How to distance yourself from someone you love

If you are anything like I used to be you are probably wondering why I would ever suggest pulling away from someone you love.

I mean, after all, you love him and he may even love you too. So, shouldn’t you do everything in your power to make things work? 

Doesn’t Love conquer all? The truth is, no.

Love is not enough!

Especially not to make a relationship work. Someone can love you and still not choose you.

Does that sound familiar? A guy who says he loves you, but still breaks up with you. A guy who says he loves you but still doesn’t make time for you. A guy who says he loves you, but still doesn’t want to marry you? 

We have all been there in one way or another.

And whenever that happens, I honestly suggest that you take a few steps back and look at his so-called love from a distance. 

how to distance yourself from someone you love

When should you distance yourself from someone you love? 

The best way to determine when it’s time to cut ties with someone you love is when the relationship is becoming a source of pain and anxiety instead of love and joy. 

Because the truth is, if someone constantly chooses to treat you in non-loving ways, it doesn’t matter what they say.

What matters is how you feel and not how they say they want to make you feel.

How to emotionally detach from someone you love 

As mentioned above, a lot of times you still have feelings for the person you are trying to distance yourself from. Especially if you were in a long-term relationship with him because then you have built an attachment to him too.

So, the first thing you want to do is emotionally detach from him. While that is no easy task at all. Emotional attachment is the number one reason why we end up going back to an ex that is not good for us.

In order to sever the emotional connection the two of you had, you have to learn to meet your own emotional needs.

Learn to self-soothe by incorporating mindfulness into your life. Whether you decide to meditate, journal, or do yoga, finding a way to be still and listen to your own thoughts is a great way to become emotionally stable and more at peace with yourself. 

how to emotionally detach from someone you love

1) Remember your worth

I can’t tell you how many times since my breakup last year I felt tempted to reach out to my ex in hopes that he finally had an epiphany and changed his mind, 

But I didn’t. Because every time this erratic thought would cross my mind I reminded myself of my worth instead.

You deserve to be with someone that doesn’t make you google “how to distance yourself from someone you love.”

Whether he doesn’t want a committed relationship or is toxic, you deserve better. Why? Because you are worth it. And that alone needs to be motivation enough to pull away from someone you love.

When you remember your worth, you remember to love yourself first, which often means that you have to remove people that don’t know how to love you from your life. 

2) Make your future more important than your past

This! The worst thing about having to distance yourself from a guy you love is that you grieve the time times you had together.

Just like with a breakup, you constantly are reminded of the good times. And letting go of that may hurt.

However, when you make the future more important than your past, you are more motivated to keep it pushing and distance yourself from the relationship. Because you realize that there are many more years left to find real love with someone that has real feelings for you than missing someone that didn’t.

Now that we talked about a few non-tangible ways of how to distance yourself from someone you love, it’s time to look at the more practical steps.

how to distance yourself from someone without being mean

3) Let him know (so that de doesn’t come back) 

I know that many of you are wondering how to distance yourself from someone without being mean because you perceive rejecting someone to be rude.

But rejection, as hurtful as it may be, is something we all need to learn to deal with. And the best way to help him deal with it is by having an honest conversation.

Let him know that you decided to distance yourself from him because the relationship has become unsafe for you. Don’t use the conversation to manipulate him into coming back, but rather to bow out gracefully and set boundaries.

4) Set boundaries

The next step is to set boundaries for yourself and him. From stopping all communication to unfollowing each other on social media to cutting off his family and friends.

Implement any boundaries that will help you gain space from each other while you detach emotionally. The less you know what is going on with him and vice versa, the easier the process will be. 

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