How to know he is the one? – 10 Godly Signs He is Right For You

Nowadays the twilight zone before a relationship becomes official is more confusing than ever before.

With so many different words used to describe your relationship status. Dating? Courting? Talking to each other? You oftentimes forget that the primary purpose of that season is to evaluate whether or not he is the one whom God has for you.

Even though you might have an idea of what you consider ‘husband material’, you might not know what signs to look for. And the last thing you want is to let your feelings get in the way of your true happiness.

While it easy to define that he’s not the one based on his actions, there are also signs that will show you that he is husband material. In fact, you can use these 50 Questions to identify “The One” once you finished reading this blog post. 

So before you jump into a relationship, ask yourself ‘How to know he is the one?’ and use these 10 Godly Signs to evaluate if he is right for you.

10 Signs he is the one God has for you

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The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

1. His actions speak louder than his words

I said it before and I will say it again. If somebody shows you who they are, believe them.

The one thing I advise you to observe early in the dating phase is if he keeps his word? A guy who is in it for the long run wants to be trustworthy and make sure he’s reliable.

He won’t say one thing and do another. But rather show you with his actions that he is serious about you.

Many men will speak about all the things they want to do, but only a few will actually follow up and put in the work. And they will only do so for the woman they value. 

2. He knows what he wants

We live in a time where millions of people are at the tip of our thumbs and index fingers. And that has influenced a man’s desire to commit to one woman.

A lot of them are scared that they might find someone ‘better’ after they are already committed to you, but if you ask them what ‘better’ is, they can’t seem to put it in words.

If he is the one, that will not be the case for him. He will have identified you as the right one for himself, based on your personality, actions and most likely your looks (yes attraction does play a role).

A man who knows what he wants will show you by stating his #relationshipgoals early on without being afraid that you might get too hopeful. He will have a vision for the relationship he is looking for and who he wants in it.

3. He pursues you

We all know the saying and the movie “He’s not that into you”.

One of the many signs that you are dating someone that just isn’t that into you is that he will not put in an effort to be with you. Every interaction is initiated by you and oftentimes every date is planned by you too.

However, if he is the one, then he will actively pursue you. He will call, he will text and he will enjoy planning a date or two to make you happy. 

4. He’s your answered prayer

While I really don’t want to encourage any of you to treat God like a Genie who will answer an unrealistic list of superficial requirements and qualities. I want to encourage you that God knows you and knows the man he has for you.

If your sincere prayer for a godly man includes godly characteristics, then you will know that he is the one if he possesses them or the fruit in his life shows that he is working towards them.

Remember that God has beautifully and wonderfully created each one of us. He knows exactly who is right for you and will send them when the time is right. Therefore you won’t have to settle, compromise or drop your standards if they are God-given. 

5. The relationship glorifies God

If he’s the one, being with him doesn’t compromise your relationship with God, but rather builds it up.

He has a similar desire for God and encourages you to pursue Christ. He has the same morals and values, that include a godly lifestyle in which he puts God first. Because God won’t send you someone that corrupts your character or leads you astray.

You will know that your relationship glorifies God if your conversations and activities honor God with your body, mind, and soul.

6. He makes you love yourself

There is a very real assumption that if you feel comfortable around your partner without make-up than he’s the one. And that’s very true! But I believe you have to drop more than just your cosmetic make-up. Namely the walls around your heart.

Because the best relationships are the ones where you feel completely comfortable being vulnerable!

Sometimes sharing our deepest secrets and biggest flaws can be a challenge, because we are scared they might not like it and leave, or simply because we are ashamed of them.

However, the right one will make you feel good about yourself and love you just the way you are. So if you can confide in him and love seeing yourself through his eyes, then he might just be the one that God has for you.

7. You become part of each other’s life

While your days don’t revolve around each other, they definitely include each other. Before he makes plans with his friends for the week, he ensures that you get to spend time with each other too.

the one god has for you

And whenever he has exciting news to share or something to talk about you’re the first person that comes to his mind.

I know this might sound cheesy, but the best relationships are the ones where the couple considers each other as best friends.

You enjoy spending time together, you enjoy talking for hours and you can laugh about the same things. You don’t just like each other romantically, but also as a person.

8. You make each other better

Fact is every relationship, no matter if romantic or not, should add to your life and not subtract from it.

And the man you want to spend the rest of your life with should be a safe haven for your thoughts, your dreams, and your journey. The last thing you want is to be with someone that doesn’t support or believes in you.

Does he have your back when life is hard? Does He boost your confidence when you feel like giving up?

If he’s the one for you, he will support you face challenges and feel like giving up.

9. You trust him

Too often, we put up with someone that is not truthful, just to find out that our gut feeling was right from the beginning and we didn’t realize that God ended our relationship.

But trust has to be earned and only given after he showed you that he is trustworthy.

Observe his actions when he’s around you. Is he open and communicative or closed up and hard to read?

 Does he have a problem with you being close when he’s on the phone or reading e-mails or does he ask you to pick up a call if he’s busy?

These habits might seem small, but if he’s overly secretive around you it’s an obvious sign that he’s hiding bigger things from you.

In a thriving relationship, your fears and doubts will vanish the more time you spend together. You will start to trust him, not just in the relationship but with your life, goals, and future. The man you commit to should be a good leader that you enjoy following.

10. He respects you

Too often we think respecting someone only refers to the way we speak to them. However, in relationships respect is part of the foundation you build on and can make or break it.

It’s the daily habits that you have to look out for in the beginning.

Does he respect your time and gives you his uninterrupted attention when you are together or is he preoccupied with work and other things?

If your first reflex is to protect him by giving a poor excuse as to why he answers his text messages while he is with you, then this is a good indication that something is wrong.

Yes, we are all busy nowadays, but spending quality time with each other is important and a choice you have to make. So ask yourself is he choosing to be present?

Another way to see if he respects you is in conversations. Is he repeatedly cutting you off when you are discussing something? Or does he value your opinion and appreciate your point of view?

No two people will see eye to eye on everything and that’s good because it means you are challenging each other as people.

But if you find yourself consistently being reprimanded, cut off or joked about, then that’s a sign that he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t see you as a grown woman that can hold her own.

Last but not least, is he loyal? Now this one is an important one!

Remember, that being in a relationship means the two of you are merging two completely different families, backgrounds, and experiences.

That means you will run into situations where one of you is wrongly perceived. And only if the two of you can stick up for each other, your relationship can survive.

Being loyal is a form of respect that shows you that he has your back even if it means he has to oppose people he cherishes.  

It can be hard to determine if he is the one God has for you, but this list should help you. However, if you are looking for a more practical way to discern whether or not he is the one, then download these 50 Questions to identify ‘The One’ and answer them honestly. 

Do you agree this is How to know he is the one? Or would you add more signs that he is the one to the list? Share your experiences BELOW!

How to know he is the one? – 10 Godly Signs He is Right For You

67 Comments on How to know he is the one? – 10 Godly Signs He is Right For You

  1. Very encouraging blog !! I am also a single Christian and I am a bit older than you. That said, it’s very encouraging to read your sharing here. May Glod bless you ~

    • The Bible calls us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers in 2 Corinthians 6:14. Someone that is not Christian is an unbeliever.

      • Christianity is not the only religion in the world. You can’t assume someone is a non believer because they’re not Christian. That’s a boxed in way to look at things and definitely not what you should be advising to others.

        • Hi Ashley, thanks for your input. A non-believer to Christians is someone that does not believe in Jesus Christ. And I don’t know any other Religion in the world that does.

    • I know this post is old but I wanted to say that you cannot be unequally yoked with someone who doesn’t believe in the same doctrine as you, it will cause an issue now I say cause an issue because the man is the head it is important to know that you will then have to convert to his religion and doctrine. Now this is something you will need to pray about and make sure that God is allowing you guys to be together it’s very important because I have seen situations where a woman tries to attend and practice the same beliefs as the husband but the wife didn’t feel like she fit in husband (baptist) and wife (apostolic) the Husband didn’t like the apostolic movement and wife felt like baptist isn’t radical enough for her so just an idea of what unequally yoked up with someone who isn’t in the same belief can cause the two of you to have problems later.

  2. Thank you for this, I recently met someone so unexpectedly and everything that your listing mentions is everything I have found in him. I Pray he may be it but only God knows & our Faith is so strong towards what we have that we’ve come to the understanding that no matter what happens it’s Gods plan! So thank you for your Beautiful words you truly made me believe a little more! God bless.

    • I am experiencing the exact thing. This list is reassurance of the peace we feel along with how effortless our encounter has been since we met. We both what we want and we pray for God’s will. Whatever the answer is we both are content either way, because the spiritual connection was worth it.

  3. What if he’s an ex boyfriend but we have been like best friends forever? We both have gone through the same life situations and have kids. We know that we have something that attracts us but we don’t dare to commit. I have started to pray and intercede because I want God to give me clarity.

  4. Right on on all points. I married the wrong one. And he doesn’t respect me at all. Can never finish a sentence. And he pushes me down physically. Among other things.He never protects me either. Just feeds me to the wolves every single time.

      • ?? Exactly am humbled and I wil take time to observe his ways though we are at a distance but still God wil answer be blessed dear

  5. Pray for me, I believe God has brought Boaz into my life, but my growing up without a dad and his having an abusive first wife has strained ourcommunication,though at the core, we love God and desire to put Christ first and center, even if it means no marriage. Your list is helpful, but even under the best of circumstances, God sometimes doesn’t answer every desire regarding our dream spouse, in some cases, for the benefit of the couple growing together in the Lord. I see how immature I was and how God might be blessing me now by keeping me from marriage for years, yet I still have fear to marry. I realize now God might be placing a calling of marriage on my life and the nature of it is to stretch and grow us both. Anyway, keep us in prayer as we are older and lots of people are getting married older. Thanksfor a thought provoking message.

    • Hey Ab, I will absolutely keep you in my prayers. I pray that you receive God’s divine guidance to navigate through this situation.

    • An, one way you can know if this relationship is from God is if it lines up with God’s truth in scripture. You mentioned him having a first wife. If this first wife is still living, he has no business looking for another relationship (see Mark 10:2-12). And though your “Boaz” may need alot of grace and support (that you may be able to give him), keep in mind that you aren’t called to be his savior. And while being in this relationship could be a growing experience for you both, it may not be God’s will for you to entertain the idea of marriage. God may be placing a calling for marriage on your life, but you can feel confident that he would never ask or expect you to disobey/disregard his principles for marriage in the process.

  6. I agree with all of these, especially the action speak louder then words and pursuing you. Also that he puts an effort to make time to see you. This list makes it easier to see when a man is not right for you. My sister is starting to see a man that I don’t think is right for her. He would say that he would like to see her on a certain day and then on that certain day he would never message her, not even to say that something has come up and that he won’t be able to see her. This has happened a few times. One of my friends also saw them chatting and I just told her that I don’t want my sister to do something silly and the friend told me that she knows this guy well and my sister must not fall for him, because he is a player. Now I’ve warned my sister and our whole family has warned her. But we all know how we can give excuses for the person we are interested in and that words of warning can just fly overhead.
    So I’ve asked God to deal with this, that he will keep this man away from my sister and show her a deeper intimacy with Jesus, that she will not be desperate for a relationship with a person that does not make an efford to see her. I might be wrong and this guy may turn out to be right for her, but going by what the list say I highly doubt that.

    • Hey Nadia, I’m glad your sister has you. You are doing well by protecting her from a distance and entrusting it to the lord. Use prayer as your weapon and intercede for her. You might be able to change her heart or even his heart.

  7. I am so glad that I found this. I have been so BLESSED by it. There is a guy at work who likes me, but I keep questioning if he is the one, but after reading this, I see he is not. He doesn’t even go to church anymore and he can’t give me an answer as to when he may want to go. He says IDK. No, we are just friends.

    Thank You! And I cant wait to read the 50 questions!

    • Hey Trish, I’m so glad you found this post and it served you. Yes, I think that is an easy sign that he is not aligned with God (yet).

  8. I am so toched by this and I have listed some of the points in my book I will be going through at any given time I just thank God for the author of this and the additionals for the powerful words and I pray that may God open my eyes I see is goodness and I may know my partner better

  9. I have a wonderful man come into my life he brought such love to me makes me feel like I can do anything he brought me closer to god I couldn’t ask for a better man but there is someone threatening him to stay away from me or talk to me we love each and we no who it is but he’s scared to call the authorities we both have faith that god will do what’s best for we haven’t talk in three days

  10. Omg! I just came in contact with your blog and what an eye opener for me! These are facts that you stated and sadly for me,the man I thought(well my guts feeling doesn’t completely agree)was for me,I’d say God already ended the relationship because he’s clearly not the one! Thanks so much. God bless you more.

    • Hey Chioma, I’m glad the post confirmed what God has already done. I pray you find peace and grow from this experience. Blessings, Justine

      • I meet a guy from church not during church service, but it was a famiky and friends day at my church for memorial weekend. with that said he looked my way and so did I….idk if that was the right time to exchange numbers but I did after I left off the premises of the lords house. he texted me 1st and every since we been kicking texting like crazy being on the phone for hrs @ a time, but I wanna know is he the one GOD end to me!?

        • Hi Coco,

          relax. You have known each other for a very short time. You can not determine whether someone is for you from a few texts. Enjoy getting to know each other while guarding your heart.

          Blessings,
          Justine

    • Hi, great piece. Stumbled on this while looking for answers and now I am completely sure he is not for me. Thanks Justine, God continue to increase you.

  11. I have been with my man for 5 years now. He ticks off everything in this list and more. Intact I prayed for a my perfect man and God literally answered my prayer the very next day. I love him to death and would do anything for him. The issue I have which has haunted me for years is I am not attracted to him. And I desire sex and affections from other men. All I can assume is that God will only give me the attraction once I commit to him in blind faith and marry him. As I know it’s not Godly to be sleeping together out of marriage ,as we are. Thanks would love some advice

  12. Great blog post! A couple weeks ago I expressed interest in and started dating one of my best friends. He fits every single one of these traits. However, I feel as if I made a mistake in expressing feelings that I now know came from loneliness and boredom (it’s summertime and I am home from college). Plus, he’s the only guy friend I’ve spent most of my time with and Im afraid of giving that up to someone else. I know it’s selfish and wrong to continue on with this relationship, but how can I honestly tell him that I made a mistake when it’s only been a couple weeks. Is it possible my feelings could change and I could learn to develop romantic feelings for him?

    • Hey Nicole, thanks for sharing this. I commend you for honestly admitting that you made a decision out of loneliness. While I don’t think you should tell him that he was just your time killer for the summer. I would honestly let him know that you don’t believe it was the right decision because you don’t see him as a romantic partner but only as a friend. Hopefully, you will be able to stay friends after.

      Love & Light
      Justine

    • I am wanting some Godly advice as to what I should do with my friend . I have known my best friend for well over 17 years plus but in that time frame we lost touch for whatever reason we both have married and have kids and recently reconnected earlier this year and since then we have created an emotional bond and there has been a physical and sexual attraction. We have FaceTimed a few times and messaged each other however within the last week I have tried to reach out to him by text , calling and messaging him but it just haven’t received a response . I have been lead by the Holy Spirit to pray for him everyday . My question is is me praying for him mean that he is going through a rough time and that the Lord is working in his circumstance and does it mean that he is my future even though I am seeking God’s will about my friend? I have so much love and care for my friend that I won’t stop praying for him! I can’t not stop thinking and caring and praying for him!!

  13. Great post. I have been dating a guy from a completely different country (Africa) who is a Pastor. I am having to find out cultural differences and learning what is cultural and what is his character
    He is so humble and has integrity and makes time when he can but it is very hard. I have got so much from this post
    Thank you

  14. Hi Justine – I loved your article. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and struggle with anxiety. Over the last two months, I have felt disconnected from him and have informed him of some things I’d like him to be doing, like going to church regularly. He has not taken that step, but I still feel very anxious and unsure about our relationship. Any tips you have? Thanks!

    • I should also mention that I find myself not wanting to see him and not wanting to reply to texts, but can’t decide if it’s from my anxiety and wanting to be alone or if the bigger issue is that I know he’s not right for me.

    • Hi Haylee sounds to me like your body is telling you what you have been sending all along – that he is not the right man for you. You have to understand that our mind will protect us from anything that harms us, meaning that if you subconsciously fear that he is not good for you and are stressed about it, it will induce stress hormones that can look like anxiety. You are only hurting yourself by staying. I suggest you truly pray and fast about the relationship and find out what God is telling you to do.

  15. The man I met a year and a half ago meets and exceeds your list. He clearly stated he has prayed for the Lord to bring his future wife from our first date. I have also. It’s been hard to meet someone who agrees to abstain from sex outside of marriage but we have honored this. We love the outdoors and spend every free moment in the mountains. He is my best friend. But I have zero romantic attraction – zero. I’m devastated and don’t know what to do. I’ve begged the Lord to tell me if we’re to marry and believe the attraction will come (?). He is clearly attracted to me romantically. He is 34 and I’m 32. I would be heartbroken to break it off but as of now can’t imagine sleeping together. (We have kissed and it was awful for me.) Does anyone know what the Lord says? Please tell me, Lord.

    • Hi Clare, I don’t think there is a concrete answer to your problem and I can understand that it is a hard decision to make. However, always remember that we are first and foremost brothers and sisters in Christ. If you decide to stay in that relationship even though you are not attracted to him and later on decide to break it off. You will hurt him a lot and that is a horrible thing to do to your brother in Christ. So I suggest you go before God and ask him to show you ways to increase his attraction to you. If it doesn’t work, I don’t believe you should ‘convince’ to get married. Blessings, Justine

  16. We have been together for six years now but sometimes I sense insercurit cos dere was we want our ways and within dat time dat was wen he had a child with someone else bug they are married and now we are back together again am scared but don’t want to trough away our six years of relationship.

  17. hey there, i recently met a Godly man online, we have chatted for 8 months and met twice. we shared common interests such as loving God’s word and reading inspirational and spiritual blogs. I consider him Godly and mature. everything went okay except that we sometimes argue about doctrine 🙂 and as time goes by, as our friendship deepens, I felt confused about his intention the same way he is also confused about his feelings for me and then the rest is history, we are no longer communicating. this blog provided me a confirmation that he is not the one or God’s best for me. same as I am not God’s best for him. God is the best matchmaker i believe. I am now happy being single (nbsb at the age 28) and waiting for God’s best for me.

  18. Hello there,
    I’ve known this guy who has been asking me out for over 10 years I’ve never been attracted to him physically and I think I will never be but we’re friends. Due to some circumstances that I had recently he returned with his quest. I know something for a fact that he lies a lot to impress me and in the meantime he started to pen up about some intimate details about him. When I’m seeing some of the signs I’m telling myself could he be the one? and the same time though he claimed to be a Christian he talks about his dirty fantasies which somehow sully my mind and cause me to have some weird dreams… he has some of the qualities that you talked about but he lacks number 5 and that is the most important point for me and I have been specific to God about this point. please help I can’t really talk to the people in my life about it because they say my standards are too high. Thank you

  19. So iVe started talking to someone new I said I’m not dating anyone I want to better my relationship with god I’m putting him first n plus I’m separated going through a divorce so I didn’t expect to have feelings for someone ..I don’t know if they are a believer but I am and I already have things I need to work on and he respects some what he knows I didn’t open up about that as yet . He knows I go to church and he asked if I prayed which allowed me to be happy cause I got to talk about it. We both have feelings for each other but i said I’m not looking for anyone when I pray on my alone time n boom this person showed up. Idk if it’s from god and I prayed to god asking him to weed out anyone in my life that is not from him or of him and this person is still there so I know they are there for a reason or a lesson or a blessing I just don’t know which.

  20. hi Justine,

    just a question though, say you have such guy who is like this, he is 10yrs older than i’m and my closest friend, he loves me even and in every way but i’m not attracted to him like that, i like him as a friend but not in that way. i even tried dating him but ended up breaking up with him because i did not want to lead him and break his heart even harder when we go further into it.

  21. The guy I talk to has all of this, but he said he’s not ready right now for a relationship and doesn’t know yet if God has him for me other than us just being friends. I feel God has us to be together for the long-term. I think he has his head in past hurt that may be stopping him. I truly love him as my friend, and pray God opens his heart to see what is right in front of him. I feel God sent us both to each other for restoration.

    • Hey Tasia, it sounds to me like you might be holding on to someone who is trying to get away. Even if the two of you are meant to be, it is best for you to stop pursuing this relationship until he comes around himself. Switch your focus to yourself and build up your confidence to attract a man that truly sees value in you. Because if he says he doesn’T want a relationship with you, chances are high that he really means it.

      • He didn’t say he didn’t want a relationship just not right now. We talk daily. We are friends. I live my life, it doesn’t center around him. We are enjoying what is presently manifesting whatever it is. Some people are hurt. I think we jump to conclusion in seeing the negative instead of manifesting the positive. Our words have power.

  22. Hi,Justine i have been dating my guy fr three years now but it got to a certain point everything changed..its like i made rules for on the time to call me and all that and i said hurtful words to him..and from No Where i meet this guy and we got along so well whiles i was dating…later my boyfriend got feed up with me and we broke up..which i couldn’t stand it and begged him to come back to me..but justine i’ve gotten into the other guy so much that he potrays all these signs…and recently too my boyfriend has changed ever since he went to school theres no communication again like how it used to be..i’ve lost interest in my boyfriend now and thinking of moving on this guy because i feel myself when am around him…but my boyfriend also says he won’t leave me alone and am confused and the other guy says he is afraid he might lose me…i dont know what to do….

    • Hey Bel, you need to make up your mind. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend or no? Don’t make the decision between the two men, decide if you would break up with your boyfriend even if the other guy wasn’t in the picture. Because jumping from one relationship to the other, might not even be the best thing to do here.

  23. Hi I loved these key points and somebody came into my life that fits all of this but the thing concerning me is that I feel like we both are weak in the department of waiting until marriage. He has explained his frustration towards me being too formal with him which of course most men may feel unsure if their feelings don’t appear reciprocated, but I’m scared that I won’t be able to control myself if I don’t keep a physical distance and then spoil what could have been a perfect Godly relationship.

    I’ve dated before with intent to marry but that relationship was romantic way too soon and my partner turned out to be a liar, abusive, cheating, etc. and the marriage had to end before it completely destroyed me. Now I’m on track with God. I really don’t want to end up in the same bind again, but this new guy just seems so much better quality then 99% men these days.

    • Hi Christina, I completely understand your dilemma. It’s one that a lot of women find themselves in. But there is a difference between being ‘Too’ formal or distant and introducing boundaries. Boundaries you discuss with your boyfriend and agree upon together. If he can’t respect that boundarie than that’s a red flag.

  24. The guy I’m with does all this ^ what I read the 10 signs. He is loving, caring, loves God respects me, motivates me to keep praying, motivates me to keep on loving God. We meet at church! I’m a pastors child so every has eyes on me so our love we have is hard because we can be together without anyone speaking bad and it’s very complicated and personal but I just need prayer please?

  25. This guy I’m getting to know definitely relates to God the same way I do, and talking to him makes me feel stronger in my faith! He makes me feel good about myself and is so supportive even when I show some insecurity. Especially then, really. He was giving a lot of cues that he really liked me and brought up getting a coffee or lunch, but I’m afraid I’ve been acting too cool/reserved and given him the impression that I’m not interested. It’s just because I’m shy. It seems like that has kept him from really “pursuing” me and setting a time and place. But I can’t be sure. Maybe he is really not the one. I’ve heard that if you feel insecure at all you shouldn’t date the guy. I like him, but I guess I am a little uncertain/nervous. I know you don’t know the whole situation, but even if you just read this and pray about it I know that would be a great help. Thanks!

    • Hey Brianna, I think you are confusing yourself at the moment. Take a deep breath and rest assured that if he is interested in you, shy or not, he will take you out. There are ways you can practice being a little more outgoing, but never assume that being shy is a bad thing. It’s just who you are. Blessings, Justine

  26. Hi Justine,

    My fiance and I met online 10 months ago. I initiated the relationship. Which bothered me but maybe is not a big deal. He let me know right away he was still married but just looking to meet or chat and wanted me to know he was still married. I am a christian and he claims to be as well. OUr relationship has had some rough spots. He would say its been amazing. I am very close to the Lord and value my relationship with God more than anything. My question is this. Now that I am engaged I have been waking up with unsettling anxiety. Some days I am excited to marry him but I feel like I don’t truly know him and wondering how I said yes when I see that I am starting to see a pattern in his life. He adores me. He takes me to church. he reads his devotions. He puts me first. He knows the bible well. But I see some patterns of inconsistancy with his lifestyle that really concern me. I was brushing it aside because he would tell me things like he has been married before that is why it is hard for him to not make out with me etc. I believe in sexual purity before marriage as it is a mark of being justified by your faith and truly desire to serve god. He does not get uncomfortable talking about god. But i am the one who comes to him when we “mess up” and tell him how awful i feel. He says he is convicted too… but I wonder why he doesnt come to me and apologize for leading us into sin? The last time bothered me so much I told him I couldnt handle it anymore and he said it wouldnt happen again. and so far it hasnt. How do i know if this man is really a christian? or maybe just struggling with sin in his life? I feel like an idiot for saying yes when I have these doubts. His good qualities are so good. but these qualities greatly cause me distress… we are both in our 30s and have kids from previous marriages. both of our marriages ended from our spouses walking out so we believe we can remarry. I do not struggle with lust or masturbation and he says he does not either… but I can tell he struggles with it. He is very consistant in his devotions and we talk about the lord… sometimes i feel like my passion for the lord is deeper…. He is absolutely head over heels in love with me… sometimes i feel pressure to get married from him( although I think he doesnt mean to) but he is so excited to marry me HELP! We just started biblical counseling as this is super important to me…

    • Hi Cheryl, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I do see a few red flags here, but actually with your behavior rather than his. It seems to me like you are overly concerned with his Christianity, which for one means you didn’t do your due diligence when you started dating and two that you are looking to marry a picture-perfect which does not exist. If you have so many doubts about marrying him, then you absolutely should pump the breaks. But if you are just worried and anxious for nothing, then it’s time to see a counselor/coach and make sure that your limiting beliefs are not sabotaging God’s blessing for your life. Love & Light Justine

  27. I met Lionel around 6 months ago while I was working in Guadeloupe. At this time, I wasn’t living my life very close to God, there were no suitable churches in my area, nor any other Christians, and I had stopped reading my bible regularly. Looking back I can see that I was quite lost as a Christian, and definitely wasn’t living out my faith. Lionel was a good friend of mine and we often hung out together in our larger friendship circle. One day I became aware he was interested in me (as more than a friend) and this led me to start to think about him on more than a friendship level also. At a party one night, we were both drunk and ended up kissing. It was a good moment, but in my head it was a mistake and something I intended to move on from, and not repeat. But during the following days he pursued me, wanted to spend time with me one-on-one, messaged me a lot etc. I didn’t know what was going on and knew in my heart it was doing the wrong thing to be stringing him along. One day I finally got the chance to explain to him that I was a practicing christian and didn’t want to sleep with anyone until marriage. He was intrigued by this, shocked also. It appeared he had never met another Christian in his life, and had certainly not taken an interest in it ever before. But he immediately said he still wanted to see me. I said ok, whatever, knowing that one day we would drift away from each other and that would be it. (I was leaving Guadeloupe about two weeks after that).

    Three months down the line, we both met up in France, having stayed in contact the whole time we were apart. Now in more of a relationshippy area, I liked him a lot more. Heck, I loved him. He had taken a great interest in Christianity, started reading the Bible, praying and doing his own Bible studies. He had changed in other ways as well. He had stopped smoking, masturbating and was drinking less too.

    Now we are in a long-distance relationship, have met each others families and friends. Lionel has been to my uni church and really enjoyed it. He prays everyday as I do also, and we are doing Bible studies over the phone whenever we can. At this point, our relationship has Godly characteristics and is constantly pointing me towards Jesus. Lionel is growing in his faith everyday, and has not stopped being excited about the Bible since the day he bought one and it arrived in the post.

    But I can’t help wondering if this relationship is the one God intended for me. It certainly didn’t start in a Godly place. How can this be God’s plan for me, to be in a relationship with a non-Christian man? Is Lionel going to drift away from his faith in the future? Will he ever go back to his old ways? Is this going to cause problems for us? We have already argued quite a lot together about our compatibility. Granted, we have resolved each argument but I can’t help wondering if this was a sign from God telling me to get out while I still can. There’s also the fact Lionel lives in France and will be based in Guadeloupe until early January. He is 30, I am 21.

    I don’t know, and I feel like I need some advice and guidance, even though i also know it is only me that can make the decision for my life. I have been asking and asking God whether this is right or not. And i just can’t figure it out. I need your help.

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