How to know if someone is not right for you
I can’t believe it has been 5 years since the inception of my blog and I’m still writing posts like these.
Like why have I not learned anything from researching and learning about romantic relationships and true love?
The reality is, I have.
Even though I’m not married yet, I have been in two intimate relationships. One ended last year and the other is still going on. Fingers crossed.
Both experiences have taught me a whole lot. But most importantly that a loving relationship is created by two intentional and committed partners.
This is why today I am sharing how to know if someone is not right for you.
How do you tell if your partner is not the one?
First things first. If you are in a happy relationship and want more confirmation, then I suggest you read my article on how to know he’s the one. Because in this post, I talk about not-so-happy relationships.
The best way to tell that you are with the wrong person is to listen to your gut feeling!
The truth is, your intuition will pick up on the little things and ring all the internal warning signs long before you realize that your man is not the one.
So, the better you learn to listen to it, the faster you will know if someone is not right for you.
How do you know when a relationship is not going to work?
I think the most common phenomenon I see in women who are desperately trying to make a toxic relationship work, is just because their boyfriend is a good person.
Newsflash! Just because he is a good person doesn’t mean he is a good partner.
And one of the obvious ways to know when a relationship is not going to work is when you feel miserable in it.
If you constantly feel anxious, worried, or unhappy in the relationship it’s a sign that he is not the right partner for you, regardless of how amazing he is as a father, how successful he is in his job, or how much effort he puts into planning dates.
You are simply unequally yoked, which means the relationship is not going to work.
As you can tell I’m big on listening to your feelings and emotions, however, I also know how important it is for your to have practical tips. So here you go.
How to know if someone is not right for you
1. You are begging for love
Number 1 is very near to my heart because I wish I would have realized that sooner. If it feels like you have to beg your boyfriend to love you, then he is not the right person for you.
What do I mean by begging?
Basically, if you have to convince him to spend quality time with you, or force him to do nice things for you. That’s when you are begging for love. Because a man who loves you will make you feel like a priority and appreciate you.
2. Your mental health is suffering
Another big sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship is that being with him triggers your anxiety.
Oh man, I can’t even tell you how often I have put myself in this situation. My past experiences in dating are filled with men I felt attracted to because their avoidant attachment style would trigger my anxious attachment style.
What followed were years of situationships and even one committed relationship that would trigger the shit out of me and leave me with low self-esteem.
It wasn’t until I got into the new relationship that I understood the difference between chemistry, rooted in my old traumatic experiences. And real chemistry, rooted in genuine interest and care.
And I can tell you it’s so much better.
3. The relationship is hard
One of the biggest lies I used to believe about relationships that would affect my dating life, is that love is hard and relationships are complicated.
Love is not hard. Relationships are not complicated. At least not when you are with the right guy.
This is why it’s a bad sign if your relationship feels hard or complicated. Because as I mentioned before, when it’s real love and your boyfriend is a good partner things will just flow.
So, if it feels like all your energy is going into forcing the relationship or changing your partner, then that’s how you know he is not right for you.
4. You have completely different values
Number 4 is a common topic whenever we speak of huge red flags. For good reason. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t know what core values are.
Hence, they miss them.
Psychologytoday.com shares a few really good examples I suggest you check out. However, in short, core values are the guiding beliefs you live your life by.
A great example is faith. I am Christian and I believe in God. So, my life is guided by the belief that everything is governed by a higher power that loves me and therefore wants the best for me.
A man that doesn’t believe in God, but science will deal with life experiences very differently than me. Resulting in a lot of problems. Get it?
And the same issues will arise if you have different opinions about finances, communication, and family to name a few.
5. Your communication is bad
Number 4 is everybody’s favorite relationship challenge – communication. Believe it or not, a great way to test if someone is right for you is by doing the best friend check.
If you can talk to your significant other like you talk to your bestie, then you will have a very successful long-term relationship. Because you can talk about anything and can discuss even the hard stuff.
Unfortunately, effective communication doesn’t come naturally to people and often has to be learned. It’s often the reason why people split up or choose couples therapy.
So, if you don’t know how to talk to your partner without getting into an argument, then it’s a sign your partner is not right for you.
6. He is forcing himself to like you
Another easy way to tell that your man is not the right guy for you is when you noticed signs he is forcing himself to like or love you.
Confused? Let me explain.
In my opinion, loving someone and liking someone are not the same. You can love someone but not like them as much as people. Meaning you don’t enjoy spending time with them
In case you are looking for a way to justify your man’s behavior. Abuse is the biggest sign that is not gonna work. Regardless of whether it’s physical abuse or just emotional abuse like some people like to say.
Abuse is abuse. Period!
You don’t have to be a relationship expert to understand that someone who hurts you is not a good mate. And with abuse, you don’t just want to look at the obvious ways of abuse but also pay attention to the little things.
How does he speak to you? Do you receive emotional support when you need it? Does he touch you respectfully?
And if you do suspect you might be in an abusive relationship, please remember you can always get help. Here is a hotline that can help.
How do you know if you should end a relationship?
As a rule of thumb, you know you should end a relationship if you feel either (physically or emotionally) unsafe, as well as unhappy.
I know many of us don’t think happiness to be more important than companionship but it ultimately is. You don’t want to spend a part of your life unhappy, even if that means you are married or coupled up.
Bottom line is that if you find yourself frustrated and unhappy in your relationship, more than you are satisfied and happy then it’s not the right relationship in the long term, and it’s time to part ways.