What is a situationship? 10 signs you are in a situationship
There is no topic that is more requested on my blog than this. How to know if you are in a situationship and how to end it.
Unfortunately, more and more women find themselves in situations with men that don’t serve them. They are not really the girlfriend but somehow bae.
If that is your current relationship label, then I’m sorry to say that you are officially stuck in a situationship.
What is a Situationship?
First things first. What even is a situationship? It’s one of these new school terms used in dating that nobody can really explain, yet we all get it. And with plenty of situationship memes on Instagram and Twitter, it’s really hard to miss this movement.
So here is a short explanation from the urban dictionary, which clearly is the only one that matters for this term.
A relationship that has no label on it.. like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.
Anybody else confused? Yes?
Good! Because that is what people in situationships are – confused.
A situationship is basically the twilight zone between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship that two people enter into. Most of the time the lines are so blurred, that none of the two is able to decide which activities are strictly on a friendship base and which are not.
And quite frankly, being in a situationship sucks, because your constant status is ‘complicated’, ‘confused’ and ‘annoyed’. Which is normal in a situationship because there is no security, consistency or reliability whatsoever.
So why do women get into one? I believe it’s less out of choice and more so out of desperation.
Most women that get caught up in a situationship, end up in one because they start to overcompensate during the dating phase, thinking that’s what will get the guy to commit. Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case. All it does is put an expectation on you to keep acting like a girlfriend when you are really not.
That’s fine, don’t beat yourself up! Instead, pay attention to the following 10 signs that you are in situationship so that you can avoid it the next time.
Signs You Are in a Situationship
1. He doesn’t commit to plans
One of the great characteristics of a man that is truly ready to be your boyfriend is that he will commit to plans beforehand. When he is excited about an event, a festival or a party two weeks from now he will want you to join him and make sure you are aware and available.
A man that is only looking for a situationship will ‘hit you up’ last minute, with a non-committal ‘what you up to tonight’.
Sometimes without a follow-up text lol!
Therefore, the first sign that you are in a situationship is when you do not know when you will see the other person again because he has not committed to any plans.
2. He is inconsistent
Probably the most staple behavior of a situationship is also the most hated term in dating – ghosting.
You are definitely in a situationship if the man you are seeing or talking to ghosts you on a regular basis. Meaning he will pop in and out of your life without warning or explanation.
There is no consistency in how often you see each other or talk to each other. Sometimes you don’t hear from him for weeks at a time, because he is MIA and does not respond to text messages or phone calls.
That behavior is a sign that he is not serious about the ‘relationship’ and prefers his freedom. Meaning that he deliberately acts unreliable, so that you cannot expect more from him.
3. Conversations are boring (surface level)
Conversations in a situationship tend to stay on the surface level. Rather than talking about your dreams, fears, and insecurities you stay in shallow waters and discuss your hobbies, friends, and work.
That is because a situationship thrives when there is no ‘real’ emotional investment. No vulnerability means no closeness and no closeness means it will be easier at the end to part ways.
The only problem with that is that women tend to catch feelings faster than men and are prone to fall for someone even in situationships.
So, if you find yourself talking about the same ole stuff every time you meet, then that’s a clear sign that he does not want to open up to you and considers it a situationship.
4. Your gut tells you something is off
Ladies, I can’t say this often enough, but if you think you are in a situationship, then you are in a situationship.
If you repeatedly feel anxious or stressed by the ‘situation’ because of the uncertainty and ambiguity, then it’s because your gut is telling you that this is not a real relationship that you can rely on.
One of the primary needs of a woman in a relationship is security! Knowing that you are physically and emotionally safe. A situationship does not guarantee that. On the contrary, it actually leaves you out in the open wondering what you can and cannot do or say in order to protect yourself.
Therefore, you know you’re in a situationship when your intuition tells you.
5. There is no commitment
You would think this point is obsolete, but you’d be surprised how often I get the following question.
‘How do I know if I’m in a situationship if we never talked about our relationship status?’
Baby girl, you just answered your question with your question.
If you never discussed your relationship status but feel like you need to, then it’s because you are already participating in activities that traditionally belong to a committed relationship without the commitment.
You are absolutely, one-hundred percent, for sure in a situationship if you do not have a commitment from the other person but are acting like boyfriend and girlfriend when you are together.
In essence, the only thing that differentiates a situationship from a relationship is that both people sat down and discussed the terms of their relationship. What they expect from each other and what they are willing to contribute to each other’s lives.
Also called a commitment.
6. He tells you that he does not want a relationship
I hate hate hate that I have to bring up this point in most of my articles, but it seems like a lot of women need the reminder.
If a man tells you he does not want a relationship, then that means he does not want a relationship!
And all you should do is believe him. Do not try to change him, convince him or guilt-trip him into the opposite, because it will not work.
So, it’s very simple if the guy told you he is not ready to be in a committed relationship and you decided to remain in the situation anyways then you are officially in a situationship.
Because he is doing what is right by laying the cards out and you can exit stage left if you want to.
7. You keep the relationship private
People in situationships have no labels. You are not his girlfriend and he is not your boyfriend, however, when you try to explain what you are to someone it gets tricky. Because a simple ‘he is a friend’ excuse is not enough.
That’s why a lot of people keep situationships private or even a secret. No pictures together on social media, no outdoor dates and no introducing each other to friends and family.
Women do so out of shame that others will judge and men do so out of fear that another dating interest may find out.
However, we all know that when you have to keep something hidden it’s usually not a good sign and in this case, it’s a sign that you are in a situationship.
8. You hide your feelings and emotions
One of the main reasons I hate situationships is because you get paranoid. You constantly fear that something is wrong and ask yourself ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I boring?’, ‘is he gonna leave me?’.
And in an effort to avoid coming off too clingy you now try to play it cool, by never bringing up your feelings or expectations. Which only makes the situation worse.
The secret to a healthy relationship is that both people honestly discuss their feelings and expectations with each other. They know that putting themselves first and openly communicating their own needs to their partner, will ultimately improve the relationship and not harm it.
In a situationship, on the other hand, women tend to worry that disclosing their emotions will turn him off and therefore suck it in until they can’t anymore and flip.
9. He is never your +1
Following the fact that you keep the relationship private, it is no surprise that he is never available when you have important events or social gatherings to go to.
Showing up in public as your +1 indicates to the world that y’all are an item. And that’s a problem if he wants to keep his options open and flirt or meet with other women.
Therefore, a tell-tale sign that you are in a situationship is when he comes up with all types of excuses as to why he cannot join you for important events such as birthdays, cookouts or work parties.
10. You only show affection when you are alone
Every girl who has ever been in a situationship can relate to this. When you are in a situationship with someone, the moment you leave the house the physical chemistry is dialed down to zero.
No holding hands, no hugging, and no kissing. It’s as if you two are good old friends from kindergarten, close but not that close.
There are no signs whatsoever that you two of you are a couple and some might even argue if you like each other. However, that changes once you are behind closed doors.
Individuals in a real relationship show each other affection on a regular basis and are not afraid to touch each other, because they have consent.
So, if you feel weird showing him your affection when you are outdoors, then that’s a sign that you are in a situationship.
How long do situationships last?
There really is no timeline for how long a situationship will last. What usually happens is that one of the two (usually the woman) catches feelings and initiates the ‘what are we’ conversation.
Sometimes that conversation goes well and both people decide to make it official. However, more often than not, the conversation goes left and you part ways.
If you are strong and know what you deserve, you stay away for good or at least until he is willing to enter into a committed relationship.
If you are already too invested, it takes a while to really let go of him.
Either way, a situationship usually only lasts, if both people have no desire to be together. But that is neither healthy, godly or smart.
The problem with situationships
The problem with situationships is that most of the behaviors are highly disturbing and can really affect your mental well-being.
The fact that you are getting emotionally involved with someone that could exit your life at any time without explanation brings anxiety and stress.
In addition, not knowing why he doesn’t want to commit, will make you wonder how you can change his mind and ultimately make you question if you are enough.
And that will impact your self-esteem negatively.
Stuck in a situationship? What to do next.
Obviously, on this blog, I root for real love and help people get into healthy and loving relationships and a situationship isn’t either.
Therefore, my suggestion is to end the situationship as soon as possible.
Why? Because remaining in it will only lead to heartbreak. As mentioned in the beginning, most women decide to stay in a situationship because they are desperate for the guy’s love or attention.
And you might subconsciously be doing the same thing. Hoping that by giving him what he needs, he will eventually turn around and start giving you what you need.
But that is very unlikely if you remain in the situationship.
That’s why the best thing you can do is to speak up and request what you need or end the situationship and find someone that is willing to meet your standards.
I hope this article on What is a situationship? 10 signs you are in a situationship helped you understand your own situation better and hopefully will inspire you to take the right steps.
As always, share your thoughts BELOW!