how to not get attached
“Do you get attached too quickly?”. That was a question I asked in a recent YouTube video and the response I got was interesting.
So many women admitted that they tend to fall too heavy too fast and therefore experience heartbreak quite often.
I was not surprised, but more so concerned.
So many women didn’t know how to date without getting attached.
So I figured, I need to take this to my blog and write about how to avoid too much emotional investment in romantic relationships early on.
Being vulnerable and open while dating is a good thing!
But tt takes discernment and practice to know who to open up to and how much to give/ share.
And in this post, I’m giving you a strategy on how to not get attached to a guy too quickly.
Why do I get attached so easily?
At one point in my adult life, I asked myself why I tend to attach to men so quickly.
And the truth is, whenever we jump into a new relationship with both feet while ignoring red flags, it often points to low self-esteem.
I know this one hurts. But unfortunately, in my case it was true.
No man should be considered “The One” after just one or two weeks of dating.
So, why do we tend to get attached so easily?
The answer is, because of our attachment style.
I’m sure most of you have heard about the different attachment styles before.
If you want to know yours then take the test here.
I used to have a very strong anxious attachment style.
This is why I’m familiar with the habit of getting attached to a new person quickly.
Turns out that women who have an anxious attachment style are more prone to attach quickly to romantic partners because we are:
- Ultra-sensitive to rejection
- Overly dependent
- Happiest in relationships
Basically, the need to feel close to someone oftentimes overshadows your ability to pace yourself. This then leads to premature attachment when dating someone new.
Signs of an unhealthy emotional attachment
As you can tell, an anxious attachment style can oftentimes be unhealthy, because it is excessive at times.
A healthy attachment or secure attachment fosters intimacy, caring, and understanding.
An unhealthy attachment brings forth codependency, anxiety, and neediness.
An unhealthy emotional attachment is making the other person’s needs and feelings a priority without ever tending to your own emotional needs and feelings.
Offering unlimited comfort to your date without ever asking for any comfort in return is not healthy and will lead to resentment.
So, how can you avoid that?
Easy. By learning how to not get attached while dating!
How to not get attached to a guy too fast
1. Date multiple men at the same time
Number 1 is the most controversial tip on how to not get attached to a guy.
Date multiple men at the same time.
I know it makes a lot of women uncomfortable.
Because you don’t see how that can increase your chances of love.
But like any other dating advice I share, this point is about increasing your sense of self and developing an abundance mindset.
Dating multiple men at the same time does not mean that you have casual intercourse with everyone or kiss any of them.
It simply means that you get to know these men better!
You start to evaluate possible new partners based on whether they can meet your needs and are ready to put in the investment.
And simultaneously spot the wrong guys.
Instead of obsessing over just one guy that shows interest, you can now choose from an abundance of men. This allows you to make an informed decision.
2. Set boundaries for yourself
The second tip on how to not get attached easily is to set boundaries for yourself.
Whenever we date we are very quick to come up with boundaries for the other person.
No kissing, no physical intimacy, no overnight stays.
Physical boundaries to avoid moving too quickly.
But what about emotional boundaries?
As mentioned above, unhealthy attachment is often linked to emotional dependency and rescue behavior.
Meaning you become too dependent on the other person.
In order to avoid that, you need to set boundaries.
So that you don’t fixate on the guy you are dating.
Write down the behaviors you exhibited in past experiences that backfired such as:
- Over-investing in men
- Allowing your life to revolve around him
- Taking care of him like he is your boyfriend
The most important thing to avoid getting attached too soon is to move slowly and allow the relationship to catch up to your feelings.
Has he proven himself to be a confidante? Did the two of you discuss exclusivity or commitment? Does the relationship feel safe enough for you to build an emotional connection like that?
By asking yourself these questions before letting your guard down you avoid heartbreak.
Because there is nothing worse than finding out that the man you have been dating pretended for weeks and months before finally revealing his real intentions.
So the next time set boundaries and pace yourself.
Take your time to discover red flags before diving in head first.
3. Date without expectations
The third tip on how how to not get attached while dating is to date without expectations.
What I mean by that is that you have to remove the fantasy of “The One” when dating.
No matter how excited you are about him or how much potential he has.
Whenever you start dating someone new you want to remain objective at first.
Avoid projecting all your hopes and dreams for a future onto him.
The fact that he is single, saved, and cute does not mean that he is the right person for you.
Instead, carefully observe his behavior. Do his words and actions really meet your needs in a relationship?
Spend some quality time with him and don’t worry about the future yet.
Evaluate him as a great person first.
You can worry about whether or not he is husband material a few weeks into knowing him.
4. Ask yourself what you want from a relationship
You would be surprised about how many girls look get attached to a man super fast and later realize that he was is even that great in the first place.
After the initial excitement slows down you realize that the guy you were dating did not want the same things you wanted.
He did not treat you the way you want to be treated.
And he did not meet your needs for a lover.
Suddenly you realize that he was not all that.
The only reason you held on to him was out of a fear of abandonment.
So what happened?
The answer is, you were dating with pink-colored glasses on.
Instead of checking in with yourself and asking yourself whether this person and situation is really what you want, you fell for his shiny attributes like looks and success.
That’s one of the major reasons why you have to take time to ensure that your vision for a healthy relationship is being met.
Failing to do so will only make you fall for someone that is great but not your real match.
5. Limit your interactions
The last tip on how to not get attached to a guy too quickly is the most practical one. Limit your interactions with him.
When you first meet someone you like and vibe with, it is very tempting to spend every free minute with him.
You want to text him, call him, and meet up with him all the time.
But don’t. Because the fastest way to catch feelings for someone is by solely focusing on them.
Instead of having your thoughts and life evolve around him 24/7, be intentional about spending free time apart.
Schedule days when you do not meet up with him.
Instead, hang out with friends or spend time enjoying your own company.
That will allow you to keep it light, while you are in the getting-to-know-him stage.
By following these five steps on how to not get attached to a guy while dating you lessen the risk of falling for someone too early.
How to stop being attached to someone
If you are starting to feel anxious about the guy you are dating, you might already be emotionally attached to him.
In that case, the best thing you can do is to practice mindfulness.
Whenever emotions run high and you feel tempted to reach out or stalk his Instagram, purposefully do something else.
Make a list of things you can do to distract yourself.
Reading, calling a trusted friend, or getting into new hobbies.
Do whatever you can to be away from your phone.
Avoid constantly checking your phone and building up anxiety.
How do I stop emotional attachment?
It’s important to remember that we don’t want to stop emotional attachment altogether.
Because emotional intimacy and vulnerability are the keys to a long-lasting relationship.
However, you want to get better at only seeking emotional support and getting to a certain emotional level with people that have earned it.
People such as your family members, your best friends, or other members of your support system.
The best way to build that kind of relationship with men is to follow the steps above.
Only attach emotionally when you have built a meaningful relationship and he has shown that he is emotionally attached as well.