5 things that will not keep a man
Today’s dating culture is different, very different. With a dating pool of millions of people at the tip of our fingers, it’s safe to say that there are more options. Good and bad options.
We can choose to date locally, nationally and even internationally if we want to. But that’s not where the challenge ends.
You might be a dating pro and consistently succeed at getting the man, however, it becomes a whole new ball game once the relationship starts.
Because now the question is “How to keep a man?”.
While I really don’t like the idea that you have to ‘keep’ anything, especially a human being, interested, happy, or in love, I do understand that some women ask themselves what a man desires from his woman once he is in a relationship.
Well, today I am devoting my time to debunking all the myths we have heard as women about how to keep a man happy. Because truth is, most of us have done it all and still lost the guy.
Here are 5 things that will not keep a man!
Let’s jump right in and start where it really hurts. Myth number one is “sex”. The famous saying, “A lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets” messed up a whole generation of women, including myself.
To the point that most of us have practiced twerking like Amber Rose or Black China before.
For some reason, culture has conditioned us to believe that great sex is a prerequisite to keep a man interested or even worse than it is what will get you the man in the first place.
I’m here to tell you, that it’s not true.
While men definitely do desire sex, it’s not what will get them to commit to you. Because let’s face it, for a man sex is a primal desire that kind of captivates his mind all day every day. And for most, a relationship is not necessary in order to still that hunger.
What does that mean for the girl that thinks she has to sleep with a guy in order to keep him? It means that for most men an emotional connection is not necessary in order to have a physical connection.
But it is the emotional connection that makes them want to commit to you. So, if you believe that sex is how to keep a man interested long-term then you are mistaken.
2. Being nice
Being nice is my personal Achilles heel. It’s the idea that if I keep being nice and make him see what a kind and generous person I am than there is no way he won’t like me. Because after all who doesn’t like being around nice people.
I’m sorry to break the news but nice girls get dumped too.
Do men want to be with someone that makes them feel good and safe and cared for? Absolutely! Is that what will keep him? Not if it comes at your expense.
If you think being nice means allowing a man to overstep your boundaries, compromising on your values and standards, and always leaving the door a crack open so that he knows you are there for him no matter how he treats you, then you are mistaken.
Men respond positively to women that have a sense of identity, morals, and personal boundaries. Meaning that men respect a woman that will not put up with anything, but demand to be treated with respect even if it does not come across as ‘nice’ at that moment.
There is nothing wrong with being a nice person to others, as long as you are being nice to yourself first.
3. Cooking for him
I just had to include cooking as myth number 3, because ever since Lizzo released “Good as Hell” I’m reminded daily that they really used to tell us that the way to keep a man is through his belly.
Research proves that men gravitate more to women that they consider to be nurturing. It makes them feel safe and allows them to connect to you emotionally. And cooking is definitely one of the ways they experience nurturing.
However, cooking alone is not how you keep a man hooked. Especially, if there are Hello Fresh and dozens of other easy-to-follow meal kit delivery services nowadays.
I don’t care how good your sweet potato pie is and if you happen to follow the same recipe as his mum. Cooking, at the end of the day is not what makes you special as a woman. What makes you special is you and cooking is a nice add-on.
Remember, you are the cake, everything else is only icing.
4. Changing yourself
We all know what it feels like when you first start to fall for a guy. You want to make sure that you appeal to him. So you put on the clothes you think he will like. You do your hair in a cute hairstyle you think he will like and you talk about topics you think he will like.
You basically shift to the best version of yourself that you believe he will like. Nothing wrong with that, right?
The problem comes in when you change up your appearance, your behavior, and your interests in order to appeal to him.
In contrast to common belief, becoming more of the person you think he wants you to be and being less of the person you really are, will not keep a man.
Because he will sense that you are being inauthentic and your connection will be off. Men want to feel like themselves around the woman they are with and the only way to facilitate that is when you are yourself too.
If none of you is able to be real and vulnerable with each other then your relationship will remain superficial and you will lose his interest.
5. A Baby
We started with a bang and we are going to end with a bang. Myth number 5 is the most disturbing one. And that is that you assume having a baby with a man will make him stay.
Unfortunately, many women still hope that adding a whole human being to the mix is what will brainwash a man into committing to them.
While having a baby will bond the two of you together for the rest of your lives, his commitment will be to his child. And that does not necessarily include romantic love for you.
Because the reality is, that having a baby adds pressure and stress to a relationship. And a relationship that isn’t built on a strong foundation, won’t stand the test.
And no matter how much a man loves his child it is not a bargaining chip to his longterm commitment.
So if you believe trapping a man with a child to keep him, then he obviously does not want to be kept in the first place.
It is safe to say that if a man does not want to be tied down, then there is nothing a woman can do to change his mind. You cannot buy his love, force his love, or trick him into love.
It’s a decision he has to make on his own and the best way to inspire it is by living your most authentic, self-loving, single life while remembering that you do not need to be chosen to feel worthy of love.