Signs he wants a serious relationship with you
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When you start dating someone new, there is one very important question you eventually ask yourself. And that is whether or not the man you are dating is looking for the same thing as you – a long-term relationship.
Because the last thing you want to do is to get emotionally attached to someone that is not in it for the long run.
But you are afraid to ask straight up because you don’t want to look desperate. So, instead, here you are looking to find out about the different signs he wants a serious relationship with you.
No worries, I got you.
But before we can observe whether he wants a relationship with you, we first need to discover if he is open to a real relationship
How do you know if he wants a serious relationship?
I can’t even tell you how often I asked myself that very question, just to end up misreading all the signs. Well, that was until I read this eye-opening book on how men think.
Turns out that many men do not date with a long-term relationship in mind. But rather they date to simply date. Annoying, I know. But it’s the truth. So, oftentimes his desire to be in a committed relationship with you will develop as you get to know each other better.
However, wants his mind is made up that he wants a serious relationship, then you will experience one clear sign. And that is that he will move the relationship forward. I preach about allowing the man to pursue in many of my blog posts because it is one of the most important things you can do in the dating phase.
A man that is eager to be with you, will do anything he can to show you. He will initiate contact, plan dates, and ask you to be exclusive. All telltale signs that he wants a serious relationship and is willing to use his masculine energy to do so.
And like I said before, I learned a lot about this dynamic in How Men Think. A true game-changer!
In the book, Matthew Hussey, who we all love and trust shares exactly how men think and what they want in a woman. But the best part is, that his advice is very practical and can easily be applied to your dating life right now.
And yes, I low-key credit this book with my recent success in dating. For an even better idea of the book, check out all these reviews.
Signs he doesn’t want a relationship
Now here is the thing. Of course, there are also clear signs that a man does not want a relationship. But they are usually assumptions until you flat out ask him. Because men will play lovey-dovey and still not want to be with you. SMH.
Unfortunately, more often than not women scare away from the delicate topic of commitment altogether. Your fear of abandonment is so big, that you are afraid any conversation about commitment will chase him off.
However, when you don’t ask him about his intentions for the relationship, you risk getting caught up in the Twilight Zone of a Situationship. That situation where you are more than friends but not dating officially.
Which you probably do not want.
And truthfully, you should not and will not be able to avoid the commitment talk forever. However, until then there is one sure sign that always means that he doesn’t want a relationship.
He keeps you at a distance. If the man you are dating is emotionally, physically, or mentally distant it means that he does not want to be in a serious relationship with you. No matter if he does it consciously or subconsciously, he is avoiding getting too attached and therefore keeping you at arm’s length.
Maybe he doesn’t open up about his life in conversations or insists that you two only meet once a week. If you can sense him pushing you away, it is because he doesn’t want to get too close and risk a commitment.
How long does it take a guy to decide if he wants a relationship?
Now this question is much harder to answer than the last two. If you ask different men you will get very different answers.
For some, it is important to spend a few days together before they know if they would want to commit to you. Others, really believe they need to have sex before they can make such a big decision. Which is crazy to me. But that’s a topic for another day.
Regardless, whether a man has a good excuse for why he needs more time or not. I believe that 3 months is a good timeframe for you to pull the plug he still hasn’t made things official.
Remember, indecisiveness is a red flag in dating. So, if he doesn’t know if you are the one for him after spending quality time together, then he may not be the one for you.
10 Obvious signs he wants a serious relationship with you
1. He pursues you
Before I get into this point, I want to mention that I strongly believe there is nothing wrong with a woman reciprocating interest in a man by calling or texting him first from time to time.
However, a woman should never be the only one that initiates all the contact. Especially, before the first date.
When a man is truly interested in being with you, he will show you. You won’t have to ask yourself: “Does he want to be with me?”
You won’t have to constantly wonder where he is or what your relationship status is because his actions align with his words.
Instead, you will feel that you have his attention because he checks in on you on a daily basis and is eager to keep the communication going.
2. He is consistent
A strong sign that he wants to be your boyfriend is that he is consistent. Thankfully, this point can be observed very early on in the dating phase.
Is he consistent in his communication and availability or does he sporadically send you the last minute ‘hey what’s up’ text on a Friday night?
When a man is serious about getting to know you, he will want to make a good impression and make sure that he finds out as much about you as he can. He will use every opportunity to talk to you via text message, phone, or in-person.
Because he desires to be close to you.
You will receive a text message from him during his lunch break or a phone call when he is on his way home from work.
There won’t be long periods of time where he is MIA and you are wondering if something is wrong, instead you will feel like he is truly invested.
3. He progresses the relationship
We all know what it is like to be in a situation where it feels like time is standing still and after 3 or even 6 months of dating you are still not official.
That is usually the case with a man that does not want to commit and avoids the topic altogether. In that case, you can try to go from Situationship to Relationship using the steps I provide in my book, but more often than not this guy is a ” Type B guy” that has his mind made up and refuses to commit.
That is not the case when you meet a man that knows exactly what he wants and doesn’t fear going after it.
A major sign that a man wants to be with you is that he will be intentional about the relationship. He will gradually increase the amount of time he spends with you and look for opportunities to increase his involvement in your life.
Instead of just going on evening dates once a week he will want to see you more frequently and for longer periods of time.
He will desire to spend more time with you and move from dating to courting quickly.
4. He is willing to slow down for you
Boundaries are the best way to find out a man’s intentions for you and figure out whether he is ready to commit or not.
If the guy that you are seeing respects the boundaries you put in place and still pursues you, then it means that he is truly interested in you and wants to see if the relationship has potential.
A guy that likes you won’t mind meeting your requirements if that means he gets to be with you.
He will understand that boundaries are not to punish him but to protect yourself.
5. He opens up to you
This point might just be the most important one. Because it is actually a psychological sign someone likes you.
Men know that being in a relationship means that the woman they are with will be all up in their business. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Therefore, a man who is not ready to date you exclusively will avoid sharing vulnerable information with you out of fear of being hurt or rejected. He will give you superficial answers whenever you try to connect on a deeper emotional level.
But a man that wants a committed relationship will be willing to be intimate by sharing more of himself with you.
He will want to invite you into his world and share the things he loves, he fears and he desires with you because he wants you to be a part of that world.
6. He makes plans for the two of you
The next sign he wants a relationship with you, is that he will make plans.
A man that is serious about being with you, will book himself into your calendar. He will make sure that he gets to see you throughout the week.
And he will do so ahead of time because he knows that if he doesn’t, chances are that you might go on a date with someone else.
He might even include you in his existing plans with others if that means he gets to spend more time with you.
So, a man who truly wants to be with you will make you his number 1 option. He will show you his intentionality through his plans.
7. The relationship is peaceful
Point number seven is very important to identify whether a man is ready to be in a relationship.
Is the relationship peaceful and do things flow easily? Or is the relationship marked by drama and it feels like you are dragging things out?
A man that subconsciously does not want to be in a relationship will be harder to deal with. His attitude will be negative and things will seem off.
While a guy that is interested in you will do his best to make things happen and overcome challenges.
There will be no awkward gaps and no wondering whether you are on the same page or not. But instead, you can feel and see that he is truly interested in you.
His words and his actions will align, and you will feel in your gut that he is a good choice. Peace is the number one way how you know something is good for you.
So, if you feel peace in your heart about the man you are seeing, then he might just be the one for you.
8. He brings up the tough conversations
As I mentioned in the beginning, you can’t run away from uncomfortable conversations forever. Sooner or later you will have to bring up topics like commitment, marriage, and boundaries.
An obvious sign that a man wants a committed relationship is that he will be the one to bring up those tough conversations.
Instead of allowing any misunderstandings to lead to arguments and resentment. He will encourage heart-to-heart talks.
A man that is ready to be in a relationship, understands that challenges are part of it. And at the same time doesn’t allow them to ruin the love.
9. He is affectionate towards you
The last sign is a very obvious sign he wants a relationship. And that is that your guy will seek to be close to you.
From public display of affection to taking cute pictures, to spending romantic evenings together.
He will just want you around all the time. And it will show in his behavior and his affection.
Contrary to common belief, men enjoy companionship and affection just as much as women do. And they show it openly when they meet the woman they want to be with.
So, one way you can tell that he wants a relationship is through his body language.
But just because a man wants to be in a relationship, does not necessarily mean he wants a committed relationship that will lead to marriage.
10. He makes you part of his life
Last, but certainly not least, a great sign he wants a serious relationship with you, is that the guy you are dating makes you part of his life. Meaning you are part of his routine. Maybe he calls you every day when he is on his way home from work or invites you to join him on his weekly workout at the park.
The difference between casual dating and a committed relationship is that you share your life’s with each other. So, if he is already doing that, it’s a good sign he’s ready to be in a serious and healthy relationship.
Note, that this point also includes that he slowly introduces you to the important people in his life. Maybe he casually asks you to join a dinner with his best friends or a happy hour with his colleagues.
Either way, being introduced to the people he spends a lot of time with, is a big sign too.
Signs he wants a relationship but is scared
This blog post about the obvious signs he wants a serious relationship with you, would not be complete if I left out this very confusing but very common scenario.
You meet a guy, he comes on strong and clearly likes you, but you can tell he is afraid of committing.
Urghh, how I hate these scenarios and feel for anyone that is in it. It’s painful, I know! But there is a truth that you need to face nonetheless.
If your date has had bad experiences in past relationships, has an avoidant, or is emotionally unavailable, commitment will oftentimes trigger deep-rooted fears.
And if that is the case, he will be reluctant to commit to long-term plans of any kind. Because our fears do subconsciously sabotage our lives. A very interesting topic that I wrote about it in this blog post.
However, what do you do if your man is scared of commitment?
Honestly, I have gotten to a point where I suggest you do nothing. As hard as it is to accept, you have to let a man overcome his fears alone. If you don’t, you risk overextending yourself and crossing his as well as your boundaries which will only lead to more pain.
What are the signs he wants a relationship but is scared?
Well, the biggest sign is that he will play the push and pull game. He will get close to you and send you the green light when he feels comfortable. But then suddenly pull away when things start to get serious. That is a major sign of an avoidant attachment style and very confusing behavior.
Good thing, I went into detail about this in a recent blog post.
I hope the above 10 obvious signs he wants a serious relationship with you will help you vet the men you meet and help you avoid getting too invested in men that are not ready to commit.
And if you need more insight into the male mind, then this is a life-changing read.