Am I ready for marriage?
A beautiful white dress, a gigantic rock, and living happily ever after.
For a lot of us women, marriage is a fantasy that we have been dreaming of most of our lives. And now that we might have found ‘The One’, there shouldn’t be any more problems, right?
But how do you know that you are really ready to get married? Because of your age? Your experiences? Or your intentions?
Before you consider walking down the aisle, ask yourself if any of these 10 signs you are not ready for marriage apply to you.
10 Signs you are not ready for marriage
1. You just want to be married
Be honest with yourself. Have you been planning your wedding and marriage for the past 10 years?
Do you know exactly what your wedding dress should look like, how tall your future husband should be and what type of house you want to live in *cough, cough white picket fence?…
If that’s you, you might run the risk of idolizing “marriage”.
What is the problem with that? As a Christian, we are warned against the idolization of anything else but God (Deuteronomy 5:6-7). Meaning that no material thing, no person or state of being shall be more important to us than doing God’s work.
You will know you are not ready to get married if you put your desire to be a wife before your desire to please God.
But what if God’s plan for you is to be married in 10 years from now? Will you despise him because he didn’t meet your schedule?
Don’t desire “just” to be married. Desire to please God and marriage will hopefully follow.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33
2. You want to have “guilt-free” Sex
This point is a very important and relevant topic in the Christian community.
Because we all understand that sex is an act of love, exclusive to marriage. And that having sex outside of marriage with your boyfriend or fiancé is a sin according to the Bible.
However, a lot of times young couples will rush into marriage so that they can have sex without being in sin.
While I commend the devotion to the word, I also believe that sex should never be your main driver for marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7:9, Paul writes
“But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Simple, but great point. Don’t have sex with multiple people, but only with one, your spouse!
However, does that mean you should quickly tie the knot so that you don’t need to learn how to control yourself? Nope!
Instead, this should encourage you to use your single season to work on one of the fruits of the spirit – self-control.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:22-24
The truth is, the flesh is strong, no matter if you are single or married. And if you never learned to put your fleshly desires under the control of the holy spirit while you were single, it will remain a challenge once you get married.
3. You feel lonely
Oh boy, how often have I laid in my bed, watched Hallmark and wished that I had the kind of love depicted on the screen.
Someone to cuddle with, connect with and love.
Little did I know that at that very moment it was my loneliness speaking. The feeling of loneliness is very real and often likes to disguise itself as other emotions.
For example, you might feel sad, restless or jealous. And those are not nice feelings.
However, the last thing you want to do when you are lonely is to get into a relationship to cover-up that state of mind. During that time you won’t be able to attract God’s best, because you don’t feel your best.
A relationship born out of loneliness, will oftentimes turn manipulative, toxic or destructive and leave you more broken than before.
In addition, your partner should never have to carry the burden of curing your loneliness.
Instead, both of you should enter the relationship healthily, fulfilled and know that God is the only one that can fill the feeling of emptiness in your life.
So the next time you ask yourself “Am I ready for marriage?”, make sure it is not your loneliness speaking.
4. You desire to live a lavish lifestyle
I don’t want to downplay any hardship you might be facing in your life. And that in fact, getting married to be in a better financial position might be a hope of yours.
Nevertheless, I know for a fact that men don’t appreciate women whose primary reason for marriage is financial gain. And oftentimes they don’t respect a woman who is after their money neither.
A thriving relationship consists of two people who want to invest, not just money, but time, love and commitment.
If you are in fact in a financial situation that makes you desperate for a partner, then you’re primary goal should be to change your own situation and get back on track. They say “you attract what you are” so make sure you don’t attract someone that is using you!
5. All your friends are getting married
Fun fact about me. I’m Christian, single, and almost 30! While that might sound like a normal description to you, to some women these words are painful.
And you know what I had to stop thinking that way myself a few years ago.
There is nothing wrong with being single if you are waiting on God’s timing. Because there is no such thing as peer pressure in His book. He created everybody’s life uniquely differently.
So for him, you are not behind, and your friends are not ahead. Instead, everybody is exactly where she is supposed to be. And if comparison is one of your weaknesses, then it’s a signs you are not ready for marriage.
6. You think you will be happier
Just like with loneliness, your marriage is not supposed to be your main source of happiness. True happiness is found in your relationship with God, followed by a life dedicated to the Lord’s work.
A relationship should simply be the cherry on top of your already fulfilling life.
So, if you really want to know hot get ready for marriage, then you should start focusing on yourself. Find out what makes you happy and what God has called you to do in this lifetime.
7. You want to catch up
Way too often we put timeframes on our life goals.
Rather than saying: ” I will graduate college with a major I love, get married when I’m ready and have kids when I’m able to provide for them spiritually and materially”.
We say something like: “I want to graduate college by 22, be married by 23 and have kids by 25.
However, by putting timeframes on your goals you limit God and show that you don’t trust his plan for your life. After all, he is the one that promised Abraham a child and then allowed himself 25 years before following up on it.
Don’t try to catch up to what you decided life should look like when you were a teenager.
Instead, try to catch up to the vision God has for your life by identifying your gifts and talents and finding out how to use them while waiting.
8. You want to have kids
I looooooove kids! And I know first-hand that I will make a great mom (just ask my nephews).
However, bringing kids into this world is no small task. In fact, it’s a major assignment from God. That’s why you need to be patient and choose wisely who you decide to build a family with.
Nothing will influence your kids’ life more than the life you and your husband provide for them. Including the romantic relationship, they get to witness every day.
9. You want to be #relationshipgoals
Can we all agree that there are some hashtags that have the power to ruin our mood for days?
One is #fitfam because I’m definitely the adopted child of that family. And another one is #relationshipgoals.
Beautiful couples in their stunning wedding gowns or on vacation in the Maldives explain best what that hashtag is about.
Inspiring and entertaining? Absolutely! A highlight real out of the lives of people who still argue behind closed doors and have to deal with the same issues as we do? Heck yea!
If deep down you are more excited about changing your relationship status on Facebook, posting pictures of #bae on Instagram and planning a Pinterest worthy wedding.
Then you are more in love with what it looks like to be married than what it takes to be married.
Yes, marriage is beautiful so I hear (I’m single remember), but it’s also serious work (I have very credible sources).
If this one sign out of the 10 signs you are not ready for marriage matches you, then use your single season to prepare. Make sure you are just as ready to go through the bad days then you are to go through the good days.
10. You want to get closer to God
God’s purpose for your life, God’s desire to have a relationship with you and God’s ability to work in your life does not only start once you get married.
It starts when you accept God as your Lord and Savior into your life. That’s when you put yourself in the sweet position to get closer to God every day.
Marriage, just as your immediate family or work, is a ministry that will enable you to experience God’s presence in your life from a different perspective. And it is your opportunity to shower another human being with the type of love God calls us to develop.
If you, however, rely on your marriage to get you closer to God, the relationship will suffer.
Do any of these 10 signs you are not ready for marriage sound like you?
If yes, I want you to meditate on marriage scripture. Look into 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 or Hebrews 13:4-7 and find out what a godly marriage looks like.
Go before the Lord and ask Him to show you areas of thinking that are selfish, discontent or manipulative. He will teach you what it looks like to be ready for marriage and transform your heart.