A guide for single Christian women
The one thing I am the proudest of in my life is my life. That might sound vain to you, but trust me when I tell you that it’s not what you think it is.
I’m not rich, and I’m not famous, but I’m blessed.
As a Christian single woman, I have not always considered myself blessed. For a long time, I was looking for my worth and fulfillment in all the wrong places – a man, a job, a title.
So much so, that I was unhappy. I thought that as long as my marital status said single I can’t be fulfilled.
It took a while until I realized that I already had everything I needed. I had flexibility, opportunities, and a healthy dose of self-esteem.
My life was full!
And even though today’s culture will oftentimes tell you otherwise. Being single has its benefits. All you need to do is to shift your perspective.
Christian single woman struggles?
I know a lot of you can relate to how I felt.
Sometimes the desire and pressure to find a future husband so that you can fit into church culture is depressing. And unfortunately, Christian church leaders have yet to do a better job of acknowledging Christian single women.
This is partially the reason why I started this blog in the first place. Because it felt like I was struggling by myself with no one to take my worries to without feeling ashamed.
But the truth is you don’t have to struggle as a single girl.
There is a way for single Christian women to enjoy this season wholeheartedly. And in this post, I share how to.
How can a Christian be happy single?
The most important thing to enjoying single life is to understand that no outside circumstance can make you feel good about yourself.
Instead of waiting for your life to start once you find Mr. Right, you have to learn to enjoy life in the present moment. You have to choose joy amid challenges.
And I know it’s easier said than done.
But as always I won’t let you hang by simply telling you to “choose joy”.
Instead, I am providing you with practical steps. Below are 10 of the things that I did over the last few years that have helped me be a happy single Christian woman.
Single Christian women’s guide to enjoying life
1. Build/ deepen your relationship with God
Question. How do you know if you are good at being in a serious relationship?
I remember asking myself that for years. You see I had never been in a loving, healthy relationship. And while I could look to others for an idea, I wanted to experience it myself.
Fast forward a few years and now I am certain that I would be good at it. Why?
Because I have experienced God’s love and forged a beautiful relationship with Him. A relationship that is based on honesty and trust and encourages total vulnerability.
A thriving relationship with Christ will help you prepare for marriage. Because it teaches you that a relationship shouldn’t be performance-based but built on commitment and sacrifice.
The truth is the relationships that we see on social media or even in the Christian community only give us a highlight reel of what love should look like. But the Bible tells us what God’s design is for love.
After all, he is the author of love and who we should strive to emulate in intimate relationships.
2. Live a full life
As I already mentioned above, I’m pretty proud of my simple life. At age 29 I have traveled to more than 23 countries, lived in 7 countries, and experienced a lot of adventures.
And that’s only because I refuse to wait for the right man to come into my life before I do things I always wanted to do.
I proudly maintain a “Single’s bucket list”. And that bucket list isn’t any different from my general bucket list. Because I’m committed to living a full life. And so should you.
Go on the trip, visit that restaurant, and buy the house!
Life is too short to wait for anybody.
And if you really have certain experiences you’d enjoy better with company, then figure out if it is something you can do with family members or your best friend.
Don’t make the mistake to wait, when you could be living.
3. Pursue your purpose
My favorite tip in this guide for single Christian women is to pursue your purpose!
What other interests do you have in life besides work, school, and church?
Don’t get me wrong, all three of these are important and it’s good that they play a big role in your life. But what else do you like?
What are the unique causes and things God has put on your heart?
You see, I didn’t know I was called to help women navigate singleness until I started writing. And now single Christians all over the world find my website and enjoy it.
Your purpose is something that will encourage you but also make your day more enjoyable. Because it tabs into your God-given gifts and talents and will possibly affect your entire life.
So use this season to go on a spiritual journey that helps you find your purpose. So that once you find your godly man you have even more to share with him.
4. Desire marriage, but don’t worship it
I have been pretty outspoken about this topic in the past.
Desiring marriage is nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I believe it is noble to enjoy and anticipate something that God calls “a good thing”.
However, it becomes a problem if it’s all that’s on your mind.
For a lot of single Christian women, marriage becomes an idol and is all they think about day in and day out. The problem with that is, that you lose sight of what God intended for this season.
In order to be happy and single, you need to set your mind on things above like the scripture says (Colossians 3:2).
You want to work on God’s kingdom here and now. Because even in your season of singleness he has a divine purpose for you.
Marriage is not the end all be all of what life is.
So don’t worship the idea of marriage that you set your expectations so high, that when you do get into a relationship, it won’t live up to it.
5. Learn to steward your household
My favorite part of being a young single woman is that I lived alone multiple times and had my own household to take care of.
This makes me feel like a real grown-up.
When you live alone you learn a lot. You learn how to take care of yourself. You learn how to manage your cleaning schedule. And you learn how to budget, live frugally and spend on things that matter.
It might not sound like fun, but trust me it can be a source of true happiness.
And on top of that, it is a great way to prepare for marriage while single.
6. Become the best version of yourself
A lot of single people spend time wishing that they were healthier, more successful, or fitter. And when you ask them what keeps them from achieving those things it’s a lack of time.
One of the benefits of being single is that you have time.
This means you have time to invest in your personal development. You can focus on your health, spirituality, or career. Whatever part of your life you have been meaning to improve.
Even if your goal might not be to run a marathon or become an entrepreneur.
Becoming the best version of yourself is a journey that increases your sense of self and allows you to persevere during hard times.
7. Spend time with other Christian Singles
While I love doing things solo, I still cherish the time I spend socializing with others.
Especially other Christian singles.
Nothing beats community with other believers. They can lift you up when you are having a bad day and relate to your struggles.
So make an effort to meet new people in your local community and church. Or sign up for different social gatherings with young people in your neighborhood.
Use them as opportunities to develop your interpersonal skills and become a well-rounded social person.
8. Practice self-care
If you follow me on Instagram, then you know that I celebrate a special day every month, which I call Self-Love Saturday.
That day is about nothing and no one else but me! On that day I celebrate myself, my life, and the little things that make life worthwhile.
On that day I treat myself in many different ways:
- I read God’s word in the morning
- Go for a walk or run
- Treat myself to a lunch
- Get a manicure or pedicure
- Take myself shopping
- Take myself to the movies
It really depends on my need and my wallet. And I do all this to acknowledge the beautiful life I have because of God’s grace.
Practicing self-care and self-love is a beautiful way to appreciate yourself and simultaneously enjoy single life. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time out of your day.
9. Get involved in ministry, local community/ missions
As I mentioned earlier, God created your life for a purpose. He is not surprised by the number of years you spend single. And he also knows exactly when you will meet “The One”.
Until then, you can only trust in God and occupy your time with other things.
To be specific, you can start getting involved in ministry and serve. Most Christian churches are in need of volunteers all year round.
Whether you help clean up your local community or embark on a mission trip. Doing something that allows you to change perspective and serve others will help you enjoy singleness more.
10. Invest in yourself
Girl, now is the time to be selfish and invest in yourself.
As you read above, I treat myself, I travel, and I work in ministry. But I also started this blog, which was an investment in myself and my future.
Yes, creating a blog is not cheap. In terms of monetary value but also time.
Now that I have a clue of what I need to do daily to maintain this blog, I spend around 20 hours per week on it. But before, I would spend up to 5 hours a day on my blog, developing, writing, and studying to become better.
Does that mean you have to create a blog to invest in yourself? Absolutely not!
But it means you could start the online jewelry business you’ve been thinking about, the cooking channel on YouTube you’ve been too afraid to launch, or go on the networking trip to China to find out if a wholesale business is feasible.
Whatever helps you to get to the next level of yourself, invest in it.
Because later on when you are married and maybe have kids your time and resources will be limited.
Benefits of being a single woman
I usually don’t like to compare singleness to a relationship, because I think they are very different from each other.
But I know that many of you are asking yourselves “is single life better than a relationship?”.
Well, now that I have been in a committed relationship for a while, I can share what I found out.
More Free Time
As a single Christian, you have so much more free time you can spend however you like. That is something that I have been missing lately.
Because I’m in a new relationship, my priorities have shifted. Meaning that nowadays if I have free time I either spend it with my boyfriend or friends, which very rarely leaves time for just me.
Even though my boyfriend and I are not married yet, I already have responsibilities regarding him and our relationship.
Because we are dating with purpose, we are intentional about preparing ourselves for a lifetime commitment. And that means doing the work.
You constantly are reminded to compromise, sacrifice or adjust parts of your life.
Being part of a couple means your decisions affect two people and not just you.
Godly advice for singles
Of course, I can’t finish this post without leaving at least a word of encouragement for my fellow single Christian ladies.
Whether you might have been single for much longer than you hoped. Or miss the intimacy of a committed relationship. It can be though!
I know firsthand how hard it can be to find contentment in this season. And I honestly don’t believe any godly woman should ever strive for contentment.
You should strive to be happy!
With that said, however, I have to admit that the best dating advice I can give you is to remember that being single is not a curse and being in a relationship is not a cure-all.
Trying to escape your single season because of loneliness or anxiety won’t lead to a healthy relationship. Instead, becoming whole and finding the right person will lead to a healthy relationship.
Like I said many times before in this blog post. You can be single and happy if you choose to be.