Signs he’s not the one: 5 Red Flags in Relationships
I still remember my very first relationship and breakup, I was 19 and my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me. I was heartbroken and really thought that I would die. The pain was insupportable and every morning felt like somebody had just rammed a new dagger into my heart.
Related Post: 10 Godly Signs That He Is ‘The One’
Since that very first time, I’ve gone through that feeling of premature death a lot. And every time I ask myself how did I get here? How come I did not see it coming? Why am I hurting so much? Why did he reject me?
I believe that a breakup is not necessarily a bad thing. Oftentimes you can be happy when God shows you that he’s not the one before it takes a turn for the worse or gets more complicated.
It’s one of these signs from God about relationships.
After all, nobody wants to get a divorce, break-up with kids involved or move out of a shared apartment. Essentially, you want to make sure that you are ready to get married.
However, how to know if God wants you to be with someone?
What if I tell you that if you listen to God from the start you are able to foresee the deal breakers in the relationship and are able to handle the breakup better.
As your father and protector, He gives you hints and signs that the man you have been seeing isn’t for you and it’s time to move on.
So if you’ve been dating or courting someone and noticed these changes, then he’s not the one God has for you:
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The below Bible Verses have been quoted from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).
1. His words don’t match his actions
One of my favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou and I bet you know it:
‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time’
Simple but pivotal. If the guy you are dating keeps telling you how much he misses you but never makes time to meet, something is off.
Same for the man that repeatedly keeps showing interest in other women, while simultaneously assuring you that you’re the only one he wants.
As women, we are blessed with ‘intuition’, which I believe is the holy spirit working in us and giving us highly developed discernment. So trust your intuition and pray for revelation to make sure that you are not misled.
By doing so you will be able to tell whether his actions align with his words and if you should remain in the relationship.
2. He doesn’t know what he wants
The good old ‘what are we’ conversation. In your head, it takes place at least once a week, but in reality, it takes weeks until it actually happens.
You try to introduce the topic spontaneously and act super laid back doing so. That’s when he hits you with the ‘Let’s just see where this goes and take it slow’ attitude.
Usually, that’s when I run to the bathroom, ask the holy spirit to take over and remove all sharp objects around #keepingitreal. But on a more practical note that should be the moment when you take a mental note – Issa Red Flag!
We all know that the bible says:
‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord’ (Proverbs 18:22 NIV).
So if he found you, but doesn’t even know what he was looking for, how does he know if you are really a good thing for him?
It’s like wandering through a department store and buying a pair of expensive heels because they look good on the shelf. After 3 weeks in the closet, you realize that you should never have gotten them because they don’t fit any of the clothes (lifestyle) you have.
Because deep down you are a Nike and Sandals kinda girl.
A man who doesn’t clearly communicate what he wants from the beginning is stringing you along to see if it will change over time. No matter how many Bible Verses on patience you memorize he will still waste your time.
Luckily scripture is clear on the fact that a man should be able to lead you, meaning he needs to have a vision of where the relationship will go.
3. His attention drops
Ohh I hate when that happens. The first 3 months he treats you like a princess. He takes you out to your favorite restaurants, calls you at 8am just to say good morning and listens to your favorite celebrity stories. Pure bliss!
Out of the blue everything changes. He doesn’t care about taking you out anymore and prefers getting McDonald’s drive-thru for every date. He only calls you when you ask him to and every time you mention a celebrity name he rolls his eyes.
Deep down you know that something is wrong, but you brush it off and tell yourself that it is normal.
While I do think that a relationship eventually leaves the honeymoon stage and becomes a constant part of your life, I want you to understand that certain things shouldn’t just happen to charm you the first 3 months.
And it is your job to determine what type of relationship you want. Do you want to be in a healthy relationship or are these signs of a toxic relationship.
God will allow a man to show you his real self so that the two of you can connect on an authentic level. If the real him is nothing like the person you first met, however, then this is your hint that he’s not the one.
Just because you have been getting to know each other for a while and you would like to be in a relationship you shouldn’t force it. Even if it means that you might feel lonely.
Instead, thank God for ending things early so that you only cry for two weeks instead of two months. God knows you better than you do and will match you with the man that is best for you. That man won’t lose interest and treat you well forever.
4. You feel like you have to compromise
If there is one thing I’ve learned in a decade of dating, it’s that you should never compromise on your dealbreakers. Yes, I said NEVER compromise… On your dealbreakers!
You might think that this is a little harsh and selfish, but I assure you it is not. A Dealbreaker is a factor or issue, that you cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any other qualities the other person may have.
Meaning that a dealbreaker is a quality that will irritate you in the long run anyway. It might be the way they treat their family members, the way they take care of their own health or something else that is important to you.
Don’t ignore these dealbreakers, because they may be a sign that he’s not the one that God has for you. Try to find peace and contentment besides the situation, by rejoicing in your current single season.
5. You prayed for God to show you if he’s not the one
Now, ladies, this is a big one, so listen clearly! If you are praying to God and asking Him to show you whether the guy you are seeing is the right one for you and suddenly this same person starts acting up. He stops calling and texting or goes off the radio for days.
That is your sign! HE’S NOT THE ONE FOR YOU!
Don’t believe me? Then use this PDF I made just for you and ask yourself these 50 Questions to identify ‘The One”!
I know it hurts, especially if things were fine just a week ago. However, God is a God of action and protection. Which means he will end things if the man you’re pursuing isn’t your husband. This also means that this is not an invitation to blow up his phone and convince him to change.
Instead, strive to maintain a balance between your actions and your faith in God. Because at the end of the day God will do what is right in his sight. And you need to trust in God and believe that whatever happened, is good for you.
Related post: 5 Christian books by female authors that will help you trust God
Signs from God about your relationship?
If one or more of these scenarios apply to you and deep down in your heart you know that God is trying to end your relationship then I want you to pray for discernment, wisdom, and courage.
For discernment so that you are able to tell the difference in behavior early on. For wisdom to know what to do and what to say. And lastly for the courage to execute what God has put on your heart even if it hurts.
If you are struggling to hear God’s voice on that topic, consider going on a fast. This will help you to draw closer to God and focus all your attention on Him.
What other signs do you watch out for? Share your red flags in relationships BELOW!