I’ve been reluctant about speaking on the topic of relationship (which ain’t my favorite topic at all) because I’m not good with relationships. I’ve been terribly heartbroken in the past and have not managed to be in a healthy one for 9 years.
I still remember how I felt during my last breakup. I asked God to restore the lust my bad ‘love’ we had for each other and prayed everything would get back to normal. One week, two weeks, even three weeks later but the Ex hasn’t been touched by the Holy Spirit yet. Hmm, that’s odd.
I wondered what happened and felt like God had withdrawn his blessing from my relationship. So I got annoyed and accused God of misleading me. ‘But I thought the two of us, were meant to be?’, ‘You said “whoever finds a wife, finds a good thing” and he found me on Instagram!’ (let’s be honest, that’s a good point). But no matter the fussing and fighting, the verdict was out. God said no!
Related post: He’s not the one: 4 signs to watch out for
Now what? Even though a ‘no’ is not always what we want to hear, God will say it at times. And I believe that there’s no need to be discouraged. If we understand it correctly, a godly no can be very powerful and helpful to our growth.If we understand it correctly, a godly no can be very powerful and helpful to our growth.Click To Tweet
That’s why I want to look at 3 possible reasons why God said ‘No’:
It was only infatuation
When I think back to my past relationships, I would describe them as emotional, intense and draining. Am I mostly using negative descriptions to make a point? Maybe. But once you read the definitions of infatuation and love you will get the idea.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, infatuation is: ‘an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.’
According to the Bible, love is: patient, kind. It does not envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, always perseveres and it never fails. (Excerpt of Corinthians 13)
To break it down a little further, when we are infatuated with someone we feel like we are on an emotional high. We are blinded by our own desire for affection and their perfect appearance (so we think). Only problem, neither the feelings nor our current state of being are sustainable and doomed to die down.
In contrast, when we are in love we agree to a long-lasting commitment to care for our partner. We are well aware of the other person’s flaws and don’t lean on them to make us happy. Moreover, our love for them remains strong, even when the passion and emotions of the beginning are gone.
The relationship became an idol
The second reason is closely linked to the first one, yet worth pointing out again. Idolatry is a sin we are repeatedly warned about in the Bible. An idol can be anything we desire more than God. It could be a physical object like money. It could be a status symbol like success or beauty. Or it could be the approval of people.
The idols speak deceitfully, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain. Therefore the people wander like sheep oppressed for lack of a shepherd. – Zechariah 10:2
If our past relationship was the highest priority in our life and dictated almost every aspect of it, including our time, our focus, our finances and our walk with God then it was an idol. Mind you I’m not talking about the actual person (which is possible too), more so I am referring to the relationship itself or let’s say the relationship ‘status’. As someone who has a track record in getting into the wrong relationships (before I was serious about my walk with God), I can now honestly say that a lot of times I was in it for the wrong reasons.
My main driver for pursuing a relationship was often times society’s pressure to be booed up. Making it work no matter what, became my focus and led me to compromise or even forget about my values and self-love. I repeatedly caught myself dropping my godly standards to accommodate his nonsense behavior. I wanted to remain in a relationship so that I could showcase it to my Facebook Friends and continue using hashtags like #hisandhers #bae #lovemesomehim etc. Stupid I know, but Instagram was life at one point. So how can we avoid making an idol out of a relationship and withstand its influence?
By questioning our heart’s desire and getting to the root of it! Ask yourself why a relationship is so important to you and then give it to God. Once we understand the joy that lies in living for God and directing all our worship towards him we will begin to love him so much that we refuse to pursue anything else but him.
Truly discover love
Most of us spend our lives trying to find love, trying to live in love but dying without ever truly discovering love.
This quote is taken from a chapter in Leo Buscaglia’s book Love: What Life Is All About. It describes a very basic human desire to love and be loved. A quest every human being has been on at some point in his life. Even little babies long for proximity and emotional reassurance from their mother or father, which is provided through love.
At first, I connected with this quote because I felt like it was the story of my life. I thought back to the many times I desperately tried to make a relationship work and failed. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this quote wasn’t talking about LOVE but it was talking about love. The small, limited and worldly meaning of Love used to describe a relationship between a man and a woman. However, real LOVE is so much more than what we see in Disney movies and transcends the human definition.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – 1 John 4:8
As a believer, we have the honor to know and be in a relationship with the author, creator, and embodiment of love. What God has done for us and how much he values each of our lives, is an act of unconditional love. That’s why when we give our lives to Christ we are blessed to truly discover love. A new relationship will only work if we discover God’s true love for us and love ourselves as well as our partners the way God wants all his children to be loved.
Related post: How to love yourself
Maybe these three reasons played a vital role in your past relationships (I know they did in mine) and are the reason why God said no. Luckily you and I are still young enough to learn from the past and use God’s wisdom to guide us to a yes.
Love & Light