how to make him miss you and commit
When it comes to dating, there is a point in the getting-to-know-you stage when a man will pull away. Sometimes it’s the familiarity and sometimes it’s his need for space.
Whatever it is, it sucks!
Because it leaves you wondering if anything is wrong and breeds anxiety. You start to get worried that this may be the end of the relationship.
After all, he doesn’t call and text as often as he used to anymore. So what now? How do you make him miss you again, without coming across desperate.
Well, that’s what this blog post is about. Whether you want your ex-boyfriend to miss you, or the new man in your life to miss you a little more.
In this article, I break down how to make a man miss you and commit. But before we dive into the steps, we first need to look at the psychology behind why we miss people.
How to make him miss you psychology
As we all know by now, human beings need community. We are social creatures that need each other. But even more specifically, we need close connections. One or more people that know us well enough that we can be intimate with them. No just physically but also emotionally.
So it’s safe to say that most people crave some level of intimacy, companionship, and lasting connection with others.
And when that intimacy is not given, we experience loneliness.
That’s when we start missing someone. When you no longer get to interact and be with the person you like, their absence starts to hurt. A lot of times it can even feel like physical pain. Stomach, gut, heart, you know what I mean.
Of course, our goal is not to inflict physical pain on the man we love. But to make him decide that not being with you is much more painful than the fun of singleness is enjoyable.
When does a man start to miss you
In short. A man starts to miss you when he feels like you are slipping right through his fingers. Let’s face it, the male psychology is built on attraction. And attraction is fueled by scarcity.
Therefore, a man’s attraction and desire for you rises and falls with how much access he believes he has to you. If he feels like there is a hurdle he needs to overcome before he can get your undivided love and attention he will be intrigued to go the distance.
However, if he feels like you are available to him no matter how much effort he puts in, he will start to lose interest, because there is no challenge.
A man loves to chase and pursue a woman. His desire to prove himself is so strong that when you require effort, he becomes absorbed with ideas of how to win you over.
So, when does a man start to miss you? When all he thinks about is you and how to become your number 1 guy.
But the question still remains, how do you get him to miss you like that. Well, here are my 7 tested and proven steps on how to make him miss you and commit.
How to make him miss you and commit
Now here is the thing. You don’t just want a man to miss you, right? You actually want him to get back on his A-game and pursue you as if you were the last woman on earth.
I know this is a little exaggerated, but hard times call for drastic measures. Therefore, these tips won’t just make him miss you but make him want to seal the deal and commit to you.
1. Stop initiating contact
Number one is probably the most important step in your attempt to make a man miss you. As a woman, we like to be in “control” of the situation. Therefore, when a man becomes distant and doesn’t check up on us like we want him to. The first thing that comes to mind is to check in with him.
So we come up with a “valid” reason why we need to contact him. Like a joke about the season finale of insecure or a fun new Instagram meme that reminds you of him. Girl, nice try!
But you need to cut it….
Understand that sometimes you need to give him space to miss you. And that’s only going to happen if he hasn’t heard from you in a while. So, if you always check in with him, you don’t even give him the chance to. In addition, he now gets used to you contacting him every few days. So why would he?
That’s why you need to stop looking for reasons to call or text him and instead spend more time with your friends to keep yourself distracted.
Go shopping, take a spin class, book a weekend trip home.
Eventually, he is going to notice that something changed, will start to miss your interactions and get back to pursuing you properly.
2. Become your own best friend
Ladies, here is the thing about attraction. We are attracted to people that we think are living a great life because we want to be part of it.
No one is attracted to a man that spends every day in his basement playing video games. In the same way, no guy is attracted to or misses a woman that lays on her bed all day waiting for his text.
If you want to tap into the “how do I make him miss me psychology”, then you have to become your own best friend and proceed to have fun. Go do the things the two of you talked about doing, without him.
You want him to think “Dang she did not even ask me if I wanted to join”.
Because you are not waiting around for him to show up or dial your number before living your best life.
In order to make your boyfriend miss you, he needs to realize that your life does not revolve around him and that if he wants to be part of it he needs to keep up with it.
3. Create some mystery around your life
Now it’s time to get serious, or let’s say mysterious!
If there is one thing that we can learn from men then it’s that they are really good at only sharing with you what they want you to know. Basically…not so much.
Therefore, my favorite step on how to make him miss you and commit is by falling off his grid completely. You want him to wonder what you are up to and to get frustrated about having no clue without contacting you.
So, if you are someone that posts on her Ig stories consistently, take a break or post less.
Leave some room for him to imagine you having fun without him, or worse with someone else. If you have not talked to him in a week, you don’t want him to know everything you did just from following your social media.
Remember that men tend to lose interest if they already know everything there is to know about you. It makes them feel like they have already conquered you and lessens their excitement about you.
And that is something you absolutely need to avoid. Keep him excited about you by being a woman of many surprises, passions, and a lot of fun.
That won’t just make him miss you but also make him realize your value.
4. Be memorable when you are with him
There are two types of women men remember. The woman that broke his heart and the woman that made his life fun. You ideally want to be the latter of the two.
In order for a man to miss you, you need to ensure that you leave an impression on him whenever you are with him. You want him to smirk every time he thinks of you.
And the best way to achieve that is by being a great person to be around. Each time the two of you meet or talk on the phone you want to be in a good mood and engaging.
Make it a point to cultivate happiness on your own, so that when you are together you have plenty to share. After all, nobody misses hanging out with a negative Nancy. We only miss things and people that are positive.
So, by you becoming his personal happy pill and getting him hooked, you ensure that he misses you every time the two of you are not together.
5. Let him live his life
Now this one may seem counterintuitive at first. Obviously, you want him to miss you, not to live his best life without you.
How dare he!
But, hear me out. The how to make him miss you and commit psychology is a little twisted. Because in order to make him desire to spend more time with you, he needs to start disliking the time away from you.
Ironically, when you give a man space to fall in love, he is more likely to. So, instead of clinging to him like a leech, encourage him to live his life and don’t check in when he is preoccupied with other stuff.
The more freedom he has while dating you, the more he is going to miss your confidence, trust, and spontaneity when he is not.
If you want him to chase you and commit, you have to show him that being with you won’t feel like imprisonment but like an upgrade from single life.
6. Stop giving a damn
Okay, I have to be honest with you. When I started writing this post I was really torn. I kept thinking “Why are we chasing a man that isn’t checking for us?”.
But then I realized that the secret to how to make a man miss you and commit is the exact opposite of chasing him. It’s the subtle art of not giving a damn that wins you back his attention and effort.
Instead of worrying about the why, how, and when he will text or call you back. Make it a point to chill, not check, and not stress. Forget about him to the best of your ability by keeping yourself busy with personal projects or work.
You can try to incorporate mindfulness activities whenever you think of him. That way you don’t get tempted to contact him in a moment of weakness. Some of my favorite techniques are:
These exercises will help you face and release your emotions, rather than surprising or obsessing on them.
That way you avoid being lead by your anxiety and allow for healthy actions. Because telling that you miss him or are afraid he is losing interest will only out more pressure on him and lead to him pulling away even more.
7. Stay open and soft
What makes dating so hard, is that there is a fine line between pushing and pulling that every woman needs to master if she wants to succeed.
While pushing activities are mostly masculine energy activities like calling, texting, planning, and controlling. Pulling activities, on the other hand, are feminine activities like listening, allowing, receiving, surrendering, and being.
It’s natural that when a man comes back after missing you that you want to punish him by being offended and angry at him. But that only means that you waited for him, rather than being busy focusing on yourself.
That’s why the most powerful thing you can do when a man gets close to you again, is to remain open and receptive. You want him to regret pulling away by showing him that with you he has a safe place to return to.
Now that does not mean that you take back a guy that ghosted you and went MIA for weeks!
But it means that you don’t blame or shame a man when he contacts you again. If you feel the need to do that then your goal should not be to make him miss you but to leave the situation altogether.
Because a relationship with the right one will allow you to stay soft and open aka feminine. While a relationship with the wrong person will make you anxious and trigger you to take control.
There are two reasons why a man misses a woman. One, because he is nosy and wants to know what you are up to. And two, because he misses your company and feels like something is missing in his life. You want to be able to evoke both feelings in him. And by following these steps you will.