What are soul ties?
If you are familiar with Christian dating advice and teachings then you have heard about soul ties before, but might not really know what to make of them.
I don’t blame you, because I didn’t know about soul ties either until my life was flipped upside down last year.
It is said that we create soul ties when we have sex with another person. But I believe it starts way before. I believe it starts when your minds, hearts, and souls connect.
The moment you meet him and things just flow. It’s the type of connection that you cannot explain. It’s what I believe a soulmate connection feels like. You don’t just vibe, but you think, feel, and behave alike.
With him, you don’t have to explain yourself, because he already knows. You don’t have to hide behind a facade, because he sees right through it. You don’t have to change, because he accepts all of you.
It feels like you have known each other your whole life. Like he is the missing piece to your soul and now you are tied to each other.
However, there is so much more about soul ties that you might not know. Understanding this powerful bond between two people can enrich your life forever or protect you from immense pain. Read on to find an answer to your question “what are soul ties?” and how they build in romantic relationships.
Soul ties definition
While there is no exact definition of a soul tie, urban dictionary defines it as:
A spiritual/emotional connection you have to someone after being intimate with them, usually engaging in sexual intercourse.
And even though many of us have heard of that term in a Christian context the bible never mentions the term soul tie, but refers at one point to “knitting of souls”.
What is the meaning of soul ties?
What is the meaning of a soul tie? A soul tie is a spiritual connection or a deep emotional bond between two people, oftentimes formed through sex.
It is important to mention that there are godly and ungodly soul ties. Marriage for example is considered a godly soul tie.
You will usually create a soul tie with a partner that played a significant role in your life. Sometimes the influence he has is positive and helps you heal and grow and other times his influence is bad and adds pain. Either way, you shared a deep bond.
How do I know if I have a soul tie?
You will know you have a soul tie with someone, when you feel connected to him emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. You constantly think of him and in many cases even dream of him.
At least that is what it was like for me and my ex-boyfriend.
It was almost like I could feel, hear, and smell him even after we were broken up. My memories of him kept triggering emotional and physical pain and I felt like I would never be happy again. At least not without him.
No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t let him go. And that became very frustrating.
Thankfully, after more than 1 year of being in bondage to him, I figured out how to break my soul tie. I developed a very detailed routine of prayers, meditations, and journaling exercises that helped me get over him and finally move on with my life.
I’m not even going to pretend that it was easy, because it wasn’t. But I figured, I could either continue to put my life on hold while feelign hopeless and sad all the time. Or finally do the work and feel happy again.
So I did.
And I documented the exact activities, exercises, and tools I used as well. In the Untangling Soul Ties Worksheet, I share how you can start your journey to breaking your soul tie.
Download the Worksheet FOR FREE here.
What are soul ties in the bible?
The Bible does not specifically mention a term such as a soul tie. Therefore, the term soul tie cannot be coined as biblical. However, scripture does mention connections that appear similar to what we would identify as soul ties today.
In Genesis 2:24 the Bible explains that a man and a woman become one (through marriage). In 1 Samuel 18:1, the Bible refers to David and Jonathan’s friendship as the knitting of their souls. And in 1 Corinthians 6:16, the Bible explains that we bond to one another when we are physically intimate.
How are soul ties created?
Soul ties can be formed through a spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. Sometimes only one factor applies and other times all three elements are given in the relationship.
Spiritual soul tie
You can have a spiritual soul tie with multiple people throughout your life. A lot of times you will feel a spiritual connection to the person that led you to Christ. That could be the leader of your church or another member. But it could also be your boyfriend if the two of you dated with purpose and he played a vital role in your faith journey.
Emotional soul tie
An emotional soul tie often happens between good friends. If you have a best friend that you confide in regularly and share emotional challenges with, then it’s very likely that you have forged a soul tie.
It’s the feeling of being familiar with the other person and knowing that your heart is safe with them. Of course, in relationships, your boyfriend is often your best friend and therefore you tend to create emotional soul ties with your significant other as well.
Physical soul tie
Last but certainly not least we have the physical soul tie, which is created by being intimate with one another. By having sex with your boyfriend you are not just intertwining your bodies, but also exposing the rawest part of yourself to him.
You are naked in every way and that leads you to latch on to him and vice versa. Therefore, it is very common for couples to create soul ties if they are sexually active. Unfortunately, this soul tie is oftentimes the most destructive one when a relationship ends.
Ungodly vs. godly soul ties
Now that we know what soul ties and how they are created. The question becomes what is a good soul tie and what is a bad soul tie?
A good soul tie is a godly soul tie which influences your relationship with Christ positively and brings you closer to God. Meaning, that person inspires you to seek Christ even more and deepens your connection to the Holy Spirit.
A bad soul tie, on the other hand, is an ungodly soul tie that takes you further from God. It will lead you to start idolizing your romantic partner or feel less connected and devoted to your walk with Christ.
Unhealthy vs. healthy soul ties
There is also no scientific evidence that soul ties exist. However, these deep connections do affect your mental and physical well-being.
Therefore a healthy soul tie is an emotional bond that excites you, energizes you, and fills you up with peace. The relationship with that person makes you feel good about yourself and life in general. After being with him, you feel emotionally and mentally inspired.
An unhealthy soul tie, on the other hand, will leave you emotionally and mentally drained. After each encounter, you feel more anxious, confused, or exhausted than before. You basically feel disturbed and troubled.
How to identify a soul tie
In the beginning, your soul tie will feel like the side effects of being together or apart. If you are in a relationship, you might assume that you simply miss him on the days you don’t see each other. If you are broken up, you might just attribute it to the pain of the breakup. Whatever your current relationship status is, you will experience different symptoms of the soul tie.
Symptoms of soul ties
In the beginning, your soul tie will feel like the side effects of being with the person or being apart from the person. Meaning, if you are in a relationship, you simply miss him on the days you don’t see each other. If you are broken up, you might just attribute it to the pain of the breakup. However, that differs based on your current relationship status is and you will experience different soul tie symptoms.
You get emotional
This symptom of a soul tie tends to appear more after the breakup than during a relationship. You may still get emotional whenever you think of the other person or can’t mention his name without breaking out in tears.
You may even experience a strong wave of sadness or depression repeatedly because your ex-boyfriend has left. If that is the case, then it’s important to look for ways to break the soul tie in order to move on with your life.
You feel connected to him
If you have a strong spiritual and emotional bond with someone you will oftentimes feel their feelings. Like a mother that knows something is wrong with her child, you will be able to tell the same. You might experience nausea or sudden stomach pain. And your mind and heart will tell you who this pain is connected to.
You can’t stop thinking of him
Another sign of a soul tie is that you cannot control your thoughts anymore. Everything you do or see reminds you of that person and leads to a flood of emotions. Good and bad. It is like you are addicted to him and therefore dream of him all day long.
You feel anxiously attached to him
This one is an unhealthy symptom of a soul tie, where you feel anxious and emotionally unstable without them. You perceive him to be the only one that understands you and has your best interest at heart. So much so that you want to be with him 24/7. You feel whole when you are with him, but incomplete when you are not.
Can soul ties be one-sided?
I truly believe that soul ties can be one-sided as well as mutual. And a couple of years ago I actually wrote a blogpost about one-sided love. That is when you love someone or have strong romantic feelings towards them, however, they don’t reciprocate it.
Most of us have been there and know that it can hurt a lot. But unrequited love is very different from a soul-tie. Because love has to be reciprocated in order to work out.
Soul ties don’t.
You can feel strongly connected to another person one-sidedly on a spiritual, emotional, or even physical level without them feeling the same. I would even argue that sometimes you do not even have to meet them in person.
If you feel that someone understands you completely and that your soul yearns for them then that is a soul tie.
A common example of a one-sided soul tie can be an internet connection. The anonymity allows you to open up in ways you haven’t before and thus creates a deep bond that the other person may or may not reciprocate.
However, as beautiful as a soul tie can be, a one-sided soul-tie can be detrimental if the relationship can’t be sustained. Therefore, one-sided soul ties usually need to be broken while mutual soul ties can lead to long-lasting relationships or friendships.
Are soul ties mutual?
As mentioned above, a soul tie can be quite exhausting, because it constantly reminds you of the other person. And that becomes a problem if you are trying to move on and live your life.
You might even be asking yourself if it is God’s will for the two of you to be together if you are still connected. Which makes sense, because you built a strong bond.
However, love cannot be one-sided. Unless he feels the same, there is no way the relationship can work out. So, the question becomes: Are soul ties mutual?
I truly believe that soul ties can be mutual, but also one-sided. If you had an intimate relationship with someone based on real feelings and love, then chances are high that he is feeling the same tugging in his heart as you are.
And I’m sure you have all been in a situation before, where you thought of someone and suddenly that person calls or texts. So, if you have experienced that with a family member or friend before, you can also experience that with an ex.
However, the question remains. Is he feeling what you are feeling? Do soul ties affect men the same way they affect women?
Do soul ties affect men?
The truth is, men are not exempt from feeling soul ties, especially if it was a significant relationship.
Just like women, they experience the pain of being separated, have soul ties dreams, and think of you sporadically.
However, in contrast to women, men are less likely to be led by their emotions and act upon their feelings. Therefore, a man that is experiencing a painful soul tie breakup may not contact you…right away…
So, yes a soul tie is equally as effective for men, however, they usually don’t feel the effects until much later.
How do men handle soul ties?
It is no secret that men tend to approach relationships with logic and facts.
Just because a man misses you, may think of you from time to time, and may even wonder what you are up to does not mean he will contact you.
Men will oftentimes allow the logical part of their mind to talk them out of their feelings. Meaning they will either cover up or numb their emotions to function better.
That can be a good thing but also a bad thing, depending on the relationship that they are trying to forget.
Having self-control and resisting the urge to reach out to an unhealthy soul-tie is a great skill while numbing your feelings to forget a healthy soul-tie and moving forward from what could be a blessing will eventually lead to a depressed state of mind.
What happens when the relationship ends
Unfortunately, not all romantic relationships between soulmates last. Sometimes that person is not meant to be in your life forever and when they leave it feels like you lost a piece of you. And what makes it worse is that despite the breakup you can still feel them.
You feel their pain like it is happening to you. It appears out of the blue and you cannot control it. You just know something is wrong.
That’s why when you break up with him you have to decide whether you want to break your soul tie or not. In most cases, it is smarter to break it, because of the pain of not having him in your life. In other cases, you might want to hold on to it, because you believe God will bring you two back together.
Whatever your decision is, just know that both scenarios hurt. Breaking a soul tie means gathering all your strength to remove every memory of him from your life. Keeping a soul tie means being reminded of how much you miss and love the other person.
How to break soul ties
If you are experiencing the above soul tie symptoms and are suffering from the pain then it is time to break that spiritual connection.
If you don’t you will remain in bondage to the person you created the soul tie with and have a hard time allowing new love into your life.
That’s why I want to share with you how to break soul ties.
Before you start, however, you first have to acknowledge and accept that you created a soul tie with him. You will be tempted to categorize it as infatuation or heartbreak. But if you experience unusually strong emotions it is most likely a soul tie. And that’s when you want to try the following steps:
The first thing you want to do when you experience an ungodly or unhealthy soul tie is to pray for God to help you break it. Our spiritual connection is created and hosted by God. Therefore, he can help you overcome an unhealthy soul tie. By asking him to clean you from it and laying down your connection to your (ex-) boyfriend, he can guide you and heal you from it.
Having a daily prayer to give you strength and peace will help you through some of the hardest days when it seems like you can’t do it. Trust me, those days will come.
One of the main things that happen when we create an unhealthy or ungodly soul tie and the relationship falls apart, is that we feel wronged and hurt. Therefore, forgiving him is an important step. You have to remind yourself that he does not owe you happiness. You do. Therefore, releasing any offense or resentment will help you get back to peace.
Believe it or not, the only reason why a soul tie might still keep you in bondage is that you allow it to. Maybe you are still hopeful that you will reconcile or maybe you are still angry and can’t let go of the past. Whatever it is, you have to release it and then remove him from your life completely. That means deleting contact information and throwing out anything that could remind you of him. And most importantly, establish no contact with him.
Once you did these steps and repeat them whenever necessary, you will slowly feel a shift in your heart.
Ready to break your soul tie?
If you have been trying to get over your ex for a while but nothing seems to work, then it’s time to use a proven system.
A mix of exercises, prayers, and meditations that will not just help you be free from bondage to your ex, but also help you feel happy again.
You might need help with:
- Breaking free from bondage to your ex.
- Getting free from emotional and physical pain.
- Feeling happy, hopeful, and like yourself again.
And probably a few other things, too!
That’s why I created the FREE Untangling Soul Ties Worksheet.
A FREE Worksheet with action steps to help you identify and untangle your connection to finally let go of your ex.
You can check it out by clicking here!