Is vulnerability attractive?
If you have been rocking with me for a while then you know I started focusing on personal development in 2015 after a very exhausting situationship left me devastated.
Since then I did the work to go from a very anxious attachment style to being securely attached.
Doing the inner work was not easy but helped me own parts of myself I thought were embarrassing or unattractive before. One of these was my vulnerability or sensitivity. Because of my fear of rejection, I would be so afraid to open up to men.
However, what I didn’t know back then was that when a man is vulnerable with a woman he develops feelings for you. Funny, huh? Here I was. All this time trying to make a man fall in love by hiding the one thing that actually would help.
This is why I figured I’d share today why vulnerability is attractive and how to use it to your advantage in dating.
Why do guys find vulnerability attractive?
If there is one thing that I dislike about today’s fake feminine movement, then it’s that women are encouraging other women to deny their feminine energy.
Why? In order to boss up.
Because apparently if you want to be a bad bitch you can’t be vulnerable, emotional, feminine. Well, I’ve never desired to be a boss babe so I don’t know. However, what may be useful for your professional career is horrible advice when it comes to your love life.
Men like it when women are vulnerable because it allows them to tap into their own vulnerability. In contrast to women, men are taught to suppress their feelings and emotions from a young age. Meaning that they often don’t get to share their real feelings with people, especially women that they are hoping to impress.
So, a woman that encourages him to be his authentic self will become more attractive to him, because he is able to develop a real connection with him.
Being vulnerable vs. being overly sensitive
While I know that being vulnerable is a strength, I also want to point out the difference between vulnerability and sensitivity that might have the opposite effect.
Being vulnerable means being able to deeply connect to yourself and others on an emotional level. It’s your ability to acknowledge, accept and not judge your own or other people’s feelings.
A gift that brings peace and comfort to your relationships.
Being overly sensitive, however, means that you take other people’s feelings about you or the relationship personally and therefore can’t provide a safe space for them to express themselves.
In addition, you tend to struggle to process your emotions, which then leads to emotional outbursts.
This brings volatility to the relationship and makes any romantic partner wonder if you will be able to handle the natural ups and downs of a relationship.
Examples of vulnerability in relationships
Now that you understand what being vulnerable means and what not it’s best to give you some practical examples of being vulnerable with a man.
1. Opening up about your past
When you first get into a romantic relationship, you might believe that it is best to hide your past from your date. While you don’t need to share your whole life story on the first date, you want to share a little bit about your past the closer you get.
You can do that in a lot of ways.
Think back to your relationships with your close friends and how many of them are formed because of shared experiences. Let him in on your college experiences or your first time moving away.
These insights into your life will help him get to know you better and give him a taste of your vulnerable side. But the most important point is that it will encourage him to open up and share his story too.
2. Don’t be scared to show emotions
As I mentioned in the very beginning, so many women today think that emotions are a sign of weakness. But this could not be further from the truth. Emotional vulnerability is a very attractive quality in women because it activates a man’s instinct to protect the woman he is with.
So, expressing your feelings when you are with him is crucial. Let him know how you are feeling, regardless of whether it is happiness and excitement or sadness and anger. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you should cry every time you hang out.
Remember true vulnerability mean being in tune with your feelings not letting them run your life.
3. Be honest about your struggles/ fears
Of course, I kept the best for last. Men fall in love when they feel like they can let their guard down. In healthy relationships, both of you lean on each other for emotional support. And support is only needed if you are actively experiencing hardship.
So, instead of trying to come off strong and independent when life is hard, confide in him and allow him to be there for you. This will not only show you if he possesses emotional intelligence but also tells him that the relationship has reached a deeper level.
If he is the right person for you, you will be able to talk to him about your fears and struggles with him. And if you are the right person for him, he will slowly come out of his comfort zone as well and let you in on some of his challenges.
That’s how true love is developed.
When a man opens up to you emotionally, chances are high that he has strong feelings for you. Because he would not take such an emotional risk if he didn’t feel comfortable with you.