There is no topic that is requested more on my blog than this one – How do I know if I’m in a situationship?
Unfortunately, more and more of us find ourselves in situations where we don’t know what is going on. We don’t know if we are dating or in a situationship. And I remember how icky that feeling is.
Whenever I was in a situationship, I would find myself doing all the typical things a girlfriend does. Going over to his house, being intimate, and cooking a fun meal from time to time.
But the reality was that I wasn’t his girlfriend. At least we had never talked about it. And for some reason, the topic felt kind of off-limits.
Well if that describes your current dilemma, and you are tired of being in a relationship that’s not really a relationship.
Then I have good news, today I’m sharing the sign you’re in a situationship and what to do about it.
What does a situationship look like?
If you don’t know yet, the word “situationship” refers to a type of romantic relationship that is not clearly defined. It’s a gray area between a casual hookup and a committed relationship where there are no clear boundaries, expectations, or labels.
In a situationship, you may spend a lot of time together and engage in casual sex, but you have no clear understanding of what the status of your relationship is or where it’s going.
10 Signs you’re in a situationship
If you are feeling confused about where you stand with the guy you are dating, then the situationship signs below can help you identify if you are in a situational relationship or not.
1. Lack of clarity
Number 1 is the most important one. If the relationship is not clearly defined, and there are no clear boundaries or expectations, it is a sign of a situationship.
For example, if you’re not sure if you’re exclusive or not, or if you’re unsure of what he wants from the relationship, it’s because it’s a casual relationship. In a real relationship, you would sit down and have an honest conversation discussing the terms of the relationship to make sure you are both on the same page.
2. Limited contact
The next one is easy too. If you only see him on occasion or only talk to him sporadically, it is a sign that you are in a situationship.
Moreover, if he is not making an effort to spend quality time with you and take you on real dates, or he only contacts you when he wants something from you ie. physical intimacy, it is also a sign of a situationship.
3. Lack of commitment
If the man you are dating is not willing to commit to a long-term relationship or future plans with you, it means you are in a situationship. And if he is hesitant to even talk about the future or avoids long-term plans, it is a sign that he is not invested in the relationship or looking to commit anytime soon.
4. Mixed signals
One of the telltale signs that you are in an undefined romantic relationship is that he is sending you mixed signals. For example, if he tells you he wants to be with you, but his actions do not match his words, it is a sign that he is not serious. A man who is committed, will take clear action and show you that he is in it for the long run.
5. Emotional unavailability
Another big red flag is if your partner is emotionally unavailable. If he is not willing to open up and share his feelings with you, or if he only wants to talk about superficial topics, it is a sign that he is not interested in building a deeper emotional connection.
Because the difference between a healthy relationship and a strictly sexual relationship is that there is an emotional investment on both sides.
6. Refusal to label the relationship
If the man you are dating is resistant to labeling the relationship or refers to you as just a friend, even after spending significant time together and being intimate, it is a sign of a situationship.
The lack of a clear label indicates that he is not interested in committing to a more serious relationship and prefers your current romantic arrangement.
7. Fear of being perceived as clingy or needy
If you feel anxious about expressing your desire to make the relationship official or to define your relationship status, it may be a sign that you already know that there is no serious commitment in the relationship.
In my experience, whenever you worry about being too clingy or needy for wanting a more defined relationship, it’s because he has already shown you that he only prefers non-committal relationships.
8. One-sided effort
If you feel like you are putting in all the effort to keep the relationship going, it is a sign that there is a lack of interest on his side. If he is not making any effort to keep the relationship alive or is not willing to compromise, it is most likely because he is not invested in the relationship.
9. Lack of intimacy
If the man you are seeing is only interested in a purely physical relationship without an emotional connection, it is a big sign you’re in a situationship or even friends with benefits situation.
A lack of emotional intimacy, such as not sharing personal thoughts or feelings, means he is avoiding romantic feelings to keep things surface-level.
10. Lack of integration with friends and family
Lastly, if your partner is not interested in introducing you to his friends and family or is not interested in meeting yours, it could be a sign of an impending situationship breakup.
Not sharing his personal life with you indicates that he is not interested in a long-term commitment or not comfortable with the idea of a deeper emotional connection, because he knows the relationship has an expiration date.
Undefined relationships can be confusing and frustrating, so if you are noticing any of these situationship signs above, I suggest you evaluate if it’s really what you want. If not, take the steps to end the situationship.
How long should a situationship last?
A situationship should last no longer than 3 months if you want to avoid catching strong feelings. However, in reality, they usually last as long as both people remain unattached.
Because situationships only work for people that want to keep things casual and short-term. Once one of you (usually the woman) falls for the other person, things tend to go sour.
This is why it’s important to know yourself before agreeing to this kind of definition-free relationship. Because if you desire more clarity or commitment in your relationships, then a situationship may not be for you.
Is a situationship bad?
No, a situationship is not bad, however, it can be frustrating. While some people prefer the freedom and flexibility of a situationship, I find the uncertainty and lack of consistency and commitment frustrating.
Because of the lack of clarity and boundaries in a situationship, it can be difficult to feel safe which often leads to self-doubt, stress, and anxiety. In addition, it’s hard to build emotional intimacy and trust in undefined relationships, which can lead to hurt and disappointment.
On the flip side, if you are someone that prefers to keep things casual and are not looking for a long-term relationship, then a situationship might be the right thing for you.
Ultimately, whether a situationship is “bad” or not depends on your own needs and preferences. Just remember to communicate your expectations and boundaries early on, and be honest with yourself about what you want and need from the relationship.