5 Steps to dating with purpose: Dating advice for Christian singles
As a Single Christian Woman, you might ask yourself what the difference is between dating and courting? I know, I did.
Is one holier than the other? Or is courting just another word to describe the exact same thing?
After careful research I found out the following:
Courtship is the wooing of a romantic partner, traditionally a man’s courting of a woman (usually with the hope of marriage). – Vocabulary.com
Meaning it is the traditional way for a man to wine and dine a woman with the goal to marry her. What is the difference to dating? In my opinion, it’s the intention behind it – marriage.
While nowadays some couples date just so that they can have someone to cuddle during the holiday season (also called cuffing season), without the intent to ever enter matrimony. Courting is supposed to last only until both individuals decide they have observed the other enough and are ready to build a union.
It’s like they are dating, but with a purpose. And that’s what Christians are called to do.
When entering a godly relationship with another Christian we are called to honor the other person as the brother or sister in Christ that they are and therefore be purposeful in the interaction. By respecting their time, their emotions and their body.
However, dating with purpose is still a relatively new concept to some and therefore I decided I’ll share with you today 5 Steps to dating with purpose for some Christian dating advice.
1. Serve a common (greater) purpose
I have a love-hate relationship with the first couple ever mentioned in the Bible. Adam and Eve. Why, because they had ONE job and failed at it.
But as much as I like to hate on them, I understand that God put them there for a reason. And knew exactly what they were going to do, SMH.
And yes, when I see Eve, I’ll have a few questions…
However, one of the many things we learn from Adam and Eve is the dynamic and roles in a relationship.
In Genesis 2, God introduces Eve for the first time, but not until he has given Adam a job. A sense of purpose. And once he introduces Eve, he actually gives her not the same, not a different one but a complementary purpose to Adam’s.
Believe it or not, we have all been called to a very unique purpose in life. Something that God will hold us accountable for when we meet him. Something we are supposed to do to edify the church.
The beauty about your purpose is that he will send you people to add to your team. Brothers and sisters in Christ that feel led to support, encourage or guide you. But even more importantly he will send you a husband whose vision complements yours.
In order to date with purpose, your partner and you should have a common or complementary vision for the things you would like to see transformed in the world. It could be something small, like honoring God with your musical talents by becoming part of the worship team at your church.
Or it could be something big like pointing young adults to Christ, by building a ministry around the struggles this group faces. Ohhh look at my purpose with justinemfulama.com *whoop whoop!
Whatever it may be, your boyfriend and you should discuss your individual purposes and goals and find out if they actually match. That way you can make sure that you lead each other towards it, not away from it.
2. Develop/ Communicate your goals for the relationship
Goals, goals, goals.
Basically, the number one ingredient for a couple that is dating with purpose. Sit down with your man and ask each other what your goals for the relationship are.
Discuss topics such as purpose, personal and spiritual growth, marriage and family.
Of course, these topics don’t necessarily need to be implemented right away, but they will help you get an idea of his level of commitment and whether he is ready for a long-term relationship or marriage.
Communicating your goals clearly will help you identify if you are on the same page and interested in the same thing. It’s a way to vet the other person and see if you are compatible at all.
Moreover, it will help you to hold each other accountable and decrease the risk to get stuck in a situationship.
5 Steps to Dating With Purpose
3. Be intentional
Point number 3 on how to date with purpose perfectly fits after number 2. Because setting goals is what allows you to be (more) intentional in your relationship. Once you identified what you are working towards, you move through the relationship stages with a plan.
You get to enjoy each other’s company, but you are also very intentional about progressing the relationship. You start to merge your lives, meet each other’s families and get help from wise council.
Your goal should be to find out more about him by observing his wants and needs, understanding his personality and identifying his love language (highly recommended).
You also get to discuss what his idea of a healthy relationship vs. a toxic relationship is and agree on how you would like to communicate with each other.
And lastly, you can take intentional steps to grow together rather than apart and encourage each other to date with purpose.
Being intentional about your life together is what differentiates dating from courtship.
4. Setting boundaries
As you might know, I believe that setting boundaries is the number one way to inspire a man to commit.
However, even if it wasn’t, setting dating boundaries is still my most used Christian relationship advice as it helps you to guard your heart.
Because when you set boundaries you get to pace your emotional, physical and financial investment into the relationship and learn to give as you receive rather than overextending yourself.
Which doesn’t just guard your heart but also your mind.
And yes, I know that a lot of women have a hard time setting boundaries because they are afraid that he might leave. But I can assure you that setting boundaries has the opposite effect on a man that truly wants to be with you.
It gives him a sense of urgency and triggers his desire to pursue you.
Healthy boundaries while dating are your layer of protection from heartbreak and will show you whether he is in it for the right reasons or not.
5. Put yourself first
Last but not least, ladies, I must tell you that until the ring is on your finger, you are your own priority.
Use this time to understand your value and learn how to enforce your standards by communicating them respectfully.
Because only if you know what you deserve you will be able to become an equal partner in the relationship and marriage later on.
Truth is, while you are dating with purpose is the best time to teach him how you want to be treated and what behavior you will and will not accept. By putting yourself first and showing him that you respect yourself you allow him to get to know the real you and choose whether he likes you or not.
Reality is, even if you are dating with purpose, you have to remember that it is not marriage yet and therefore your boyfriend should not be getting husband benefits.
As you can see the concept of dating with purpose really isn’t that new and is quite simple, to be honest. Following these 5 steps on how to date with purpose will help you date well so that love will last.
I hope this Christian dating advice eliminates your confusion about the purpose of dating and facilitates a smooth relationship.
Looking for more advice for Christian singles? Or wondering how to have a godly dating relationship? Check out my YouTube channel for more content.