Why Does God Break Up Relationships?
One thing most women have in common is that we all have been through a breakup before.
To this day I remember how I felt during my last breakup. I asked God to restore the
lust my bad ‘love’ my boyfriend and I had for each other and prayed everything would get back to normal.
One week, two weeks, even three weeks later but my Ex had not been touched by the Holy Spirit yet.
I wondered what happened and felt like God had withdrawn his blessing from my relationship. So I got annoyed and accused God of misleading me.
‘But I thought he is “The One” and we are meant to be?’, ‘You said “whoever finds a wife, finds a good thing” and he found me on Instagram!’ (let’s be honest, that’s a good point).
But no matter the fussing and fighting, the verdict was out: He was not ‘The One’ God had for me! And I had to accept that. Because when God says no to a relationship it is for a good reason.
Even though a “no” is not what you want to hear, a godly “No” is very powerful and important to your spiritual growth. And while trusting God when a relationship ends can be hard at times you need to remind yourself that he promises us good things.
To help you adopt a healthy perspective on your situation, I’m sharing 3 reasons God will sometimes end a relationship.
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The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).
Reasons God might have ended your relationship
1. It was only infatuation
Do you know the difference between infatuation and love? If not, then that might be one of the reasons why God removed a relationship.
A lot of relationships, can be described as emotional, intense and draining. They might start off as a situationship and later on evolve, but never have the right purpose or boundaries in place.
When you are in such a relationship, it is not always love, but lust or infatuation. You often settle, because of your desire to be with someone, but don’t realize it’s not God’s best for you.
That’s when we get into an undefined relationship and find ourselves struggling to get the person to commit. I know what that feels like, believe me. It’s one of the reasons why I share I created a guide on how to take your dating life from casual to committed in my book.
But what is the difference between infatuation and love?
According to the Oxford Dictionary, infatuation is: ‘an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.’
According to the Bible, love is:
‘patient, kind. It does not envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, always perseveres and it never fails.’ (Excerpt of 1 Corinthians 13)
To break it down a little further, when you are infatuated with someone you feel like you are on an emotional high. You are blinded by your own desire for affection and their perfect appearance (so you think).
Only problem, neither the feelings nor your current state of being are sustainable and doomed to die down.
In contrast, when you are in love you agree to a long-lasting commitment to care for our partner and are well aware of the other his flaws and don’t lean on him to make you happy.
Moreover, your love for him remains strong, even when the honeymoon phase is over.
One of the major reasons we hold on
2. The relationship became an idol
The second reason why God will tell you to let go of someone is closely linked to the first one, yet worth pointing out again.
And that is idolatry.
Idolatry is a sin we are repeatedly warned about in the Bible and an idol can be anything you desire more than God.
It could be a physical object like money. It could be a status symbol like success or beauty. Or it could be the approval of people.
For women, it is oftentimes the desire to be married.
The idols speak deceitfully, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain. Therefore the people wander like sheep oppressed for lack of a shepherd. – Zechariah 10:2
If your past relationship was the highest priority in your life and dictated almost every aspect of it, including your time, your focus, your finances and your walk with God then the relationship was your idol.
Mind you I’m not talking about the actual person (which is possible too), but I am more so referring to the relationship itself or let’s say your new ‘relationship status’.
As someone who has a track record in getting into the wrong relationships (before I was serious about my walk with God), I can now honestly say that a lot of times I was in it for the wrong reasons.
My main driver for pursuing a relationship was oftentimes society’s pressure to be booed up. Therefore, I would try to make it work no matter what, which made me compromise my core values and forget about my self-worth.
I repeatedly caught myself dropping my godly standards to accommodate a man’s nonsense behavior. I wanted to remain in a relationship so that I could showcase it to my Facebook friends and continue using hashtags like #hisandhers #bae #lovemesomehim etc.
Stupid I know, but Instagram was life at one point. So how can you avoid making an idol out of a relationship and withstand its influence?
By questioning your heart’s desire and getting to the root of it! Ask yourself why a relationship is so important to you and then give it to God.
Once you understand the joy that lies in living for God and directing all your worship towards him you begin to love him so much that you refuse to pursue anything else but him.
3. You don’t know true Love
If you have been following me for a while, then you know I love sharing inspirational quotes. One day I came across this one and it made me think:
Most of us spend our lives trying to find love, trying to live in love but dying without ever truly discovering love.
This quote is taken from a chapter in Leo Buscaglia’s book Love: What Life Is All About. It describes a very basic human desire to love and be loved.
A quest every human being has been on at some point in his life. Even little babies long for proximity and emotional reassurance from their mother or father, which is provided through love.
At first, I connected with this quote because I felt like it was the story of my life. I thought back to the many times I desperately tried to make a relationship work and failed. I thought I just needed more patience while waiting on God.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this quote wasn’t talking about LOVE but it was talking about love.
The small, limited and worldly meaning of Love used to describe a relationship between a man and a woman. However, real LOVE is so much more than what we see in Disney movies and transcends the human definition.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – 1 John 4:8
As a believer, we have the honor to know and be in a relationship with the author, creator, and embodiment of love.
What God has done for us and how much he values each of our lives, is an act of unconditional love. That’s why when we give our lives to Christ we are blessed to truly discover love.
A godly relationship will only work if you discover God’s true love for you. You have to learn to love yourself as well as your partner the way God wants all his children to be loved.
Maybe these three reasons played a vital role in your past relationships (I know they did in mine) and are the reason why God took away a relationship.
Luckily, you and I are still young enough to learn from the past and use God’s wisdom to guide us to a yes. And the best way to do so is by trusting God when a relationship ends.
How to trust God when a relationship ends
The first thing most of us ask when a relationship with someone we love ends is: Will God reunite me with my ex?
We are so desperate to get back together, that we do not take the time to truly reflect on the health of the relationship and what the purpose was.
But as mentioned above God will only break-up relationships that don’t honor him or are built on the wrong foundation.
So before you ask yourself if God wants you to get back with your ex, ask yourself if the relationship was godly, healthy and empowering.
Did he have a relationship with God? Did he make you feel closer to God? Did he have a purpose in life and for the relationship? If you can answer all these questions with a yes then there is a good chance that God will bring him back into your life.
But if the answer is no to most of those questions, then you should be happy and ask God to heal your broken heart, instead. Because we serve a good God that will work things out for your good.
Signs God wants you to be with someone
Thankfully, when someone is right for you there will be signs that will reassure you.
You will be at peace
One of the great things about being aligned with God’s will for your life is that things will fall into place smoothly. You will not feel like you have to try so hard to make things work, but sense that he is ready for a committed relationship as well.
Your spirit will be at peace, which is a sign that this relationship is good for you and approved by God.
Approval of wise counsel
Sometimes God works through people. He will use family, friends or brother and sisters at church to speak into your life.
One great way to find out if God wants you to be with someone is to introduce that person to people you trust and want the best for you.
They might point out red flags that you should take into account but also give you encouragement and assurance that the man you are dating is a good man.
Even though your break up hurts and you wish it could be undone, remember to trust God in your current situation and use His word to heal your broken heart.