Must-know signs of a needy girlfriend
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There is nothing that turns a man off more than a needy woman. Because this woman will turn into a needy girlfriend.
But what is a needy girlfriend? Well, simply put, a needy girlfriend is a woman that is emotionally so dependent on her boyfriend that it takes a toll on the relationship.
However, there is more.
After reading this incredibly life-changing book, I realized that my needy and clingy behavior stemmed from being anxiously attached.
It really helped me understand why my past relationships did not work out and what I could do to be better in my new one. And even though it’s an educational book, it is an easy read and truly shows you how to deal with being needy and stop being clingy.
How can you tell if a girl is needy?
Well, there are many signs of a needy girlfriend, which I will get to later. However, some of the characteristics of a needy person include being anxious, jealous, and of course clingy.
A needy woman accepts and demonstrates behaviors that a confident and secure woman would never. And rather than being in control of her own emotions and feelings, she looks to others to meet her emotional needs.
But what causes a woman to be clingy and become so needy in a relationship? That’s what I want to talk about in this post. So stay tuned for the 10 signs of a needy girlfriend.
Why am I so needy for affection?
When we speak of a needy person, we are referring to someone that exhibits a number of character traits that require a high need for physical or emotional fulfillment from others.
While everybody, men and women alike, experience a certain degree of neediness in relationships, one of the signs of a needy girlfriend is that she requires excessive amounts of love, attention, and approval.
And no matter how much the partner works to satisfy her needs, it’s never enough.
As you might already suspect, neediness is often linked to low self-esteem, a lack of self-confidence, hurtful experiences from the past, and of course childhood.
In most cases, a history of rejection, hurt, and disapproval leads to an anxious attachment style that interferes with healthy thoughts and behaviors which ends up sabotaging romantic relationships.
In the search for love, attention, and approval a needy person starts clinging too tight to the relationship and suffocating the other person.
And what makes it even more complicated, is that needy women oftentimes don’t realize they are being needy and desperate.
That’s why in this post, I’m sharing with you signs of clingy behavior that turn men off.
10 Signs of a Needy Girlfriend
1. Your self-worth is dependent on your relationship
The most common reason why you might be feeling needy in a relationship is that you need a man to validate your self-worth.
When you are in a relationship, your self-confidence, happiness and overall sense of value increase. When you are not in one, you feel like you are not good enough.
Your lack of confidence in your own worth makes you cling to your suitor because as long as you have his attention and pursuit you feel beautiful and good about yourself.
This sign of being needy is often observed in very beautiful women, whose identity is built on the admiration of men.
2. You give up your own life
Another sign of clingy behavior is when you adapt your whole life to meet a man’s needs.
Meaning that you change your schedule and cancel plans to be available to him at all times because you want to be close to him and spend every waking hour together.
And if he wants to be alone or meet with friends you get upset because you don’t have plans of your own.
You relinquish your independence and give up your routine if it means that you have to spend time away from him.
Contrary to your belief, this ‘gesture’ takes away your attraction and his desire to pursue you.
Making him the center of your life gives him the impression that you are desperate for his presence and do not have a life of your own, which means you will be overbearing in the future.
3. You constantly need reassurance
Another needy girlfriend sign is that you constantly need his reassurance and validation about his love for you.
Every opportunity you get, you ask him if he finds you beautiful if he loves you and if he is happy in the relationship and if he does not answer in a certain way you get anxious.
You overthink his every word, step, and action and go as far as to analyze every past conversation because you can’t deal with the uncertainty.
Your insecurities make you believe that you have to ensure that he loves you consistently to not lose grip on the relationship. So you act out of character and bend over backward to please him and receive assurance.
4. You tolerate disrespect
Probably number one on the list of female insecurities is a woman that stays with her man even if he treats her like dirt.
A woman that is needy for affection will stay in an unhealthy relationship for way too long and not leave even when she should.
The reason for that is that you discount his hurtful behavior and accept his every mood because you don’t believe you deserve better.
You allow him to overstep your boundaries because you yearn for his approval. By giving away your power and allowing him to treat you like a doormat, you show him that you are desperate to be loved and don’t respect yourself enough to demand respect from him.
5. You get anxious about him leaving
Unfortunately, the fear of abandonment is a very common and powerful fear that a lot of women deal with.
The fear of losing him can have multiple effects on you and often leads to increased jealousy and compulsive behavior to compare yourself and compete with other women in his life such as female friends, co-workers, or his exes.
You might also get nervous if he doesn’t respond to texts or calls because you assume he has lost interest and is entertaining someone else.
You are afraid of him leaving all the time because subconsciously you doubt that you have it takes to make him stay.
6. You are controlling
Another sign of being needy is that you become controlling in a relationship. Once you are with a man your whole demeanor changes and suddenly you feel the need to control and organize every part of his life.
You want to know “Where he is”, “What he does”, and “What he posts on social media” at all times.
You require him to publicly announce your relationship in order for you to feel secure and force him into introducing you to all his family and friends.
In addition, you try to change him in order to meet your needs. You interfere with his appearance, his hobbies, and interests, and try to ‘fix’ whatever flaws you think he has.
Rather than appreciating him for who he is, you try to mold him into the perfect partner for you despite his resistance.
7. You are fine with anyone
A major sign of a desperate woman is a woman that is attracted to any man who shows interest in her. Your loneliness and neediness make you lose your standards and give in easily to any man that will have you.
Rather than vetting his values, character, and intentions, you get excited about the opportunity to be desired and pursued.
You are enchanted by his flattery, overlooking major red flags and getting emotionally invested before you even know the man.
Most men can smell that you are desperate for a relationship and will either be turned off or try to take advantage of you.
8. You parade him on your social media
Going “Instagram official” is the new way to declare your relationship status to people. By posting a casual but cute pic of you and bae you share the exciting news that you are a couple with friends and followers.
However, it becomes a problem when you feel the need to post about your relationship on social media because you are desperate to prove you’re in love.
According to research people who promote their relationship on social media are often battling insecurities or having problems within their relationship.
Therefore, if you constantly document your every move together and showcase your love for one another, it might be a sign that you are not just needy for his attention but also insecure about the relationship.
By seeking validation in the form of likes and comments you try to convince yourself and others that your relationship is fine. Nowadays, that behavior is one of the bigger signs of a needy girlfriend.
9. You chase after him
Number 9 is probably the most desperate of the signs of a needy woman. And that is that you chase a man after he has told you or shown you that he is not interested (anymore).
This could be when you first start dating or after a break-up. If he is not actively pursuing you anymore it means that he is just not that into you and it’s time to fall back.
Trying to chase him by being nice, being available, or even succumbing to his sexual needs will not win him back but make him lose interest in you.
Because it screams that you doubt that you can find someone else and are willing to be with him even when he does not want to be with you.
10. You are too invested too soon
If you can relate to each of the above points and are now wondering “how to stop being needy?”, then my best advice is to just chill out.
Women who are needy and desperate will oftentimes get overly invested in the new relationship too early on.
You will start to give more than you get repeatedly in the hopes that he will appreciate the effort. Or you will go out of your own way to accommodate him when he has not yet earned this type of treatment.
Your anxious belief that you need to prove your interest to him leads you to move too fast and invest all your time, energy, and attention into him.
But by trying so hard so soon, you make him feel like you are dependent on the relationship for fulfillment and become a burden to him.
Why do you need to pay attention to the signs of clingy behavior?
The truth is neediness turns men off big time and that is certainly one major reason why most women want to avoid it. However, even more importantly being needy and clingy means you have unmet needs that you have to pay attention to.
And you most likely noticed that your neediness and clinginess are accompanied by a lot of anxiety and worry, which is frustrating and exhausting for you too.
That could be due to an anxious attachment style rooted in the fear of abandonment, or because of a lack of emotional stability.
Whatever it is, you can do the work and change it. Just because you demonstrate these needy girlfriend signs now, does not mean you can’t stop being a clingy girlfriend.
Why are women so needy?
Honestly the best thing you do to understand yourself better is read Attached by Amir Levine.
Oh boy was that book eye-opening. Honestly, it was even scary at times how accurate he was.
In the book, he breaks down each attachment style and their behavior to a T! I would find myself embarrassed and relieved whenever one of the case studies acted like me. I mean, who knew getting attached quickly to a guy you just met was normal for the anxious attachment style.
Lol. But all jokes aside. This book is so good and now I understand why it has such great reviews.
It has truly improved my relationship and I wish I would have read it when I was single. So, make sure you pick up a copy for yourself before your neediness turns off your new man.
How do I stop being a needy woman?
In order to stop being needy and desperate in a relationship, you have to understand your fear behind it and take the necessary steps to meet your own needs.
Whenever I have coaching clients that display signs of a needy girlfriend I help them reframe their thinking and re-build their view of themselves.
Because learning to value and take care of your own needs before leaning on someone else to do so, does not just raise your self-esteem, but also increases your overall peace.
In addition, if you constantly feel jealous or insecure in your romantic relationship, then you may actually suffer from an anxious attachment style, a fear of abandonment that is often rooted in your early childhood experiences or romantic experiences.
Thankfully, “Attached” is an easy read that will teach you how to overcome attachment anxiety by using a technique that helps you recognize negative thoughts and get to the root of your insecurities.
I mean by now you know I love this book, but I have also recommended it to many of my clients and it helped them become less needy and more secure too.