3 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit
Most of us know firsthand what it feels like to fall head over heels for a guy that refuses to commit. It makes you feel abandoned and rejected. Especially, if you invested a lot of time into the friendship or relationship and feel like you deserved his commitment.
While I know very well how much unrequited love hurts, sometimes I believe a guy has “good” reasons why he won’t commit, even if it ends up breaking your heart.
And believe me, I am trying to undermine the hurt and pain that comes with a breakup.
However, more often than not his commitment issues are very simple and even plausible. Here are 3 reasons why he won’t commit.
Related Post: How to get him to commit
1. He is not ready
Number 1 is probably the one we all have heard wayyyy too often and that is that he is not ready.
This explanation or excuse as some of us might say, is extremely annoying and you might even wonder ‘What does that even mean?’.
Well, I’m here to explain.
As crazy as this might sound to you, men actually have a “timeline” as well. Crazy right. It looks similar to ours but doesn’t really align with the female one. Most women’s timeline looks something like this:
- Finish school
- Get a job
- Get married
- Have kids
And preferably we want all these points checked off by the age of 25… Well, that didn’t work out for me, but maybe you have more luck.
Men’s timeline, on the other hand, looks something like this:
- Finish school
- Get a job
- Pay off debt
- Find your purpose
- Build a career
- Live your best life
- Start saving
- Get married
- Have kids
And all that preferably sometime after 25 of age. Ha and that’s where it gets tricky…
Now you might ask yourself why are there so many more steps in their timeline than in ours?
Because of 2 reasons. Number 1, a lot of guys believe that their best life is before they get into a committed relationship because of all the freedom and sense of self-actualization.
Which is funny, because a lot of women believe their best life starts after they get married, because of all the love and experiences they get to share with their partner.
And number 2, men have been groomed to take on the role of a provider in marriage. Meaning that they want to make sure that by the time they get married they can take care of their wife and future kids.
Obviously, that requires a certain level of stability in life.
In fact, research shows that the more education a man has, the later he gets married.
And that is why the timelines of men and women don’t really align in the first place. Because they are heavily influenced by both gender’s idea of the ‘right’ timing
So the first reason why he won’t commit is oftentimes because he has other priorities at the moment like finances, life experiences, his family, his career or maybe traveling.
And only once he feels like he has achieved these things he is truly ready to commit.
2. He is just not that into you
The second reason why he won’t commit will probably rub some of you ladies the wrong way. But I wanted to say it anyway because I believe women can learn something from guys here.
In contrast to us, men don’t invest time in a relationship that doesn’t serve them.
Meaning, when they are not attracted to someone or when they feel the woman is not attracted to them or when they discover that the other person does not want to be with them, they pretty much cut it off.
You see, men have a high sense of self-worth and know that there is someone out there that will appreciate them.
They do not desperately try to make it work or change someone’s mind and instead move on.
What does that mean for the person on the receiving end? That the guy might end things because he is simply not that into you.
And you know what I actually think that’s a good thing. Fact is not every guy will be your type and you are not every guy’s type.
But more importantly, you don’t want to be with someone that is not completely excited about you and your relationship and just hanging in there because it’s convenient and comfortable.
Instead, you want a man that truly desires to be with you. Right?
So, if a guy breaks up with you because he doesn’t feel you like that you have to find the strength to accept it and move on. Because this releases you to be with someone that truly wants to be with you.
3 “Good” Reasons Why He Won’t Commit
3. He is emotionally unavailable
And last but not least, there is this beast of commitment issue – emotional unavailability!
First, let me start off by saying that I know there is always a lot of fuss around this term. And it’s almost used to insult men or women that don’t want to commit.
But really being emotionally unavailable is not that bad and simply means that he is avoiding vulnerability because he is avoiding intimacy.
Meaning he doesn’t want to share his real, authentic self, the person that has fears, dreams, and pain with you because he doesn’t want to get too close to you.
Instead, he tries to keep you at arm’s length by showing you his superficial self, the person that got all his ish together, is happy most of the time and doesn’t fear anything.
Why is someone emotionally unavailable?
That differs from person to person. But it could be due to past trauma that he hasn’t dealt with and is keeping him from truly opening up to you.
Or he fears being hurt if he opens up too much and allows you to truly know him.
Or it could also be that something else has a higher priority in his life at the moment and that prevents him from really making space for you in his life and connecting emotionally, which leads us back to number 1.
Either way, if he is emotionally unavailable it really means he is consciously or subconsciously putting up a wall to keep you out, and by that he is not able to or willing to commit.
While that might change at one point, I would not suggest sticking around, but rather distance yourself. The best thing you can do for an emotionally unavailable man is to point it out and then allow him to act on it.
If he doesn’t change then it’s time to take your talents to someone else.
As you can see these 3 points are not malicious intentions. And a lot of men don’t mean bad but oftentimes just don’t communicate it upfront (somebody start a dating and relationship blog for men, thank you).
However, there are ways for women to find out early on in the dating phase, whether a man is ready to commit or not. And that is by simply talking to him about marriage and finding out where his head is in this season of his life.
Now you might be asking yourself why I would call this simple when that has always been hard for you. Easy. Because I created an E-book with 10 simple, but deep questions that will help you kick-start the right conversation every time.
Simply click here and download your 10 Questions to find out if the man you are dating is ready to commit.