How to prepare for marriage while single
I have a confession to make… I really hate the term “wifey material”!
To me, the term implies that only a select few women possess what it takes to be a wife. And I don’t agree with that.
I believe that every woman on the face of this earth innately has what it takes to be a wife and mother. But it’s up to you to fine-tune your instincts and turn them into practical skills.
The truth is that if you desire to get married one day, then you have to prepare for marriage while single. You need to adopt certain habits before your wedding day so that you can seamlessly transition into married life.
And it’s something I am currently doing myself. I’m intentionally preparing for a life with my future husband.
So I decided to share with you some practical steps on how to prepare for marriage while single.
How to prepare for marriage while single
1. Become financially responsible
I’m going to be honest with you sis. If you want to get married, you need money. Not a lot of money, but a good amount.
Because as you begin your season of holy matrimony build a new life for your future spouse and yourself.
The two of you might decide to buy a house, a new car, or even have a baby. These are all big expenses you have to keep in mind, especially having a child.
In order to prepare yourself for those financial burdens, you have to become take control of your own finances. Learn how to manage your money while you are single so that you are well-prepared once you are a married woman.
That includes creating a plan for how to pay back any debt, such as student loans or credit cards. It also means that you have to learn how to save a portion of your monthly income and ideally create a 6-months emergency fund.
If you already have debt when you enter a relationship, financial transparency is extremely important. According to a survey on love and debt from Credello, financial transparency does matter at the end of the day, especially if you’re going to build a future and share your life and finances with someone.
Acquiring healthy spending habits as a single woman with one income will allow you to make smart financial decisions in your future marriage.
2. Become a homemaker/ caretaker
Now, I know that many women will look at this point sideways, but I want you to keep an open mind as you read on.
First, I want to assure you that I do not believe that a woman’s only duty is to stay home and take care of the kids. Nowadays, many women are very successful and enjoy their careers.
So, by all means, do what works for you and your future family.
However, I do believe that women are most of the time the primary homemaker and caretakers.
Because these tasks usually come more naturally and are more ingrained in us than in men.
And it’s no secret that they contribute to the masculine/ feminine polarity that attracts men and women to each other. Many young men find a woman that has a gift for homemaking and caretaking subconsciously more attractive.
But that’s beside the point. After all, a few years ago I dated a chef, and back then I did not touch a pot or pan ever. It was his passion, so he happily took over.
But I was nonetheless very excited about contributing to a beautiful candlelight dinner by decorating the room, planning desserts, and tidying up afterward.
And even if you do not know how to cook, you probably know how to put together a beautiful dinner using takeout. You go, girl!
Learning the basics of how to take care of yourself is important.
That includes cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry for yourself! Because part of being an adult is having the life skills to maintain a household.
3. Become a good partner
I recently started reading The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm and one thing he says in the introduction stuck with me. People do not invest in learning how to love but only in things that can bring them money.
And I agree.
Despite the fact that most of us have not been taught how to date or how to love, we all assume that when the right one appears we will suddenly be able to love him correctly.
Well, news flash. Divorce rates continue to increase with 50 % of marriages ending in divorce. And all of them thought they knew how to love their significant other.
That’s why the most important step you can take to prepare for marriage is to become a good partner. Study the art of loving by researching what it takes to be considered a good lover and good friend to someone.
I mean how many of you have had friends in the past that sucked at being friends. Don’t make that mistake in your romantic relationship.
If you know you tend to be needy in relationships, look into ways on how to stop being clingy.
If you struggle with low self-esteem, make sure you develop coping mechanisms that will keep you from projecting your insecurities onto your partner.
And if you have subconsciously sabotaged a relationship in the past, then figure out what is keeping you from attracting healthy love.
You don’t have to be in a relationship to work on these behaviors, but you can start right now as a single woman.
Learn how to become your best self, by doing the work alone or learning from a relationship expert.
4. Be able to get a job and make money
This point applies to all single women, even the ones that want to be stay-at-home wives and moms!
Acquire a qualification, skill, or education that allows you to earn money.
Yes ma’am, even if you hope to marry a (rich) man that will take care of you and the kids, do not underestimate the importance of being self-sufficient.
Nowadays, everybody needs to have an education that allows them to work if needed. Because God only knows what can happen later on in your life, that will require you to get a job.
You want to be prepared for hard times. People get divorced (also in the church), die, or get sick and you may have to contribute to the household income.
I mean, remember the Corona pandemic? Exactly!
Therefore, one of the most important things when preparing to be a wife is to have a career or education that will give you a solid foundation.
And even better if you get some experience in your career during your season of singleness.
5. Identify and pursue your purpose
What are your goals for life? What do you want to have achieved at the end of your life or do you want to be remembered for?
Imagine you are standing in front of God and he asks: “What have you done with the time I gave you on earth!”.
If you have no answer to this question yet, then now is a good time to start thinking about it and taking intentional steps toward it.
As a single Christian woman, you have to create a life of purpose for yourself!
And I’m emphasizing this because I want to remind you that your purpose does not only start when you get married.
Pursue a calling that utilizes your God-given gifts and talents.
And if you are worried now, that your job at the bank may not be your purpose, then I have good news for you. It doesn’t have to be!
Your purpose may be something that does not return a monetary value but is non-profit or voluntary.
Your purpose may also simply be a passion of yours that you work on after school or work. That is what happened to me and how this blog was born.
Out of my passion to share the word of God, while providing practical and actionable steps to manage your single season.
So, preparing for marriage in God’s way means truly connecting to him and figuring out what it is you are called to in every season of your life and using it to become your best self.
6. Learn to communicate
Another very important step to prepare yourself for marriage as a woman is to work on your communication style. You will not believe how many women I have met that do not know how to speak their needs in a relationship.
Some of us are so afraid of confrontation, that we choose to be silent when we should be speaking up. And that can quickly lead to a very unhealthy relationship.
And that’s when couples choose to go to couples counseling in order to learn to communicate with each other.
As a single woman, you have plenty of time to learn about yourself. What are your pet peeves, what are your different love languages, and what are your most important needs?
Use this time to learn how to draw boundaries, communicate clearly, and become more confident.
A marriage is a partnership, so you want to make sure you know how to show up as equal.
7. Optimize your health
The last point on my list of how to prepare for marriage is something many people fail to address. And that is that once you get married, you don’t just live for yourself anymore.
You decide to share your life with someone. Meaning that your health choices affect your spouse too.
This is why you want to learn how to become your best self during your single years.
That includes how to take care of your body and improve your physical health. Come up with a fitness routine and healthy eating schedule.
But it doesn’t only have to be about physical health. Emotional and mental health is equally as important.
Do you need to spend time letting go of past hurts and past exes? Or do you need to put more effort into your spiritual journey and spend more quality time with the holy spirit?
Take the necessary steps now to become the best version of yourself and watch how God will lead you to your future spouse.
How do I know if God is preparing me for marriage?
You will know God is preparing you for marriage when you completely trust him with your life, including your romantic relationships.
If there is one thing I have learned it’s that every time my relationship with God was good and I was happy with life as is he blessed me with a beautiful relationship.
In order to have a healthy marriage, you have to be content and grateful for your life as a single woman. If not, you will always use your future relationship to fill a void.
And that never works. Because even in a good marriage you will experience challenges.
God wants you to seek him first. Once you do that, watch everything else be added to your life.
What to know before becoming a wife
In today’s culture, becoming a wife is glamorized. Many people on social media make it seem like it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
And I think that is a problem.
We forget that a successful marriage takes time and work. It’s not something that just happens, but it’s something that is created.
So what you need to know before becoming a wife, is that part of being married is to commit to putting in the work for the rest of your life. It’s to remember that there will be seasons when your relationship will require hard work.
And instead of giving up, you will need to be more patient, more loving, or even more strict.
And no I am not saying that in order to be a good wife, you have to suffer.
What I am saying is that many couples who have a great marriage now had seasons of hardships before. And instead of giving up, they stayed the course and overcame.