How long does it take to get over a relationship?
The saying “time heals all wounds” could not be further from the truth. Especially, when it comes to breakups from long-term relationships.
The truth is, time heals nothing!
Because the healing process is different for everybody and depends on factors like the length of the relationship, and whether it was a bad breakup or not.
There is no timeframe for when your broken heart needs to heal.
And to help you through this very rough emotional state, I decided to answer the very popular question “how long does it take to get over a relationship?”.
What are the 5 stages of a breakup?
The first thing you might notice during your grieving process is that on some days you feel better than on others. One day you feel good and like you are slowly moving on and then the next day you feel devastated again.
Unfortunately, this is very normal when you go through a breakup.
Relationship experts and therapists agree that after the end of a relationship we go through the 5 stages of grief as identified by psychologists.
These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And as you know by now you go back and forth between the different stages and each one lasts for a different amount of time.
So, the best thing you can do in order to get over a relationship is to surrender the time component and instead focus on healing in a healthy way.
How do you get over a long-term relationship?
Getting over a heartbreak is not easy.
Especially if it was a mutual breakup, but you still love each other. I get that. I’ve been there, done that and it sucks.
But it happened and now it’s time to get over him so that you can get back to your real life and hopefully attract a new relationship.
1) Grieve the relationship
The first step to getting over a long-term relationship is to grieve the relationship. Allow yourself to experience all the emotions the breakup brings up, including the negative emotions.
The best way to truly process the pain of a breakup is to allow the sadness and anger in and express it. Cry, scream, or even punch a pillow if you need to.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve a failed relationship. As long as your coping strategies help you release any strong feelings and don’t hurt others, take advantage of them.
2) Forgive
There is nothing harder than forgiving a person that hurt you, right? Wrong! It’s even harder to forgive a person that hurt you, that you still love.
When a relationship ends, it’s very common for your ego to run havoc in your mind.
You are in so much pain that it’s hard to remain objective and accept what happened. So instead we try to justify what happened by looking for a villain. Either your ex becomes the villain or you.
Yes!
If you have good self-esteem, you usually blame him, but if your sense of self is chipped then you might blame yourself. This is why the next step is often the hardest part.
You have to forgive your ex and yourself for the ways in which you added to the demise of your last relationship.
By forgiving both of you, you let go of your ego’s attachment to him and get one step closer to healing.
3) Commit to your new life
I think the number one thing that keeps you from recovering from a breakup of a long-term relationship is that you are more committed to the past than you are to the future.
Change that around.
Become more concerned with your next relationship and your future. Focus on creating a life you love with your close friends, and your family, and a career you enjoy.
Find ways to create more moments of joy, through new experiences.
The more you increase the good times in your life that distract you from your former partner, the faster you will see the negative feeling subside and get to a better place mentally and emotionally.
How long should you be single after a long-term relationship?
Again, there is no magic number when it comes to this. What matters is the state of your mental health and if you feel ready to enter the dating pool again.
Do you feel like you have let go of the anger towards your ex? If not, then chances are high, you are not ready to love again. So instead of trying to meet unrealistic expectations of healing after a breakup, make sure it’s a clean break and that you have closed the chapter.
Otherwise, dating will be a futile attempt.