red flags in Christian dating
As a Christian woman, we are well aware of the stereotypes and struggles that await us in the dating pool.
We put our guards up and vow only to date a man that is “serious” and we believe God has ordained him as “The One”. But even if you meet a guy at church that is nice and has his life together, there are still a number of red flags you should look out for.
In this blog post, I share 31 red flags in Christian dating that will help you identify if a guy is good for you and your relationship equally yoked.
1. He idolizes you
I know we all grew up watching movies where the couple falls in love at first sight. Well in real life, I believe it’s a little creepy if someone is ready to run off into the sunset after knowing you for a day or two.
So if you just met the guy and he already knows that you are the love of his life, something is wrong. Because real love takes time to cultivate.
2. He does not respect you
It’s no secret that respect is one of the cornerstones in relationships. It means that you value and appreciate your partner as a person. If a man does not respect you, there is a high chance that the relationship will turn toxic.
3. He pressures you
If he repeatedly pressures you to do things you don’t want to do, it ultimately means that he does not have your best interest at heart. Because setting healthy boundaries in a relationship is how both partners make sure that they feel comfortable and safe.
4. He doesn’t like your family/ friends
It is said that we are the sum of the five people closest to us. Meaning that your friends and your family mirror your character, interests, and behavior back to you. So, if a man doesn’t like them, chances are high he will find something wrong with you too.
5. He is prideful
There is a number of scriptures that talk about the consequences of pride. Isaiah 2:12, James 4:6, Proverbs 16:18, just to name a few. It is a character trait that God condemns and will judge harshly.
Therefore, if a man is prideful and believes in his own strength more than in God’s it is a big red flag in Christian relationships.
6. He gets angry quickly
Having a hot temper shows that a man has no self-control and is led by his emotions. However, in a relationship, both partners should be patient and kind when dealing with each other. So if he gets angry quickly it might be a sign that your relationship will suffer from it in the future.
7. He has no patience
As mentioned before, patience is a key component in every relationship. If your partner is not patient, the likelihood that you will make it longterm is very slim.
8. He does not honor his parents
Even though family dynamics can be complicated at times, but the relationship he has with parents shows you how he deals with authority. Pay close attention to a man that repeatedly speaks bad about his mother and father and fails to honor them at least for giving him life.
9. He is manipulative and deceptive
One of the most common deal-breakers in Christian dating is a partner that manipulates the other person for his own benefit. If a man uses manipulation or deceit to gain control over you, it means that he is using you for his own benefit.
10. He has no self-control
Self-control is a fruit of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23. And the Bible is very clear about believers exercising self-control as it affects every part of our life.
Therefore, if he has no self-control or discipline in his own life, will have a hard time to commit to you fully. That’s why a lack of self-control is a dating red flag that should send you running.
11. He is secretive
Being private is good, being secretive not so much. Honesty is very important to the health of a relationship. If your partner seems to exclude you from certain areas of your life you will have a hard time to connect with him on a more intimate level.
12. He is very jealous
Unnecessary jealousy can lead to a lot of drama in the relationship. A man who constantly exhibits unhealthy jealousy behaviors might subconsciously harbor feelings of inferiority.
This could be a sign of low self-esteem and eventually become a bigger issue in the relationship if not dealt with immediately.
13. He ignores your needs
The beauty of a healthy relationship is that both partners care for each other’s well-being. So, if your needs are not part of his priorities, you should reconsider the relationship altogether and make space for a man that cares about you.
14. He does not compromise
For a relationship to work out, compromise is a non-negotiable part of love. If you find yourself constantly giving in to make him happy, while he never does, then it is an issue.
If you desire to have a successful relationship, both partners need to be willing to compromise in order for both of you to feel valued and appreciated.
15. He makes you feel stupid
This point is a big red flag in men because it is a sign of toxicity. If your boyfriend puts you down, ridicules your thoughts or opinions and makes you feel stupid, he is not treating you with respect and love. If you feel unsure and insecure because of your partner, it’s a big deal-breaker.
16. He refuses to be official
One major deal breaker in dating is when your boyfriend is keeping your relationship a secret. While it does not necessarily mean that he is cheating, he is definitely trying to keep his options open.
A lot of men, understandably, will still be in touch with their exes or other women while getting to know a new woman. However, if he refuses to be official after you decide to be exclusive, it’s a red flag.
17. He does not apologize
Just like compromising, being able to apologize is what keeps a relationship balanced. If your love interest is not willing to apologize for his mistakes ever, it shows that little compassion and care.
Because an apology does not just restore trust and dignity to a relationship but it also contributes to a feeling of safety and makes the other person feel heard.
18. His life does not honor God
Bad company corrupts good character. If his actions repeatedly show you that he does not honor God then it means that you are unequally yoked and therefore the relationship is doomed to fail.
19. He is unforgiving
We all know that forgiveness can be really hard, but it is so critical in a relationship. Because the truth is every couple faces challenges at times. Therefore, both partners need to be willing to look beyond the offense at times and forgive their loved ones.
If he is unable to forgive and holds on to grudges, then this will come to haunt you down the line.
20. He is a hypocrite
Unfortunately, even in the church, you find hypocrites. Men and women that talk the talk at church but don’t walk the walk behind closed doors. A very big and dangerous red flag is a man that pretends to serve Christ but does not truly share the love of Christ with you. That’s why discernment is so important.
21. He worries more than he believes
If there is one thing that I have learned in 31 years, it is that ‘worry never solved a problem, but faith can move mountains. You don’t want to be with a man that field whenever life gets hard. You want a man that understands that everything works together for our good and trusts God with all his heart.
22. He is abusive
This is a big warning sign that can show itself early on in a relationship. If he is controlling, installs fear in you, or tries to isolate you from your loved ones, it may be a sign that he is abusive. Don’t wait until it gets physical to call it quits.
23. He oversteps your boundaries
If a guy repeatedly pushes your boundaries, it’s only a matter of time until he will ignore your boundaries and hurt you emotionally or physically. Because respecting someone’s boundaries is a sign of respect and love.
24. He does not invest in the relationship
If he is not putting in any effort to be with you, why would you want to be with him? A healthy relationship can only thrive when both partners are equally as invested in it. So, if he is not doing his part, it’s time for you to take your talents elsewhere.
25. He is emotionally unavailable
The best way to deal with an emotionally unavailable man is not to deal with him at all. If he is not ready to be vulnerable and open himself up to a loving connection, you should not force him but take a step back and give him space to figure out his emotional barriers.
26. He is selfish
Being in a relationship with someone that is selfish will only bring problems. If he always puts his needs and wants first without considering how you feel or what you need, then that is a big red flag indicating that he is not ready for a relationship.
27. He is ungrateful
It’s well known that gratitude brings joy. Therefore, someone that can never see the good in things will have a hard time appreciating your relationship and suck the joy right out.
28. He is entitled.
If your man has a sense of entitlement he will often have an uncompromising attitude. He will have a hard time understanding you and your needs while expecting you to meet his needs. That behavior leads to an unbalanced relationship, which will often end in a ‘no-win’ situation for you.
29. You don’t have any common interests.
Contrary to common belief, it is important to be equally yoked in more areas than just your faith. Because a relationship is meant to be fun and loving on top of being purposeful. So, if you have nothing to talk about when you re together, it is a sign you need to move on.
30. He has no purpose
A man that has no purpose in life will have a hard time committing to a woman because he does not have a sense of direction. In today’s generation, it means that he does not know what to do with his life. And you don’t want to merge your life with someone that has no plan. Remember that your future husband will be called to be the head of your household.
31. He does not have a relationship with God
Last, but certainly, not least is the most important red flag in Christian dating and that is that he has no relationship with God. No matter if your boo calls himself a godly man or not if he does not consider Jesus as his Lord and submit to Christ it’s a dating red flag that should send you running.
Remember that it takes a while to get to know a person completely. So take your time and use these red flags in Christian dating to discern if a man is really a good fit for you.