Am I ready for marriage

A beautiful white dress, a gigantic rock, and living happily ever after.

For a lot of us women, marriage is a fantasy that we have been dreaming of most of our lives. And now that we might have found ‘The One’, there shouldn’t be any more problems, right?

But how do you know that you are really ready to get married? Because of your age? Your experiences? Or your intentions?

Before you consider walking down the aisle, ask yourself if any of these 10 signs you are not ready for marriage apply to you.

10 Signs you are not ready for marriage

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The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

10 Signs you are not ready for marriage

1. You just want to be married

Be honest with yourself. Have you been planning your wedding and marriage for the past 10 years?

Do you know exactly what your wedding dress should look like, how tall your future husband should be and what type of house you want to live in *cough, cough white picket fence?…

If that’s you, you might run the risk of idolizing “marriage”.

What is the problem with that? As a Christian, we are warned against the idolization of anything else but God (Deuteronomy 5:6-7). Meaning that no material thing, no person or state of being shall be more important to us than doing God’s work.

You will know you are not ready to get married if you put your desire to be a wife before your desire to please God.

But what if God’s plan for you is to be married in 10 years from now? Will you despise him because he didn’t meet your schedule?

Don’t desire “just” to be married. Desire to please God and marriage will hopefully follow.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33

not ready for marriage

2. You want to have “guilt-free” Sex

This point is a very important and relevant topic in the Christian community.


Because we all understand that sex is an act of love, exclusive to marriage. And that having sex outside of marriage with your boyfriend or fiancé is a sin according to the Bible.

However, a lot of times young couples will rush into marriage so that they can have sex without being in sin.

While I commend the devotion to the word, I also believe that sex should never be your main driver for marriage.

In 1 Corinthians 7:9, Paul writes

“But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Simple, but great point. Don’t have sex with multiple people, but only with one, your spouse!

However, does that mean you should quickly tie the knot so that you don’t need to learn how to control yourself? Nope!

Instead, this should encourage you to use your single season to work on one of the fruits of the spirit – self-control.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:22-24

The truth is, the flesh is strong, no matter if you are single or married. And if you never learned to put your fleshly desires under the control of the holy spirit while you were single, it will remain a challenge once you get married.

3. You feel lonely

Oh boy, how often have I laid in my bed, watched Hallmark and wished that I had the kind of love depicted on the screen.

Someone to cuddle with, connect with and love.

Little did I know that at that very moment it was my loneliness speaking. The feeling of loneliness is very real and often likes to disguise itself as other emotions.

For example, you might feel sad, restless or jealous. And those are not nice feelings.

However, the last thing you want to do when you are lonely is to get into a relationship to cover-up that state of mind. During that time you won’t be able to attract God’s best, because you don’t feel your best.

A relationship born out of loneliness, will oftentimes turn manipulative, toxic or destructive and leave you more broken than before.

In addition, your partner should never have to carry the burden of curing your loneliness.

Instead, both of you should enter the relationship healthily, fulfilled and know that God is the only one that can fill the feeling of emptiness in your life.

So the next time you ask yourself “Am I ready for marriage?”, make sure it is not your loneliness speaking.

how to get ready for marriage

4. You desire to live a lavish lifestyle

I don’t want to downplay any hardship you might be facing in your life. And that in fact, getting married to be in a better financial position might be a hope of yours.

Nevertheless, I know for a fact that men don’t appreciate women whose primary reason for marriage is financial gain. And oftentimes they don’t respect a woman who is after their money neither.

A thriving relationship consists of two people who want to invest, not just money, but time, love and commitment.

If you are in fact in a financial situation that makes you desperate for a partner, then you’re primary goal should be to change your own situation and get back on track. They say “you attract what you are” so make sure you don’t attract someone that is using you!

5. All your friends are getting married

Fun fact about me. I’m Christian, single and almost 30! While that might sound like a normal description to you, to some women these words sound like a death sentence.

And you know what I had to stop thinking that way myself a few years ago.

There is nothing wrong with being single if you are waiting on God’s timing. Because there is no such thing as peer pressure in His book. He created everybody’s life uniquely differently.

So for him, you are not behind, and your friends are not ahead. Instead, everybody is exactly where she is supposed to be. And if comparison is one of your weaknesses, then it’s a signs you are not ready for marriage.

are you ready to get married

6. You think you will be happier

Just like with loneliness, your marriage is not supposed to be your main source of happiness. True happiness is found in your relationship with God, followed by a life dedicated to the Lord’s work.

A relationship should simply be the cherry on top of your already fulfilling life.

So, if you really want to know hot get ready for marriage, then you should start focusing on yourself. Find out what makes you happy and what God has called you to do in this lifetime.

7. You want to catch up

Way too often we put timeframes on our life goals.

Rather than saying: ” I will graduate college with a major I love, get married when I’m ready and have kids when I’m able to provide for them spiritually and materially”.

We say something like: “I want to graduate college by 22, be married by 23 and have kids by 25.

However, by putting timeframes on your goals you limit God and show that you don’t trust his plan for your life. After all, he is the one that promised Abraham a child and then allowed himself 25 years before following up on it.

All you need to do is trust him.

Don’t try to catch up to what you decided life should look like when you were a teenager.

Instead, try to catch up to the vision God has for your life by identifying your gifts and talents and finding out how to use them while waiting.

8. You want to have kids

I looooooove kids! And I know first-hand that I will make a great mom (just ask my nephews).

However, bringing kids into this world is no small task. In fact, it’s a major assignment from God. That’s why you need to be patient and choose wisely who you decide to build a family with.

Nothing will influence your kids’ life more than the life you and your husband provide for them. Including the romantic relationship, they get to witness every day.

signs you are not ready to get married

9. You want to be #relationshipgoals

Can we all agree that there are some hashtags that have the power to ruin our mood for days?

One is #fitfam because I’m definitely the adopted child of that family. And another one is #relationshipgoals.

Beautiful couples in their stunning wedding gowns or on vacation in the Maldives explain best what that hashtag is about.

Inspiring and entertaining? Absolutely! A highlight real out of the lives of people who still argue behind closed doors and have to deal with the same issues as we do? Heck yea!

If deep down you are more excited about changing your relationship status on Facebook, posting pictures of #bae on Instagram and planning a Pinterest worthy wedding.

Then you are more in love with what it looks like to be married than what it takes to be married.

Yes, marriage is beautiful so I hear (I’m single remember), but it’s also serious work (I have very credible sources). 

If this one sign out of the 10 signs you are not ready for marriage matches you, then use your single season to prepare. Make sure you are just as ready to go through the bad days then you are to go through the good days.

not ready to get married

10. You want to get closer to God

Bruhhhhhhhh what?

God’s purpose for your life, God’s desire to have a relationship with you and God’s ability to work in your life does not only start once you get married.

It starts when you accept God as your Lord and Savior into your life. That’s when you put yourself in the sweet position to get closer to God every day.

Marriage, just as your immediate family or work, is a ministry that will enable you to experience God’s presence in your life from a different perspective. And it is your opportunity to shower another human being with the type of love God calls us to develop.

If you, however, rely on your marriage to get you closer to God, the relationship will suffer.

10 Signs you're not ready to get married

Do any of these 10 signs you are not ready for marriage sound like you?

If yes, I want you to meditate on marriage scripture. Look into 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 or Hebrews 13:4-7 and find out what a godly marriage looks like.

Go before the Lord and ask Him to show you areas of thinking that are selfish, discontent or manipulative. He will teach you what it looks like to be ready for marriage and transform your heart.

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16 Comments on Am I Ready For Marriage – 10 Signs You’re Not

  1. You are a very wise young lady. I wish someone had told me this when I was young. (I probably wouldn’t have listened though. Just keeping it real!)
    God bless you!

  2. I’m a married blogger with seven kids. And (for some reason) get a lot of traffic to guest blogs about this topic of Christian dating on my blog. This is BY far one of the absolute best posts I’ve read on this topic. So honest. I say all this to say that not only did I click on this post, read it thoroughly and found it helpful to those who are in this season of life (basing this off of how I remember feeling 15 years ago) but I actually took the time to go back to Pinterest where I found the blog and pin in to my Christian dating board so others coule find it. Seriously. I don’t usually even leave comments on blogs anymore but I know as a blogger we relish in knowing that not only are we coming across LOUD and CLEAR but are killing the technical aspects of blogging.

  3. Wow Elaine thank you so much!!! I adore your site and have found a lot of practical tips for my own Christian life on it before, so I appreciate your feedback. I’m happy that this blog post is resonating with women in different stages of life. It’s important to me to share the truth of my own wicked heart, so that not only can people learn from it, but become the testimonies that I never saw before. Thank you this really encourages me to keep sharing!

  4. Hello,
    I really enjoyed reading this post. It really made me think. I am 28 and single and I have been in a few relationships back in college, that when I look back on them now, they weren’t really REAL relationships, lol, because I didn’t know what & how a relationship should look like, so I missed a lot of red flags & ultimately experienced heartbreaks. But I’m grateful to know what I know NOW & wish I knew better then. But I thank god for wisdom that’s come with age. I say all this to say, I do get lonely sometimes, but I’m not out here trying to find somebody to make me feel better. I try to shake it off & enjoy my own company. I love love, & I desire for companionship because I want to share my life & my love for doing good in the world with THE ONE God has for me. I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t believe it’s for me anymore because each year that passes by, each of my friends have gotten married, had kids, engaged, in a relationship, etc, & I’m out here trying to keep a straight face from crying lol. I still celebrate with them & I’m genuinely happy for them, but it gets lonely now a days bc the hang outs & calls with them have decreased tremendously & I understand that their attention is elsewhere now. Anyway, I don’t mean to rant on & on, but I’m just caught between a rock & a hard place spiritually & idk how to be hopeful anymore. I know it’s not the end of the world, but I just wonder when it’ll be my turn. I used to pray about it but now it’s like “eh, if it happens, cool. But I don’t know if it will.” I’m just trying to be optimistic & focus my mind on doing God’s work (I’m a Sunday school teacher now) & I want to be content 24/7 & be so lost in God that I take my mind off of this finding a mate thing, because isn’t there a saying that says things happen when you least expect it? But isn’t it ok to want to expect/want it? Idk, I’m just all over the place mentally & emotionally over this. Any advice you can share?

  5. I know exactly how you feel. I’m almost 28 and single Pringle! I’ve just been through a season where I was living alone in a city away from home and I didn’t know anyone. I stayed there for 15months and still didn’t connect with anyone. I experienced loneliness like never before. It was so hard and painful – many many years and sadness. Now God called me back home and I am not as lonely but it was good for me to have gone through that. I know that even if I never get married, I will be ok. And I’m much closer and focused on God now, knowing that I had to rely on him to be my company.
    All of this to say, don’t despise what those moments of loneliness are doing in your heart. All things work together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose!

  6. Great article!
    I’m number 2 all day (gotta work on that self-control), a little of number 4 (financially speaking it’s hard out here on your own) & a sprinkle of number 6…..

    CONCLUSION:I ain’t ready yet…pray for me y’all!

  7. Thank you very much for the content. I came upon it just at the right time. I am in said season and so far it’s been and still is such a struggle to not look back. Please also advice on how do I keep the right goal infront of me to keep from falling back into Instant gratification.

  8. Next year I would be 30, I am in a 5yr relationship and I’m still not sure if he is the one. In this relationship we are trying to do everything in order to fulfill expectations of internal and external parties,In doing so everything just feels unnatural and forced. Within your article what really capture my soul was when you mentioned that we don’t need a time frame to have this perfect life, God has a purpose for all of us, we are unique and God gives us opportunity to grow within ourselves within our lifes. I have felt this before, it feels almost unfelt its like 2nd nature when it happens all you have to do is trust the voice within. I feel as if I have lost my voice within when it comes to my relationship. I had realised after reading the article and all the comments that I don’t need to make myself unhappy just to suite this image that had been imprinted in our minds. This idea of living this ideal lavish life. God is simple, he knows the answer. Thank you Justine for this fantastic read.

  9. Hi Justine,
    Thank you so much for this, I am literally crying right now.
    These are the words that I really need to hear. I thought marriage is the answer for my loneliness and I am a Christian lady too but having a hard time waiting for the right time to come.
    Thank you, this post is full of wisdom that comes from the Lord!

    Thanks! 🙂

  10. Wow I really needed to read this …so encouraging especially to read it at night when I tend to feel lonely. I’m a 39 year Christian woman that’s still waiting on God for marriage. It has been difficult and I have probably at some time or another fit every description that you listed for not being ready. I definitely know the grave mistake of hoping into relationships out of lust or neediness and the consequences of the heartbreak and abuse is just not worth it!!

    I was one of those people that put my life on a timeline as a teenager because I believed the adults in my life that told that I could plan my life as I wanted and that I was in control. I now understand that they were probably trying to encourage me to stay on the right path so that I wouldn’t get caught up in making wrong choices in high school.

    However, no one tells you how to cope when things such as marriage and kids don’t fall on your scheduled time and you end up feeling like a failure as people/ family keep reminding you of your age and biological clock. Looking back, I’m soo happy that God told me no to the guys I was willing to settle for by basically allowing every relationship to dismantle even though I ignored all the red flags in the beginning.

    Please be encouraged because the Word of God says..”that the blessing of the Lord maketh thee rich and added no sorrow…”

  11. Hello Justine, im a 25 Christian woman who’s struggling in many aspects of her life and dealing with anxiety.. Just in about two hours, I’ll be meeting my non-Christian boyfriend and I intend to break up with him tonight. It’s been really painful and tough and while I continue to remind myself of how powerful God is, I fear that I will second guess my decisions and have doubts in my heart. Thank you for writing this and if anyone reads this and doesn’t mind, I would really appreciate a prayer.. 🙁 thank you..

  12. Yes I’m ready to get married. He’s told me numerous times that he loves, cares and wants to marry me. The reasons stated above aren’t me at all. I was married before and lost him a couple years ago. When I get married it’s because I want to share my life with the person! But we both have to want this move and be ready! I’ve been seeing this person for over a year.

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