How to build a good relationship with your partner
There is a saying that when you experience what you don’t want, you find out what you do want.
Well, guess what, whenever I experience what I don’t want in a relationship I make it my goal to figure out how to make it better. It’s my specialty, it’s why this blog exists.
So, when I found myself single after my last relationship, I figured now is a good time to share how to save your relationship from a breakup.
You see, prevention is better than cure. Meaning, if you include some of these tips on how to build a good relationship with your partner in your daily, weekly, or monthly routine, your relationship will grow stronger over time.
What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?
Before we get into the specifics of the things to do to make your relationship stronger, it’s important to understand the basics. And that is the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship are:
Each of these attributes lays the foundation for love to prosper and allows both of you to truly build a strong connection.
You will see that every single one of my tips on how to build a good relationship with your partner is connected to these attributes.
How do you build love in a relationship?
Contrary to common belief, love is not just found in a relationship, but build. Through consistency, honesty, and intimacy you evoke a sense of comfort and peace in each other that leads to love.
How to build a good relationship with your partner
No matter if this is your first relationship or your tenth, the following tips will help you improve your relationship with your boyfriend.
1. Release the pressure to be perfect
I just had to make this one the first tip for how to have a better relationship with your boyfriend. It’s the one I struggled with the most in my last relationship and am determined to work on. In today’s #Relationshipgoals era it is very easy to get caught up in the hype about appearing Instagram perfect.
So much so that you subconsciously put the pressure on yourself and on your boyfriend to appear perfect, even though you’re not.
That’s why it’s important to release the idea that your relationship has to be perfect and you can’t have any struggles. It’s normal to go through hard times and it’s normal to be struggling with the adjustment. Allow yourself to be human and give yourself grace as you two figure things out.
2. Listen to your partner without judgment
It is no secret that communication is important in relationships. However, the mistake a lot of us make is to underestimate the listening part of it. Rather than hearing what the other person has to say, we are so absorbed by our fears, that we fail to listen.
In order to build a good relationship with your boyfriend, you have to give him space to express himself, even if you don’t like what he’s saying. You have to listen without judgment so that the information he is sharing can sink in and help you understand.
The only way the two of you will learn to be vulnerable with each other is when you feel like you are understood.
3. Ask to get your needs met
People-pleasing is still one of my main struggles. Even though I have come a long way from the days when I would overextend myself for random dudes. I tend to prioritize my partner’s needs over my own.
Which is bad. Because it breeds anxiety and resentment.
A relationship is only healthy if both people get their needs met. Meaning you have to tell your man what it is you need in a relationship. It could be anything, from the need for affection and validation to the need for empathy. Making sure that your needs are met (as well) has to become your priority.
4. Honor your and their boundaries
Needs and boundaries go hand in hand. Because one helps you communicate what it is you need and the other one helps you stick to it.
Unfortunately, a lot of times we feel “bad” for adhering to our boundaries because we don’t want to reject him or be rude. But a boundary is always for yourself. It’s your way of saying “I love myself” and because of that, I have to insist on taking care of my needs first.
And once you understand that, it also gets much easier to honor his boundaries. Suddenly, him needing space doesn’t feel like a rejection anymore, but simply his way of practicing self-care.
5. Check-in with each other
This is a practice I introduced in my last relationship and truly taught me a lot about my partner. By checking in with each other every weekly we dedicated time to reflect on the relationship, rather than just being together on auto-pilot.
Both of us would have to prepare for the conversation and make sure that we were ready to share whatever was or wasn’t working. By doing this we rarely experienced big-blowout arguments, because we tackled areas of improvement right away.
I know that many girls get anxious at the idea of sitting down to discuss their relationship once a week, out of fear that you might hear something you don’t want to. But that’s the point. Relationships are not all sunshine and roses. And that is normal. It’s the way we deal with the uncomfortable when it arises that makes a relationship last.
6. Don’t fight each other, fight together
Uff this one is a big one and a very important topic if you want to know how to fix your relationship with your boyfriend. Our desire to protect ourselves in interpersonal relationships, a lot of times makes our egos take over in moments of distress.
Suddenly, instead of hugging your partner and listening to him when he shares his doubts about the relationship, you go into defense mode because you are afraid of being abandoned.
Trust me, I know because I am so guilty of doing that myself. And it is probably my biggest regret to this day. But alas it happened and now I can only learn from it moving forward.
Therefore, a tip to make your relationship stronger is to learn to fight together and not each other. Make it a point to figure out what the root of the issue is and then sit together to find a solution.
7. Be your true self
Want to know how to make a relationship last until marriage? BE YOURSELF! I can’t stress that enough. No matter how long we have been with our significant other, we will always be tempted to show up as our representative, rather than our real and vulnerable self.
Why? Because it is safe. The less vulnerable you are, the less he can hurt you.
Unfortunately, that also means that you will hit a glass ceiling in your relationship as to how deep it can go. And you don’t want that. That’s why you need to strive to be your authentic self every day and show him the real you.
To build a good relationship with your partner, you need to make sure he knows who you are and can fall in love with that person.
8. Show appreciation
After moms, the one group of people we take for granted the most are boyfriends lol. Seriously! For some reason after the initial courting phase, we tend to think that our partners have to do the things they do. And don’t take me wrong, there are certain behaviors, such as respect, that you should expect in a relationship.
But just because your waiter gets paid to bring your food to the table, does that mean you don’t say thank you?
Sometimes appreciation is just another way of acknowledging your boyfriend. A way to say “I see you and I do NOT take you for granted”. It goes a long way and adds to the overall satisfaction of the relationship. So, don’t miss your opportunity to show appreciation whenever you can.
9. Make having fun a priority
Number 9, I find is highly underrated in intentional, adult relationships. And that is to have fun. Not every conversation or hangout needs to be dedicated to improving the relationship. Sometimes just laughing and experiencing something fun together is the way to building a stronger relationship.
So, make having fun a priority. You can plan your date nights around doing something fun or novel or choose a show the two of you enjoy as your weekly quality time.
Why is that a good way to make your relationship better? Because science shows that when we experience an intense feeling with a specific person, whether it was induced by the person or not, we connect it to them.
Get it? It means that when you go sailing with your man and experience the time out on the lake as peaceful and rejuvenating, your brain will subconsciously connect those feelings to your boyfriend.
10. Accept him the way he is
Last but certainly not least, we have the topic of change!
The most important tip on how to build a good relationship with your partner is to accept him the way he is. I can’t stress that enough. As Matthew Hussey once said: “Consider how hard it is to change yourself, then you will understand how foolish it is to think you can change somebody else.”
It’s unfair to want to change your partner. When you get into a relationship, you have to make sure that you are okay with your boyfriend the way he is, otherwise, it will be very painful for both of you.
The beauty about love is that you have found the person that accepts and loves you the exact way you are. So, if you don’t, do you really love them?
How do I maintain a good relationship with my partner?
Many of the healthy relationship tips for couples I mentioned above, would also appeal to the question of how to maintain an already healthy relationship. However, my number 1 tip to keep the love going is to lean into growth.
Whether you make it a habit to work on yourself or to work on the relationship together, it’s important to understand that growth is part of the game. Learning more about your partner and yourself will therefore be an advantage as you continue to love each other.
So, don’t shy away from doing the uncomfortable work of personal development, but embrace it knowing it will only make things better.