will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time
Will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time? I can’t even tell you how often I get this question on my blog.
If not the exact words used above then at least a similar version of it. “Should I stay with my boyfriend or am I wasting my time in this relationship?”. And most of the time I want to say if you have to ask, then chances are you are wasting your time.
Because the truth is, if you are doubting your boyfriend’s intentions, then there is most likely a good reason for it.
Like I always say, a woman’s intuition is always right. Because deep down you know whether he’s the one or not.
However, before you start panicking and giving your partner ultimatums, I figured I’d share some of the biggest signs he will never propose. And when I say never, keep in mind that every situation is different.
How do you tell if a man is wasting your time?
Before I answer the question “Will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time?”, I want to explain what wasting time actually means.
I truly don’t believe that any man, with the exception of a few narcissists, gets into a relationship with the malicious intent of wasting his girlfriend’s time. Especially if he likes or even loves her.
Instead, what I believe happens a lot of times is that a man may love you so much that he starts abandoning himself in order to make the relationship work. Meaning instead of breaking up once he can tell he doesn’t want to marry you, he talks himself into trying despite his doubts.
And as sweet and romantic as this sounds, it’s actually very unhealthy for him and for your relationship.
Because if he doesn’t really want to be in a long-term relationship, you will eventually start to feel it. His energy will be off and the relationship will feel forced, which will lead to uncertainty and anxiety.
And that’s when you usually start to ask yourself whether you should wait or move on.
How do you tell if you are wasting time your time in the relationship?
Now that I explained why a man may (un)willingly waste your time, it is important to look at you. After all, it takes two to tango and I stand by my belief that someone can only waste your time if you let him. So, the question becomes, why do/ did you let him?
And the answer is love. Just kidding, the answer is fear. LOL
Yes ma’am I said it. The truth is, most women stay with the wrong person out of fear. Fear that they will not be able to meet someone as great or even better than the man they are with.
Maybe you feel like you already put in so much time it would be silly to give up now. Or maybe you have not been single in a long time and are afraid to get back on those dreadful dating apps. Which by the way, I feel you. I’m using them and I hate it here.
Or maybe all your friends are in committed relationships and you are worried you will be the only one without an engagement ring by next year.
Whatever underlying fear you have about being single and breaking up are reasons why you are wasting time in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
And trust me you are not the only one. A lot of women in their late 20s and early 30s have the same concerns. This is why I am writing this blog post. To help you make a decision that will put you on a path that leads to a long-term commitment that makes you feel good.
Will, he ever marry me, or am I wasting my time – 10 Signs
So, if you have been with your boyfriend for a long time and every time the topic of marriage comes up he gets uncomfortable then the following 10 signs will help you figure out if you are wasting your time with him or not.
1. He doesn’t progress the relationship
Have you been with your man more than 3, 5, or even 7 years and feel like he’s a little too comfortable with the status quo of the relationship? Maybe you guys play house and now it feels like you are stuck giving him wifey benefits on a girlfriend salary.
I hate to break it to you, but it does not take a man years before he knows if he wants to marry you.
He may not feel ready yet, which I will get to later, but after 3-6 months men know where they want the relationship to go. So him not proposing after years of dating is him pushing off the inevitable. Because a man that really sees you as his forever love would never risk loving you and put a ring on it as soon as possible.
2. He outright says he doesn’t want to get married
You would think this one is obvious. Your boyfriend outright tells you he doesn’t want to get married. But, unfortunately, many women still don’t take this as a good enough reason to abort the relationship. I understand that we have all heard of stories about men who changed their minds about marriage and kids later on in life.
And I agree that when a man meets the right person at the right time things will flow naturally. But if your man tells you “I don’t want to get married!”, chances are he doesn’t see himself marrying you. In that case, you definitely should not hang around and subject yourself to constant rejection. So, if you are considering “will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time?” then this is your definite answer.
3. He doesn’t involve you in major life decisions
Is your boyfriend changing jobs, moving to a new city, or thinking about buying a property? All these and more are major life decisions, which couples in healthy relationships discuss beforehand.
A man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you will run important decisions by you. Not because he has to, but because he wants to be transparent and align your lives. He will involve you in his future plans wherever he can to make sure that you can get to the next level of your relationships.
On the flip side, if he repeatedly makes major life decisions by himself, like getting a different place, moving to New York, or agreeing to a job overseas. Then that’s a real issue.
4. He repeatedly says “I’m not ready”
This one is my favorite because it happened to me. Yayyy good times. While I understand that you might think that a man that is not ready is not as definite that a man that does not want to get married, it’s pretty much the same red flag.
I always say that the easiest way to know someone’s intuition is to listen to what they say. Instead, of wasting your precious time, hoping that he will become ready while you are dating, why not use the same time to find a man that is ready now.
I can confirm that the majority of women that feel like they wasted their time in a past relationship are the ones that did ignore this one point. The fact is that you only wonder “will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time” when he is not sure about you.
And there is nothing that communicates uncertainty like “I don’t think I’m ready”. So, instead of ignoring your intuition and labeling your anxiety as over-reacting. Listen to your gut and get out of there.
5. He doesn’t like to talk about marriage, kids, etc.
Let’s be honest, the ultimate goal of marriage is for two people to start a life together. It’s not the finish line, but the start that matters. This is why you can tell your boyfriend does not want a long-term commitment with you he avoids the topic altogether.
It’s understandable that he might get upset because you send him pictures of an engagement ring every week, but if he gets mad at you for bringing up important things, such as kids, family dynamics, and continued finances in the future it’s a clear sign that he doe not see you as part of his future.
Most married people will tell you that the topic of marriage came up very quickly during the dating phase because they made sure that their visions aligned. If you have been dating for as much as 6 months and the whole time you’ve been together you’ve felt resistance when it comes to talking about the rest of your life tougher, then take it from me, sis, it’s time to think about an exit strategy.