Equally Yoked: How to Know if Someone is Right for you

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about compatibility? If it’s zodiac compatibility, then I have to disappoint you, this is not that kind of blog. 

Most of us when we think of compatibility, we think of looks, size, height, and most likely race. In our minds, the perfect match looks like Barbie and Ken – perfect. 

But have you ever asked yourself if these perfectly sculpted plastic people would have gotten along in real life? Or would they have argued over the little things like communication, quality time and closet space?

We will never know. 

But what we do know is that in real life, you need to choose bae based on more than just great hair and an impeccable smile. 

Before the relationship gets serious, you need to find out if the two of you are truly equally yoked, meaning if you are compatible. 

In this post, I’m bringing you the 4 categories that will decide whether you and your partner are compatible and help you to know if he is right for you

Equally yoked relationships vs unequally yoked relationships

1. Faith

Number 1 is faith, religion or belief. And in order to best define this category I’m sourcing from the Bible in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (CSB): 

Unequally yoked verse:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

In this verse, we are called to not be in a relationship with an unbeliever, someone that does not belong to the body of Christ.

While you might argue about whether or not this specifically refers to a marriage relationship and who he means with ‘unbeliever’, I want to take this point to a very simple and practical level. 

Your religion or faith is at the center of who you are. Whether you agree or not, all your values and beliefs have been shaped by religion, from the time you were born.

The USA, Germany, Nigeria and many other countries, all have laws in place that are based on simple commands from the Bible. 

Therefore, your thinking is largely influenced by what you believe to be your (human) rights.

But besides that, your faith is the most vulnerable part of you. It’s the source you entrust your whole life to.

As a Christian, you need to be able to profess your faith in Christ openly and unashamed. Your partner should be the one encouraging you in your faith. Only if you are equally yoked with a man that shares the same belief in Jesus that will be possible.

And in order for you to be in an equally yoked relationship, you want to make sure that your spiritual foundation is the same.

2. Values 

As I briefly mentioned above, we all have core values and principles that govern our lives and determine how we act on a daily basis. They encompass everything from faith, family, finances to honesty, benevolence, and love.

These core values should be compatible.

Compatibility Definition: 

A state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.

One way how to tell if you’re a good match is whether these values are similar or in conflict with each other. Because if your core values do not align, then the relationship will always be a struggle

A relationship can only survive and master the challenges ahead if you can agree on the big things while compromising on the little things.

Relationships are hard, no matter what. The easiest way to master them is by being a team and tackling the challenges as a united front.

The best way to know if you’re in the right relationship is by asking the tough questions early on.

“What are your spending habits?”, “ How do you handle challenging situations?”, “How do you want to raise your children?”. 

These questions will give you an idea of your relationship compatibility and maybe even marriage compatibility. 

3. Outlook on life 

The third category that determines whether your relationship is equally yoked and how to know if someone is right for you is my favorite one – Outlook on life. 

I had a hard time finding an umbrella word for this category, but what I basically mean by that is if you and your boyfriend are like-minded when it comes to the way you approach life and the future.

Like-minded definition:  

People who are described as like-minded share the same opinions, ideas, or interests. 

One of the many secrets of people in healthy relationships is that they share similar goals, purposes, and visions for their lives. They are in sync when it comes to their plans and projects for their relationship and future family. 

Good mindsets to assess are positivity vs. negativity, discipline vs. laziness and ambition vs. comfort. 

By observing these character traits prior to a lifetime commitment you can asses whether you are truly a good match or will frustrate each other down the road. 

Because one common mistake that couples face in their relationships is that one person inspired the other for a short time.

But once the honeymoon stage is over and both people go back to being their real, unexciting selves, their default setting might not at all be who you fell in love with. 

Therefore, do your due diligence in getting to know the real him and find out if you are on the same wavelength. 

4. Chemistry

Ayeee, finally! Let’s talk about the spicy stuff! 

Contrary to popular belief I wholeheartedly think that attraction is important when dating. But when I say attraction I mean the delicate mix of physical, emotional and spiritual attraction which to me equals chemistry. 

Chemistry definition:

A connection, a bond or common feeling between two people, especially when they are strongly attached to each other. 

Unequally yoked relationships

Romantically compatible

Being romantically compatible and feeling chemistry in a relationship is vital, when choosing a partner for life, considering that you want to be intimate with him. 

A good sign that you and your partner are compatible is when you feel a pull towards him and as if you can’t take your hands off him.

Even if you are waiting until marriage, there will be a sexual attraction that makes you want to jump the broom asap. 

So look for a man that you feel drawn to. A lot of the times it will be his humor or his charm, but sometimes it’s his wit or kindness. 

Whatever it is that attracts you to him, will be what keeps the relationship fun and spicy in the long run.

Because couples that have chemistry and connect on an interpersonal level have better conversations, better sex, and more fun together. 

In conclusion, the way to know if someone is right for you is by identifying if you are equally yoked.

Couples that are compatible in the above categories have a better chance in the long run and are what keep couples together long after his hair started to fade and her teeth fell out from giving birth. 

Equally Yoked: How to Know if Someone is Right for you

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