The no-contact rule after a breakup
There is no other topic that makes a woman more anxious than the no-contact rule.
Why? Because, as crazy as it may sound, the same person who broke your heart is the one you want to talk to the most.
So, the idea that the best way to get him back is to stay away from him is stressful. And I get it, there was a time when all I wanted is for my ex-boyfriend to want me back.
But this post is not about getting your ex-boyfriend back, even though it can help with that.
It’s about how to make the no-contact rule work after a relationship ends and why it is the most effective way to move forward.
What is the no-contact rule?
According to many relationship experts, myself included, the no-contact rule is the best way to move on from your ex. It’s a set period of time, usually, 30 days, in which you refrain from any contact with your ex-boyfriend.
No contact means going cold turkey. No phone calls, no text messages, and deleting all of his social media accounts!
In addition, you want to cut off all your ties to his friends and family members. That helps avoid seeing or hearing about him from others, which would only prolong the healing process. And then it will take more time to get over the relationship.
Below are some important reasons why the no contact rule is a good idea after a breakup.
Why is no contact important after a breakup?
The reason why the no-contact period is so important is that it is an effective way to detox from your ex and regain your sense of self and confidence.
Whether you hope to rekindle your past relationship or move on to a new relationship, going no contact can help you heal your broken heart and have a healthier relationship in the new future.
1) It gives you time to detox from your ex
I know it can be very painful to go from speaking to someone daily to radio silence overnight. But the reason why a period of no contact is the right decision is that it gives you time to detox from your ex.
Time you can use to reflect on the relationship and the breakup.
Because it is very hard to stay objective when you are still in touch with your ex-boyfriend or keep up with him via mutual friends. Your attachment to him and the pain will make you question the breakup and maybe even lead you to overlook the red flags.
2) It gives you space to grieve the relationship
One thing you might know by now is that there are 5 stages of grief. However, what a lot of us forget is that you grieve different parts of the relationship at different times.
In my case, letting go of my ex was easy, because I knew he was not the right man for me. However, letting go of the bigger picture for the relationship was hard.
Going “zero contact” and stepping away from anything and anyone that could remind me of the future I dreamt of helped me come to terms with it. I was able to grieve the relationship and marriage I prayed for but would not have.
3) It helps you set healthy boundaries
The worst thing that can happen after a breakup is that you slide into an on-again-off-again relationship with your romantic partner. And that happens whenever you fail to set healthy boundaries.
Especially, if he is your best friend.
However, that will only hurt your self-esteem in the long run and mess up your mental health. Trust me!
Instead, a few weeks of no contact help you communicate to yourself and him that the relationship is over and your lives are now separate. Setting healthy boundaries helps you focus on your own needs, which is now the most important thing in the healing process.
4) It gives you perspective to figure out what you want
While I have learned my lesson when it comes to getting back with an ex. I know that in the early stages of a breakup, that might still be a goal of yours. And that’s okay.
Nonetheless, going no contact can help with that. Because it gives you perspective to figure out what you really want in a relationship.
You might notice that after a few weeks without him you feel much happier and don’t want him back. Or you might realize how silly the breakup was and you have a good thing with him.
Whatever the outcome is, a period of no contact is a good time to reflect on the type of man you want to be with.
5) It gives you the confidence to get your power back
In my opinion, the goal of no contact should always be to become confident in yourself again.
Whenever you get out of a long-term relationship it’s very common to experience a lack of self-worth and self-esteem. So much of your identity was wrapped up in the role of the girlfriend that you can’t help but feel rejected.
And that’s okay.
During the no-contact period, however, you get to redefine who you are and who you want to be moving forward. By focusing on yourself and building a life you love, you build up new self-confidence which will make you feel better about your life after the breakup.
How does no contact affect your ex?
And now to your main question “does no contact work on men?”. And the short answer is yes.
The no-contact rule is a great way to get your ex back … when used as a manipulation tool.
I mean, of course, your ex will be curious about what you are doing or where you are after the breakup, just like you are. And if he doesn’t hear from you for a while, then he might even reach out.
However, if your ex only reaches out because of curiosity or FOMO, it will not be enough to give the relationship a second chance.
This is why the best thing that can happen after a breakup is that both of you take some time to yourself to figure out what you really want. You want him to come back to you out of love and not out of attachment.
The couples that have the best chance at getting back together, are the ones who don’t obsess over their ex. Instead of counting the days of no contact and thinking about how you’ll get him back, move forward with your life as if you’ll never see him again.
If the two of you ever get back together, you will at least have something to share.
