How to let go of an ex
Letting go of your ex is not easy. Especially if you still love him.
You wish you did not have to let go at all, but instead could turn back time and get back together with him. Accepting that the relationship is over is one thing, but letting go of him is a whole other.
Because even though you have been broken up for weeks, months, or like in my case, years, you can still smell him, hear him, and feel him.
Does that sound familiar?
It’s like you have a physical, emotional, and mental bond that keeps you connected to each other and makes getting over your ex even harder.
To help you overcome the pain of a breakup, I decided to share a few tips on how to let go of your ex when you still love him.
These are the same steps I used to after my most painful breakup last year and helped me move on from the relationship.
When should you let go of an ex?
The universal rule is that you should let go of an ex in half the time that you were together. Meaning if you dated for one year, it should take you up to 6 months to overcome the breakup and move on.
I can tell you from experience that that is easier said than done.
When you experience a beautiful, intimate relationship with someone that you have never experienced before then letting go of an ex is not that easy.
In my case, it took more than a year to get over a relationship that only lasted 8 months. I still loved him and therefore had a hard time moving on.
That was until I found out that my ex-boyfriend had gotten into a new relationship. That’s when I realized that I needed to find out how to let go of an ex who has moved on.
But before I was able to completely move on, I had to figure out why I was still feeling so connected to him.
Why do I still feel connected to my ex?
You still feel connected to your ex because the two of you forged a soul tie. A strong emotional connection that bonds you together. As a result, you now feel connected emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
You think and dream of him constantly, or experience emotional and sometimes even physical pain when you think of him.
I know, because I have been there. After my ex and I broke up, I struggled to move on.
Which meant that for more than a year I felt like I was still connected to him. I could feel his sadness and it would hurt as if it was my own. It drove m crazy because all I wanted was to finally move on and feel happy again.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what an unhealthy soul tie does.
It keeps you in bondage to another person and drains you emotionally. And if you don’t break the soul tie, you will have a hard time letting go of your ex and moving on with your (love) life.
How to let go of an ex who has moved on
Once my ex moved on with someone new, I realized that holding on to him was pointless and keeping me stuck. So I actively started researching “how to let go of an ex you still love” and used those actions to overcome the heartbreak.
Here is what I used to get over my breakup.
1. Cut off all contact
I figured we should start with the harder step first. I know the thought of the person you love never playing a role in your life again hurts. After all, you used to talk to him every day. And now, nothing.
But just like a bandaid, it will hurt less if you do it fast.
Especially if you already spend a lot of time thinking of him. If you want to stop obsessing over your ex and his new life with someone else, then you have to cut all contact with him and his family.
I know sometimes you want to hold on to his Instagram in the hopes he will slide in your dm and profess his love to you.
Or you want to keep in touch with his sisters hoping that they will continue to lobby for you in his presence.
But the less you see or hear of him, the faster the memories of him will fade and you will be able to move on.
And that is the goal.
2. Make peace with the past
One thing that helped me to let go of my ex was to make peace with the past. Meaning that I reminded myself daily that it’s natural for things to come to an end.
I know we want love to last forever. But some relationships are not meant to be. And even then they can still add to our lives.
I want you to think of your ex as a person with a mission in your life. Maybe you needed him to learn how to love, or maybe you needed him to learn how to be independent.
Whatever it was, he has served his purpose, you learned your lesson and now you have to move on.
3. Forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself after a breakup is a topic that is rarely discussed. Which I find odd because so many women deal with shame and guilt when a relationship ends.
Whether you regret sleeping with him, falling for his games, or wish you would have acted differently, blaming yourself for how things ended will not change anything. Therefore, holding on to it is not productive.
As a matter of fact, it’s actually counter-productive. Because it keeps you in bondage to an even you can’t change any more.
As long as you keep re-living the relationship you continue to fuel the emotional connection to him.
Instead, you have to accept that it happened, forgive yourself for it, and then craft a plan to avoid that same situation in the future.
4. Start believing in love again
Can I be honest with you? The main reason why we hold on to ex-boyfriends is that we think they are the only ones that will ever be able to love us. You fear that he was your last shot at love and ask yourself “What if I never find love like that again?”
The funny thing is that the moment you stop thinking that and understand that there is love for you in the world your attachment to him lessens.
So the most effective way to let go of an ex is by taking a step forward. Start envisioning the love you desire and emerge yourself in those feelings.
Remember that if your ex has moved on but you still love him, chances are high that he does not love you anymore. So, you have to break all the ties to him and find someone that loves you back.
5. Break the soul tie
A I mentioned earlier, your soul tie with your ex is the root cause why it seems so hard to let go of him.
It triggers strong emotions, vivid dreams, and painful memories.
Therefore, breaking a soul tie is very important and should not be disregarded. I know people who never really paid attention to it and ended up suffering from it years after the breakup.
They were not able to let go of the pain the person caused, and never really felt genuine happiness, or love again. Their soul remained in bondage and therefore their life was lived on standby.
And I don’t want that to happen to you.
That’s why I created my untangling soul ties worksheet. It is a one-page worksheet that will help you identify and untangle your soul tie and bring one step closer to letting go of your ex. You can check it out here:
But what do you do if you have been trying to get over your ex for months or even years and now want to start dating again?
Should you date if you still love your ex
I believe that it is not a wise thing to start dating if you still love your ex. Simply because you will not be genuinely interested in making the new relationship work.
Unless you are completely healed from your last relationship, you will use the new relationship to distract yourself from the old one.
And sooner or later you will subconsciously sabotage the relationship because you still love your ex.
Remember the saying “hurt people, hurt people”. So, if you are still hurt and entering a new relationship, you will only end up hurting that new person.
So, instead take the time to break your soul tie with your ex and then move on when you are completely free.
Do most exes get back together?
Now this is the million dollar question. Because even though you want to move on from your ex you also secretly pray that you could turn back time and undo the damage.
Again, I know, because I have been there.
And if you know my story, then you know that my ex and I are now back together. After 1 1/2 apart, we eventually reconnected and decided to try again.
So, yes, it’s possible. But it’s not the norm.
Studies show that 29% of couples get back together with their ex. For some people it works out, for others it doesn’t.
Either way, in order to get back together with your ex, change needs to happen. Change in behavior, in action, and most importantly a change in attachment.
That’s what I had to understand before I was ever able to get back with my ex.
Instead of seeing him as an add-on to my life, I had made him a priority. I had projected all my hope for a happy future unto him and was incapable to envision one without him
That had to stop. Being with him needed to become a choice, not a necessity.
And you have to do the same.
Rather than being anxiously attaching to him, you need to learn to feel secure with or without him. Which can only happen when you break the unhealthy soul tie to him, first and find real joy again.
Which is what I did. The process took multiple weeks and was really hard. But I was successful.
I completely released my unhealthy emotional attachment to him and started feeling happy and whole again, months before we got back together.
I started feeling hopeful again and knew love was on its way. What I didn’t know is that it would be with my ex.
And I want that same for you. I want you to feel happy and hopeful again. Free of bondage and able to move on with your (love) life.
That is why I created my FREE untangling soul ties worksheet. A simple one-pager, designed to help you take the first step towards breaking your soul tie.
By doing the action steps in the workbook you will be able to identify and untangle your connection, so that you can finally let go of your ex.
Download it for FREE here:
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