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5 Steps to Make Your Friend With Benefits Fall In Love With You

how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you

We have all been there before.

That weird twilight zone between a friendship and a committed relationship which is also called “friends with benefits”.

For me, the fwb relationship was pretty much the norm for years.

I was so afraid to be rejected by men that I never admitted that I wanted to be in a real relationship.

So, instead of waiting for the right guy to show up, I repeatedly settled for a friends-with-benefits relationship and guys that would string me along.

That was until I learned how to turn a casual relationship into a committed relationship.

Oh and let me tell you, it is not easy. But it is doable.

Here is how you can get your friend with benefits to fall in love with you.

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How to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you

Now that we know that friends with benefits can fall in love, the question of how remains. How to become more than friends with benefits?

Here is how to make a man see that a relationship with you is more attractive than being single.

1. Understand what you really want

I get it. Everybody wants to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship.

But for a relationship to be loving and fulfilling you need to be very specific on what type of man and what type of relationship you want. 

One of the main reasons why women end up in a friends-with-benefits situation is because we compromise on our real desires.

That’s why the first thing you need to do before attempting to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you, is to ask yourself whether you really want a relationship and whether you want it with him. 

No shade, but not every guy you are attracted to, is good for you. 

Because the last thing you want to do is to convince the wrong guy for you, that you are right for him.

Believe me, no matter how strong the physical attraction between the two of you. If you are not compatible, the relationship won’t work.

beautiful couple laying on the couch together talking

2. Stop acting like a girlfriend

Yes girl you heard me. As hard as it might be to accept, he is not your boyfriend, yet, so stop giving him boyfriend privileges. 

A guy won’t put a label on the relationship if he is already getting the benefits of one.

Why would he?

I mean think about it. Buy the cow and deal with all the issues of ownership or continue to enjoy the milk for free?

… Exactly!

That’s why you have to remove the parts of the situation that do not reflect the commitment.

If you are giving him more than what you are getting in return then you are playing yourself.

Your body, your time, and your emotional availability are worth more than a Netflix movie and a Chick-fil-A sandwich. 

Related post: Signs He Will Never Make You His Girlfriend

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3. Be straightforward

The most common mistake that I see a lot of women make, my younger self included, is to not speak up for yourself.

Instead of confidently stating that the friends-with-benefits arrangement isn’t for you and that you would like to be in a committed relationship, you remain silent in the hopes that he will change his mind about you and upgrade the relationship.

And that usually ends in tears. A lot of tears.

The only way he can know that you want more than being friends with benefits is by telling him what you want.

As long as he assumes that you are okay with the relationship as is, he will avoid the topic altogether.

After all, he is living his best life. 

However, if you bring up the conversation in a mature and peaceful way, he can at least start thinking about it and decide what it is he wants. 

And yes, having the “what are we” conversation can be daunting and easily get out of hand.

But there is a very specific strategy that you can use to communicate your needs without having a big blow-up.

In my book, I share a very underrated technique that will teach you how to express your feelings without scaring him off.

young couple sitting on the couch laughing

4. Don’t pray for him to say “yes”

I know this one might be a little harder to understand, but I wanted to include it regardless.

As a Christian woman, I am very familiar with the idea of praying for something to happen.

And a lot of times we will pray for the desired outcome, instead of surrendering the outcome to God. 

The problem with that is that the more you pray for something, the more you attach your mood, your emotions, and your peace of mind to it.

And when it doesn’t happen the way you hoped, you are heartbroken and blame God for not granting you the desire of your heart. 

Which is a whole other conversation.

Therefore, the best way to deal with the situation is to detach yourself from the outcome and be okay with whatever happens.

Remind yourself that a healthy relationship is wanted by both people. You don’t want to end up in a one-sided love story that will only hurt you more in the long run. 

Trust that if he is the one God has for you, he will be interested in being with you.

5. Make yourself scarce

Once you know what you want and communicate it, it is up to you to hold him to it.

You have to become less available to him so that he can miss you and start meeting your requirements. 

That does not mean that you play hard to get or pretend that you are busy when you are not.

It means that you actually become busier by filling up your free time with other activities and people. 

Make sure you are distracted and occupied at the times when he tends to call you or check up on you.

You want to have a valid reason why you cannot go over to his place on a Friday night at 9 pm. 

That will not just motivate him to put in more effort but also increase your confidence. Because now you know that you will be fine even if things don’t work out as planned.

But what happens once you start using these tips? How will you know that they are actually working? 

teenage couple hugging

Can my friend with benefits fall in love with me?

The short answer is “yes”.

Your friend with benefits can absolutely fall for you and decide to make things official.

However, it depends on the reason why he prefers to be in a friends-with-benefits agreement over a real relationship.

Some men don’t like to commit, regardless of the woman. In that case, chances are low that he will commit to you.

Therefore, it is important to set boundaries when you start to develop feelings in order to not get hurt.

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