. I knew this is the man I want to marry. I was disobedient to God by having a sexual relationship with him and God told me many times that He is going to remove this man from my life because i do not put God first. And God kept His word. This guy just stopped loving me overnight. I repented and asked God to heal my relationship with thia man. I also asked God to confirm that this guy is my man. God confirmed many many times. I still receive promises from God that He will restore us and that it will be better than before. Yet, praying and fasting for more than 3 months, there is still nothing. I keep on getting messages that my breakthrough is on the verge of manifistation. I have come to the end now. I cannot do this any longer and feel that Gods blessings and promises are only for some people. Maybe super human people. Im confused about everything and rather want to die so that the pain would stop. Anyway, thats my story, that God removed him because of my disobedience and it seems that i will pay for my mistake forever.

    • Hi Menesty, this situation sounds very tricky and I understand that it must have been heartbreaking. However, it sounds like have a lack of trust in God. Do you truly believe that he can provide for you or are you hiding behind your ‘cynical’ idea of what you think life should look like? Truly ask yourself where your faith lies and do the hard work of believing in God’s goodness for your life! I will pray for you. Justine

  35. Hi Justine,

    Do you have any tips for getting over infatuation? It seems impossible at the moment and it’s hard to forget someone and the emotional highs associated with them, like how happy I felt with them and such. It’s complicated because the relationship was forcibly ended when we were still in a “lovesick” state with each other. How do I move on? 🙁

    • Hi Sarah, that’s a great question. I do understand that this stage felt very close to a real relationship. But the one thing I would suggest you do is to remind yourself every day that it was not love. Because reality is, if you met someone else today you would probably end up feeling the same thing. Other than that, check out my post on overcoming heartbreak to find some practical tips to get over someone. Love & Light
      Justine

  36. Very Profound words Sistah Queen. I Have a friend who went back to a guy who had so many things wrong but due to her need to feel love. Me and a few other friends and family members prayed for her deliverance. One of the things we have to look out for and pray over is separation of soul ties. That alone can cause blindness in a relationship.I pray that everyone may find a agape type of love vs the selfish me and my feelings type of love.

  37. Yes that sounds like the relationship that I was in over a year ago.
    Wow ….
    The praying and asking God to get wya back together and the whole nine yards of your story was mine …. still haven’t reconciled with him til this day ….. wow .

  38. I am going through a similar situation. We were together for a year and a half and out of no where he said he couldn’t do it any longer. It hurts bad because I was just so sure he was the one but in all actuality I was idolizing him and the relationship, ending over backwards and I am just so hurt

  39. My prayers for God to answer about men I’ve dated have come in his time and have been answered in a way I could understand them. Bringing me peace and drawing me closer to him. The first almost took my life by his hands but my pleas to God to save my life was answered seconds later as a neighbor heard my cries and police soon beat on my door as I was being taken into attic. This was almost three years ago. Still awaiting trial. I thought I’m ready to pursue a relationship after what I felt like being healed, however, the second man came into my life but with another form of abuse. Mentally attacking me and degrading me. It’s so easy to feel unloved and unworthy when you don’t know God’s love or love yourself.It opened my eyes and know through God all things are possible. Ended that relationship without hesitation but much prayer and therapy. It is in his time, through his wisdom and grace, that if I am to be in a relationship, God will bring the right person to me at the right time.

  40. Omgosh, while reading this, I felt like God was speaking to me through this while I was crying I just couldn’t put this down. This is my life now as I write this.Thank you Lord for bringing Justine’s blog to my attention. Thank you Justine for your beautiful insight on Love and the real meaning of Love, God!😊🙏

  41. I know this may seem naive but at 15 I met the sweatestest girl in the world.of course we were young and on my part that’s what screwed everything up. I didn’t realize I had pure love there. Weird thing is I always carried something for her in my heart. It’s now 40 years and she’s still there through 3 failed marriage s. Going through a horrible time right now. It may seem crazy but she comes to me in my dreams every night.she smiles, runs her hand thru my hair and looks in my eyes as if to tell me ” don’t worry everything is going to be ok”. Then she gets up and walks away. When I try to follow she turns and smiles and says ” not now Rocco”
    I miss her incredibly but have found something incredible with these dreams. Peace. I’m also a bit and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a bit scared. Whhy won’t she let me go with here?
    We never had any contact of any sexual nature at all. We just enjoyed each other’s company. I never saw her again. The great loose of my life. Again we may have been just 15 but to remain in my heart for 40 year!
    Thank you for helping me THROUGHT this night

  42. Thanx a lot Justine. I so relate to these reasons especially the second one. The relationship ended years ago but I was still thinking about him.
    Now I understand thanx.

  43. Hi Justine, my current partner is Christian and I wasn’t. I had a yearning and loved that about her. Her commitment I mean. But I gave myself to Christ. I saw that as the way I needed to live my life, in Christ. But she constantly questions my faith. I told her to please stop questioning it. I go to church with her, pray everyday together. She refuses to see that my lack of religion most of my life didn’t mean I wasn’t close to God. Well, I have committed clearly and it isn’t enough for her. I got very upset and said some unkind words which I’m not proud of, but I just felt to disrespected by having my sacred relationship with the lord constantly questioned by the woman that supposedly loves me. What do you think about this situation?

    Thank you.

    Paul

  44. I want to offer a bit of advice to everyone searching for marriage/relationship help. Me and my husband had a rough time for a decade; all our family & friends constantly advising us to get a divorce but we knew it would break our children’s heart. We tried so many different things to save our marriage and from trial & error we came across a very helpful Love solution spell temple on facebook page reviews that love spell from this temple works, I contacted the spell priestess and purchased a spell to bring love and happiness in my marital home and now we are happily together like we just got married. Love solution spell temple powers are strong. My Husband became so passionate about our love and more into me… lol Just like being in my teen.

  45. God is always in control we may have our own plans and thoughts of what our future will be but God knows our beginnings, in betweens and end. My Fiance left me and our children suddenly my life was perfect I had it all. But I actually didn’t… my relationship was my idol God was placed on the back seat while I pursued my relationship. I now praise God as I’ve become closer to the Lord now that I’m alone with my children I’ve learnt to place our Heavenly Father above ALL Things. It still hurts that he walked out on Us but each day I rejoice as Gods Blessings have been poured upon me and my children in all areas of our lives hes a Good good Father hes always with Us.

  46. Hi Justine,
    So, a few years ago my boyfriend at the time and I went to prayer meeting every week. The pastor delivered a prophetic word to us together saying that he will ask me to marry him and that we will have a child together etc..she went on to say that when he asks me to marry him..she hears me saying- boy stop playing..( as I always joke around with him) But he’s not playing this time and we will be married..however, before this will happen our relationship will turn for the worse and begin to fall apart..reason being there will be people around him that are dress in sheep clothing..meaning the devil is going to try to distract it in every way possible and through people that he has known for years or is kin too. Well About a month and a half ago he decided to leave and break up with me for a miscommunication. Again, It has been a month and a half and every time I ask him to come back home he claims he wants to get himself together and he feels we should try something different. I normally do the calling to check on him but sometimes he don’t respond nor text back. I reminded him of our prophetic word and his response was it’s not godly to keep doing that and using god. I have been praying more than ever for us to work it out..but I’m so confused because this pastor had never told us wrong through a prophetic word. Everything has always came to pass. Shall I give up or keep praying for our prophetic word to come to pass?

  47. Hi Justine. I was in a relationship with a man I work with for almost a year. 3 months ago he ended things via text while we were at work. During the relationship and even looking back now I know it wasn’t a good relationship. I compromised a lot of my values and beliefs. That includes having sex with him. We both are Christians and I do know that I didn’t go into it with good intentions. Just my fleshy desires. Anyway I developed feelings for him and he would always say he could see a future with me. Then one day he says he don’t. I have been heartbroken over it. I know it wasn’t meant to be and I ask and pray that God will heal my heart. The trouble I’m having is it’s been very hard getting over it due to us working at the same place and me having to see him everyday. Any advice? Thanks

    • Hey April, I’m sorry you are going through this. But I’m glad you can now look back and find a valuable lesson. I can imagine that it’s hard to work with someone that you were romantically involved with. My suggestion is, that you make a list of all the reasons why the two of you would not be good together. The clearer you get on why it didn’t work out and why it is not a good match, the easier it will be to put him back into the friend zone.

  48. I was in a relationship with two years with a man I thought I was going to marry. Reading this now I realize that no matter how much I tried to focus on God I still idolized the relationship more. All I wanted was marriage with a happy ending. But how could I have that with a man who claimed he believed in God but didn’t like like it. We never talked about God because it always felt like maybe he thought I was forcing it on him. I always felt insecure in the relationship and I thought it was all due to my past relationship and how I had experienced lies and cheating from my ex and even father. He constantly made me feel like i was crazy and it was all in my head. Especially when I tried to tell him there was more to life than gaming. He would game more hours than work. He started playing world of Warcraft and he started losing patience with me whenever I said I needed him to communicate with me a little more. I didn’t like feeling ignored up to 6 hours at a time because of his video games. He used to play this game in the past and said he slept 4 hours in two weeks back then. Since he started back in August he reconnected with all of his old friends. I don’t know if they all influenced him to leave a girl who doesn’t want him gaming all day because that is all they seemed to care about. I always felt in the way but I especially felt in the way when he started playing this game. Suddenly he was always getting irritated with me for simply asking for better communication and why had he changed the second year in our relationship. I noticed on one of his games his brother was speaking to his ex girlfriend while his current girlfriend was at work and he was at home taking care of their special needs son. I asked if she was aware of this friendship and he completely lost it and I know he told his brother because they even tried to change the ex girlfriends name to make it seem like it was a dude. I would never speak to anyone about it I was just honestly curious if his current girlfriend knew. I was so disappointed that i was the one being attacked by him instead and I felt so exposed to his family and friends. I always felt he complained about me or told them everything I confided in him. I felt he complained especially about the fact that I tried to tell him there was more to life than games. I noticed in August his obsession with this world of Warcraft game was real. He didn’t see it but I did and everyone on there was so addicted it’s insane. He said he felt I lectured him like a child and wouldn’t let him do what he enjoyed. Which I didn’t understand since we were long distance and he was spending his weekends gaming and from like 12 to 1pm weekdays till like 10 or 11pm gaming. He definitely gamed more than worked and I wanted him to focus on a future since he is 34 and super comfortable living with his parents. Anyway he broke up with me saying he didn’t think he could be the man i needed. Before that I remember feeling disappointed and I prayed God would change my heart and his and help us be who we needed the other to be but I also prayed if he wasn’t truly the man he wanted for me to remove him from my life as it had been long enough. That same week he broke up with me. Do you think maybe that was God answering my prayer? That maybe he truly wasn’t the man He had in mind for me and was waiting for me to pray for such a revelation? I am truly heartbroken and want to believe He removed him because there’s someone better out there who my heart will just trust no matter what.

    • Hi Jessica, unfortunately, yes. I do believe that sometimes God will use a breakup to help you grow. It’s hard and painful, but looking back it will probably turn out to be the best.

  49. My relationship to a wonderful man ended and I believe God allowed for it happen because I didn’t know love. He has now moved on and in a new happy relationship. Which is very difficult because I wish I could be reconciled knowing that I would love him better now that I have wisdom and new understanding on what love is, what it looks like, how to receive and give love.

  50. I knew right away that God was the one who ended my 1.5-month long LDR as soon as I prayed about it. I never sought or pursued the relationship in the first place. It just happened and he dropped into my lap.

    I admit I’m a novice when it comes to relationships and I had been “man-free” for more than a decade – I was very content with single-hood until this man came into my life whilst I was on vacation. Prior to this relationship (first one ever), I felt I did not need a man in my life and I was pretty content being on my own, not lonely but happy to be alone. I know I’m unattractive, overweight, below average and I had come to terms with it – I had no desire to put myself out there and was happy to go through life how I was. When this man came into my life, I thought God had different plans for me and I was willing to open my mind and accept the unknown despite how terrified I was. When he was in my life, the experience shook my very foundation and I was and still am extremely confused as to what I really want in life: do I really want a relationship that leads to something, do I really want marriage, do I want to continue being single, could I really go back to hating men again??

    After he broke up with me, I felt a sense of relief washing over me, almost liberating and I could finally sleep properly since being in the relationship. But after 1 month of being okay post-break-up, it has come back to haunt me in so many ways…..until I have to see a psychologist on a regular basis.

    I have also prayed feverishly to God to take away this pain, the unbearable grief, the constant hurt associated with the break up, to let go, to forget and to see the upside of this break-up. So far, there has only been silence. For months, I have practiced self-care, tried to love myself more, tried to improve as a person to be the best version of myself, still traveled as much as I could and made new platonic friends. I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight, my skin has never looked better, gained new knowledge….but nothing I do makes me as happy when I was with that man. The sensible part of my brain urges me to keep calm and soldier on because time will heal but my heart knows truthfully, nothing I do is going to make me as happy. Activities that used to bring me joy such as watching tv, traveling, connecting with people makes me forget about him temporarily but as soon as I have a moment to myself, it becomes unbearable. My motivation for work has also come to an all-time-low, especially after I collapsed from overworking in the attempt to forget everything about the break-up. In addition, my relationship with my family has deteriorated and my mom says it breaks her heart to see me so sad all the time (my family has no clue about the relationship, let alone the break up and as far as they know, I have always been single and never had a relationship to this very day….a secret I will take to my grave because of the shame). In short, I can’t seem to move on no matter how hard I try.

    Despite all this, I know I have to keep going and persevere – because if I don’t, I honestly don’t know how long I can keep going. And the worst thing is, I have this unsettled feeling that this man will come back into my life and I will cross paths with him again in lifetime when I least expected (even though we are divided by 8000++ miles between us).

    Your post gives me a glimmer of hope that….hopefully…I can still revert back to my old self again, where I was content with single-hood. And hope is the only thing I have to hold on to at this point.

  51. I fell for a guy that i just new he was the one
    He would always tell me he love me an that we were going to get married and that i was never going anywhere i fell for that because i belived in him and thought that every word came out his mouth was a blessing an i finally found my dream was coming true i been by myself for so long an desperately wanted a husband but all the time we were together something in the back of my mind was disturbing it didnt feel right an one night i invited him to church an that was it GOD revieled to me who he was an what he was all about and it wasn’t me that just really killed me but GOD stepped in an saved me.i am so greaful that i have a God who loves me an always there
    LOVE MY FATHER GOD

  52. Hello Justine, I totally agree with “Most of us spend our lives trying to find love, trying to live in love but dying without ever truly discovering love”. I believe God always make the right decision for us, waiting for my right one now. God bless you for sharing this article with us.

    • It is possible. But don’t think that maybe just because God didn’t permit it to happen at the moment doesn’t mean it’s not God’s will. Are you in desperation right now? Good. Because, that pushes you to your calling or purpose. God moves in those who have nothing and consider themselves nobody humbly in front of the Lord. Move like there’s no plan B. If it’s her then let the pain be felt and pray continually to God for that relationship breakthrough. Why? Maybe God doesn’t change the situation because He longs to change you first. You are a son of God dear. Remember that. He longs to be part of your journey whatever you may chose to do in your life (according to His will for you, of course). Maybe you failed to have Him in the past with your journey that’s why it happened? Pray until something happens. God is in the move. Sometimes God’s will takes you to the path that seems impossible with Human capability and not tempted to do the easy one. Why? The miracle of her coming back is just part the miracle. You is the miracle the Jesus longs to be a miracle soon.

      Trust me, I feel you. It won’t be a relationship worthy of returning if it isn’t right? I loved a lady and God used it to change my life to its full potential (not in an idolatric way, but it pushed me to keep on pushing with Him to be the best pleasing sacrifice to Him). When you get way past that, trust me. No one has ever failed in believing that God can provide with His riches in heaven.

  53. I been having the feeling that God wants me to move on from my relationship of 17 years. I have been struggling as to why since he has always been very good to me. I know one may be that him and his family don’t believe in God, but isn’t there a possibility that that could change? I’ve heard testimonies of people having their family or friends accept Christ into their lives 20 or 30 years later. It’s a struggle to understand and maybe that’s why I was lead to this article. We’re still together as I don’t know how to let go.

    • Hey Sarah, I’m glad you asked this question because I’m sure many people can relate. You are absolutely correct that men and women can accept Christ for themselves at any time. However, if you are not married to him you are running the risk of being unequally yoked and therefore miss out on many blessings God has for you.

  54. I’m reading these kinds of posts because of the current situation I am in . My boyfriend is a preacher’s kid but “in the world” as am I . I grew up in a Christian home but I am not saved because I am not sure about all the teachings in Christianity . And because of this I’ve never gotten saved or been baptized . But I believe in God . I believe that Jesus was real . I don’t know if everything about the stories make a lot of sense to me . I can’t grasp the concept of Jesus dying on the cross or Jesus being God in the flesh . But I do talk to God or at least I think I do . My boyfriend and I debate often about bible topics and in those conversations a lot of curiosity about the truth is sparked in me . But I’m convinced that God has brought my boyfriend into my life to bring me closer to Him and to my Christian roots . But I feel awkward about it . I’m also convinced that that might be his only purpose and then the relationship will be over and I’m terrified because it’s the first healthy relationship I’ve been in in forever . I’m obsessing over these convictions so bad that I can’t enjoy the relationship as much as I want to . It’s so good and I’m in love with him but I constantly pull away from him because I’m afraid to get too attached for nothing . My boyfriend is so sweet and so patient with me about the pushing him away thing though . And I know it’s possible to meet as “unsaved” people and to grow in Christ together and get married and live happily ever after . But I feel less than because I’m behind in faith and understanding of the Bible compared to him . I should also mention I am seven years older than my boyfriend and also a single mother . He has no children but is very active in my boys’ lives . What do you think ? Am I crazy ?

    • Hey Candice. Thank you for sharing this question with me. I’m excited to hear that you are growing closer to God, because of your boyfriend’s influence in your life. I believe God does send us people to walk with us, but it’s also on you to actively seek him. You don’T have to be ashamed that you are new to the faith. Instead, you can start immersing yourself in it, by joining a community of believers other than your boyfriend. Find women in your local church that you can connect with and seek wise counsel from your pastors about your questions. Even though your boyfriend is a great resource, I think it’s healthy to not lean on him solely for establishing your faith.
      Love Justine

  55. I need to maintain a godly relationship,but my boyfriend keeps on having sex with me, we’ve broken up severally on this issue and it seems consistent . I want to break up finally,how do I go about it. or should I not break up please,advice me.

    • Hey Teye, it takes two to Tango. You and your boyfriend keep having sex. You can only blame yourself and not him. It’s up to you to decide what is more important to you. Honoring God or giving in to your and his lust. Ask yourself why you are holdong on to a relationship and a person that does not desire to put God first. If it is out of fear of losing him, then you need to evaluate your faith. Love & Light Justine

    • Yes, I do think that it applies to friendships as well. I have a post that explains what (un)equally yoked means in detail. Just put it into the search bar.

  56. God does play favorites when it comes to relationships. Certain people are very lucky and blessed when it comes to finding love when so many of us are just meant to be single and alone unfortunately, especially for many of us men that aren’t single by choice.

    • Hey Ben, I disagree with you. I believe the only thing that is different for everybody is that we all are called to different lives, not just God favors anyone.

  57. Hi Justine I met someone last year and before I got to the relationship I prayed about and eventually got into it . I was happy to find someone who was proud to have me as I was hidden in previous relationships. Things ended on the 21st of December, I saw him on Christmas day, but it was bad. Same day I heard God saying “I love you like this man” guess what he unfriended/unfollowed me on all social media platforms started treating me like an enemy. Everything is contrary to the love God told me about. But I’m slowly learning to be emotionally independent, which is something I was not aware of until the break up . I don’t know what is going on but each day I pray for strength to get through the day. Things just fell apart from no where.

  58. Thanks a lot Justine for sharing this, I have been in a relationship for more than 3 years and I felt I loved the girl only for her to come and say she wanted to full time ministry and she preferred a guy who is doing such hence she has no peace in the relationship. But after hoingbthrough this post I think God gave us No, I can joyfully accept it but a little bit worried about the future. She immediately left me for another guy but for me I am worried I don’t know how even to met another girl, where to meet her. it is kinda an emotional illness How do I learn to trust God on this.

  59. I’ve been going through a painful break up and this was the only article that has really helped me and brought peace to the situation. I’ve often thought that we weren’t putting God first like in the beginning and we were too focused on each other. So much time, energy drained into each other it wasnt healthy it wasnt peaceful like it should have been. God has my best interest here. After I read this article I wept and I was very sorry to God. I hurt Him and myself.

  60. I’ve discovered this article, or blog entry, in my quest to gain a more clarified understanding of the most likely mindset which I have noted to be a pillar in the foundation of the disfunction in which a close friend of mine has fortified within that is just the crust of what he is letting hold himself back from recovering from his divorce last year. I’ve been quite forthcoming with my ability to let him communicate his feelings in their entirety. I’m making every attempt to not seem aggressively discouraging to the things that do make him hopeful but at the same time a majority of the things that he is wrapping himself around for hope are possibilities which are highly focused on the reconciliation of the relationship with his most recent ex-wife. He has been married and divorced before, so he’s no stranger to the entire process however I don’t believe that the emotional hang up for trauma he’s experienced here in wer present in the finality of his previous marriage before this last one.

    To give a bit of insight and some it up so anyone reading can understand what I’m really dealing with it’s like this; I meant the woman who is his ex-wife now in 2015. When I met her she was in an abusive relationship with another man, which is the man in which her and my friend first separated because of. Within three weeks my first meeting them I played a large defining role in aiding her successful Escape and avoidance for successfully getting away from that man. Her and her “husband”, the husband being the friend which I am beseeching guidance to help herein, we’re still extremely close friends and highly in contact with one another at the time. Due to the state of her health post break-up from the abusive boyfriend she got in very poor health-wise manner in due to his extensive knowledge of her health issues he was reached out to to help get her to the emergency room and Urgent Care and after care options. 6 to 8 months later as she was clear and nothing romantic ever evolved between them following the hospital and Aftercare and blah blah, she was in possession of his vehicle as at the time he was truck driving and on the road and wanted to help her out. However he become aware that the new person of which she was dating was a bit higher up in comparison to the previous abusive boyfriend in the local community tied in with drug use. He immediately began threatening to take remove this or that from her possession which he was letting her use to help her out knowing that they were not an item and that was not on the list of possibilities prior to the learning of and because their marital status was still active I guess you could say then he began to encounter problems with getting his possessions back because they’re married it was considered joint property. So he began making inflated promises to which he thought he would win her over with, which failed of course. He then by that time with having his own health issues twitch myself and spouse were amongst friends which we’re trying to help him through his financial hardships which came about in lieu of the health issues. During that time I’ve heard a multitude of phone calls and conversations where he has made attempts to compromise his standards and morals 2 compensate as collateral to which he seeks her to terminate the relationship with that newest boyfriend in reciprocation to pave the foundation of reconciling their broken marriage, which she does not desire nor has not implied the desire to rekindle.

    Since she filed for the divorce proceedings occurred the divorce was granted and so on his desperation to wedge his way back into communication with her has led him down some dark and destructive roads. He’s compromised his morals and values in attempt to become a compromise of who he is in combination with traits of which he deductively reasons are the only things that he can think of that she is getting from the relationship she’s currently in and the abuse of one prior to which she was not privy to in the relationship with himself. And all his efforts have failed, so he resorts to befriending the single females in which he knows she has close friendship to or frequence more over than myself because we grew apart there for a while in effort to cross paths display newly common interest and open-mindedness on his behalf in effort to obtain information about what she’s doing where she’s going who she’s hanging around and so on and so forth as well as seed bad gossip into those circles against her current boyfriend. The first thing he always asked when he messages or calls me is have I seen or heard from her lately to which, whether I have or have not, I always evasively reply with not recently or some like- intended response. They share grandchildren and it is becoming very clear that there is not going to be a grant witch involvement can be compromised they’re both civil and he doesn’t try anything so to speak at Gathering such as birthdays however he does make it more difficult and awkward for her to attend especially with the new boyfriend being her primary mode of transportation at times and the boyfriend having to have taken out a restraining order on my friend because his threats in implications prior to divorce being granted.

    My friends recent comments when he is messages to me to vent about seeing her was very defiling of the truth of her physical condition basically he told me that she look horrible she looks so poor she looks so sick she look like she was still on the drugs. However over recent months her and I have been talking again to which we never discuss him and I have recently seen her put my own arms around her and know that his accusations are false. And his resentment towards this boyfriend of hers is growing by Leaps and Bounds considering that a previous friend of hers called him and told him when her and the boyfriend begin going through the same compromising struggles every relationship goes through at some point in time and revealed to him that she and the boyfriend had taking a break from residing with one another, which he hang on to every bit of possibility that he could get her back because they broke up now and he’s going around telling everybody that the reason why they even when on that break is because the boyfriend had physically beating her horribly. At this time can only express extreme doubt to the validity of that accusation. And he is, the friend of mine, of course, all over again extremely distraught because at their most recent pass Crossing at a grandson’s birthday she did not get offensive defensive or ugly in anyway to him trying to talk to her however she did not entertain or express interest there in of encouraging it and I can imagine it hurt his feelings badly but only because he seeks to wiggle in there as friend and Confidant with the only motivation being getting her back and he seems to have it in his head that it’s God’s will is God’s will is God’s will and he forgives her for her adultery but she is his wife and that Bond should not have been broken if they shouldn’t have gotten divorced and when I take the time to gingerly point out and call attention to the fact that she was his second wife he somehow does not see any harsh Comings or negativity to which God would have a problem with him and that wife divorcing. I realize it’s all bargaining in his delusional contextual way but I’m at a loss of how to effectively and faith-baseidly effectively help him or adequately advised him without him misinterpreting my support to him as validation to his manner and mode of thinking and coping currently.

  61. I’m a man and read this I believe that I didn’t understand true love Idk if it’s cuz I grew up in a broken home but I know that when I got with my ex in 2009 we ended officially on 2018 we have 3 precious boys It hurts me to read this because I honestly think I wasn’t in a relationship lead by God I worked all the time and never gave her the love she deserved ,( I wasn’t the best at anything and didn’t really put effort because I thot she loved me and I loved her) after a while she may have felt unappreciated and cheated on me she confessed and after being hurt for a while I thot of MY mom and dad how they broke up and how I FELT when I was a child I didn’t want that for my sons so I forgave her and tried to make it work .after that I feel the rest of the relationship was forced ,it breaks my heart that I hurt her but I feel she wasn’t right for cheating I understand God wants us to forgive but there was too much pain ! Even now it hurts ! But this made me realize that we all need God not only in our relationships but all around in our life’s ..thank you for this ! (Broken together- casting crowns)

    • I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I am glad that you have already learned a lot from it. Prayerfully, this breakup will lead to healing and a greater relationship with God.

  62. My boyfriend broke up with me last month because he has a belief that I’m not Christian enough. However, I am a Christian. I believe he was right to say I’m not Christian enough, even though I fought him hard on this judgement. But he’s right. I’m not living a Christian life even though I am Christian, in actuality. I want to try and not so that he and I can be together but for my own relationship with God. I have made a public profession of Faith and I have been going to worship services and reading my bible and daily devotionals. I believe my ex and I were compatible and my ex said the same thing about us, except he couldn’t allow himself to fall in love because of this belief. *Do you think if he sees my relationship with God and Jesus strengthen, he will want to reconcile? I believe God put him in my life for this lesson. God Bless you!
    Erin.

    • Erin, I suggest you ask yourself why you want to strengthen your relationship with Christ. If it is only so you can win back your ex, then I believe you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

  63. Please I need you advice, I’ve been in a relationship for five years, my fiance has proposed to me, we love one another so much, even in the midst of nothing we are happy. So he said last year he had revelation he saw my picture and another girl’s picture then an angel pointed at me and told him I am very good but the other girl will help him in his ministry. Since then he has been praying that is me he wants. Please I need you advice, this has been giving me sleepless nights,how should I handle this issue?

    • Hi Faith, I can imagine that this is a very hard place to be in. However, if someone is not sure about you, you need to take a step back and ask yourself if they truly deserve you. I honestly think that this should be a wake-up call for you. After 5 years of dating, you should not have to prove yourself! You actually never should have to prove yourself!

  64. As a man, I can honestly say a lot of this can be applied to men as well. I have really been struggling getting over my abusive partner. Sometimes even questioning if they did abuse me. But then you mentioned how he uses people. And everyone Godly in my life I have found didn’t like her with me. They found her controlling and manipulating. I was brought closer to God, but I think it was out of my own decision, not her’s. And I think I was closer to God before I was dating her too. I love this piece you wrote and it has given me a lot to think about. Also I don’t believe in coincidences, and this stuff has been on my mind for weeks. And now I look it up as a random google search and find this piece filled with wise counsel and good advice. Thank you

    • You are so welcome Michael. And yes, everything can be applied to man and vice versa. I pray you get closer to God and find the woman that he has for you. Love & Light Justine

  65. hello first I would like to say thank you soo much for this article I am currently going through a break up it’s been 6 months now, he was good person by buying me gifts but I am not a gift person, but I always appreciated, I started to lost my confidence the day he called me bitch in front of his friend, I devoted my life and my time on him thinking it will get better my first time smoking was with him and when my relationship was going doing he looked at me in my face and says to me ” come here slut come here” no he wasn’t my first boyfriend but he was my first actual relationship he broke up with me shortly after saying I am crazy thank you for this so much. I am working on myself confidence now I hope everything work out good for me I’ve been crying myself to sleep asking God why me because that’s not my first heart broken but this one hurt more because it was my real sexual things involved relationship it’s said to see how he treated me at the end but thank for opening my eyes.

    • Dear Lili, I am so sorry you are going through that pain. I believe you already know that there is a lot of work you need to do with your self-love and understanding your self-worth. There is no one on this earth that you should ever allow to treat you like that. I pray you find a community of believers to support you on your journey to self-love.

  66. My boyfriend left me after I found out I was pregnant and now he’s seeing the girl in my building. I’m upset and hormonal. I’m trying to find the lesson and get back to my walk with Christ! I know we were not equally yoked and the relationship fed my flesh more than anything. How the break up happened seems so traumatic to me. I’m trying to find comfort in knowing God blesses me with a new baby and he has so much more for me than this situation. Thank you for this blog. I’ve been praying for us to reconcile but I don’t think that would be best. Pray for my peace and understanding and a closer walk with God to understand it all

    • Hey Latia!
      I’m so sorry you are going through such a difficult breakup! I completely agree that this is a traumatic experience and you should not dismiss it. My suggestion is that you surround yourself with a community that can support you in this season so that you and your child are as strong as possible. God is close to the brokenhearted, remember that. Love & Light

  67. I have a problem, my birthdad who was never ever ever there for me, is a narcissist and has always tried to ruin my life, whether by work or by family. I never really knew him like that. I decided to introduce my boyfriend to everyone else in my family whom I trust, and they love him, and he did the same in his family and they love me.
    My birthdad threw him out before we could leave the house to move in together, and cursed him out numerous of times, but yet everything he wanted dont he called my boyfriend. We have a baby together, but that’s what happens when the love has been there and growing for nearly 20 years. We had plans to marry, but after what my birthdad did to him, he tells me he wants nothing to do with me but he will take care of our child. He tells everyone we aren’t speaking or we just not on hood terms. His family is saying he will be back because God put us together and the bond hasn’t broken.

    I first met him when I was 5 and he was 10, and since then I fell instantly in love with him, and he was somehow attracted to me. But our age difference was the biggest factor. When I was 12 we met again and he fell deeper in live with me before he saw my face and we instantly connected dues to school we broke up. Couple years after he decided to marry because of his first child but it never worked out and we saw each other again and he was head over heels in love with me, we have always had disagreements but nothing too dramatic, and in minutes if so much we are good again.

    He is hurt and isnt thinking straight, God shows me visions that we will be together again. It’s been 2 weekes and as the weeks go by he speaks with less anger. He still has many things here that he keep saying he coming for but when he do come he only takes a couple things and go, but you can see he misses me.

    I need some advice in what to do.

  68. I am writing this comment with tears of joy. My marriage fell apart after 6 months because my mother In-law asked my husband to divorce me and marriage the woman she betroth to him as his wife. All this drama started happening in our marriage and my husband left me and our one month baby just so he could do as his mom wants him to.

    • I’m so sorry you are going through this Joe. I pray for your strength and hope in Christ in this challenging time.

  69. i am glad i went through this post.i probably idolized my relationship and i tried making it work at all cost despite the lies and deceptions. i haven’t actually figured out my emotions lately.i don’t know if i am mad at myself or my ex or the fact that i feel broken and and all alone, most of all he is getting married and it all hurts. i have prayed and cried and i am so tired of everything. i just hope God hasn’t forgotten me.

    • God will never forget about you. The best way to understand your emotions is to allow yourself to feel them completely. Meditate and journal what is going on in your thoughts and own your part in the relationship and breakup.

  70. This article has really helped me cos Im so hurt that it started affecting my health. This has given me a reason to get back on my feet and be thankful rather than drown myself in my tears. I don’t usually read articles but God led me to this particular one and I surprisingly I read it to the end. God has indeed used you to help me in this difficult time, so thank you and I pray that God blesses you.

  71. I have always had a relationship with God, however; I was raised Catholic but was not a fan of the church – so I maintained a personal relationship with God.

    I had a very rocky relationship with my ex-boyfriend of 5 years, that ended with me having PTSD from verbal and emotional abuse. When we broke up, I was relieved and never looked back.

    I moved back across the country to where my family still lived. Although I quickly realized I was happier on the other side where I had moved and broken up with my now ex-boyfriend.

    2 years later; after being bothered by friends and family for months, I finally joined an online dating site and met an incredible man after 5 days. Because I still hadn’t moved back to where I had put in my transfer, it was an online “relationship” for about 3 months. SO many things aligned with us – it was almost scary. I had no doubt that it was God that brought us together (there were a few other signs and instances that I won’t go into). He is Christian, and has brought me closer to God and into his church.

    He was in the middle of a divorce and realized he needed time to heal, so we became friends. We would see each other 1-2 times a week but would naturally fall into a relationship pattern, which scared him as he wasn’t ready. But I would have this reassurance come over me, telling me to be patient.

    A year later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We had an incredible relationship, respectful, loving – everything you could hope for a relationship to be. I got along with his kids and family so well; we would go to church, which I loved.

    He would talk about our future, and would talk about marriage; how we would already be married if he wasn’t still so broken. but then…

    COVID hit – which didn’t allow us to see each other and suddenly (3+ months). Stress from that and other personal things began to wear on us, he stopped talking about wanting to get married and actually started saying he didn’t want to. (He doesn’t handle emotional stress well). He got some news from his kids regarding his ex, which sent him into a bit of a tailspin. This; along with pressure from his parents, siblings and one of his daughters wanting to marry me I think caused him to shut down. He decided he needed some time and space so he wanted to take a “break” which 2 weeks later, to the day, turned into a “break up”, where he was questioning our feelings over the last 10 months. The whole conversation, I had an extremely weird calm come over me… where normally I would be in tears, but all I kept hearing in my soul was “Don’t worry, it will be okay, this is only temporary” and “Don’t worry, you’ll be together, he doesn’t know what he is saying”.

    This man is truly amazing, so kind and loving. We didn’t fight, we would always laugh. He made me a better person and Christian.

    This man is so stubborn, and though he is Christian; he tends to get into his own head to the point where I am worried he ignores God’s voice. I have been praying, and have seen where I have gone wrong; while I would pray and praise God for this man and his family, I don’t think I did it enough.

    I hope this is God saying “not right now”, for this man to heal fully from his past relationship and the demons that come with it, while we can’t see each other anyway.

    Please pray for his healing and for us ♡

  72. I’m so happy I came across this posting. I’m going through the same exact thing right now. For some reason I had this feeling to break up with my boyfriend of 4 yrs and I wasn’t happy to end the relationship but I was proud of myself for being so brave to do it because it’s scary. I loved him so much and I’m still trying to learn why God is taking this relationship away from me. I know I need to learn how to make myself happy and put my faith in God before I can love anyone else. I was always all about my relationship 24/7 and it was healthy but we didn’t have God in the center of our relationship. I do ask God that he does bring us back together once we find God on our own. I wake up everyday feeling so empty and sad asking God to reveal to me why this is happening. I really wanted to get married to him and a family with so I really hope God can bring us back together someday. I’m definitely going to miss all the memories we made but I know for now I have to work on myself and trust in the Lord.

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