how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you
We have all been there before. That weird twilight zone between a friendship and a committed relationship also called friends with benefits.
For me, the fwb relationship was pretty much the norm for years. I was so afraid to be rejected by men that I never admitted that I wanted to be in a real relationship.
So, I repeatedly settled for a friends-with-benefits relationship and guys that would string me along.
In fact, my boyfriend and I were originally in an fwb situation. That was until I learned how to turn a casual relationship into a committed relationship.
Ohh and let me tell you, it was not easy. Because for months he repeatedly told me that he was only looking for casual sex and not a romantic relationship. But I eventually figured out how to evoke romantic feelings in him and we have been together ever since.
And I know that you’re probably going crazy trying to figure out how to make your friend with benefits fall in love, which is why I created a clear guide on how to do that. In my ebook From Situationships to Relationships, I share my very honest and no-bullshit approach to situationships and how you can make a guy see you as a girlfriend.
You can download a FREE chapter of my book here!
Can friends with benefits turn into love?
The problem with this kind of relationship is that we often get caught up in it unwillingly and now you feel stuck in an fwb arrangement with someone you are slowly developing strong feelings for. What do you do now? You always have a good time when you are together, but you want to be more than his hookup buddy.
The good thing is, as mentioned before, friends with benefits can turn into love. However, for that, you first need to understand why a man may prefer to be in a friends with benefits agreement over a real relationship.
What does friends with benefits mean to a guy?
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that a friends with benefits relationship is very attractive to a guy. For a man that is not looking for a serious relationship and prefers to have fun as opposed to a commitment, friends with benefits come in handy. He gets the physical intimacy he is craving without having to deal with the expectations of a girlfriend.
To a guy, friends with benefits means that he gets to keep his freedom, independence, and single status, while also getting all his sexual needs met.
Besides, he gets to continue to date multiple women, because he has not yet exclusively committed to one.
This allows him to keep looking for a woman that he likes enough to commit.
Most men are very good at dating casually without developing deeper feelings. Women on the other hand not so much. And that’s usually the problem. While you are getting emotionally attached and are wondering how to tell if your friend with benefits wants more, he sees you as a booty call.
Do guys fall in love with friends with benefits
The short answer to the question of whether or not a guy can fall in love with friends with benefits is yes. Does that mean that the one you are seeing will? Not necessarily.
As mentioned above, a lot of men prefer a casual sexual relationship over a committed relationship, because it doesn’t involve feelings, expectations, or responsibilities that might suck the fun out of it. However, sex is an intimate experience that is scientifically proven to create hormones in men and women that serve to create a deeper bond.
Therefore, men can develop feelings for the woman they sleep with. Especially if you spend a lot of time together and become close friends.
If the two of you spend much time outside of the bedroom and “hang out” during the day, then your relationship might be evolving and turn into a situationship. Even though it’s still not a committed relationship, it’s a step up from an fwb situation.
When he sees you as a fun and genuinely good person, he is more likely to want to spend time with you, which can lead to him developing feelings for you.
That’s when men usually weigh their options and have to figure out what is more important. His independence or the relationship with you. Once a man realizes that you are great together in and out of bed, that’s when he most likely decides that it’s smarter to just be together.
How to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you
Now that we know that friends with benefits can fall in love, the question of how remains. How to become more than friends with benefits?
Before I share my tips on how to turn your friends with benefits arrangement into something more serious and hopefully permanent. I want to share a disclaimer.
Getting your fwb to fall in love with you is not about trying to manipulate or force him. But it’s about making him see that a relationship with you is more attractive than being single. It’s something I had to learn the hard way many times.
If you read most of my posts, then you know that it has taken me many years to understand that myself. And once I did, everything changed. My boyfriend and I were able to evolve from friends with benefits to boyfriend and girlfriend without me having to lower my standards or hide needs.
Something that I used to do so much.
So, if you are repeatedly finding yourself crying because you desire commitment but are afraid he will reject you, then this book will help you gain confidence and knowledge to get the relationship you truly deserve.
1. Understand what you really want
I get it. Everybody wants to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship. But for a relationship to be loving and fulfilling you need to be very specific on what type of man and what type of relationship you want.
One of the main reasons why women end up in a friends with benefits situation is because we compromise on our real desires. That’s why the first thing you need to do before attempting to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you, is to ask yourself whether you really want a relationship and whether you want it with him.
No shade, but not every guy you are attracted to, is good for you.
Because the last thing you want to do is to convince the wrong guy for you, that you are right for him. Believe me, no matter how strong the physical attraction between the two of you. If you are not compatible, the relationship won’t work.
2. Stop acting like a girlfriend
Yes girl you heard me. As hard as it might be to accept, he is not your boyfriend, yet, so stop giving him boyfriend privileges.
A guy won’t put a label on the relationship if he is already getting the benefits of one. Why would he? I mean think about it. Buy the cow and deal with all the issues of ownership or continue to enjoy the milk for free?
That’s why you have to remove the parts of the situation that does not reflect the commitment. If you are giving him more than what you are getting in return than you are playing yourself. Your body, your time, and your emotional availability are worth more than a Netflix movie and a Chick-fil-a sandwich.
3. Be straightforward
The most common mistake that I see a lot of women make, my younger self included, is to not speak up for yourself. Instead of confidently stating that the friends with benefits arrangement isn’t for you and that you would like to be in a committed relationship, you remain silent in the hopes that he will change his mind about you and upgrade the relationship.
And that usually ends in tears. A lot of tears.
The only way he can know that you want more than being friends with benefits is by you telling him what you want. As long as he assumes that you are okay with the relationship as is, he will avoid the topic altogether. After all, he is living his best life.
However, if you bring up the conversation in a mature and peaceful way, he can at least start thinking about it and decide what it is he wants.
And yes, having the “what are we” conversation can be daunting and easily get out of hand. But there is a very specific strategy that you can use to communicate your needs without having a big blow-up. In my book, I share a very underrated technique that will teach you how to express your feelings without scaring him off.
4. Don’t pray for him to say “yes”
I know this one might be a little harder to understand, but I wanted to include it regardless. As a Christian woman, I am very familiar with the idea of praying for something to happen. And a lot of times we will pray for the desired outcome, instead of surrendering the outcome to God.
The problem with that is that the more you pray for something, the more you attach your mood, your emotions, and your peace of mind to it. And when it doesn’t happen the way you hoped, you are heartbroken and blame God for not granting the desire of your heart.
Which is a whole other conversation.
Therefore, the best way to deal with the situation is to detach yourself from the outcome and be okay with whatever happens. Remind yourself that a healthy relationship is wanted by both people. You don’t want to end up in a one-sided love story that will only hurt you more in the long run.
So, if he is not interested in being with you, you dodged a bullet.
5. Make yourself scarce
Once you know what you want and communicate it, it is up to you to hold him to it. You have to become less available to him so that he can miss you and start meeting your requirements.
That does not mean that you play hard to get or pretend that you are busy when you are not. It means that you actually become busier by filling up your free time with other activities and people.
Make sure you are distracted and occupied at the times when he tends to call you or check up on you. You want to have a valid reason why you cannot go over to his place on a Friday night at 9 pm.
That will not just motivate him to put in more effort but also increase your confidence. Because now you know that you will be fine even if things don’t work out as planned.
But what happens once you start using these tips? How will you know that they are actually working?
Signs your friends with benefits is falling for you
If you follow the steps above, chances are that your friend with benefits is getting nervous and looking for a way to keep you in his life for good. He is now trying to figure out if being in a committed relationship with you is more satisfying than being single. And if he really likes you enough to commit to you.
While he is compiling a list of pros and cons in his head, he will often start to show subtle signs that he is falling for you. These signs can be observed in the little things, such as having pillow talk at night or sending you “good morning” text messages.
To help you figure out the signs your friends with benefits is falling for you, take a look at the below points.
He stops seeing other women
We all know by now that men are terrible at multi-tasking. And it also translates into their dating life. Therefore, once a man decides that he wants to explore a committed relationship with you, he will drop every other girl he is seeing, even if it was just a casual thing.
He will suddenly be much more available during the day and on the weekends and suggest that the two of you hang out “more”.
This is a clear sign that he wants to test whether the two of you are compatible outside of the bedroom or not. Especially if he is the type of person, that has always had a hard time committing in the past.
He gets jealous
Another obvious sign that your friend with benefits is falling for you, is starting to get jealous. Once a man starts to see you as more than a fwb partner, he will start to get jealous (in a good way). Meaning that whenever you bring up meeting other men he will feel uncomfortable about it. And instead of acting unbothered, he will be noticeably upset and start to question you about the other guys.
If he does that, it’s a sign that your friend with benefits is catching feelings and ready to be exclusive.
You talk/text more often
Did the way you communicate change? Does he call you instead of just texting? Does he check in throughout the day and show genuine interest in your life? When a man falls for you, he starts to desire more contact with you. Suddenly, you will see the frequency of his calls and texts increase, and the topics you talk about are more intimate and personal.
Contrary to common belief, men desire emotional intimacy just as much as physical contact with the woman they like. So, if he starts to open up more about himself, then chances are your friend with benefits is falling for you.
Ready to turn your FWB into a relationship?
Can you relate to this situation? Are you currently stuck in a situationship, looking for a way out?
Then I have good news for you!
In my new book “From Situationship to Relationship”, I share what I did to turn my friends with benefits situation into a committed relationship with my now boyfriend.
For years I struggled to get a man to commit. I used to feel like I wasn’t pretty enough, sexy enough, or smart enough.
Until I realized that there was a proven strategy that I could use to take my relationships from casual to committed. And now I share all of these tools, exercises, and tips in my book.
Download the 1st Chapter for FREE and learn how to go from casual hangouts and just “kicking it” to a committed relationship with the man you desire.