How to heal after a breakup and deal with rejection
A broken heart. Even though it is not physical pain, it really hurts. The person you thought is ‘The One’ left. You can’t breathe, lose the strength in your limbs and cry uncontrollably. It really hurts.
The ‘getting over a breakup’ stage is painful, but as much as you want to avoid it. It is necessary. At first, it may seem undoable, and you fear the pain of having to face reality again.
But after going through the different stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression you finally get to acceptance. Slowly you start to gain back strength and remember how beautiful life can be.
But in order to get to this point, there are certain steps you need to take. Today I’m sharing with you How to heal after a breakup: 10 Steps to heal after a breakup
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The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).
1. Acknowledge your heartbreak
Allow yourself to feel the pain. If that means that you take a day off work, school or your daily schedule, then do so. Assess how you feel and express your emotions.
You might have to lay in bed all day and cry, or go for a run and scream in the middle of the park. Whatever it is that you have to do to empty yourself of the sadness and grieve (without hurting yourself or others), do it. This will help your body release some of the stress hormones.
But then once you’re done, accept that he simply was ‘Not The One’. Decide to move on and not to stay in a state of paralysis for too long.
2. Forgive and Release
When I say forgive, I’m not just talking about forgiving him.
If you know me, then you know that I believe that, we women always know better. We have a holy spirit inspired intuition that usually tells us days, weeks or months in advance if something is off, by showing us deal breakers in the relationship.
But too often we decide to ignore it and end up in a situation we could have avoided.
That’s why I want you to forgive him for whatever happened, but then also to forgive yourself for:
- letting it go on for so long
- not speaking up when you should have
- hoping and praying that something would change
Remember that God ended your relationship for a reason, and that’s okay. Forgive and release.
3. Remove them from your life
I know this one can be hard. While you might be able to delete his number from your phone, it is way harder when it comes to removing pictures of the two of you.
I always advise that you remove or delete anything that triggers painful memories like pictures, texts, and social media connections. Why? Because in a moment of vulnerability, especially late at night, these are the things that will trigger you to call or text ‘one last time’ just to see if…
Don’t do it.
Instead, write down your feelings in a journal and pray over them and ask God to still your heart.
4. Assess your emotions and give them to God
Luckily for us, as Christian women, we don’t have to overcome the feeling of heartbreak alone. But we can tap into the strength and peace that God provides. Matthew 11:28 says:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
While God clearly does not say that he will make things undone, he does promise comfort and a break. When we go to God with our pain of rejection, getting over a breakup becomes bearable and less overwhelming.
5. Spend time with friends and family
When you are grieving the intimacy and community that your Ex brought to your life. The last thing you want to do is to isolate yourself from people that can fill in for him (to a certain extent).
Reach out to family and friends and make the most of their support. Allow them to shower you with love, care, and wisdom.
You will find that their presence will distract you. And at this point, every hour you don’t think of him gets you closer to being over him.
6. Enjoy your Single season
Yea, yea, yea. The last thing you want to think about after a breakup is being single. Especially, because you spend a good amount of time daydreaming about getting married.
But singleness is oftentimes a blessing in disguise. It allows you to focus all your attention on only one person – and that’s yourself.
Learn to cater to yourself and practice self-love by doing things that make you feel good. Take yourself to the movies, emphasize health & fitness or simply make it a habit to spend an hour with the Lord in the morning, praying and meditating.
These small habits will infuse your single season with joy and help you be more patient while you wait.
7. Focus on the future
While you might be inclined to dwell in the past and daydream about the good times. Those memories will ultimately hurt you.
Let go of what was and focus on what will be. Concentrate on your relationship with God now, so that you can look forward to a more fulfilled and meaningful relationship in the future.
8. Decide to start new
Just as the word says, “break up” means you are parting ways with something. Decide to close an old chapter of your life and start something new.
Create something new in your life and let this be the moment where you decide that from now on you will live the life you love.
Maybe you have been willing to devote more time to your health and fitness. Maybe you’d like to start learning a new language or travel through South America. Whatever it is, the time is now.
As you move forward with something new, you will start attracting new great things. Opportunities, new relationships and hopefully falling in love all over again.
9. Focus on what you learned
No matter how good or bad your relationship was, chances are you learned something about yourself or the other person.
I always say that dating is to find out whether or not the two of you want to spend your lives together. It’s a time of observation and evaluation. So if the relationship ended, ask yourself what led to it and how you can avoid it in the future.
Don’t sabotage yourself by looking for mistakes in yourself, but rather find out what the major challenges were and what you would do better next time.
More often than not, you will find that the relationship grew you as a person and that you learned something new about yourself.
10. Meditate on Scripture
Last but certainly not least! My top tip on how to get over a breakup!
One of my favorite things to do is Word studies in the Bible. A word study allows you to deepen your knowledge by analyzing specific words and their different meanings throughout the Bible.
You can look at words and concepts such as Love, Happiness/ Joy, trusting God or Singleness.
By gaining more knowledge of a specific word, phrase or biblical concept in the Bible you are able to gain a better understanding of what it really means and how to deal with it.
And to get you started, check out my post with 20 Bible Verses to heal a broken heart.
Getting over heartbreak is not easy.
You start to internalize the no and tie it to your beauty, skills, talents, worth and value as a human being. Which makes you feel like you are not enough and wonder what’s wrong with you.
And I know it feels horrible to be rejected by someone you like. But it is important to learn to reframe the rejection and not allow it to smash your self-worth.
But there are a few steps you can take that will help you to deal with rejection better.
10 Tips on how to deal with rejection
1. Talk to yourself
One of the most offensive things that happen after you have been rejected by a guy, is that the devil tries to manipulate your thoughts.
He wants to make you think that you have been rejected and abandoned not just by one person. But by every man that you have dated in the past, every friendship that died and even God.
That’s a lie!
God never abandons us, no matter how lonely you might feel. He is right there with you, feeling the pain you feel. God chose you. He chose you before you were born before you ever spoke a word and before you ever made a mistake.
Take control of your thoughts by banishing the enemy’s foul play and affirming yourself with encouraging bible verses.
2. Understand that there is a reason for it
One of my favorite quotes says:
‘Man’s rejection is God’s protection.’
What that means, is simply that God will allow for someone to not agree with who you are, what you want or what you expect from them. So that he can bring you ‘The One’ that does.
Too often you hold on to dead relationships because you like the intimacy and familiarity that it provides. You start to believe that if you let go of that person you won’t ever find someone again.
But in reality, God has a reason why he allowed someone to enter and exit your life. Trust God and prepare yourself for someone you can create everything you had and more with.
3. Remind yourself that you are NOT a failure
Rejection doesn’t define you. The fact that something didn’t work out doesn’t mean that nothing ever will. In contrast, it means that you have the opportunity to finetune what you want your future relationship to look like.
Just because one person didn’t love you, doesn’t mean you are unlovable. And if you need a reminder of what Love looks like, then meditate on the many Bible Verses about Love.
One person’s taste and one person’s opinion will never define who you are. God defines who you are, and that is loved!
4. Learn from the past
What do you do when you’re playing a game and you lose? You analyze what went wrong and try to do it better the next time.
That’s what you should do after a relationship ends and you feel rejected. Ideally, have a conversation with him that will help you understand what areas the two of you didn’t agree on.
Identify the dealbreakers in the relationship and brainstorm how you can avoid them next time. If you didn’t have a healthy break-up, then take that as a sign too.
Was it a toxic relationship? Did one of you not respect the other person enough? Are you even ready to get married at this point in your life?
Whatever it is, make it a learning experience. Identify the areas that need improvement and understand that he might have rejected a value of yours, but someone else will appreciate exactly that value.
5. Remind yourself of your worth
It is way too easy to get caught up justifying why someone might have rejected you and wallowing in your feelings.
I want you to do the exact opposite.
Remind yourself of your worth by making a list of 5 to 10 qualities you possess that a mate would find desirable. Are you kind? Are you emotionally available? Or are you considerate?
Whatever it is, that you value in yourself and know are good qualities in a healthy relationship, expand on it. Write down how these qualities show in your interactions and why they are a blessing to someone else.
Once you do that, you will realize that he missed out on a catch!
6. Remember how much you are loved
I remember one situation when my sister was extremely sad about something that happened. When I came in with her youngest son (who was only 1 year old) he immediately proceeded to go to her and just give her a hug.
That moment spoke nothing but love and I was reminded, how powerful it is to remember how much you are loved.
Your parents, your siblings or your kids show you love on a regular basis and far too often we take that love and affection for granted. I want you to think of that love and let it fill up your heart.
Even better is, call or visit these family members and experience that joy first hand. Remember that even if there is one person that rejected you, there are so many more people that choose to love you.
7. It’s not you, it’s him
The default thoughts after a break up are usually to think of all the things that you did wrong. And what led him to reject you.
But sometimes, it might be him. Try to move out of the self-beating and think about what might be going on in his life at the moment that didn’t allow him to continue your relationship.
Maybe it’s his missing relationship with Christ, that makes it hard for him to show and receive real love? Maybe it’s his current season that preoccupies his mind so that he can’t commit to you.
Whatever it is, it might just not have anything to do with you.
8. Expect acceptance
The fact is that people want to be with people that make them feel good, so learn to become that person that brings joy and encouragement to a person or a group. Learn to rejoice in your current season with peace and contentment.
Use your feminine allure to demand acceptance from others by conveying positivity and joy. Other people will be drawn to it and want you in their lives.
You will see how your relationships will change for the better.
9. Understand that you are not alone
As painful as it might seem to be Single again after a relationship. One thing is for sure you are not the only one.
There is a whole group of people out there that are single and have gone through the pain of heartbreak before. Search for the comfort of others by joining a local or online Bible Study for Single Women.
Surround yourself with other women who will uplift you and remind you of your value and strength in Christ. Don’t believe the lie, that it’s always and only you that these things happen to.
But instead, remember that many people have been in the same situation before and just like them you can be hopeful about your future.
10. Practice self-love
If you follow me on Instagram then you know that I love Self-Love Saturdays!
What are Self-Love Saturdays? Those are the days where I show myself some love. I partake in different activities that bring me joy such as working out, eating good food, going shopping, getting a manicure or going to the movies.
And most importantly I make sure I feel good about myself all day.
Sometimes that means walking around in leggings and being comfortable, other times it means dressing up and feeling beautiful.
Whatever activates your Serotonin (happy hormones), do it and rejoice in being the great person you are and that will attract the right guy at the right time.
Even if the pain of rejection is very real, don’t allow your feelings to take over.
Getting over heartbreak is not easy. And even if it seems like it doesn’t make sense and you are wondering why it had to happen. Remember that:
And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
Do you have any tips on how to heal after a breakup? Share BELOW!