There is nothing that turns a man off more than a needy woman.
Because this woman will turn into a needy girlfriend. And I know the last thing you want is to find the one and lose him again because you were a clingy partner.
But what is a needy girlfriend and what are some of the clingy behaviors you might be doing without even knowing?
Well, simply put, a needy girlfriend is a woman that is emotionally so dependent on her boyfriend that it takes a toll on the relationship.
However, there is more.
After reading this incredibly life-changing book, I realized that my clingy and needy behavior stemmed from being anxiously attached.
It really helped me understand why my past relationships did not work out and what I could do to be better in my current relationship. And even though it’s an educational book, it is an easy read and truly shows you how to deal with being needy and how to stop being clingy.
I definitely recommend you read this book if you noticed some needy behavior patterns in yourself and want to learn how to set healthy boundaries and forge a healthy relationship.
What are the signs of a needy person?
Well, there are many signs of a needy person, which I will get to in depth later. However, some of the characteristics of a needy person include constantly having thoughts about the relationship, feeling jealous, and of course, being clingy.
The best way to describe it is that a needy woman accepts and demonstrates behaviors that a confident and secure woman would never. And rather than being in control of her own emotions and feelings, she looks to others to meet her emotional needs.
But what causes a woman to be clingy and become so needy in a relationship? That’s what I want to talk about in this post. So stay tuned for 10 signs of a needy girlfriend.
Why am I so needy for affection?
When I speak of needy people, I mean people who exhibit these character traits: a high need for physical or emotional fulfillment from others.
While everybody, no matter if a man or woman experiences a certain degree of neediness in relationships, one of the signs of a clingy person is that he or she requires excessive amounts of love, attention, and approval.
And regardless of how much the partner does to reassure her and meet her emotional neediness, it’s never enough.
As you might already suspect, neediness is often linked to low self-esteem, a lack of self-confidence, hurtful experiences from the past, and of course your childhood. Those are usually the root of your anxious thoughts and constant fear.
In most cases, including my own, a history of rejection, hurt, and disapproval lead to an anxious attachment style that interferes with healthy thoughts and behaviors. That then ends up sabotaging your romantic relationships and your love life.
Because in the search for love, attention, and approval you start to cling too tight to the relationship, which makes your partner feel suffocated.
And what makes it even more complicated, is that you oftentimes don’t realize it until it’s too late. But no worries. That’s why I love to give relationship advice. Because it’s based on my mistakes and what not to do.
10 Signs of a Needy Girlfriend
1. Your self-worth is dependent on your relationship
The most common reason why you might be feeling needy in a relationship is that you need a man to validate your self-worth.
When you are in a relationship, your self-confidence, happiness, and overall sense of value increase. When you are not in one, you feel like you are not good enough.
That lack of confidence in your own self-worth makes you cling to your partner because as long as you have his attention and pursuit you feel beautiful and good about yourself.
This sign of being needy is often observed in very beautiful women, whose identity is built on the admiration of men.
2. You give up your entire life
Another sign of clingy behavior is when you adapt your whole life to a man and make him the most important person in your life. When it should be you.
Meaning that you change your own life around to be available to him at all times because you want to be close to him and spend every waking hour together.
And if he wants some personal space or to meet with his close friends you get upset and feel rejected.
You even give up your independence and routine if it means that you have to spend much time away from him.
However, you giving up on your alone time and your own friends to cater to him makes you less attractive to him.
Because by making him the center of your life you appear desperate. That in turn scares him off, because he feels a lot of pressure to make meet your needs.
3. You constantly need reassurance
Another needy girlfriend sign is that you constantly need his reassurance and validation about his love for you. Even when he shows you that he wants to be with you.
While knowing how to be vulnerable and emotionally intimate is good, being emotionally needy is a sign of insecurity.
If you use every opportunity you get to ask him if he finds you beautiful or loves you, or if he is happy in the relationship. And then get anxious if he does not answer in a certain way, it’s a sign of an anxious attachment style.
You overthink his every word, step, and action and go as far as to analyze every past conversation because you can’t deal with the uncertainty.
Your insecurities make you believe that you have to ensure that he loves you consistently in order to not lose a grip on the relationship. So you act out of character and bend over backward to please him and receive assurance.
4. You tolerate disrespect
Probably number one on the list of female insecurities is a woman that stays with her man even if he treats her like dirt.
A woman that is needy for affection will stay in an unhealthy relationship for way too long and not leave even when she should.
The reason for that is that you discount his hurtful behavior and accept his every mood because you don’t believe you deserve better.
You allow him to overstep your boundaries because you yearn for his approval. By giving away your power and allowing him to treat you like a doormat, you show him that you are desperate to be loved and don’t respect yourself enough to demand respect from him.
5. You get anxious about him leaving
Unfortunately, the fear of abandonment is a very common and powerful fear that a lot of needy women deal with.
The fear of losing him can have multiple effects on you and often leads to trust issues, increased jealousy, and compulsive behavior to compare yourself and compete with other women in his life such as female friends, co-workers, or his exes.
You might also get nervous if he doesn’t respond to text messages or calls because you assume he has lost interest and is entertaining someone else.
You are afraid of him leaving and question if he will ever marry you all the time. That’s because you subconsciously doubt that you have what it takes to make him stay.
6. You are controlling
Another sign of being needy is that you become controlling in a relationship. Once you are with a man your whole demeanor changes and suddenly you feel the need to control and organize every part of his life.
You want to know “Where he is”, “What he does”, and “What he posts on social media” at all times.
You require him to publicly announce your relationship in order for you to feel secure and force him into introducing you to all his family and friends.
In addition, you try to change him in order to meet your needs. You interfere with his appearance, his hobbies, and interests, and try to ‘fix’ whatever flaws you think he has.
Rather than appreciating him for who he is, you try to mold him into the perfect partner for you despite his resistance.
7. You are fine with anyone
A major sign of a desperate woman is a woman that is attracted to any man who shows interest in her. Your loneliness and neediness make you lose your standards and give in easily to any man that will have you.
Rather than vetting his values, character, and intentions, you get excited about the opportunity to be desired and pursued.
You are enchanted by his flattery, overlooking major red flags and getting emotionally invested before you even know the man.
Most men can smell that you are desperate for a relationship and will either be turned off or try to take advantage of you.
8. You parade him on your social media
Going “Instagram official” is the new way to declare your relationship status to people. By posting a casual but cute pic of you and Bae you share the exciting news that you are a couple with friends and followers.
However, it becomes a problem when you feel the need to post about your relationship on social media because you are desperate to prove you’re in love.
According to research people who promote their relationship on social media are often battling insecurities or having problems within their relationship.
Therefore, if you constantly document your every move together and showcase your love for one another, it might be a sign that you are not just needy for his attention but also insecure about the relationship.
By seeking validation in the form of likes and comments you try to convince yourself and others that your relationship is fine. Nowadays, that behavior is one of the bigger signs of a needy girlfriend.
9. You chase after him
Number 9 is probably the most desperate of the signs of a needy woman. And that is that you chase a man after he has told you or shown you that he is not interested (anymore).
You try anything to make him miss you, including reaching out to him and or hanging out with mutual friends.
But you have to understand that, if he is not actively pursuing you it means that he is just not that into you and it’s time to fall back.
Trying to chase him by being nice, being available, or even succumbing to his sexual needs will not win him back but make him lose interest in you.
Because it screams that you doubt that you can find someone else and are willing to be with him even when he does not want to be with you.
10. You are too invested too soon
If you can relate to each of the above points and are now wondering “how to stop being needy?”, then my best advice is to just chill out.
Women who are needy and desperate will oftentimes get overly invested in the new relationship too early on.
You will start to give more than you get repeatedly in the hopes that he will appreciate the effort. Or you will go out of your own way to accommodate him when he has not yet earned this type of treatment.
Your anxious belief that you need to prove your interest to him leads you to move too fast and invest all your time, energy, and attention into him.
But by trying so hard so soon, you make him feel like you are dependent on the relationship for fulfillment and become a burden to him.
Why do you need to pay attention to the signs of a needy person?
The truth is neediness turns men off big time and is, rightly so, a huge red flag!
While that in itself is a good reason to avoid being needy, it also can seriously harm your long-term relationship. Because whenever you behave needily you are sabotaging a great relationship. This is why it’s important to learn from your past experiences and change.
Another reason why you need to pay attention is that these signs of clingy behavior hint that you have unmet needs you have to take care of.
You most likely noticed that your neediness and clinginess are accompanied by a lot of anxiety and worry, which is frustrating and exhausting for you too.
That could be due to an anxious attachment style rooted in the fear of abandonment, or because of a lack of emotional stability.
Whatever it is, you can do the work and change it. Just because you demonstrate these needy girlfriend signs now, does not mean you can’t stop being a clingy girlfriend.
Why are women so needy?
Honestly, the best thing you do to understand yourself better is read Attached by Amir Levine.
Oh, boy was that book eye-opening. Honestly, it was even scary at times how accurate he was.
In the book, he breaks down each attachment style and their behaviors to a T!
I would find myself embarrassed and relieved whenever one of the case studies acted like me. I mean, who knew getting attached quickly to a guy you just met was normal for the anxious attachment style.
Lol. But all jokes aside. This book is so good and now I understand why it has such great reviews.
It has truly improved my relationship and I wish I would have read it when I was single. So, make sure you pick up a copy for yourself before your neediness turns off your new man.
How to stop being needy?
In order to stop being clingy in a relationship, you have to understand the fear behind it and take the necessary steps to meet your own needs.
A great way to do that is by analyzing how you think about yourself then reframing some of the bad thoughts and lastly rebuilding them to encourage and affirm you instead.
And I know it sounds easy, but you have to start at the root, otherwise, all the work you do with your significant others or even best friends won’t work.
Of course, if you have a very difficult time doing it on your own then I suggest you get professional help. I started working with my therapist after my last relationship and it’s been a game changer.