10 Signs you’re not ready to get married yet

A beautiful white dress, a gigantic rock, and living happily ever after.

For a lot of us women, marriage is a fantasy that we have been dreaming of most of our lives. And now that we might have found ‘The One’, there shouldn’t be any more problems, right?

But how do we know that we are really ready to get married? Because of our age? Our experiences? Or our intentions?

Before you consider walking down the aisle, ask yourself if any of these 10 signs you’re not ready to get married apply to you.

10 Signs you are not ready for marriage

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The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

1. You just want to be married

Be honest with yourself. Have you been planning your wedding and marriage for the past 10 years?

Do you know exactly what your wedding dress should look like, how tall your future husband should be and what type of house you want to live in *cough cough white picket fence

If that’s you, you might run the risk of idolizing “marriage”.

What is the problem with that? As a Christian, we are warned against the idolization of anything else but God (Deuteronomy 5:6-7). Meaning that no material thing, no person or state of being shall be more important to us than doing God’s work.

When you make marriage an idol, you put your desire to be in a covenant before your desire to please God. But what if God’s plan for you is to be married in 10 years from now? Will you despise him because he didn’t meet your schedule?

Don’t desire “just” to be married. Desire to please God and marriage will hopefully follow.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33

2. So you can have “guilt-free” Sex

This point is a very important and relevant topic in the Christian community. Why? Because we all understand and agree that sex is an act of love, exclusive to marriage. And that having sex outside of marriage with your boyfriend or fiancé is a sin.

However, a lot of time young couples, in order to avoid sinning, will rush into marriage so that they can become one in every sense. While I commend the devotion to the word, I also want you to understand that sex should not be your main driver for marriage.

In 1 Corinthians 7:9 Paul writes “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Simple, but great point. Don’t have sex with multiple people, but only with one, your spouse!

However, does that mean you should quickly tie the knot so that you don’t need to learn how to control yourself? Nope! Instead, this should encourage you to use your single season to work on one of the fruits of the spirit – self-control.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:22-24

The flesh is strong, no matter if you are single or married. And I like to argue that if you never learned to put your fleshly desires under the control of the holy spirit while you were single, that it will remain a challenge once you get married and means you are not ready to get married yet.

3. Because you feel lonely

Oh boy, how often have I laid in my bed, watching a Rom-Com and just wished that I had the kind of love depicted on the screen. Someone to cuddle with, connect with and love.

Little did I know that at that very moment it was my loneliness speaking. The feeling of loneliness is very real and often likes to disguise itself as other emotions. For example, you might feel sad, restless or jealous.

And these are surely no nice feelings.

However, the last thing you want to do when you are lonely is getting into a relationship to cover-up that state of mind. During that time you won’t be able to attract God’s best, because you yourself don’t feel at your best.

A relationship born out of loneliness, will oftentimes turn manipulative, toxic or destructive and leave you more broken than before.

A man should never have to carry the burden of curing your loneliness. Instead, both of you should enter the relationship healthily, fulfilled and know that God is the only one that can fill the feeling of emptiness in your life.

Loneliness is one of the most important of the 10 signs you’re not ready to get married and should not be ignored.

4. You desire to live a lavish lifestyle

I don’t want to downplay any hardship you might be facing in your life. And that in fact, getting married to be in a better financial position might be a hope of yours.

Nevertheless, I know for a fact that men don’t appreciate women whose primary reason for marriage is financial gain. And oftentimes they don’t respect a woman who is after their money neither.

A thriving relationship consists of two people who want to invest, not just money, but time, love and commitment.

If you are in fact in a financial situation that makes you desperate for a partner, then you’re primary goal should be to change your own situation and get back on track. They say “you attract what you are” so make sure you don’t attract someone that is using you!

5. All your friends are getting married

Fun fact about me. I’m Christian, Single and almost 30! While that might sound like a normal description to you, to some women these words sound like a death sentence.

And you know what I had to stop thinking that way myself a few years ago.

There is nothing wrong with being Single if the reason why is because you are relying on God’s timing. There is no such thing as peer pressure in God’s book because he created everybody’s life uniquely differently.

So for him, you are not behind, and your friends are not ahead. Instead, everybody is exactly where she is supposed to be.

10 Signs You’re Not Ready To Get Married Yet

6. So you can be happier

Just like with loneliness, your marriage is not supposed to be your main source of happiness. True happiness is found in your relationship to God, followed by a life dedicated to the Lord’s work.

A relationship should simply be the cherry on top of your already fulfilling Life.

7. You want to catch up

Graduate college by 22, married by 23 and have kids by 25. I clearly didn’t achieve my teenage dreams lol!

Way too often we put timeframes on our life goals. Instead of saying graduate college with a major I love, get married when I’m ready and have kids when I’m able to provide for them spiritually and materially. We say something like the above.

However, by putting timeframes on our goals we limit God and confess that we don’t believe in the promises he made to our forefathers and us. After all, he is the one that promised Abraham a child and then allowed himself 25 years before following up on it.

All you need to do is trust him.

Don’t try to catch up to what you decided life would look like when you were younger. Instead, try to catch up to the vision God has for your life by identifying your Gifts and Talents and finding out how to use them while waiting.

8. Because you want to have kids

I looooooove kids! And I know first-hand that I would make a great mom (just ask my nephews).

However, bringing kids into this world is no small task. In fact, it’s a major assignment from God. That’s why you need to be patient and choose wisely who you decide to build a family with.

Nothing will influence your kids’ life more than the life you and your husband provide for them. Including the romantic relationship, they get to witness every day.

9. So you can be #relationshipgoals

Can we all agree that there are some hashtags that have the power to ruin our mood for days?

One is #fitfam because I’m definitely the adopted child of that family. And another one is #relationship goals.

Beautiful couples in their stunning wedding gowns or on vacation in the Maldives explain best what that hashtag is about.

Inspiring and entertaining? Absolutely! A highlight real out of the lives of people who still argue behind closed doors and have to deal with the same issues as we do? Heck yea!

If deep down you are more excited about changing your relationship status on Facebook, posting your first picture of each other on Instagram and planning a Pinterest worthy wedding. Then, unfortunately, you are more in love with what it looks like to be married than what it takes to be married.

Yes, marriage is beautiful so I hear (I’m single remember), but it’s also serious work (I have very credible sources). 

If this one sign out of the 10 signs you’re not ready to get married matches you, then use your single season to prepare. Make sure you are just as ready to go through the bad days then you are to go through the good.

10. Marriage will get me closer to God

Bruhhhhhhhh what?

God’s purpose for your life, God’s desire to have a relationship with you and God’s ability to work in your life does not only start once you get married.

It starts when you accept God as your Lord and Savior into your life. That’s when you put yourself in the sweet position to get closer to God every day.

Marriage, just as your immediate family or work, is a ministry that will enable you to experience God’s presence in your life from a different perspective. And is your opportunity to shower another human being with the type of love God calls us to develop.

If you, however, rely on your marriage to get you closer to God, the relationship will suffer.

10 Signs you're not ready to get married

Does any of these 10 signs you’re not ready to get married sound like you?

If yes, I want you to meditate on marriage scripture. Look into 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 or Hebrews 13:4-7 and find out what a godly marriage looks like. And what role both partners play in it.

Go before the Lord and ask Him to show you areas of thinking that are selfish, discontent or manipulative. He will teach you what it looks like to be ready for marriage and transform your heart.


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5 Comments on 10 Signs You’re Not Ready To Get Married Yet

  1. You are a very wise young lady. I wish someone had told me this when I was young. (I probably wouldn’t have listened though. Just keeping it real!)
    God bless you!

  2. I’m a married blogger with seven kids. And (for some reason) get a lot of traffic to guest blogs about this topic of Christian dating on my blog. This is BY far one of the absolute best posts I’ve read on this topic. So honest. I say all this to say that not only did I click on this post, read it thoroughly and found it helpful to those who are in this season of life (basing this off of how I remember feeling 15 years ago) but I actually took the time to go back to Pinterest where I found the blog and pin in to my Christian dating board so others coule find it. Seriously. I don’t usually even leave comments on blogs anymore but I know as a blogger we relish in knowing that not only are we coming across LOUD and CLEAR but are killing the technical aspects of blogging.

    • Wow Elaine thank you so much!!! I adore your site and have found a lot of practical tips for my own Christian life on it before, so I appreciate your feedback. I’m happy that this blog post is resonating with women in different stages of life. It’s important to me to share the truth of my own wicked heart, so that not only can people learn from it, but become the testimonies that I never saw before. Thank you this really encourages me to keep sharing!

  3. Hello,
    I really enjoyed reading this post. It really made me think. I am 28 and single and I have been in a few relationships back in college, that when I look back on them now, they weren’t really REAL relationships, lol, because I didn’t know what & how a relationship should look like, so I missed a lot of red flags & ultimately experienced heartbreaks. But I’m grateful to know what I know NOW & wish I knew better then. But I thank god for wisdom that’s come with age. I say all this to say, I do get lonely sometimes, but I’m not out here trying to find somebody to make me feel better. I try to shake it off & enjoy my own company. I love love, & I desire for companionship because I want to share my life & my love for doing good in the world with THE ONE God has for me. I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t believe it’s for me anymore because each year that passes by, each of my friends have gotten married, had kids, engaged, in a relationship, etc, & I’m out here trying to keep a straight face from crying lol. I still celebrate with them & I’m genuinely happy for them, but it gets lonely now a days bc the hang outs & calls with them have decreased tremendously & I understand that their attention is elsewhere now. Anyway, I don’t mean to rant on & on, but I’m just caught between a rock & a hard place spiritually & idk how to be hopeful anymore. I know it’s not the end of the world, but I just wonder when it’ll be my turn. I used to pray about it but now it’s like “eh, if it happens, cool. But I don’t know if it will.” I’m just trying to be optimistic & focus my mind on doing God’s work (I’m a Sunday school teacher now) & I want to be content 24/7 & be so lost in God that I take my mind off of this finding a mate thing, because isn’t there a saying that says things happen when you least expect it? But isn’t it ok to want to expect/want it? Idk, I’m just all over the place mentally & emotionally over this. Any advice you can share?

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