how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you
We have all been there before. That weird twilight zone between a friendship and a committed relationship also called friends with benefits.
For me, friends with benefits was pretty much the norm for years. I was so afraid to be rejected that I would never really tell a man what I wanted from the relationship. And instead, settle for a friend with benefits situation.
In fact, my boyfriend and I were originally friends with benefits, until I learned how to turn a FWB into a relationship.
Ohh and let me tell you, it was not easy. It took months!
But I eventually figured it out and we have been together since then. And because I know how tricky relationships that start off as hookups can be I now share how you can do it too in my book.
It’s my very honest and no-bullshit approach to situationships and how you can make a guy see you as a girlfriend.
You can download a FREE chapter of my book here!
The problem with friends with benefits relationships is that while you might get caught up in it unwillingly, you quickly realize that you got the short end of the stick.
And now you have to figure out how to either hide your emotions and act like everything is cool, or end a relationship that hasn’t even begun.
However, if you are anything like me, then the preferred solution would be to transition from friends with benefits to a committed relationship. In this post, I’m revealing how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you.
What does friends with benefits mean to a guy?
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that a friends with benefits arrangement is very attractive to a guy. For a man that is not looking for a serious relationship and prefers to have fun as opposed to a commitment, friends with benefits comes in handy. He gets the physical intimacy he is craving without having to deal with the expectations of a girlfriend.
To a guy, friends with benefits means that he gets to keep his freedom, independence, and single status, while also getting all his sexual needs met. Besides, he gets to continue to date multiple women, because he has not yet exclusively committed to one.
This allows him to keep looking for a woman that he is physically and mentally attracted to enough to commit.
Most men are very good at dating casually without getting their feelings attached. Women on the other hand not so much. And that’s usually where the problem starts because now you are emotionally attached and wondering how to tell if your friend with benefits wants more.
Do guys fall in love with friends with benefits
The short answer to the question of whether or not a guy can fall in love with friends with benefits is yes. Does that mean that the one you are seeing will? Not necessarily.
As mentioned above, a lot of men prefer friends with benefits over relationships, because it doesn’t involve feelings, expectations, or responsibilities that might suck the fun out of it. However, sex is an intimate experience that is scientifically proven to create hormones in men and women that serve to create a deeper bond.
Therefore, men can develop feelings for the woman they sleep with. Especially if there is a true friendship.
If the two of you spend time with each other outside of the bedroom and “hang out” during the day, then your relationship might be evolving and turn into a situationship.
If he realizes that you are fun and a genuinely good person, he is more likely to want to spend time with you, which can lead to him developing feelings for you.
That’s when men usually weigh their options and have to figure out what is more important. His independence or the relationship with you. Once a man realizes that you are great together in and out of bed, that’s when he most likely decides that it’s smarter to just be together.
How to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you
Now that we know that friends with benefits can fall in love, the question of how remains. How to become more than friends with benefits?
Before I share my tips on how to turn your friends with benefits arrangement into something more serious and hopefully permanent. I want to share a disclaimer.
Getting your fwb to fall in love with you is not about trying to manipulate or force him. But it’s about making him see that a relationship with you is more attractive than being single. It’s something I had to learn the hard way many times.
If you read most of my posts, then you know that it has taken me many years to understand that myself. And once I did, everything changed. My boyfriend and I were able to evolve from friends with benefits to boyfriend and girlfriend without me having to lower my standards or hide needs.
Something that I used to do so much.
So, if you are repeatedly finding yourself crying because you desire commitment but are afraid he will reject you, then this book will help you gain confidence and knowledge to get the relationship you truly deserve.
1. Understand what you really want
I get it. Everybody wants to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship. But for a relationship to be loving and fulfilling you need to be very specific on what type of man and what type of relationship you want.
One of the main reasons why women end up in a friends with benefits situation is because we compromise on our real desires. That’s why the first thing you need to do before attempting to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you, is to ask yourself whether you really want a relationship and whether you want it with him.
No shade, but not every guy you are attracted to, is good for you.
Because the last thing you want to do is to convince the wrong guy for you, that you are right for him. Believe me, no matter how strong the physical attraction between the two of you. If you are not compatible, the relationship won’t work.
2. Stop acting like a girlfriend
Yes girl you heard me. As hard as it might be to accept, he is not your boyfriend, yet, so stop giving him boyfriend privileges.
A guy won’t put a label on the relationship if he is already getting the benefits of one. Why would he? I mean think about it. Buy the cow and deal with all the issues of ownership or continue to enjoy the milk for free?
That’s why you have to remove the parts of the situation that does not reflect the commitment. If you are giving him more than what you are getting in return than you are playing yourself. Your body, your time, and your emotional availability are worth more than a Netflix movie and a Chick-fil-a sandwich.
3. Be straightforward
The most common mistake that I see a lot of women make, my younger self included, is to not speak up for yourself. Instead of confidently stating that the friends with benefits arrangement isn’t for you and that you would like to be in a committed relationship, you remain silent in the hopes that he will change his mind about you and upgrade the relationship.
And that usually ends in tears. A lot of tears.
The only way he can know that you want more than being friends with benefits is by you telling him what you want. As long as he assumes that you are okay with the relationship as is, he will avoid the topic altogether. After all, he is living his best life.
However, if you bring up the conversation in a mature and peaceful way, he can at least start thinking about it and decide what it is he wants.
And yes, having the “what are we” conversation can be daunting and easily get out of hand. But there is a very specific strategy that you can use to communicate your needs without having a big blow-up. In my book, I share a very underrated technique that will teach you how to express your feelings without scaring him off.
4. Don’t pray for him to say “yes”
I know this one might be a little harder to understand, but I wanted to include it regardless. As a Christian woman, I am very familiar with the idea of praying for something to happen. And a lot of times we will pray for the desired outcome, instead of surrendering the outcome to God.
The problem with that is that the more you pray for something, the more you attach your mood, your emotions, and your peace of mind to it. And when it doesn’t happen the way you hoped, you are heartbroken and blame God for not granting the desire of your heart.
Which is a whole other conversation.
Therefore, the best way to deal with the situation is to detach yourself from the outcome and be okay with whatever happens. Remind yourself that a healthy relationship is wanted by both people. You don’t want to end up in a one-sided love story that will only hurt you more in the long run.
So, if he is not interested in being with you, you dodged a bullet.
5. Make yourself scarce
Once you know what you want and communicate it, it is up to you to hold him to it. You have to become less available to him so that he can miss you and start meeting your requirements.
That does not mean that you play hard to get or pretend that you are busy when you are not. It means that you actually become busier by filling up your free time with other activities and people.
Make sure you are distracted and occupied at the times when he tends to call you or check up on you. You want to have a valid reason why you cannot go over to his place on a Friday night at 9 pm.
That will not just motivate him to put in more effort but also increase your confidence. Because now you know that you will be fine even if things don’t work out as planned.
But what happens once you start using these tips? How will you know that they are actually working?
Signs your friends with benefits is falling for you
If you follow the steps above, chances are that your friend with benefits is getting nervous and looking for a way to keep you in his life for good. He is now trying to figure out if being in a committed relationship with you is more satisfying than being single. And if he really likes you enough to commit to you.
While he is compiling a list of pros and cons in his head, he will often start to show signs that he is falling for you. These signs can be very subtle, but if you catch him doing any of those, then you know he wants to be more than friends with benefits.
He stops seeing other women
Men are terrible at multi-tasking. Therefore, once a man decides that he wants to explore a committed relationship with you, he will drop every other girl. He will suddenly be much more available during the day and on the weekends and suggest that the two of you hang out “more”.
This is a sign that he wants to test whether the two of you are compatible outside of the bedroom or not so that he can make an informed decision.
He gets jealous
Once he starts to see you as more than a casual fling, he will quickly start to become possessive (in a good way). Meaning that the thought of you hanging out with other men won’t sit right with him. And instead of texting you “have fun”, he will be noticeably upset and start to question you about the other guy.
If he does that, it’s a sign that your friend with benefits is catching feelings and ready to be exclusive.
You talk/text more often
Has the way you communicate changed? Does he call you instead of just texting? Does he check-in throughout the day and show genuine interest in your life? When a man falls for you, he starts to desire more contact with you. Suddenly, you will see the frequency of his calls and texts increase, and the topics you talk about are more intimate and personal.
Contrary to common belief, men desire an emotional connection with the woman they like. So, if he starts to open up more about himself, then chances are your friends with benefits is falling for you.
Ready to turn your FWB into a relationship?
Can you relate to this situation? Are you currently stuck in a situationship, looking for a way out?
Then I have good news for you!
In my new book “From Situationship to Relationship”, I share what I did to turn my friends with benefits situation into a committed relationship with my now boyfriend.
For years I struggled to get a man to commit. I used to feel like I wasn’t pretty enough, sexy enough, or smart enough.
Until I realized that there was a proven strategy that I could use to take my relationships from casual to committed. And now I share all of these tools, exercises, and tips in my book.
Download the 1st Chapter for FREE and learn how to go from casual hangouts and just “kicking it” to a committed relationship with the man you desire.