When to End a Relationship: 7 Signs it’s Time to Break Up

I believe a lot of women hold on to their relationship, because they are afraid that they will for some reason not find another. So instead they settle. The problem with settling in a relationship is that you know it’s not God’s best for you.

Either, because the relationship is toxic, or maybe because deep down you know he is not ‘The One’, or because you ignored many deal breakers in the past. 

So how do you know when to end a relationship? Here are 7 Signs it’s Time to Break Up.

7 signs it’s time to end the relationship

1. He doesn’t want to progress the relationship

I believe that most women enter a relationship with a clear goal in mind. It might not be a goal as specific as marriage, but something they hope to get out of it.

Personal growth, God-honoring intimacy or exposure to a healthy relationship.

Men… well not always.

While I don’t want to generalize this statement, I believe that a lot of times a woman will spark the ‘what are we’ conversation first.

And that’s not bad at all.

The moment it becomes a problem is when you have to repeatedly pick up the conversation to get an answer out of him, or he stalls you all together with answers like: ‘Let’s just see where this is heading’, ‘I don’t like labels’ or ‘I don’t know’.

In my book, that’s a clear sign that he is not ready to progress the relationship and just wasting your time until he meets someone he is really into.

Don’t get your heart more invested and exit the stage asap. If he is not progressing the relationship at a reasonable speed then this is a clear reason to end the relationship.

2. The relationship has become toxic

Being in an emotional or physically abusive relationship is no joke. And the signs that you are in a toxic relationship are oftentimes visible even before you say, ‘I do’.

There are different reasons why a relationship gets toxic and most of the reasons can be solved if tackled early enough. However, some cannot and are best solved when you remove yourself.

I say it a lot and will say it again. The purpose of dating is to evaluate whether or not two people fit together. That means you have to use that time to carefully observe his actions and your responses.

Meaning that if the two of you struggle to create and maintain healthy relationship patterns it’s a sign it’s time to end it.

Don’t hold on to a toxic relationship hoping it will change with time without taking the necessary steps.

And that brings me to my next point…

3. You think you can change him/ He tries to change you

Oh boy, how do I explain this one.

So, here’s the thing. God put a lot of effort, thought and love into each one of us. And all of our personality traits, even the flawed ones, are God ordained.

While I do believe that in order to make a relationship work, especially if it involves any type of abuse, personal growth is important.

However, because you’re not the one that started the work, it is not in your ability to finish it. It’s God’s job in his own time. That’s why I strongly suggest not to stay in a challenging relationship because you believe you can change the person.

Same for the woman that feels like she has to change in order to make a relationship work.

One thing I am very proud of, now at 30 years old, is myself.

Yes, I like myself and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. By celebrating the person, I have relentlessly worked on becoming, I acknowledge the work God did in my life.

And you should do the same. Be confident in who you are, but open to spirit led pruning.

So, if you feel good in your own skin, how would you like it if your partner tried to change every little thing about you? Not great right? You would get frustrated and start to ask yourself, what it is they DO like about you.

As you can see trying to change a person or being encouraged to change is not enjoyable, for neither.

Choose a godly man you love for who he is and whose pet peeves are no more than small flaws that you can live with.

When to End a Relationship: 7 Signs it’s Time to Break Up

4. He doesn’t see you in his future

Similar to the guy that is wasting your time, there is a type of guy that hangs in the relationship because it is comfortable.

You know each other and have shared a lot of great memories, but deep down he can sense that you are not the right one for him.

Unfortunately, women wait around for years before they discuss marriage with their boyfriend and they dare to ask the obvious. Do you want to marry me?

But at that time, it’s often too late. The soul tie has gotten so strong that it is hard to leave, and you stick around hoping to… change his mind.

Wrong.

One of the habits of healthy couples is that they check in with each other regularly. They are constantly communicating about their commitment and interest in the relationship.

They don’t wait until it’s too late, to find out that the other checked out of the relationship months ago.

Take not from these healthy relationship patterns and do the same. Ask your partner if he sees you as part of his future or not.

And if he doesn’t, it is a clear sign it’s time to end the relationship. Because after all, you want to date with purpose.

5. You can see yourself without him

Two can play that game. Just like men, sometimes women tend to stick around way longer than they should, out of comfort.

If you can see yourself without him in the future and wouldn’t miss anything, then that’s an indication that you are not that into him. And that’s okay. I would even say, it’s good to find that out (early) if it’s the case.

Don’t just remain in the relationship because of outside factors such as all the memories you have built and/ or future plans you might have.

Take action and find out why you feel that way. It might be something that you can easily solve, or it might be time to walk away and allow both of you to find a partner you are excited about.

6. You argue more than you love

In today’s day and age, a lot of us women believe that dysfunction in relationships is normal.

We think that the way The Real Housewives talk and interact with their husband is part of a sexy, fun and exciting relationship. But more often than not it is toxicity hyped up for TV.

Dangerous.

Because if you did not grow up in a household that demonstrated a healthy and respectful marriage between two people, you might have trouble identifying it.

That’s why I’m here to tell you marriage does not need to be hard, you do not need to struggle in your relationship and arguing should not be the norm.

While challenges are part of life and will oftentimes build our faith and perseverance, they will not leave you emotionally drained, anxious or depressed.

So, if you find yourself constantly arguing and budding heads about every little thing, it’s a sign that it is time to let go of the relationship. Because once you get married, the problems you had before will be magnified.

7. You have grown apart

Last but not least, one of the major reasons to break up with someone is when you can feel the two of you drift apart.

You might feel bored with your partner, disengaged with the relationship or even exhausted of having to make it work.

Some couples grow apart because their relationship was built on the wrong foundation like lust and some relationships don’t make it because they have no purpose.

Whatever it is, it is a sign that you need to evaluate if the relationship is for you and you really want to progress it.

When to end a relationship

I hope these 7 Signs it’s time to break Up will help you assess your situation and make a wise decision. Remember that relationships need work but shouldn’t be hard.

8 Comments on When to End a Relationship: 7 Signs it’s Time to Break Up

  1. What’s your advice for a married woman who’s experiencing all these 7 signs, should she end the marriage? For there’s no life in this marriage anyway.

    Thank you for your godly insight into this situation.

    • HEy Jedidiah, I would never give the advice to end the marriage because I’m not in it. What I would suggest is to seek marriage counseling, either with your local church or with a certified therapist. Don’t give up until you have tried everything to make it work.

  2. I am a married woman and have been dating a younger man (23 yrs younger) for 3.5 yrs – my husband and I are staying in our broken marriage for our 13 yr old son – however the man I’m seeing has given me an ultimatum and wants me to leave my son and live with him or its over – what do I do? When he gets angry he dismisses me and treats me horrible pls help me

    • Hi Veronica,

      I’m sorry this is your situation. However, please understand that I could never advise you to leave your marriage. That is a decision you need to make by yourself after truly consulting God. It seems to me like you have already abandoned the marriage but did it in a very unhealthy and unbiblical way. If there is a reason why divorce is the only option, then it’s your duty to honor your husband until it’s final and not be involved in a different relationship already.

      I understand there is a child involved, but you are not doing him a favor, by staying in a situation that is so destructive. What he needs are 2 parents that teach him how to live a God-honoring life that puts safety, security, and love first. I really recommend that you get wise counsel at your local church before you make any decision.

      I will keep you in my prayers.

  3. I met a guy this summer and everything seemed so perfect like he could be “the one” when we first met. We started dating after only about a month of talking to each other and we have been together now for a month. But the past week and a half everyday I’ve been thinking of us breaking up because something doesn’t feel right and I can’t figure out what it is. He told me he loved me after 2 weeks of dating, though I know I don’t love him right now. And he’s already talked about us potentially getting married or living together in the future but I can’t see it. He’s my best friends boyfriends best friend and I just don’t know what to do. If I’m too scared to be in a relationship or if I just don’t like him anymore.

  4. Thank you for this! I’ve been dating a guy for 5 years now. I’m only 21 though and getting ready to graduate college within the year. We have always had the plan to get married, have kids etc. but now that it’s nearing that time, I get very anxious thinking about marrying him. I don’t love him the way I used to and I’m not sure if it’s a me problem or if we’re just not compatible. I feel selfish for even thinking it so ending things would be very difficult for me to actually do. I’m just struggling knowing if I need to try harder or move on… this post pointed out that it’s ok to feel like it needs to end. I just pray it either works itself out or I get the courage to end things.

    • Hey Amber, that is a very special situation and not easy to navigate. I do understand that you might go through a season where you are worried that it’s too early to make such a definitive decision, especially because the 2 of you are young. While I do believe that wanting to experience life and grow into a woman independent from a man is important I also think that there are a lot of couples who made it work. I can’t tell you what to do, besides having an honest talk with him. Don’t sugarcoat your struggle but let him know your concerns. He deserves to know now before he decides to propose and now you are calling off an engagement. For some inspo on your situation, you might want to check ‘Milena Ciciotti’ on Youtube. She has great content on what it looks like to get married young as a Christian woman.

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