How to know he’s the one
Nowadays the twilight zone before a relationship becomes official is more confusing than ever. It starts with all the different words we use to describe our relationship status. Are you “dating”, “courting”, or “talking to each other”?
It gets “complicated”, as Facebook states it. So much so that many of us forget the primary purpose of dating is to get to know each other and find out if he’s the one to you would want to marry.
Even though you might have an idea of what you need in a godly husband, you might not know what signs to look for in a relationship and how to know if he is the one for real.
The last thing you want is to let your feelings and emotions take over and distract you from discerning well. All that does is lead to a soul tie, trust me. Instead, you want to be attentive and aware so that you can date with purpose.
While it is oftentimes easy to tell when God wants you to let go of someone, based on his actions and words. There are also ways God will reveal the one to you that you can look out for.
That’s why in this post, I am sharing how to know you found the one.
This post contains affiliate links. If you use any of these links to buy a product, I’ll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps me to work in Ministry full-time and cover the expenses of this blog. The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).
How do you tell early if he’s the one?
You might not like what I’m about to tell you, but one of the most important early signs you’ve met the one is actually the absence of “butterflies”.
And I really want you to hear me correctly on this one.
A lot of us are so used to toxic relationship patterns that we are more familiar with the emotions we get from the highs and lows that we confuse them with “butterflies” and “chemistry”.
Whenever I used to speak of having butterflies in the past, what I really was referring to was my anxiety being on 100. I just didn’t know better and I was a very needy girlfriend.
So when you meet the right guy for you, you will not feel anxious and therefore might not experience butterflies, but peace and safety.
How to know he’s the one – 10 Signs
1. He makes you feel safe
The very first sign he’s the one, ties into what I mentioned above. When you meet the right person for you, the relationship will feel safe and secure.
And I don’t just mean physically, even though that is important, but also emotionally safe.
You will feel comfortable expressing yourself authentically, without being afraid that he might leave. I know for myself, when I used to be celibate I was afraid a man would leave when he found out. So I would avoid the topic in the beginning.
However, that should be your sign you don’t feel safe and that he is not the one. Because in a healthy relationship, both of you create a safe space for each other and can connect on a deeper level.
So, if he makes you feel safe and certain about his commitment and interest in you, then this is a good sign that he may be the one.
2. He makes you feel wanted
Omg, you have no idea how important this point is to me. Because in my past dating experiences I have often felt unwanted.
What I mean by unwanted is that it felt like I was pulling teeth whenever I asked for time or attention. And given that my primary love language is quality time, you can imagine how painful that was.
But with the right man, you won’t feel like that. He will enjoy and initiate spending time together because he likes being with you.
That will make you feel wanted, but also valued, and appreciated. And that’s how you want to feel in a partnership.
3. He makes you feel good about your life & future
The fact that you are reading my blog lets me know that you are looking for a serious romantic relationship and do not want to waste your time dating for years.
The truth is, one way you will know you have found the one is that he is just as future-focused as you and has no issue communicating that to you. He reassures you about his plans which makes you feel good about the idea of spending the rest of your life with him.
And if you are not sure, then ask yourself this: “If he never changes or the relationship never changes, would I still want to be with him?”
If the answer is yes, then there is a good chance you have found the one.
4. He’s your answered prayer
Whenever someone asks me how to identify the one I explain that you first need to get crystal clear about what you want.
Do you have a vision of your dream relationship on paper that you can reference? No? Well then get to it! Write down every detail about your dream relationship and how it makes you feel on a daily basis.
Because one of the biggest signs that he’s the one is that the relationship you two have together matches the life you have envisioned for yourself.
That’s how you know God has brought you together, because who else would know? The right relationship will feel like a match made in heaven, trust me.
5. He makes you a better person
One of the lies we have been told about how to know if he’s the one is to look for the person that completes you. Well, that is bullshit. Because you are already whole.
What you want to look for instead is a life partner that makes you even better than you already are because he inspires you, encourages you, and supports you.
The love of your life will feel like the perfect addition to you.
And Amy Spencer beautifully describes this process in her book – Meeting your half-orange. It’s a great read if you want even more insight into how to know he’s the one.
So if you find yourself more motivated at work, more confident with your creative endeavors, or led to be more loving to others in general, then this is a great indicator that he is the one for you.
6. Your friends and family will affirm him
Now, I want you to take this tip on how to know if he’s the one with a grain of salt. Why? Because we all have different relationships with our friends and family and in some cases, this point may not apply.
But in a perfect scenario, a great sign that he’s the one would be that your family members adore him and think you guys are a good match.
After all, they are the people who know you the most and hopefully want the best for you.
This is why a lot of times our entire family will confess that they never liked your ex whenever things fall apart. Turns out they saw your relationship problems objectively, while you were caught up in his good looks.
So, take it from me. If he’s the one your parents and your good friends will affirm him.
7. He makes you feel like the one
Wait, what? Yes, girl you heard me right. The way to know he’s the one is because he makes you feel like his one and only.
True love is a two-way street. This means the love, attention, and desire you give have to be reciprocated. And I’m not just talking about the little things, such as taking you out on dates and telling you “I love you”.
But also about treating you like a priority in his life, and being vulnerable with you.
These are the telltale signs that you are becoming the most important person in his life and that there is mutual love and interest.
And once he makes you feel like the one, without doubt, he also qualifies to become your one.
Disclaimer: I know this point may sound like I’m telling you to go tit for tat. But that’s not it. However, I know from experience that many of us try to force, convince, or beg men to stay in our lives.
And that doesn’t work. It only leads to situationships that lower our self-esteem. Been there done that. So, if you can feel resistance in the guy you are dating, chances are he doesn’t see you as the one and it’s time to let go.
8. He makes you part of his life
A great sign that he wants a serious relationship with you is that he is dating with intention and prioritizes spending time with you every week/ day.
As I mentioned above, the one for you will want to spend time with you. But it’s even better if he includes you in his life and vice versa. That means you will notice that before he makes plans with others he ensures the two of you discuss it or even invites you to join.
And whenever he has exciting news to share or something to talk about, you are the first person that he calls. The truth is happy relationships are the ones where you are each other’s best friend and truly share your lives.
So, if your relationship includes more than just cute date nights and great physical intimacy, and instead, you feel like you are growing together as a unit, then that’s a good thing and your relationship has great potential for a long-term relationship.
9. He knows what he wants
Number 9 is honestly a reminder for me. I have been horribly hurt by someone that did not know what he wants in the past and therefore thought it might be best to share my experience.
A man that does not know what he wants in life, will have a very hard time identifying whether he wants to be with you. He will string you along for months or years out of shame. And whenever that is the case, he will most likely not meet any of the above criteria anyway.
This is why you will know he’s the one if he knows what he wants, including you. He shows you that his life goals have space for you in them and he confirms that you are the right one for him at the right time.
This makes things move easily, leads to good communication, and inevitably a great relationship. Because nothing makes a relationship work better than when you are on the same page, period.
So, if he is clear about his intentions with you and knows what he wants in a girlfriend, fiance, and wife, then he may just be the real deal.
10. You can trust him
Trust is such a loaded word and probably the hardest identifier on this list. Hence why I included it as the very last point on how to know he’s the one.
Why? Because if all the above points are met and he checks all the right boxes, trust will come easily. Nevertheless, there are some important factors that lead to trust.
Number one is that you share core values. This means your beliefs and your outlook on life are compatible. That doesn’t mean you will always agree with each other, but it means that you share common ground.
Another prerequisite for trust is mutual respect. This means he is respectful in different situations and doesn’t lose it when he is in a bad mood. One of the main indicators of a good relationship is when couples can participate in healthy conflict.
And lastly, he is transparent with his personal life. The right partner for you will be open and honest with you. No secrets, no lies, just vibes lol.
So, if you feel like you can trust him on top of all the above, you definitely found the one.
What does it feel like when he’s the one?
This is my favorite part about experiencing love right now. Because for the first time I actually feel different which makes me believe I have found my one (stay tuned).
The best way I can describe it is that when he’s the one you will feel:
- secure because he assures you every day that this is the relationship he wants. And whenever you have a discussion/ argument he doesn’t pull away or ignore you, because he wants to work things out with you.
- relaxed about who you are and how you come across. You don’t feel the need to put on a persona that he will like and don’t feel anxious that he won’t like the real you. Instead, you show up exactly the way you are daily, which makes you feel relaxed and confident.
- joyful because the peace and certainty you have about your relationship give you free space in your brain to focus on creating a life you love. Instead of worrying about your dating life or making him miss you when you are apart, you have more time to spend on things that make you happy.
How do you test if he’s the one?
I’m glad you asked! You can test if he’s the one by answering a few important questions. To help you with that I created a quiz that compiles 50 Questions to help you identify the one.
These questions will uncover whether you two are really compatible or you are blinded by rose-colored glasses.
How can I attract the one?
If you know me, you know I believe in the power of manifestation. And just like I manifested my man into my life, you can too.
How? By following these steps:
- Get clear on what you want.
- Formally ask God for what you want.
- Believe that it is going to happen and surrender it to God.
Of course, the process of manifesting love into your life is a bit more comprehensive than that, but it works. At least it did for me.