how to make him miss you
Ahh, finally a topic where I can shine. Why? Because, since I started this blog in 2017, I have had tons of trial and error in this field.
In the past few years, I’ve had a long-distance relationship, multiple situationships, and a very emotionally unavailable boyfriend.
And given that I used to be very clingy and needy, I would always try to control a man’s actions by using psychological tricks.
Huge mistake, trust me!
The truth is we all have been at a point in the getting-to-know-you stage when a man suddenly pulls away. Sometimes it’s his need for space and sometimes it’s because he has lost interest.
Whatever it is, it sucks!
Because that’s when you start wondering if anything is wrong and get anxious. And then you start asking yourself “Will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time?”. And then you start to worry that this may be the end of the relationship because he doesn’t call and text as often as he used to anymore.
And I’ve been there more times than I would like to admit. Sometimes it was because I wanted my ex-boyfriend to miss me, sometimes I wanted the new guy in my life to show me more attention.
You can see that I have learned a thing or two about long-term relationships and what not to do. This is why today I’m spilling the beans on how to make him miss you.
How do you make a guy miss you like crazy?
Thanks to all the research I have done to learn how to identify “The One” over the years, I’m very well versed in the male psychology around missing a woman.
And I can tell you off the bet that playing games will not work.
Playing hard to get, or using the silent treatment are just petty ways of making him feel bad and a surefire way to push him further away. Instead, the right way to make a guy miss you like crazy is to show him that you are a confident independent woman that knows her worth.
You have to be so consumed with your own life and having a good time, that he will want to be part of your universe. And I know that sounds easier said than done, but it is the truth.
How to make him miss you psychology
Before I dive into the steps on how to make him miss you, I first want to look at the psychology behind why we miss people. As we all know by now, it’s human nature to need community. We are social creatures that need each other. But even more specifically, we need close connections.
A family and/ or friends we share an intimate relationship with. Not only physically but also emotionally.
So it’s safe to say that most people crave a level of intimacy, companionship, and lasting connection with others. And when that intimacy is not given, we experience loneliness.
That’s when we start missing someone. That’s because when you no longer get to interact and be with the person you like, their absence starts to hurt. A lot of times it can even feel like physical pain. Stomach, gut, heart, you know what I mean.
Of course, our goal is not to inflict physical pain on the man we love. But to make him decide that not being with you is much more painful than it is fun to be single. We want him to desire to be in a serious relationship with you.
When does a man start to miss you?
Most experts even say that it takes guys about 8 weeks to miss you. This doesn’t come as a surprise, considering most men will have a great time at first after a breakup.
The good news is that feeling does not last a long time.
A man starts to miss you when he feels like you are slipping right through his fingers. Because male psychology is built on attraction. And attraction is fueled by scarcity.
That means a man’s attraction and desire for you rises and falls with how much access he believes he has to you. If he feels like there is a hurdle he needs to overcome before he can get your undivided love and attention he will be intrigued to go the distance.
However, if he feels like you are available to him no matter how much effort he puts in, he will start to lose interest, because there is no challenge.
A man loves to pursue a woman!
And no matter how controversial this is, at the end of the day, it’s true. If you’re the type of woman that expects effort and investment on his part, his desire to prove himself will be strong. So strong that he becomes absorbed with ideas of how to win you over.
So, when does a man start to miss you? When all he thinks about is you and how to become your number 1 guy.
But the question still remains, how do you get him to miss you like that? Here are my 7 tested and proven steps on how to make him miss you.
How to make him miss you
Now here is the thing. You don’t just want a man to miss you, right? You actually want him to get back on his A-game and pursue you as if you were the last woman on earth.
I know this is a little exaggerated, but hard times call for drastic measures. Therefore, these tips won’t just make him miss you but make him want to seal the deal and want a committed relationship with you. Especially, if you want your ex back.
1. Stop initiating contact
Number one is probably the most important step in your attempt to make a man miss you. As a woman, we like to be in “control” of the situation. Therefore, when a man becomes distant and doesn’t check up on us like we want him to. The first thing that comes to mind is to check in with him.
So we come up with a “valid” reason why we need to contact him. Like a joke about the season finale of insecure or a fun new Instagram meme that reminds you of him.
Girl, nice try! But you need to cut it…SMH
A great way to make him long for you is to give him space to miss you. And that’s only going to happen if he hasn’t heard from you in a while. So, if you always check in with him, you don’t even give him the chance to in the first place.
In addition, he now is so used to you contacting him every few days. So why would he?
That’s why you need to stop looking for reasons to call or text him and instead spend more time with your friends to keep yourself distracted. Go shopping, take a spin class, or book a weekend trip home.
Eventually, he is going to notice that something changed, start to miss your interactions and get back to pursuing you properly.
2. Become your own best friend
Ladies, here is the thing about attraction. We are attracted to people that we think are living a great life because we want to be part of it.
No one is attracted to a man that spends every day in his basement playing video games. In the same way, no guy is attracted to or misses a woman that lays on her bed all day waiting for his text messages.
So, if you want to make a man miss you quickly, then you have to become your own best friend and proceed to have fun. Go do new things that the two of you talked about doing, without him. It can be little things, like hiking, visiting a new city or country, or even starting a side hustle.
You want him to think “Dang she did not even ask me if I wanted to join”.
Become your own best friend, stop waiting around for him to show up, or dial your number and start living your best life.
The best thing you can do to make your ex-boyfriend or any other man miss you is to make realize that your life does not revolve around him and that if he wants to be part of it he needs to keep up with it.
3. Create some mystery around your life
Now it’s time to get serious, or let’s say mysterious!
If there is one thing that we can learn from men then it’s that they are really good at only sharing with you what they want you to know. Basically…not so much.
And honestly, that is an important life hack. Even in a romantic relationship.
Therefore, the next step to make him miss you is to fall off his grid completely. You want him to wonder what you are up to and to get frustrated about having no clue without contacting you.
So, if you are someone that posts on her Ig stories consistently, take a break or block him/hide your content from him. Leave some room for him to imagine you having fun without him, or worse with someone else.
If you have not talked to him in a week, you don’t want him to know everything you did just from following your social media.
Remember that men tend to lose interest if they already know everything there is to know about you. It makes them feel like they have already conquered you and lessens their excitement about you. So trust me when I tell you that a little bit of mystery goes a long way.
Keep him interested in you by being a woman of many surprises, passions, and a lot of fun. That won’t just make him miss you but also make him eventually want to commit to you.
4. Be memorable when you are with him
There are two types of women men remember. The woman that broke his heart and the woman that made his life a lot of fun. You ideally want to be the latter of the two.
In order for a man to miss you, you need to ensure that you leave an impression on him whenever you are with him. You want him to smirk every time he thinks of you.
And the best way to achieve that is by being a great person to be around. The next time the two of you meet or talk you want to be in a good mood and engaging.
Make it a point to cultivate happiness on your own, so that when you are together you have plenty to share. After all, nobody misses hanging out with a negative Nancy. We only miss things and people that are positive.
So, by you becoming his personal happy pill and getting him hooked, you ensure that he misses you every time the two of you are
5. Let him live his life
Now this one may seem counterintuitive at first. Obviously, you want him to miss you, not to live his best life without you.
How dare he!
But, hear me out. The psychology behind how to make a guy miss you is a little twisted. Because in order to make him desire to spend more time with you, he needs to start disliking the time away from you.
Ironically, when you give a man space to fall in love, he is more likely to. So, instead of clinging to him like a leech, encourage him to live his life and don’t check in with him when he is preoccupied with other stuff.
The more freedom he has while dating you, the more he is going to miss your confidence, trust, and spontaneity when he is not. The goal is to give him enough alone time so that he wants to spend the remaining amount of free time with you.
Remember that the end goal is to get him to commit. So, you have to show him that being with you won’t feel like imprisonment but like an upgrade from single life.
6. Stop giving a damn
Okay, I have to be honest with you. When I started writing this post I was really torn. I kept thinking “Why are we chasing a man that isn’t checking for us?”.
But then I realized that the secret to how to make a man miss you and commit is the exact opposite of chasing him. It’s the subtle art of not giving a damn that wins you his attention and effort.
Instead of worrying about the why, how, and when he will text or call you back. Make it a point to chill, not check, and not stress. Forget about him to the best of your ability by keeping yourself busy with personal projects or work.
Try to incorporate mindfulness activities whenever you think of him. Some of my favorite mindfulness tools are meditating, coloring, and journaling. That way you don’t get tempted to contact him in a moment of weakness.
These exercises will help you face and release your emotions, rather than suppressing or obsessing over them. That way you avoid being led by your anxiety and allow for healthy actions.
Because telling him that you miss him or are afraid he is losing interest will only put more pressure on him and lead to him pulling away even more.
7. Stay open and soft
What makes dating so hard, is that there is a fine line between pushing and pulling that every woman needs to master if she wants to succeed.
While pushing activities are mostly masculine energy activities like calling, texting, planning, and controlling. Pulling activities, on the other hand, are feminine activities like listening, allowing, receiving, surrendering, and being. Thankfully, you can learn how to become a more feminine woman.
It’s natural that when a man comes back after missing you that you want to punish him by being offended and angry at him. But that only means that you waited for him, rather than being busy focusing on yourself.
That’s why the most powerful thing you can do when a man tries to get close to you again, is to remain open and receptive. By doing so he won’t only regret pulling away but it’s also how men fall in love. By showing him that you are a safe place.
Now that does not mean that you take back a guy that ghosted you and went MIA for weeks!
But it means that you don’t blame or shame a man when he contacts you again. If you feel the need to do that then your goal should not be to make him miss you but to leave the situation altogether.
Remember that a healthy relationship will allow you to stay soft and open aka feminine. While a relationship with the wrong person will make you feel anxious and controlling.
Will no contact make him miss me?
The famous no contact rule. Does it work or is it just mind games?
I say it can be both. The no contact rule can be a very effective way to make a miss you, especially after a breakup. And here is why.
On one hand, it allows gaining enough space from him to focus on yourself. By cutting all communication, you unknowingly perform many of the above steps I mentioned above and trigger his curiosity. Hence, it’s a great step in the right direction if your goal is not to wait until day 31 to contact him again but simply continue on with your life.
On the other hand, if you desperately count the days until you can call or text him again and keep tabs on him through mutual friends, then it’s a waste of time and won’t make your ex miss you. Because energetically you are still sending him all the attention.
After all, there are two reasons why a man misses a woman. One, because he is nosy and wants to know what you are up to without the intent of getting into a relationship again.
And two, because he misses your company and feels like something is missing in his life. You want to evoke the latter of the two and inspire real lasting commitment.