Signs he wants a serious relationship with you
When you start dating someone new, there is one very important question, besides “Is he The One?”.
And that is whether or not the man you are dating is looking for the same thing as you – a long-term relationship.
Because the last thing you want to do is to get emotionally attached to someone who doesn’t see a future together.
But if you are anything like I used to be then you might be afraid to ask him straight up. And I get it, trust me. You don’t want to look needy or push him away.
So, instead, you have come to this blog to find out about the different signs he wants a serious relationship with you.
No worries, I got you. In this article, I share some of the undeniable signs a man will give off that show that he desires to be in an exclusive relationship.
10 Obvious signs he wants a serious relationship with you
1. He pursues you
Before I get to this point, I want to mention that I strongly believe there is nothing wrong with a woman reciprocating interest in a man by calling or texting him first from time to time.
However, I believe that a woman should never be the only one that initiates all the contact. Especially, when you first start interacting on dating apps or before the first date.
When a man is truly interested in being with you, he will show you. You won’t ask yourself: “Does he want to be with me?”, because he will pursue you hard.
You won’t have to constantly wonder where he is or what your relationship status is because his actions align with his words.
Instead, with the right guy, you will feel that you have his attention because he checks in on you on a daily basis and is eager to keep the communication going.
2. He is consistent
A strong sign that he wants to be your boyfriend is that he is consistent.
Thankfully, this point can be observed very early on in the dating phase. Is he consistent in his communication and availability?
Or does he sporadically send you the last-minute “hey what’s up” text on a Friday night?
A man that is serious about getting into a real relationship with you, wants to make a good impression and wants to find out as much about you as possible.
He will use every opportunity to talk to you. You will receive a text message from him during his lunch break or a phone call when he is on his way home from work.
In addition, he will make time to meet up in person consistently to forge a strong relationship.
There won’t be long periods of time where he is MIA and you are wondering if something is wrong, instead you will feel like he is truly invested.
Because if he sees you as a potential partner he desires to be close to you.
3. He progresses the relationship
We all know what it is like to be in a situation where it feels like time is standing still and after 3 or even 6 months of dating you are still not official.
That is usually the case with a man that does not want to commit and avoids the topic altogether. However, when you meet a man that knows exactly what he wants and doesn’t fear going after it.
Therefore, one of the biggest signs that a man is looking for a long-term partner is that he will be intentional.
He will gradually increase the amount of time he spends with you and looks for opportunities to increase his involvement in your life.
Instead of just going on evening dates once a week he will want to see you more frequently and for longer periods of time and in different settings. He will move from dating to courting quickly.
4. He respects your boundaries
Boundaries are the best way to figure out a man’s intentions for you and discover whether he is ready to commit or not.
Whether you have boundaries around physical intimacy, how much time you spend together, or when you introduce each other to your inner circle.
If the guy that you are seeing respects your boundaries, then it means that he is truly interested in you and wants to see if the relationship can get to the next level.
Because a man who wants to remain in your life for a long time doesn’t mind meeting your requirements.
He understands that they are in place for a good reason.
However, if he is the kind of guy that keeps pushing you or even complaining about them, then that’s a sure sign that he is not the right person for you.
5. He opens up to you
This point might just be the most important one. Because it is actually a psychological sign that someone likes you.
Men know that being in a relationship means that the woman they are with will be all up in their business. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Therefore, a man who is not ready for a serious relationship will be emotionally unavailable and avoid sharing vulnerable information.
Oftentimes, he will fear being hurt or rejected and therefore give you superficial answers whenever you try to connect on a deeper level emotionally.
But a man that wants a committed relationship will want to be intimate by sharing more of himself.
He will share the things he loves, fears, and desires with you because he wants you to be a part of his world.
That is a big deal! It signifies that he is ready for a new level of intimacy and developing an emotional soul tie with you.
6. He makes (future) plans
Another positive sign he wants a serious relationship with you is that he will make future plans.
A man that wants to make you his girlfriend, will book himself into your calendar. He will make sure that he gets to see you throughout the week.
And he will do so ahead of time because he doesn’t want to risk losing you to someone else.
He will invite you to his favorite activities or existing plans with his friends. He will find free time and allocate it to you early.
So, don’t be fooled. If he never puts you first or isn’t intentional about spending time with you and, it might be because he does not see you as girlfriend material.
7. The relationship is peaceful
Point number seven is one of the key signs to identify a man’s readiness for a relationship.
Ask yourself if the relationship is peaceful and flowing easily? Or if the relationship is marked by drama and feels like you are pulling teeth.
Little things like this, show you whether or not he may be sabotaging the relationship subconsciously because he doesn’t really want to be in a relationship.
While a guy that wants to make you his girlfriend will do his best to put in the effort and overcome challenges. A man that isn’t a good love interest will eventually fall off.
With a good guy, you have no awkward gaps in your courting phase where you are wondering whether you are on the same page.
But instead, you can feel and see that he is truly interested in you. His words and his actions align, and you feel in your gut that he is a good choice.
Peace is the number one way how you know something is good for you.
So, if you feel peace in your heart about the man you are seeing, then he might just be the one for you.
8. He brings up the tough conversations
As I mentioned in the beginning, you can’t run away from uncomfortable conversations forever. Sooner or later you will have to bring up topics like commitment, talk about marriage, and dive deep into your finances.
An obvious sign that a man wants a committed relationship is that he will be the one to bring up those tough topics.
Instead of allowing any misunderstandings to lead to arguments and resentment, he will encourage heart-to-heart conversations.
Because he wants to know as well if you are ready for the next step and even compatible.
A man who is ready to be in a relationship understands that challenges are part of it and is not afraid to tackle them.
9. He is affectionate toward you
Another very easy way to find out if he wants a serious relationship is that your guy will seek to be close to you.
From public displays of affection to taking cute pictures, to spending romantic evenings together. All he wants is to be around you and affectionate.
His body language is open and inviting and you feel desired by him.
And when you are not together, you don’t have to send a sneaky to make him miss you, because he already does.
Contrary to common belief, men enjoy companionship and affection just as much as women do. And they show it openly when they meet the woman they want to be with.
So, if he can’t get enough of you, there’s a good chance he wants you to be his girlfriend soon.
10. He makes you part of his life
Last, but certainly not least, a great sign he wants a serious relationship with you, is that the guy you are dating makes you part of his life.
Meaning you are part of his routine.
Maybe he calls you every day when he is on his way home or invites you to join him on his weekly workout at the park.
Or he starts to introduce you to the important people in his life like his best friends or his co-workers.
Baby steps towards a life together.
Because the difference between casual dating and a committed relationship is that you share your lives with each other.
So, if he is already doing that, it’s a very important sign he is ready for a committed and healthy relationship.
How do you tell if he wants a serious relationship?
If the signs above are not enough for you to feel confident in your ability to tell if a man wants a serious relationship, then I have another resource that may help.
This eye-opening book on how men think helped me stop misreading men and start understanding them better.
Turns out that many men do not date with a long-term relationship in mind. But rather they date to simply date.
Annoying, I know. But it’s the truth. So, oftentimes his desire to be in a committed relationship with you will develop as you get to know each other better.
However, once his mind is made up that he wants a serious relationship, then you will experience one clear sign.
And that is that he will move the relationship forward.
I preach about allowing the man to pursue in many of my blog posts because it is one of the most important things you can do in the dating phase.
A man that is eager to be with you, will do anything he can to show you. He will initiate contact, plan dates, and ask you to be exclusive.
All telltale signs that he wants a serious relationship and is willing to use his masculine energy to do so.
And like I said before, I learned a lot about this dynamic in How Men Think. A true game-changer!
In the book, Matthew Hussey, who we all love and trust shares exactly how men think and what they want in a woman.
But the best part is, that his advice is very practical and can easily be applied to your dating life right now.
And yes, I low-key credit this book with my recent success in dating. For an even better idea of the book, check out all these reviews.
How long does it take a guy to decide if he wants a relationship?
Now this question is much harder to answer than the last two. If you ask different men you will get very different answers.
For some, it is important to spend a few days together before they know if they would want to commit to you for the long run.
Others, really believe they need to have sex before they can make such a big decision. Which is crazy to me. But that’s a topic for another day.
Regardless, of whether a man has a good excuse for why he needs more time or not.
I believe that 3 months is a good timeframe for you to pull the plug if he still hasn’t made things official.
Remember, indecisiveness is a red flag in dating.
So, if he doesn’t know if you are the one for him after spending quality time together, then he may not be the one for you.
Signs he wants a relationship but is scared
This blog post would not be complete if I left out this very confusing but very common scenario.
You meet a guy, who comes on strong and clearly likes you, but you can tell he is afraid of committing.
Urghh, how I hate these scenarios and feel for anyone that is in it. It’s painful, I know! But there is a truth that you need to face nonetheless.
If your date has had bad experiences in past relationships, has an avoidant attachment style, or is emotionally unavailable, commitment will oftentimes trigger deep-rooted fears.
And if that is the case, he will be reluctant to commit to long-term plans of any kind.
Because our fears do subconsciously influence our lives.
However, what do you do if your man is scared of commitment?
Honestly, I have gotten to a point where I suggest you do nothing. As hard as it is to accept, you have to let a man overcome his fears alone.
If you don’t, you risk overextending yourself and crossing his as well as your boundaries which will only lead to more pain.
What are the signs he wants a relationship but is scared?
Well, the biggest sign is that he will play the push-and-pull game. He will get close to you and send you the green light when he feels comfortable.
But then suddenly pull away when things start to get serious.
That is a major sign of an avoidant attachment style and very confusing behavior.
Related article: Walking away from a confused man
What makes a guy want a serious relationship?
This is probably the million-dollar question that no one can answer. But I will try my best. A guy will want to be in a serious relationship with you if you:
- There is an emotional connection: Many men seek deeper emotional connections with a woman that they feel they can trust, confide in and rely on for support.
- You offer companionship: Most men are looking for someone to share their life with, someone to spend time with, and someone to build a life with.
- Have similar long-term goals: If a guy has goals such as starting a family or building a stable life, he will want a serious relationship with someone who shares those goals.
- Offer stability and security: Just like women, a man is looking for stability and security in his life and believes that a committed relationship can provide that.
- Make him better: A man is also looking for someone who can challenge him to grow and become a better person. He wants to continue to grow, both in his personal and professional life.
Honestly, the reasons why a guy may want a serious relationship can vary depending on his needs, desires, and goals.
Therefore, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly what you want to figure out if you are on the same page.
What does a serious relationship mean to a guy?
Believe it or not, men do take commitment very seriously. Especially when they are ready for marriage and kids.
They want to be the best possible partner and therefore put a lot of expectations on themselves.
To a guy, a serious relationship means being responsible and having integrity. Probably the two reasons why they take their time committing.
If a man does not feel like he can meet his own expectations of what it means to be a man in a relationship, he will delay it for as long as he needs to grow into the role.
I spend a lot of time talking to my male friends and understanding how they feel about serious relationships.
And all of them shared that they enjoy them, however only when they feel like it’s the right time to be in one.
I hope the above 10 obvious signs he wants a serious relationship with you will help you vet the men you meet and help you avoid getting too invested in men that are not ready to commit.
Signs he doesn’t want a relationship
Now here is the thing. Of course, there are also clear signs that a man does not want a relationship. But they are usually assumptions until you flat-out ask him.
Because men will play lovey-dovey and still not want to be with you. SMH.
Unfortunately, more often than not we scare away from the delicate topic of commitment altogether.
Because our fear of abandonment is so big, we are afraid any conversation about commitment will chase him off.
However, when you don’t ask him about his intentions for the relationship, you risk getting caught up in the twilight zone of a situationship.
That situation where you are more than friends but not dating, and yet doing things that couples do.
And because I’ve been there many times, I know you do not want that.
And truthfully, you should not and will not be able to avoid the commitment talk forever.
However, until you master up the courage to ask him about his intentions and future plans, here is one huge sign that he doesn’t want a relationship.
He keeps you at a distance.
If the man you are dating is emotionally, physically, or mentally distant it means that he does not want to be in a serious relationship with you.
No matter if he does it consciously or subconsciously, he is avoiding getting too attached and therefore keeping you at arm’s length.
I know it’s easy to come up with excuses for him and assume that you can change him or he will soon prioritize you, but the reality is that if a man wants you he will make it happen.