how to know if God wants you to be with someone

Nowadays the twilight zone before a relationship becomes official is more confusing than ever.

It starts with all the different words we use to describe our relationship status. Are you “dating”, “courting”, or “talking to each other”?

It gets so “complicated”, as Facebook states it, that many of us forget that the primary purpose for that season is to evaluate whether or not he is the one whom God has for you.

signs god wants you to be with someone

Even though you might have an idea of what you consider “husband material”, you might not know what signs to look for and how to know God’s will in a relationship. 

Because the last thing you want is to let your feelings and emotions take over and distract you from discerning well. You want to be attentive and aware so that you can date with purpose

While it is oftentimes easy to tell when God wants you to let go of someone, based on his actions and words. There are also clear signs God wants you to be with someone that you can look out for. 

That’s why in this post, I am sharing how to know if God wants you to be with someone

How to know if God wants you to be with someone

This post contains affiliate links. If you use any of these links to buy a product, I’ll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps me to work in Ministry full-time and cover the expenses of this blog. The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

10 Signs God wants you to be with someone

1. The relationship glorifies God

How to know if God wants you to be with someone?

Easy. If being with him doesn’t compromise your relationship with God, but rather strengthens it.

The one God has for you will have a similar desire for God as you and encourage you to pursue Christ. He will have similar morals and values and lead a life in which he puts God first.

Because, believe me, God won’t send you someone that corrupts your character or leads you astray. Therefore, you will know that your relationship glorifies God if your conversations and activities honor God with your body, mind, and soul.

2. He’s your answered prayer

While I really don’t want to encourage any of you to treat God like a genie who will cater to unrealistic expectations of a man. I want to encourage you that God knows you and knows the man he has for you.

Therefore, one way to tell if he is “The One” is if the guy you are with possesses the godly characteristics you prayed for. 

If you sincerely prayed for your future husband to be kind, loving, and wise then you know God has ordained the relationship if he answered your prayer. 

Remember that God has created every single person on this earth. He knows exactly who is right for you and will send him when the time is right. Therefore you won’t have to settle, compromise, or drop your standards if they are godly. 

3. He makes you love yourself

There is a very real assumption that if you feel comfortable around your partner without make-up than he’s the one. And that’s very true! But I believe you have to drop more than just your make-up. 

Namely the walls around your heart.

Because one way how to know if he’s the one God has for you is when you feel completely comfortable being vulnerable!

Sometimes sharing our deepest secrets and biggest flaws can be a challenge. We are scared that he might not like it and leave, or we may simply be ashamed of them.

However, the right one will make you feel good about yourself and love you just the way you are. So if you can confide in him and love seeing yourself through his eyes, then he might just be the one that God has for you.

4. You make each other better

Fact is every relationship, no matter if romantic or not, will either add to your life or subtract from it. 

And the man God wants you to be with will add to it.

God won’t send you someone that drains your energy and disturbs your peace, but he will lead you to a man that edifies you. This man will be a safe haven for your thoughts and dreams, and he will believe and support you on your journey. 

So ask yourself the following questions: Does he have your back when life is hard? Does he boost your confidence when you feel like giving up?

If he’s the right one for you, he will support you when you face challenges and vice versa and the two of you will make each other better.

5. You become part of each other’s life

One way to know that a man is dating you with intention is if he prioritizes spending time with you every week. While your life should not revolve around each other, they definitely should include each other.

You will notice that before he makes plans with his friends, he ensures that you get to spend time with each other first. 

And whenever he has exciting news to share or something to talk about you are the first person that he contacts. The truth is the best relationships are the ones where the couple considers each other as best friends and truly share their lives with each other. 

When you have a true bond that is built on real intimacy and not just physical attraction you will enjoy spending time together and talking for hours so much more. 

how to know god's will in a relationship

6. His actions speak louder than his words

One thing I believe God does when he wants you to be with someone is that he will send you very clear signs of whether or not the other person is the one for you. 

That’s why you have to pay close attention to his words and actions. Do they match? A man who is in it for the long run wants to be trustworthy and make sure that he’s reliable. 

He won’t say one thing and do another. But rather show you with his actions that he is serious about you.

Many men will speak about all the things they want to do, but only a few will actually follow up and put in the work. And they will only do so for the woman they value. 

When God sends you a man, that man will have integrity and stand by his word. 

7. He knows what he wants

We live in a time where we can connect with hundreds of people through online dating. And that has influenced a man’s desire to commit to one woman.

A lot of them are scared that they might find someone “better” after they are already committed to you, but if you ask them what “better” is, they can’t seem to put it in words.

If God put him in your life, that will not be the case for him. He will know you are the right one for him, based on your personality, actions, and most likely your looks (yes attraction does play a role).

A man who knows what he wants will show you by stating his intentions for the relationship early on. He will have a vision for the relationship he is looking for and the type of woman he wants in it.

signs god is leading you to the one

8. He pursues you

We all know the saying and the movie “He’s just not that into you”.

One of the many signs that you are dating someone that just isn’t that into you is that he will not put in any effort to be with you. Every interaction will be initiated by you and oftentimes every date will be planned by you too.

It feels like the love and interest is one-sided.

However, one of the signs God wants you to be with someone, is that he will send a man that actively pursues you. That man will call, will text and he will enjoy planning a date or two to make you happy.

Because one of the most obvious signs God wants you to be with someone is that the relationship will flourish if he is the one and will end if he is not the one

9. You trust him

The funny thing about trust is that it needs to be earned. Like a bank account, both of you need to make little deposits to that trust bank account daily. And after a while when you feel comfortable, you can start increasing the amount. 

The man God has for you will make you feel comfortable investing. You will trust him because of his words and actions as mentioned above. 

His intentions for you will be clear and you will feel peace about the relationship. 

The best way to test that is to observe his actions when he’s around you. Is he open and communicative or closed up and hard to read?

Does he have a problem with you being close when he’s on the phone or reading e-mails? Or does he ask you to pick up a call if he’s busy?

These habits might seem small, but if he’s overly secretive around you it’s an obvious sign that he’s hiding bigger things from you.

In a thriving relationship, your fears and doubts will vanish the more time you spend together. You will start to trust him, not just with the relationship but with your life, goals, and future.

10. He respects you

Too often we think respecting someone only refers to the way we speak to them. However, in relationships respect is part of the foundation you build on and can make or break it.

It’s the daily habits that you have to look out for in the beginning. One way to know if God has ordained the relationship is whether he respects you. 

Does he respect your time and give you his uninterrupted attention when you are together? Or is he preoccupied with work and other things?

Another way to see if he respects you is in conversations. Does he repeatedly cut you off when you discuss something? Or does he value your opinion and appreciate your point of view?

Last but not least, is he loyal? Now this one is an important one!

Remember, that being in a relationship means the two of you are merging two completely different families, backgrounds, and experiences.

That means you will run into situations where one of you is wrongly perceived. And only if the two of you can stick up for each other, your relationship can survive. 

And I know that even with all these signs God wants you to be with someone, it can sometimes be hard to know for sure. That’s why it’s important to understand what God’s will is for our romantic relationships.

godly signs he is the one

How to know God’s will in a relationship

God sends people into our lives for one reason and that is to serve him and build his kingdom on earth. So every relationship you find yourself in should serve that purpose. 

Therefore a very simple way to know God’s will in a relationship is to analyze whether the relationship aligns with God’s purpose for your life.

I know that finding your purpose can be very intimidating. Because more often than not, we don’t know what our purpose is yet. However, once you do, you have to honestly ask yourself if your relationship aligns with it. 

Is your boyfriend bringing you closer to what God has called you to do? Or is he pushing you away from it? You will know the answer to that by how much he supports and encourages you in your pursuit.

If you feel like you have to give up on your calling in order to be with him, then it means the relationship is not aligned with God’s purpose for you.

A lot of times you will even notice that God is leading you to the one, by using your purpose.

how to know if he's the one god has for you

Signs God is leading you to the one

As a single woman in my 30’s it’s easy to get frustrated and sometimes exhausted from dating. You start to wonder how many frogs you will have to kiss until you find your prince. 

And while I do believe that the way to finding the one is by putting in time and effort, I also know that there are ways you can be more effective. 

Just like with every other area of your life, God is present in your love life. He will send you signs that will help you know whether you are on the right path or not. And some of the signs God is leading you to the one that I have witnessed include:

  • A peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7): When God is leading you to the one you will feel at peace whether or not you are in a relationship. There will be no confusion and no anxiety around your relationship status. You can tell that the season you are in is anointed by God.
  • Everything seems to work out for your good (Romans 8:28): When God is leading you to the one, you will notice that the right doors are opening and the wrong doors are closing. Something that rocked your world three months ago now makes complete sense and turns out to be God’s perfect intervention. 
  • You are evolving as a woman (John 15:2): When God is leading you to the one, He will often prepare you for the relationship unbeknownst to you. Suddenly, some of the things you might have considered a deal-breaker in the past, you now have compassion for and lead you to your future husband. In contrast to what many of us believe, we are not born ready for a godly relationship and need to be intentional about preparing for marriage if we want to have a long-lasting relationship. 

I hope these signs God wants you to be with someone helped you discern your current relationship better. For more help on how to identify the one God has for you, download my full questionnaire.

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107 Comments on 10 Signs God Wants You To Be With Someone

  1. Very encouraging blog !! I am also a single Christian and I am a bit older than you. That said, it’s very encouraging to read your sharing here. May Glod bless you ~

    • The Bible calls us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers in 2 Corinthians 6:14. Someone that is not Christian is an unbeliever.

      • Christianity is not the only religion in the world. You can’t assume someone is a non believer because they’re not Christian. That’s a boxed in way to look at things and definitely not what you should be advising to others.

        • Hi Ashley, thanks for your input. A non-believer to Christians is someone that does not believe in Jesus Christ. And I don’t know any other Religion in the world that does.

          • Amen girl. Loved the blog and I think I’ve finally met my future husband. Everything you said, he definitely does them all effortlessly and will say so to your face. When I look at him, I see me, us! God bless you!

          • Hi I’m Muslim and I believe in christ so does that make me a nonbeliever muslims are taught to love christ an to respect an honor him so I really don’t know in which part of the worl you live in but find the facts first before you speak

          • Dear Feroza, as a Muslim you believe that Jesus is only a prophet and not the Son of God and that he was never resurrected. By Christian standards, this disqualifies Muslims and any others from being believers.

            Because you do not believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that he died and was resecurrted for the forgiveness of our sins, you are an unbeliever. This is one of the many fundamental differences in our faiths. See, Matthew 7:21-23 NIV, John 14:6, John 3:16.

        • God sent his son to do away with religion!! It’s about relationship. Read the Bible about how God feels about religion. You both must believe in the same thing, if not, it cause division . If you don’t understand, talk to God about it.

        • God warns us we should only date other Christians not because only Christians are good people or anything of that sort. There are many good reasons, and here are a few: One of my teachers in high school was Christian and her husband wasn’t. She often told me that it really hurt her that they don’t both believe the same things about life after death. It’s also very difficult for them raising their son and daughter because the parents have conflicting beliefs about what the kids should be taught. Being a devout Christian means God is a very big part of your life, so if your significant other doesn’t believe in God in the Christian way and you do, there will inevitably be some big conflicts in your life that can effect not only you, but your future family. If you aren’t both Christian, chances are you will have some major conflicts in values.

        • The Bible tells us what unbelievers are and they are people that are not living in obedience to God’s Word. Unbelievers are people that practice other religions and don’t trust Christ as their Savior. If a relationship is not drawing us closer to God, it is drawing us further. God knew that or He wouldn’t have commanded that. It wasn’t a suggestion. Thankfully, we have a Creator that tells us how we are to live. If only everyone took heed to His Word, this world would be a much better place.

    • I know this post is old but I wanted to say that you cannot be unequally yoked with someone who doesn’t believe in the same doctrine as you, it will cause an issue now I say cause an issue because the man is the head it is important to know that you will then have to convert to his religion and doctrine. Now this is something you will need to pray about and make sure that God is allowing you guys to be together it’s very important because I have seen situations where a woman tries to attend and practice the same beliefs as the husband but the wife didn’t feel like she fit in husband (baptist) and wife (apostolic) the Husband didn’t like the apostolic movement and wife felt like baptist isn’t radical enough for her so just an idea of what unequally yoked up with someone who isn’t in the same belief can cause the two of you to have problems later.

  2. Thank you for this, I recently met someone so unexpectedly and everything that your listing mentions is everything I have found in him. I Pray he may be it but only God knows & our Faith is so strong towards what we have that we’ve come to the understanding that no matter what happens it’s Gods plan! So thank you for your Beautiful words you truly made me believe a little more! God bless.

    • I am experiencing the exact thing. This list is reassurance of the peace we feel along with how effortless our encounter has been since we met. We both what we want and we pray for God’s will. Whatever the answer is we both are content either way, because the spiritual connection was worth it.

  3. What if he’s an ex boyfriend but we have been like best friends forever? We both have gone through the same life situations and have kids. We know that we have something that attracts us but we don’t dare to commit. I have started to pray and intercede because I want God to give me clarity.

  4. Right on on all points. I married the wrong one. And he doesn’t respect me at all. Can never finish a sentence. And he pushes me down physically. Among other things.He never protects me either. Just feeds me to the wolves every single time.

      • ?? Exactly am humbled and I wil take time to observe his ways though we are at a distance but still God wil answer be blessed dear

    • @Well I just recently experienced something similar in regards to the “dirty fantasies” where I met a “christian man” via an online game site. He pursued me, claimed, I am the women he is suppose to marry, etc. He prayed for me, we talked about scriptures,etc. However I began to notice a couple of red flags, he would talk about how hard it was to hold back on sexual temptation,then he brought up how he thinks about it all the time, and this also lead my mind astray. He then told me something very personal (that relates to fornication) about his past. Which was weird because we just started texting each other and he has never met me just seen a picture. Plus we spoke about purity and waiting til marriage, etc. At least I know I was serous about it. The last red flag was when I requested to transition the texting to a phone call or video chat to see and hear his actual face and voice. He ghosted and never replied back. It had only been a week, but it was really bothering me that someone who claimed to follow God spoke this way and never attempted to call or meet me. So when I ask,I had a feeling he wasn’t who he said he was. It’s sad that there are “christian men” out there who resort to trickery to attempt fulfill their carnal needs.
      If your standards align with God, its definitely not to high and you shouldn’t believe what a person says, you should be believing what God says. Someone who is serious about their walk with God will not talk about or tempt your purity in any way. Just like the article says, he shouldn’t compromise your walk with God. You both should be on the same page with your desire to follow Christ. It sounds like he may not be the one for you. If he was you wouldn’t be confused or have aany doubts. Our God is not the author of confusion. 1Cor 14:33.

      • Hi!
        Please we should not get confused. That man isn’t a Christian at all. He’s one of the scammers out there who take advantage of ladies. Note that God sent people to us and equally satan does sen. But the evidence is clear. They won’t succeed this evil plans on God’s children.
        Remain ever blessed in Jesus name

  5. Pray for me, I believe God has brought Boaz into my life, but my growing up without a dad and his having an abusive first wife has strained ourcommunication,though at the core, we love God and desire to put Christ first and center, even if it means no marriage. Your list is helpful, but even under the best of circumstances, God sometimes doesn’t answer every desire regarding our dream spouse, in some cases, for the benefit of the couple growing together in the Lord. I see how immature I was and how God might be blessing me now by keeping me from marriage for years, yet I still have fear to marry. I realize now God might be placing a calling of marriage on my life and the nature of it is to stretch and grow us both. Anyway, keep us in prayer as we are older and lots of people are getting married older. Thanksfor a thought provoking message.

    • Hey Ab, I will absolutely keep you in my prayers. I pray that you receive God’s divine guidance to navigate through this situation.

    • An, one way you can know if this relationship is from God is if it lines up with God’s truth in scripture. You mentioned him having a first wife. If this first wife is still living, he has no business looking for another relationship (see Mark 10:2-12). And though your “Boaz” may need alot of grace and support (that you may be able to give him), keep in mind that you aren’t called to be his savior. And while being in this relationship could be a growing experience for you both, it may not be God’s will for you to entertain the idea of marriage. God may be placing a calling for marriage on your life, but you can feel confident that he would never ask or expect you to disobey/disregard his principles for marriage in the process.

  6. I agree with all of these, especially the action speak louder then words and pursuing you. Also that he puts an effort to make time to see you. This list makes it easier to see when a man is not right for you. My sister is starting to see a man that I don’t think is right for her. He would say that he would like to see her on a certain day and then on that certain day he would never message her, not even to say that something has come up and that he won’t be able to see her. This has happened a few times. One of my friends also saw them chatting and I just told her that I don’t want my sister to do something silly and the friend told me that she knows this guy well and my sister must not fall for him, because he is a player. Now I’ve warned my sister and our whole family has warned her. But we all know how we can give excuses for the person we are interested in and that words of warning can just fly overhead.
    So I’ve asked God to deal with this, that he will keep this man away from my sister and show her a deeper intimacy with Jesus, that she will not be desperate for a relationship with a person that does not make an efford to see her. I might be wrong and this guy may turn out to be right for her, but going by what the list say I highly doubt that.

    • Hey Nadia, I’m glad your sister has you. You are doing well by protecting her from a distance and entrusting it to the lord. Use prayer as your weapon and intercede for her. You might be able to change her heart or even his heart.

  7. I am so glad that I found this. I have been so BLESSED by it. There is a guy at work who likes me, but I keep questioning if he is the one, but after reading this, I see he is not. He doesn’t even go to church anymore and he can’t give me an answer as to when he may want to go. He says IDK. No, we are just friends.

    Thank You! And I cant wait to read the 50 questions!

    • Hey Trish, I’m so glad you found this post and it served you. Yes, I think that is an easy sign that he is not aligned with God (yet).

  8. I am so toched by this and I have listed some of the points in my book I will be going through at any given time I just thank God for the author of this and the additionals for the powerful words and I pray that may God open my eyes I see is goodness and I may know my partner better

  9. I have a wonderful man come into my life he brought such love to me makes me feel like I can do anything he brought me closer to god I couldn’t ask for a better man but there is someone threatening him to stay away from me or talk to me we love each and we no who it is but he’s scared to call the authorities we both have faith that god will do what’s best for we haven’t talk in three days

  10. Omg! I just came in contact with your blog and what an eye opener for me! These are facts that you stated and sadly for me,the man I thought(well my guts feeling doesn’t completely agree)was for me,I’d say God already ended the relationship because he’s clearly not the one! Thanks so much. God bless you more.

    • Hey Chioma, I’m glad the post confirmed what God has already done. I pray you find peace and grow from this experience. Blessings, Justine

      • I meet a guy from church not during church service, but it was a famiky and friends day at my church for memorial weekend. with that said he looked my way and so did I….idk if that was the right time to exchange numbers but I did after I left off the premises of the lords house. he texted me 1st and every since we been kicking texting like crazy being on the phone for hrs @ a time, but I wanna know is he the one GOD end to me!?

        • Hi Coco,

          relax. You have known each other for a very short time. You can not determine whether someone is for you from a few texts. Enjoy getting to know each other while guarding your heart.

          Blessings,
          Justine

    • Hi, great piece. Stumbled on this while looking for answers and now I am completely sure he is not for me. Thanks Justine, God continue to increase you.

  11. I have been with my man for 5 years now. He ticks off everything in this list and more. Intact I prayed for a my perfect man and God literally answered my prayer the very next day. I love him to death and would do anything for him. The issue I have which has haunted me for years is I am not attracted to him. And I desire sex and affections from other men. All I can assume is that God will only give me the attraction once I commit to him in blind faith and marry him. As I know it’s not Godly to be sleeping together out of marriage ,as we are. Thanks would love some advice

    • I encourage you to pray for guidance for this relationship. You stated that you are sleeping with him and you are not yet married. That is not glorying God. Attraction is important but it shouldn’t be the main focus. It sounds to me like you don’t have peace about this relationship. I advice you to not move forward and spend some time evaluating the relationship.

  12. Great blog post! A couple weeks ago I expressed interest in and started dating one of my best friends. He fits every single one of these traits. However, I feel as if I made a mistake in expressing feelings that I now know came from loneliness and boredom (it’s summertime and I am home from college). Plus, he’s the only guy friend I’ve spent most of my time with and Im afraid of giving that up to someone else. I know it’s selfish and wrong to continue on with this relationship, but how can I honestly tell him that I made a mistake when it’s only been a couple weeks. Is it possible my feelings could change and I could learn to develop romantic feelings for him?

    • Hey Nicole, thanks for sharing this. I commend you for honestly admitting that you made a decision out of loneliness. While I don’t think you should tell him that he was just your time killer for the summer. I would honestly let him know that you don’t believe it was the right decision because you don’t see him as a romantic partner but only as a friend. Hopefully, you will be able to stay friends after.

      Love & Light
      Justine

    • I am wanting some Godly advice as to what I should do with my friend . I have known my best friend for well over 17 years plus but in that time frame we lost touch for whatever reason we both have married and have kids and recently reconnected earlier this year and since then we have created an emotional bond and there has been a physical and sexual attraction. We have FaceTimed a few times and messaged each other however within the last week I have tried to reach out to him by text , calling and messaging him but it just haven’t received a response . I have been lead by the Holy Spirit to pray for him everyday . My question is is me praying for him mean that he is going through a rough time and that the Lord is working in his circumstance and does it mean that he is my future even though I am seeking God’s will about my friend? I have so much love and care for my friend that I won’t stop praying for him! I can’t not stop thinking and caring and praying for him!!

  13. Great post. I have been dating a guy from a completely different country (Africa) who is a Pastor. I am having to find out cultural differences and learning what is cultural and what is his character
    He is so humble and has integrity and makes time when he can but it is very hard. I have got so much from this post
    Thank you

  14. Hi Justine – I loved your article. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and struggle with anxiety. Over the last two months, I have felt disconnected from him and have informed him of some things I’d like him to be doing, like going to church regularly. He has not taken that step, but I still feel very anxious and unsure about our relationship. Any tips you have? Thanks!

    • I should also mention that I find myself not wanting to see him and not wanting to reply to texts, but can’t decide if it’s from my anxiety and wanting to be alone or if the bigger issue is that I know he’s not right for me.

    • Hi Haylee sounds to me like your body is telling you what you have been sending all along – that he is not the right man for you. You have to understand that our mind will protect us from anything that harms us, meaning that if you subconsciously fear that he is not good for you and are stressed about it, it will induce stress hormones that can look like anxiety. You are only hurting yourself by staying. I suggest you truly pray and fast about the relationship and find out what God is telling you to do.

  15. The man I met a year and a half ago meets and exceeds your list. He clearly stated he has prayed for the Lord to bring his future wife from our first date. I have also. It’s been hard to meet someone who agrees to abstain from sex outside of marriage but we have honored this. We love the outdoors and spend every free moment in the mountains. He is my best friend. But I have zero romantic attraction – zero. I’m devastated and don’t know what to do. I’ve begged the Lord to tell me if we’re to marry and believe the attraction will come (?). He is clearly attracted to me romantically. He is 34 and I’m 32. I would be heartbroken to break it off but as of now can’t imagine sleeping together. (We have kissed and it was awful for me.) Does anyone know what the Lord says? Please tell me, Lord.

    • Hi Clare, I don’t think there is a concrete answer to your problem and I can understand that it is a hard decision to make. However, always remember that we are first and foremost brothers and sisters in Christ. If you decide to stay in that relationship even though you are not attracted to him and later on decide to break it off. You will hurt him a lot and that is a horrible thing to do to your brother in Christ. So I suggest you go before God and ask him to show you ways to increase his attraction to you. If it doesn’t work, I don’t believe you should ‘convince’ to get married. Blessings, Justine

  16. We have been together for six years now but sometimes I sense insercurit cos dere was we want our ways and within dat time dat was wen he had a child with someone else bug they are married and now we are back together again am scared but don’t want to trough away our six years of relationship.

  17. hey there, i recently met a Godly man online, we have chatted for 8 months and met twice. we shared common interests such as loving God’s word and reading inspirational and spiritual blogs. I consider him Godly and mature. everything went okay except that we sometimes argue about doctrine 🙂 and as time goes by, as our friendship deepens, I felt confused about his intention the same way he is also confused about his feelings for me and then the rest is history, we are no longer communicating. this blog provided me a confirmation that he is not the one or God’s best for me. same as I am not God’s best for him. God is the best matchmaker i believe. I am now happy being single (nbsb at the age 28) and waiting for God’s best for me.

  18. Hello there,
    I’ve known this guy who has been asking me out for over 10 years I’ve never been attracted to him physically and I think I will never be but we’re friends. Due to some circumstances that I had recently he returned with his quest. I know something for a fact that he lies a lot to impress me and in the meantime he started to pen up about some intimate details about him. When I’m seeing some of the signs I’m telling myself could he be the one? and the same time though he claimed to be a Christian he talks about his dirty fantasies which somehow sully my mind and cause me to have some weird dreams… he has some of the qualities that you talked about but he lacks number 5 and that is the most important point for me and I have been specific to God about this point. please help I can’t really talk to the people in my life about it because they say my standards are too high. Thank you

  19. So iVe started talking to someone new I said I’m not dating anyone I want to better my relationship with god I’m putting him first n plus I’m separated going through a divorce so I didn’t expect to have feelings for someone ..I don’t know if they are a believer but I am and I already have things I need to work on and he respects some what he knows I didn’t open up about that as yet . He knows I go to church and he asked if I prayed which allowed me to be happy cause I got to talk about it. We both have feelings for each other but i said I’m not looking for anyone when I pray on my alone time n boom this person showed up. Idk if it’s from god and I prayed to god asking him to weed out anyone in my life that is not from him or of him and this person is still there so I know they are there for a reason or a lesson or a blessing I just don’t know which.

  20. hi Justine,

    just a question though, say you have such guy who is like this, he is 10yrs older than i’m and my closest friend, he loves me even and in every way but i’m not attracted to him like that, i like him as a friend but not in that way. i even tried dating him but ended up breaking up with him because i did not want to lead him and break his heart even harder when we go further into it.

  21. The guy I talk to has all of this, but he said he’s not ready right now for a relationship and doesn’t know yet if God has him for me other than us just being friends. I feel God has us to be together for the long-term. I think he has his head in past hurt that may be stopping him. I truly love him as my friend, and pray God opens his heart to see what is right in front of him. I feel God sent us both to each other for restoration.

    • Hey Tasia, it sounds to me like you might be holding on to someone who is trying to get away. Even if the two of you are meant to be, it is best for you to stop pursuing this relationship until he comes around himself. Switch your focus to yourself and build up your confidence to attract a man that truly sees value in you. Because if he says he doesn’T want a relationship with you, chances are high that he really means it.

      • He didn’t say he didn’t want a relationship just not right now. We talk daily. We are friends. I live my life, it doesn’t center around him. We are enjoying what is presently manifesting whatever it is. Some people are hurt. I think we jump to conclusion in seeing the negative instead of manifesting the positive. Our words have power.

  22. Hi,Justine i have been dating my guy fr three years now but it got to a certain point everything changed..its like i made rules for on the time to call me and all that and i said hurtful words to him..and from No Where i meet this guy and we got along so well whiles i was dating…later my boyfriend got feed up with me and we broke up..which i couldn’t stand it and begged him to come back to me..but justine i’ve gotten into the other guy so much that he potrays all these signs…and recently too my boyfriend has changed ever since he went to school theres no communication again like how it used to be..i’ve lost interest in my boyfriend now and thinking of moving on this guy because i feel myself when am around him…but my boyfriend also says he won’t leave me alone and am confused and the other guy says he is afraid he might lose me…i dont know what to do….

    • Hey Bel, you need to make up your mind. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend or no? Don’t make the decision between the two men, decide if you would break up with your boyfriend even if the other guy wasn’t in the picture. Because jumping from one relationship to the other, might not even be the best thing to do here.

  23. Hi I loved these key points and somebody came into my life that fits all of this but the thing concerning me is that I feel like we both are weak in the department of waiting until marriage. He has explained his frustration towards me being too formal with him which of course most men may feel unsure if their feelings don’t appear reciprocated, but I’m scared that I won’t be able to control myself if I don’t keep a physical distance and then spoil what could have been a perfect Godly relationship.

    I’ve dated before with intent to marry but that relationship was romantic way too soon and my partner turned out to be a liar, abusive, cheating, etc. and the marriage had to end before it completely destroyed me. Now I’m on track with God. I really don’t want to end up in the same bind again, but this new guy just seems so much better quality then 99% men these days.

    • Hi Christina, I completely understand your dilemma. It’s one that a lot of women find themselves in. But there is a difference between being ‘Too’ formal or distant and introducing boundaries. Boundaries you discuss with your boyfriend and agree upon together. If he can’t respect that boundarie than that’s a red flag.

  24. The guy I’m with does all this ^ what I read the 10 signs. He is loving, caring, loves God respects me, motivates me to keep praying, motivates me to keep on loving God. We meet at church! I’m a pastors child so every has eyes on me so our love we have is hard because we can be together without anyone speaking bad and it’s very complicated and personal but I just need prayer please?

  25. This guy I’m getting to know definitely relates to God the same way I do, and talking to him makes me feel stronger in my faith! He makes me feel good about myself and is so supportive even when I show some insecurity. Especially then, really. He was giving a lot of cues that he really liked me and brought up getting a coffee or lunch, but I’m afraid I’ve been acting too cool/reserved and given him the impression that I’m not interested. It’s just because I’m shy. It seems like that has kept him from really “pursuing” me and setting a time and place. But I can’t be sure. Maybe he is really not the one. I’ve heard that if you feel insecure at all you shouldn’t date the guy. I like him, but I guess I am a little uncertain/nervous. I know you don’t know the whole situation, but even if you just read this and pray about it I know that would be a great help. Thanks!

    • Hey Brianna, I think you are confusing yourself at the moment. Take a deep breath and rest assured that if he is interested in you, shy or not, he will take you out. There are ways you can practice being a little more outgoing, but never assume that being shy is a bad thing. It’s just who you are. Blessings, Justine

      • I know this is extremely late, but thank you so much, Justine! I know now that he was not the one. Your advice was spot on and I feel much better about my shyness. Blessings, Brianna

  26. Hi Justine,

    My fiance and I met online 10 months ago. I initiated the relationship. Which bothered me but maybe is not a big deal. He let me know right away he was still married but just looking to meet or chat and wanted me to know he was still married. I am a christian and he claims to be as well. OUr relationship has had some rough spots. He would say its been amazing. I am very close to the Lord and value my relationship with God more than anything. My question is this. Now that I am engaged I have been waking up with unsettling anxiety. Some days I am excited to marry him but I feel like I don’t truly know him and wondering how I said yes when I see that I am starting to see a pattern in his life. He adores me. He takes me to church. he reads his devotions. He puts me first. He knows the bible well. But I see some patterns of inconsistancy with his lifestyle that really concern me. I was brushing it aside because he would tell me things like he has been married before that is why it is hard for him to not make out with me etc. I believe in sexual purity before marriage as it is a mark of being justified by your faith and truly desire to serve god. He does not get uncomfortable talking about god. But i am the one who comes to him when we “mess up” and tell him how awful i feel. He says he is convicted too… but I wonder why he doesnt come to me and apologize for leading us into sin? The last time bothered me so much I told him I couldnt handle it anymore and he said it wouldnt happen again. and so far it hasnt. How do i know if this man is really a christian? or maybe just struggling with sin in his life? I feel like an idiot for saying yes when I have these doubts. His good qualities are so good. but these qualities greatly cause me distress… we are both in our 30s and have kids from previous marriages. both of our marriages ended from our spouses walking out so we believe we can remarry. I do not struggle with lust or masturbation and he says he does not either… but I can tell he struggles with it. He is very consistant in his devotions and we talk about the lord… sometimes i feel like my passion for the lord is deeper…. He is absolutely head over heels in love with me… sometimes i feel pressure to get married from him( although I think he doesnt mean to) but he is so excited to marry me HELP! We just started biblical counseling as this is super important to me…

    • Hi Cheryl, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I do see a few red flags here, but actually with your behavior rather than his. It seems to me like you are overly concerned with his Christianity, which for one means you didn’t do your due diligence when you started dating and two that you are looking to marry a picture-perfect which does not exist. If you have so many doubts about marrying him, then you absolutely should pump the breaks. But if you are just worried and anxious for nothing, then it’s time to see a counselor/coach and make sure that your limiting beliefs are not sabotaging God’s blessing for your life. Love & Light Justine

  27. I met Lionel around 6 months ago while I was working in Guadeloupe. At this time, I wasn’t living my life very close to God, there were no suitable churches in my area, nor any other Christians, and I had stopped reading my bible regularly. Looking back I can see that I was quite lost as a Christian, and definitely wasn’t living out my faith. Lionel was a good friend of mine and we often hung out together in our larger friendship circle. One day I became aware he was interested in me (as more than a friend) and this led me to start to think about him on more than a friendship level also. At a party one night, we were both drunk and ended up kissing. It was a good moment, but in my head it was a mistake and something I intended to move on from, and not repeat. But during the following days he pursued me, wanted to spend time with me one-on-one, messaged me a lot etc. I didn’t know what was going on and knew in my heart it was doing the wrong thing to be stringing him along. One day I finally got the chance to explain to him that I was a practicing christian and didn’t want to sleep with anyone until marriage. He was intrigued by this, shocked also. It appeared he had never met another Christian in his life, and had certainly not taken an interest in it ever before. But he immediately said he still wanted to see me. I said ok, whatever, knowing that one day we would drift away from each other and that would be it. (I was leaving Guadeloupe about two weeks after that).

    Three months down the line, we both met up in France, having stayed in contact the whole time we were apart. Now in more of a relationshippy area, I liked him a lot more. Heck, I loved him. He had taken a great interest in Christianity, started reading the Bible, praying and doing his own Bible studies. He had changed in other ways as well. He had stopped smoking, masturbating and was drinking less too.

    Now we are in a long-distance relationship, have met each others families and friends. Lionel has been to my uni church and really enjoyed it. He prays everyday as I do also, and we are doing Bible studies over the phone whenever we can. At this point, our relationship has Godly characteristics and is constantly pointing me towards Jesus. Lionel is growing in his faith everyday, and has not stopped being excited about the Bible since the day he bought one and it arrived in the post.

    But I can’t help wondering if this relationship is the one God intended for me. It certainly didn’t start in a Godly place. How can this be God’s plan for me, to be in a relationship with a non-Christian man? Is Lionel going to drift away from his faith in the future? Will he ever go back to his old ways? Is this going to cause problems for us? We have already argued quite a lot together about our compatibility. Granted, we have resolved each argument but I can’t help wondering if this was a sign from God telling me to get out while I still can. There’s also the fact Lionel lives in France and will be based in Guadeloupe until early January. He is 30, I am 21.

    I don’t know, and I feel like I need some advice and guidance, even though i also know it is only me that can make the decision for my life. I have been asking and asking God whether this is right or not. And i just can’t figure it out. I need your help.

  28. i have a question ,there is a young man who loves me so much want me as his girlfriend.He is agood person ,fears GOD and he has most qualities that you mentioned but i dont love him .what should i do ,one reason asto whyb i dont like him is because we dont have the same reasoning

  29. Please, I was in a relationship with girl for almost 2years but not we broke up because we needed sign to be sure we are meant to be, tbh she requested for the break up. With the love I have for her I can’t just imagine myself without her. I tried explaining to her how serious I don’t want the break up but she kept saying it that she would only come back to me when ever she see a sign from God that I’m the right person, but for months now she haven’t seen any sign please what should I do ? And please is it everyone that sees signs from God?

    • Sometimes no sign is a sign as well. You should focus on yourself and pray that God brings you the person that is best for you, even if it is not your ex.

  30. Thank you for sharing. I have been single since 2013 and I am a single mom. I had a old classmate of mine that reached out to me earlier last month, we lost contact with each other for 20 plus years just because of life. But he told me that he got saved back in 2015 and has he started his relationship with the Lord he was praying about a Christian woman for him, he said that God put me in his mind and said I was the one for him. I have been praying about him and I am not sure what the Lord has for me. I am very guarded and very careful when it comes to men. (Why I have been single for so long) he does check a lot of your points but I am scared and I am so use to being on my own that I have convinced myself I don’t need anyone. Really confused and prayers please and any advice will be appreciated. God Bless

    • Hi Yvette, I can totally understand why you are hesitant. But understand that fear is not from God, but faith is. Therefore, honestly ask yourself why you are confused and doubtful. If it is because you ‘fear’ the experiences of the past you should pray about that and ask him to lift those thoughts.

  31. I find someone that as all this 10 qualities in him and am convinced physical in me he is the right person but something bothered me, anytime i prayed to lord to show me the right person, i always see a black guy and tall smiling at me with a open teeth and someone telling me, that my husband in my dream but the guy with these quality is a yellow guy and short and doesnt have open teeth am confused

  32. Hey, I met this guy a year ago and I’ve had a crush on him ever since, a few days ago he admitted to liking me for over a year and he said he had a feeling inside and something clicked inside, he is definitely Christian and so am I, when he told me this we automatically started planning our wedding and future. We’re both nearly 18. How do I know if he is “the one” we’re dating now and we get along so well and I’ve told him my biggest secret and he’s told me his, and he’s helped me to love myself. But I just want a second opinion, I really like him.

    • Hey Maddy, I’m happy you found someone you like so much. My suggestion is to take it slow. Enjoy the time you spend together and observe his words and actions. The best way to know if someone is ‘The One’ is by spending time with him and analyzing if he makes you feel at peace.

  33. Hi Justine, I been in a relationship for almost 3 years. We’ve had our ups and downs. Our downs have been verbally abuse (screaming), lies and I also found out he was talking to his ex. It’s been a struggle for me to trust him. I’ve also seen that he’s been trying to make things right but for some reason it’s really hard for me to believe him at times… to the point of questioning if he truly has a relationship with God like he says he does. I see changes but again the doubts pop in my head .. is it fake? I understand we all are a working progress. But how can I overcome all this confusion I have on my mind? Help please.

    • Hi Izzy! I’m glad you are asking this question because it is so common! I think you mentioned a lot of red flags and I believe you already know what these mean. Understand that your intuition is spot on always! Meaning the ‘confusion’ you are experiencing is a tell-tale sign that something is off. I don’t think I need to give you any advice, because your body and mind are already ringing all the alarm signs. It is totally up to you to decide whether you want to finally do something about it, or stay in a situation that is making you anxious and paranoid. Love & Light Justine

  34. Hi darling I like your blog and it’s what I wanted to know. I meet this guy, actually I gave his friend my number because his friend is looking handsome then him, late on they exchange my contact so he called me. I didn’t like the guy but I could feel that his the one, I had to learn to love him and now I love him with all my heart. We click in everything even sharing the birthday but now the problem is he got a girlfriend of 4years and they look happy, all the time when I’m with him the girl will call and disturbing us after that I would feel okay. He gave me his phone to browse I felt like he’s showing off this girl but later he told me there’s nothing his hiding from me. Let me be patient, he knows what he wants and I’m a exactly what he want. Even me I could feel he’s Sent by God. We both Christians same church but now I don’t know either to be patient with him to end up the relationship his in or what. I feel like wasting my time. I told him that I don’t have to feel this pain in order to own him, what was meant to be mine will find me but seems like on his side easy comes easy goes so please advise me what to do. Oh he told me the reason he doesn’t see future with his partner is that she can’t have kids so that will affect him in life because he got 1 kid from another girl and I also have 2 kids from my ex boyfriend.

    • Hey Yanda, I have to tell you that I don’t think it is smart nor respectful to mingle in their relationship. You are right, what is for you is for you. So why wait for something that is not…yet. If he really means what he is saying, he will follow you once you set your boundaries and leave.

  35. hi dear, I broke up with my ex a month ago, it’s a guy I dated for more than two years but all through the time we dated, there were so many misunderstandings as he isn’t genuinely born again as our beliefs contradict each other.. but last week i got a call from a guy who i know through my ex boyfriend, he is a friend but we not close like that, he had liked me since I was younger but I never said yes not until last week he made his desire known to me that he wants to marry me and he still likes me a lot that he feels in his spirit I am the one for him, he has almost all the qualities u mentioned here but I don’t seem to love him, though I like him but it isn’t deep and I noticed though he is spiritually sound but isn’t stable or consistent yet.. I have been praying but not gotten any conviction about him yet whether to accept him or not..
    please I would love you to advice me and also pray for me regarding this.

  36. Hi I read this 10 things if this is your partner that God has for me and i do understand. I would like to know how can God show who is the man who will grow old with me. I been by myself for so long that sometimes i feel that God has forget me. I am not growing younger and I do God to provide me a good humble and simple who fear the Lord and that will be a strong person in this journey. How can you give me a suggestion or how can i ask. Thank you

  37. Hello!

    Thank you for sharing, I blessed with reading this scripture!

    I met someone in a christian site dating. We comunicated together through social network (facebook). He is a christian, what I appreciate of him is the desire for to pursue God. He has a desire for sharing gospel with other people. I like his zeal for Gospel. Because even I want to share my life with someone that love God and serve him seriosly.
    He was showed with me very open, he showed me everything from his life. I have understand that he is serious about following Christ.
    But now, we have 4 month that don’t talk together. Because he said me “that don’t have peace and waned to hear from God”.
    I aprecciate very very much that he want to know God will. And I am praying for both.
    Even I want to know if is the will of God or no. Beacuse we don’t want to do our desire but desire of God.
    I like him, I like him heart and he expressed that like me.
    The problem is that we live in different states, we speak different language (he speak Arabic and I speak albania, the problem is that I dont very well english and we dont speak together cause I dont speak him.
    But we don’t have any answer from God for us both.
    Sometimes, I wonder God: Why you don’t let two people connect who love You.
    Sometimes I think maybe I am not the right person for him, because I see my sin, how I err every day and I think “maybe I can be obstacle for him and not a helper”
    I don’t know, what I think. I don’t want to think anything.
    I pray that we hear God from his word, I pray that God to run our path. I dont want our desires to be fulfilled but I want the will of God.
    Often I want to give up, but again pray because I say God will answer us.
    And this time we dont have write each other.
    Can you give me an advice or suggestion concering situation?

    Thank you

    Blessings

    • Hello Mery and God bless. Sometimes we read so much information and become so confused about relationships we feel like we are losing our minds. There are many successful relationships that last forever, sometimes even between a believer and non believer. The main thing is as long as your relationship doesn’t lessen your walk with God, don’t rattle your mind with overthinking. Remember, the separation rate between Christian and non Christian relationships is about the same so us Christians don’t exactly set a great example to the world when it comes to relationships yet we constantly preach about unGodly relationships. Have read about life long relationships where one is a believer and the other one isn’t but the relationship has in no way affected the Christians walk with God. It’s only when a relationship lessens your walk with God that it becomes unGodly. Even if we are with an unbeliever, if it doesn’t lessen your walk with God, pray daily and ask God and pray for their salvation, if your prayer is sincere, God will touch their hearts. There are testimonies from Christians who have been in a lasting relationship with a non believer, and sometimes yrs after the relationship starts, the non believer gives their life to Christ. It makes me sad and sometimes angry that people often walk away from someone they truly love because they’ve read about unGodly relationships instead of praying constantly for the salvation of the person. Sometimes people do not know Christ because they were raised to believe that there is no God and who knows, those parents were probably raised the same way. What we haven’t understood is this: There’s nothing wrong with your unsaved loved one (or any other unsaved person) except the devil. No human being who truly understood the salvation Jesus has offered to us would reject that salvation of his own free will. No one!. A relationship is unGodly if it lessens your walk with God. I recently lost a r/ship of 5 yrs, i’m a Christian, they were a non believer, i touched on God with them more than any other previous 2 long term relationships i was in including my first where i was married to a Christian woman, i just didn’t want to push it because they had a past of being physically and verbally abused by men. Sometimes a persons past scars can have a bearing on their beliefs, they just don’t understand about God. If we as Christians genuinely love the unbeliever we are with, pray to God daily with all your heart to reveal the truth to them about God, stay calm and never give up instead of walking away. To me, a r/ship is unGodly only if it lessens your walk with the Lord. God bless.

  38. Hi jus,have dated this guy for a yr before I realize he has a kid,his friends keep saying this guy is hiding a lot of things for me.I don’t call him but he always calls me these days.l pray God bring me the man he knows is the best for me.Thank you very much .

  39. Hi, I just wany to say that the optimism in this blog is something i would love to tap from, that is if Justine will have me. My mum married the wrong man, yet I pray God’s mercy, grace and blessings will be with her. Amen

  40. We were best friends since high school , went our separate ways and married other people, we’ve know each other for 30+years and for over the past 8 years we have been in an emotional long distance relationship…. I’m a Christian he’s a Muslim (different beliefs) ….I cut all contact because I love GOD more And don’t wanna commit adultery in my heart and he’s a distraction , it hurts because we’re best friends, and we are first loves ( his wife knows about us.) . I told him God is not the author of confusion and we are unequally yoked , my heart is so broken!! 6 out of 10 is NOT good

  41. I may only be fifteen, but I think I found the one. My boyfriend fits all of these. I was so insecure about my thighs, my body, but he has helped me out so much by loving me and respecting me. I thank you for this site.

  42. Hi I found a guy and he’s all what I’d been praying for ,he showers me with gifts,he’s kind loyal and loving but I keep getting infections when we make love, is he the one for me?

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