Equally Yoked: What Does It Mean When Dating?

Equally yoked dating

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about compatibility?

If it’s zodiac signs, then I have to disappoint you, this is not that kind of blog.

Most of us when we think of compatibility, think of looks, size, height, and most likely race. In our minds, the perfect match looks like Barbie and Ken – perfect.

But have you ever asked yourself if these perfectly sculpted plastic people would have gotten along in real life?

Or would they have argued over the little things like communication, quality time, and closet space We will never know!

But what we do know is that in real life, you need to choose bae based on more than just great hair and an impeccable smile. Especially if you want a serious relationship.

For single Christian women, it means you need to make sure the two of you are equally yoked above all.

To help you understand the meaning of equally yoked when dating, I’m sharing 5 categories to keep in mind.

What does equally yoked mean biblically?

The concept of being equally yoked stems from 2 Corinthians 6:14 (CSB):

Unequally yoked verse:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

In God’s word, it actually speaks of the opposite phenomenon – an unequal partnership. Here God’s commands are clear. Don’t team up with unbelievers in any area of your life, not just dating.

But to break it down even further let’s look at the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

Equally yoked meaning:

A wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (such as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together.

The emphasis here is on working together. Whether we refer to business partners, your best friend, or your love interest.

Therefore being equally yoked means two people who are put together for a purpose. And the verse points out that two people who don’t have the same purpose should not be linked together.

And we can look at it from the perspective of dating.

What does being equally yoked mean in dating?

It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t help you break down biblical principles or teachings in simple everyday practices. So, here are 5 ways you can apply being equally yoked to your dating life.

1. Faith

Number 1 is faith, religion, or your spiritual beliefs of course.

In the above bible verse, we are called to not be in a relationship with an unbeliever, someone that does not believe in our lord Jesus christ.

While you might argue about whether or not this specifically refers to a marriage relationship and what he means by “unbeliever”, I want to break it down to a practical level.

Your religion or faith is at the center of who you are. Whether you agree or not, all your values and beliefs have been shaped by religion, from the time you were born.

The USA, Germany, Nigeria, and many other countries, all have laws in place that are based on simple commands from the Bible.

Therefore, your thinking is largely influenced by what you believe to be your (human) rights.

But besides that, your faith is the most vulnerable part of you. It’s the source you entrust your whole life to.

As a Christian, you want to be able to profess your faith in Christ openly and unashamed. And once you get married, you want a partner that encourages you and reflects God’s love.

And that can only happen if you are equally yoked with a godly man that shares the same religious beliefs as you.

So you have to pay attention to his spiritual foundation in the dating process, to ensure you don’t get yourself into an unequally yoked marriage.

2. Values

As I briefly mentioned above, we all have core values and principles that govern our lives and determine how we act on a daily basis.

They encompass everything from faith, family, and finances to honesty, benevolence, and love.

They make us who we are and in relationships, you have to have similar values to your partner for the relationship to work.

Definition of compatibility:

A state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.

One way how to tell if you’re a good match is whether these values are similar or in conflict with each other.

A relationship can only survive and master the challenges ahead if you can agree on the big things while compromising on the little things.

Relationships are always a lot of work, no matter what. The easiest way to master them is by being a team and tackling the challenges as a united front.

The best way to know if you are with the right person is by asking important relationship questions early on. “What are your spending habits?”, “ How do you handle challenging situations?”, “How do you want to raise your children?”.

These questions will give you an idea of your relationship compatibility and maybe even marriage compatibility.

3. Outlook on life

The third category that determines whether you are in an equally yoked relationship or not is my favorite one – outlook on life.

How do you and your boyfriend approach life and the future? Are you like-minded?

Like-minded definition:

People who are described as like-minded share the same opinions, ideas, or interests.

One of the many secrets of people in healthy relationships is that they share similar goals, purposes, and visions for their lives. They are in sync when it comes to their plans and projects for their relationship and future family.

A simple explanation to look at is positivity vs. negativity, discipline vs. laziness, and ambition vs. comfort.

By observing these character traits prior to a lifetime commitment you can asses whether you are truly a good match or will frustrate each other down the road.

You want to make sure that you understand what everyday life with him will look like in the future. So, do your due diligence in getting to know the real him and find out if you are on the same wavelength.

4. Family Dynamics

There is nothing that influences the success of the marriage more than family dynamics. And yet so many of us shy away from that topic with our partners.

Believe it or not, even if your boyfriend is a follower of Christ he still had a different upbringing than you. Meaning his family and their relationships will seep into yours.

This is why it’s important to make sure you get along with his family, but also that you respect and enjoy their influence on your relationship.

Find out how involved you both want your parents to be and what caring for them in their old age will look like.

Having your family and friends onboard with the relationship will make things much easier.

5. Chemistry

Ayeee, finally! Let’s talk about the spicy stuff!

Contrary to popular Christian belief I wholeheartedly think that attraction is important when dating. But when I say attraction I mean the delicate mix of physical, emotional, and spiritual attraction which to me equals chemistry.

Chemistry definition:

A connection, a bond or common feeling between two people, especially when they are strongly attached to each other.

Being romantically compatible and feeling chemistry in a relationship is vital when choosing a partner for life.

A good sign that you and your partner are compatible is when you feel a pull towards him and as if you can’t take your hands off him.

Even if you are waiting until marriage, there will be a sexual attraction that makes you want to jump the broom asap.

So look for a man that you feel drawn to. A lot of the time it will be his humor or his charm, but sometimes it’s his wit or kindness.

Whatever it is that attracts you to him, will be what keeps the relationship fun and spicy in the long run.

Because couples that have chemistry and connect on an interpersonal level have better conversations, better sex, and more fun together.

Why must we be equally yoked?

I know that the topic of equally yoked dating can be quite frustrating for many Christian singles. Especially for black women that are looking to date with purpose. Why?

The fact is that there are more women in the Christian community than men and it can feel like there aren’t enough to choose from.

But the reality is, you don’t want an unbelieving husband as the head of your household. Because the two of you will steer your family in different directions, which will lead to many problems in the marriage.

It’s common sense!

And while that might mean you have to date for longer and pay more attention to deal breakers, it will pay off in the end.

Can two believers be unequally yoked?

Yes! Two believers can be unequally yoked.

As I mentioned above, I believe that there are different levels of spiritual connection, emotional connection, and mental connection that have to align in order to make a relationship work.

So if you are equally yoked on a spiritual level, but don’t share the same core values when it comes to your finances you are still incompatible.

Remember that faith is not the only or even the most common reason why marriages fail. Most couples get divorced over finances and family, regardless of their spiritual growth.

So you can’t make your faith alone the deciding factor.