How to get your ex-boyfriend back when he broke up with you
I recently rekindled my relationship with my ex after being broken up for 2 years. And when I shared it on my newsletter and life-update YouTube video a lot of you wanted to know “How did you get back with your ex-boyfriend?”
So, today I’m sharing how to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back – experience edition.
We all know breakups happen for a reason. Sometimes that reason is good, sometimes it’s bad. In our case, it was neither. We broke up because he moved cities, and I was in a place where everything was up in the air, literally.
While I did not feel any hatred towards him for breaking up, it is needless to say that I still experienced a lot of pain. And looking back now I know that the breakup was a traumatic experience that I didn’t identify as such until later.
And just like breakups go, we barely talked for the next 2 years. At one point I seriously thought our paths would never cross again.
So I did what I tell you ladies to do, I moved on with my life and the things I did over the next 18 months or so, unknowingly ended up being the things that would inspire my ex-boyfriend to want to get back together.
Here are 5 tips on how to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back.
How to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back
1. Took some time to myself
A breakup no matter what the reason is is a traumatic event in your life. And what happens when we experience trauma we have to deal with it in order to heal from it.
So for multiple weeks and months I took time to myself to analyze and evaluate what I learned from the relationship.
I got to understand myself, my then ex-boyfriend, and how relationships work better.
I dove deep into the healing process. I needed to make sure that I was in a good place mentally and emotionally whenever I start dating again or got into a new relationship.
However, doing that had so many more side-effects. It allowed me to become a better version of myself and show up differently the next time I met my ex-boyfriend.
He immediately noticed that I had grown, maybe even changed and desired to get to know the new me.
By the time we got back together, we both agreed that it felt like we were in a relationship with a new person because we had done the work needed.
So, trust me, taking some time to yourself to grow and heal is the best way to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back.
2. No-Contact Period
In case you did not know, I have a whole video on YouTube where I talk about when no-contact does not work. I want you to watch this before using this step to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back.
However, in this blog post I want to share with you how and when no-contact works.
When you are doing it for yourself and not to annoy or win back the other person. And here is why.
During the 2 years apart, my boyfriend and I had multiple weeks or months when we had no-contact, simply because we were each living our own lives.
We were both busy creating a future for ourselves, that checking in with each other felt like we were holding on to the past. So we kept that to a minimum.
At one point, we went a whole 4 months stretch without talking. And as much as I wanted to I did not reach out and neither did he.
That turned out to be the best thing I could have done.
If you want to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back, then you have to go no-contact at one point. The sooner, the better.
Cutting off all communication and removing yourself from the picture will make your ex miss you or at least think of you.
When you are not begging for him to reconsider his decision and he is confused because you lost your sudden interest, he will now spend most nights thinking of you.
Because you are giving him space to think about you and the relationship. You are giving him space to evaluate whether he likes life better with or without you in it.
And you want to do no-contact for as long as it takes for him to seek contact to you. Not just 30 days.
You will see, after a while he will find a reason to text or even call you out of the blue and now you can set the terms of the friendship.
3. Keep a journal
My third tip on how to get your ex-boyfriend to want you back may sound a litte crazy at first, but I promise you it will make complete sense once I’m done.
When we first broke up I experienced a lot of anger and resentment. As much as I agreed with the decision to split and not do long-distance, a part of me still hoped that he would at least try.
So, even once in a while I would get mad and want to tell him how I felt. But if there is one thing I suggest you never do. Then it’s to act out emotionally on your ex after you broke up!
Even if you just want to contact him to tell him how much he hurt you and subconsciously want to make him feel bad.
Even then, don’t!
Trust me, that is not how you get your ex-boyfriend to want you back.
It actually has the exact opposite effect and will remind him of the problems you had in the relationship.
Instead, you want to keep a breakup journal. A journal where you document how you feel post-relationship. In it, you write out all the feelings, emotions and thoughts you have. Good and bad!
You can use it to plead with God about bringing your ex back. Or you can use it to have the imaginary discussions with your ex that you wish you had while you were still together.
I mean why not. Write down your side of the story and what you believe to be his side of the story.
That will help you flush out all your hard feelings towards him and help you get to the bottom of the problem without getting into a confrontation.
So whenever you feel the need to text him you can use your journal.
4. Live your best life
Number 4 is a loaded point. When I say “live your best life” I mean two things.
For one that you have to start dating again. And two, that you need to do things that are out of your comfort zone or at least something that he hasn’t seen you do before.
After my ex and I broke up, I moved to Colombia. While I made that decision for myself and to grow my business, I can honestly say I also made it to prove a point.
To show that I could do something we had talked about for months prior. Needless to say, that when he heard that I had moved, he was stunned.
My move showed him that I was not afraid to move forward with my life, even if he was not in it. And that’s what you want him to experience too. A sense of urgency when it comes to being with you.
The truth is, as long as he feels like breaking up with you was a good decision, because your life is predictable and boring he will not desire to get back with you.
But if he sees you living your best life and not chasing him or paying him any mind, your ex-boyfriend will want you back quicker.
Because now he is afraid that someone else may come and scoop you up. Or even worse, you may decide that you don’t want him back.
And the craziest thing about this step is that when you finally let go of the idea that it can work out between the two of you and start to focus on you and nothing else.
That’s when the relationship manifests into reality and finds its way back to you.
5. Let go of the past
The last point is a step you have to master if you want to truly reconnect with your ex-boyfriend.
You have to forgive and let go of the pain and hurt from the past relationship in order to make space for the new relationship. Even if it is with the same person.
When we got back together, I knew that I did not simply want to continue the relationship we had. Because clearly that one had not worked.
I wanted to start a new one from a clean slate.
So, we talked it all out in a 7-hour conversation and then decided that we had outgrown, healed and moved on from what happened two years ago.
And now I am in a new relationship with the same person.
So, as you can see, I never eve set out to actually get back together with my ex, and neither did he. However, our individual journeys over 2 years and the steps we took led us back together.
And I know it would not have been possible if I did not work on myself for two years.