how to know if God wants you to be with someone
Dating can be complicated. And while you might think Christian dating would be easier, it really is not. The uncertainty, outside influences, and pressure to find the right person will follow you even when you’re dating with a purpose.
So, what now?
Well, the best thing you can do is to look for telltale signs that God is in it.
That’s why in this post, I am sharing how to know if God wants you to be with someone. But before we get into the exact signs, let’s take a look at how you can recognize God’s plan for your love life.
How to recognize signs from God about relationships
As your father and protector, He is constantly speaking to you, especially through God’s word.
He gives you hints and signs all throughout the day about every aspect of your life. Including your romantic relationships and your possible life partner.
It’s when we are too obsessed with a specific outcome and the fulfillment of our own will that we miss out on hearing from Him.
Because our own fears and desires are clouding our thoughts.
But you can change that. You can develop the kind of relationship where you can tell when God wants you with someone or not. All you need to do is draw close to Him and desire to hear his voice regularly. Not just when you are in dire need.
Question your motives and make sure it isn’t for selfish reasons.
Moreover, remember that God communicates in many forms and will speak to you through your mind, the word, and other believers.
Once you master hearing his voice, making big decisions becomes much easier and you will be able to tell if God wants you to be with someone.
Signs God wants you to be with someone
1. The relationship glorifies God
How to know if God wants you to be with someone? Easy. If being with your boyfriend doesn’t compromise your relationship with God, but rather strengthens it.
The one God has for you will have a similar desire for God as you. As a godly man himself, he will encourage you to pursue Christ. He will have similar morals and core values and lead a life in which he puts God first.
Because, believe me, God won’t send you someone that corrupts your character or leads you astray. Therefore, you will know that your relationship glorifies God if your conversations and activities honor God with your body, mind, and soul.
2. You prayed for someone like him
The second sign with regards to how to know if God wants you to be with someone is that the man you are dating is your answered prayer.
While I really don’t want to encourage any of you to treat God like a genie who will cater to unrealistic expectations of a man. I want to encourage you that God’s plan for you is to bring you good things, including the love you prayed for.
Therefore, the right man will possess some of the godly qualities you prayed for.
If you sincerely prayed for your future husband to be kind, loving, and wise then you know God has ordained the relationship if he answered your prayer. And yes, you can sprinkle physical attraction into it, as long as you don’t obsess over it.
I mean, God created all the human beings on this earth. He knows the perfect guy for you and will send him when the time is right. So you don’t need to settle, compromise, or try to make an unhealthy relationship work.
3. He makes you love yourself
There is a very real assumption that if you feel comfortable around your partner without make-up then he’s the one. And that’s very true! But I believe you have to drop more than just your make-up.
Namely the walls around your heart.
Because one way you can know that he is a good match is when you feel comfortable being vulnerable!
Because sharing your deepest secrets and biggest flaws can be challenging, especially if you are scared that he might not like it and leave or are simply ashamed of them.
However, real love will make you feel good about yourself. So if you can confide in him and can talk to him like your best friend, then that may be a sign God wants you to be with him.
4. You make each other better
Every relationship, no matter if romantic or not, either adds to your life or subtracts from it.
And God would never send you someone that makes life worse. Instead, he will send you a godly spouse that makes you a better person and helps you persevere through the hard times.
The man God has for you will be a safe haven for your thoughts and dreams, and he will believe and support you on your journey. So ask yourself the following questions: Does he have your back when life is hard? Does he boost your confidence when you feel like giving up?
Because you want to make sure you are in good hands and feel like the two of you make each other better.
5. His actions speak louder than his words
We all know the very popular sentence “If a guy likes you, he will make the effort!“. And I could not agree more!
One thing I believe God does when he wants you to be with someone is that he will send you very clear signs of whether or not that young man is the one for you.
That’s why you have to pay close attention to his words and actions. Do they match? When a man loves a woman he wants to be trustworthy and make sure that he’s reliable.
He won’t say one thing and do another. Because the most important thing to him is to be trustworthy and win over his future wife.
Many men will speak about all the things they want to do, but only a few will actually follow up and put in the work. And they will only do so for the woman they value.
When God sends you a man, one of his character traits will be integrity and honesty.
6. He pursues you
We all know the saying and the movie “He’s just not that into you”.
One of the many signs that you are dating someone that just isn’t that into you is that he will not put in an effort to be with you. Every interaction will be initiated by you and oftentimes every date will be planned by you too.
It feels like the love and interest are one-sided.
However, one of the signs God wants you to be with someone, is that he will send a man that actively pursues you. That man will call, will text and he will enjoy spending quality time with you.
Because one of the most obvious signs God wants you to be with someone is that the relationship will flourish and grow because of the mutual interest in each other.
7. He respects you
Too often we think respecting someone only refers to the way we speak to them. However, in relationships respect is part of the foundation you build on and can make or break it.
It’s something you experience on a daily basis and will shape your relationship for the rest of your life. So another way to know if God has ordained the relationship is whether he respects you.
Does he respect your time and give you his uninterrupted attention when you are together? Or is he preoccupied with work and other things?
Another way to see if he respects you is in conversations. Does he repeatedly cut you off when you discuss something? Or does he value your opinion and appreciate your point of view?
Last but not least, is he loyal? Now this one is important!
Remember, that being in a relationship means the two of you are merging two completely different families, backgrounds, and experiences.
That means you will run into situations where one of you is wrongly perceived. And only if the two of you can stick up for each other, your relationship can survive.
And I know that even with all these signs God wants you to be with someone, it can sometimes be hard to know for sure.
That’s why it’s important to pay close attention because sometimes there are signs God is protecting you from a bad relationship.
5 Signs God is protecting you from a bad relationship
If you’ve been dating someone and noticed the following signs, then it’s safe to say that he’s not the one God has for you. Instead of forcing it, decide to see them as God’s protection and move on.
1. His words don’t match his actions
One of my favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou and I bet you know it:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Simple but pivotal. If the guy you are dating keeps telling you how much he misses you but never makes time to meet, something is off.
Same for the man that repeatedly keeps showing interest in other women. While simultaneously assuring you that you’re the only one he wants.
As women, we are blessed with our “intuition”. The holy spirit working in us and giving us highly developed discernment. So trust your intuition and pray for revelation to make sure that you are not misled.
By doing so you will be able to tell whether his actions align with his words and how to know if God is leading you into a relationship.
2. He doesn’t know what he wants
The good old “What are we?” conversation. In your head, it takes place at least once a week, but in reality, it takes weeks until it actually happens.
You try to introduce the topic spontaneously and act super laid back in doing so. That’s when he hits you with the ‘Let’s just see where this goes and take it slow’ attitude.
Usually, that’s when I run to the bathroom, ask the holy spirit to take over, and remove all sharp objects around #keepingitreal. But on a more practical note that should be the moment when you take a mental note – issa red flag!
We all know that the Bible says:
‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord’ (Proverbs 18:22 NIV).
So if he found you, but doesn’t even know what he was looking for, how does he know if you are really a good thing for him?
A man who doesn’t clearly communicate what he wants from the beginning is stringing you along to see if it will change over time. And that’s usually when most of us girls end up in a situationship. We hope that he will change his mind and commit. But how can you be sure, if he doesn’t even know what he wants?
The only way to find out is by identifying why he does not know what he wants. Is it because he is adamant about being single? Or is it because he has never met a woman he wanted to be with?
If you are dealing with the latter, then chances are that he will be open to going from casual to committed. And with a few very powerful steps that I explain in detail in my book, you can inspire him to go from “Situationship to Relationship” and get the love you desire.
Remember that scripture is clear on the fact that a man should be able to lead you. Meaning he needs to have a vision of where the relationship will go. Otherwise, he will end up wasting your time.
So, if he doesn’t have a plan for your relationship it’s a sign he’s not the one God has for you.
3. His attention drops
Ohh I hate when that happens. For the first 3 months, he treats you like a princess. He takes you out to your favorite restaurants. Calls you at 8 AM just to say good morning and listen to your favorite celebrity stories.
Out of the blue everything changes. He doesn’t care about taking you out anymore and prefers getting McDonald’s drive-thru for every date.
He only calls you when you ask him to. And every time you mention a celebrity name he rolls his eyes. Deep down you know that something is wrong, but you brush it off and tell yourself that it is normal.
While I do think that a relationship eventually leaves the honeymoon stage and becomes a constant part of your life, I want you to understand that certain things shouldn’t just happen to charm you the first 3 months.
And it is your job to determine what type of relationship you want. Do you want to be in a healthy relationship or are these signs of a toxic relationship.
God will allow a man to show you his real self so that the two of you can connect on an authentic level. If the real him is nothing like the person you first met, however, then this is your sign from God that he is not the one.
Just because you have been getting to know each other for a while and you would like to be in a relationship you shouldn’t force it. Even if it means that you might feel lonely.
Instead, thank God for ending things early so that you only cry for two weeks instead of two months. And allow God to lead you to the right one.
God knows you better than you do and will match you with the man that is best for you. That man won’t lose interest and treat you well forever.
4. You feel like you have to compromise
There is one thing I’ve learned in a decade of dating, it’s that you should never compromise on your dealbreakers.
Yes, I said NEVER compromise… On your dealbreakers!
You might think that this is a little harsh and selfish, but I assure you it is not.
A Dealbreaker is a factor or issue, that you cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any other qualities the other person may have.
Meaning that a dealbreaker is a quality that will irritate you in the long run anyway. It might be the way he treats his family members. Or the way he takes care of his own health or something else that is important to you.
Don’t ignore these dealbreakers, because they may be a sign that he’s not the one that God has for you. Try to find peace and contentment besides the situation, by rejoicing in your current single season.
5. You prayed for God to show you if he’s not the one
Now, ladies, this is a big one, so listen clearly!
If you are praying to God and asking Him to show you whether the guy you are seeing is the right one for you and suddenly this same person starts acting up. He stops calling and texting or goes off the radio for days.
That is your sign! HE’S NOT THE ONE FOR YOU!
I know it hurts, especially if things were fine just a week ago. However, God is a God of action and protection.
This means he will end things if the man you’re pursuing isn’t your husband. This also means that this is not an invitation to blow up his phone and convince him to change. Instead, strive to maintain a balance between your actions and your faith in God.
If one or more of the above scenarios apply to your relationship and deep down you know that man is not God’s best for you. Then you may be on to something.
Trust your gut and pray for discernment. Ask God to show you if he is the one for you.That way you will be able to tell early on if the relationship is ordained by God. Because when God wants you with someone this will happen…
When God sends you the man you are called to be with
One of my favorite sayings is that “when you know you know if you don’t it’s not it.” I know it sounds confusing at first, but it makes perfect sense when you really dissect it.
You and I have made choices before about people, purchases, and even jobs. And every time we were able to discern the decision because we just knew.
I believe it’s the same when God sends you the man you are called to be with. You will have a very distinct knowing that he is the one for you, even if you can’t put it in words. You will feel equally yoked in every of your life.
However, if you experience a lot of doubts and have to ask all your friends for their opinion it’s a sign that God is telling you to move on.
I believe that God himself leads us to the people that are supposed to be in our lives, including your future husband.
Signs God is leading you to the one
As a single woman in my 30’s it’s easy to get frustrated and sometimes exhausted from dating. You start to wonder how many frogs you will have to kiss until you find your prince.
And while I do believe that the way to finding the one is by putting in time and effort, I also know that there are ways you can be more effective.
Just like with every other area of your life, God is present in your love life. He will send you signs that will help you know whether you are on the right path or not. And some of the signs God is leading you to the one that I have witnessed include:
- A peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7): When God is leading you to the one you will feel at peace whether or not you are in a relationship. There will be no confusion and no anxiety around your relationship status. You can tell that the season you are in is anointed by God.
- Everything seems to work out for your good (Romans 8:28): When God is leading you to the one, you will notice that the right doors are opening and the wrong doors are closing. Something that rocked your world three months ago now makes complete sense and turns out to be God’s perfect intervention.
- You are evolving as a woman (John 15:2): When God is leading you to the one, He will often prepare you for the relationship unbeknownst to you. Suddenly, some of the things you might have considered a deal-breaker in the past, you now have compassion for and lead you to your future husband. In contrast to what many of us believe, we are not born ready for a godly relationship and need to be intentional about preparing for marriage if we want to have a long-lasting relationship.
I hope that this article will help you understand the signs God wants you to be with someone or not. I know for me it took a while until I was able to discern correctly, but in the end I was successful.
And if you are already in a relationship, looking for guidance then it’s important you understand God’s will in a relationship.
How to know God’s will in a relationship
Once you identified the signs God wants you to be with someone it still doesn’t mean that the relationship will be successful. You need to know what his will is for the two of you too.
And the truth is, God sends people into our lives for one reason: serving him and building his kingdom on earth. So every relationship you find yourself in should serve that purpose.
Therefore a very simple way to know God’s will in a relationship is to analyze whether the relationship aligns with God’s purpose for your life.
I know that finding your purpose can be very intimidating. Because more often than not, we don’t know what our purpose is yet. However, once you do, you have to honestly ask yourself if your relationship aligns with it.
Is your boyfriend bringing you closer to what God has called you to do? Or is he pushing you away from it? You will know the answer to that by how much he supports and encourages you in your pursuit.
If you feel like you have to give up on your calling to be with him, then it means the relationship is not aligned with God’s purpose for you.
A lot of times you will even notice that God is leading you to the one by using your purpose.
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